His wife was in a terrible car accident that left her lower body badly injured. Her long road to recovery meant that they couldn't have sex for two and a half years. Just when he thought everything was going to be okay, however, she told him to do this...
My wife was injured in a terrible car accident 7 months ago. She had gone to drop off one of her friends, and on her way back home her car collided with a minivan in a high speed crash. The car was our second car (it was an old model without airbags) and its hood was crushed. The entire front of the vehicle caved inwards but the most damage was done on the driver side door. The entire frame collapsed inwards and the entire pressure was put on the lower half of her body.
She had 3 fractured vertebrae and a broken pelvic girdle. Her sacrum and ilium had almost shattered into pieces. Her left femur was also broken in 2 places. She had lost control of her left leg for a while. Fortunately, she survived. She spent 3 months in the hospital and the first few weeks in the ICU. Then, she was allowed to come home.
Here's what the neurosurgeon and orthopedic surgeon told me : She would live. She would make a full recovery after two years. It would take her a couple of years more after that to start running again. Because she didn't move after the accident, a lot of danger was avoided. Had she moved even a bit, she would've lost control of the bottom half of her body. But she would never be able to have children.
I brought her home. She had 4 doctor appointments per week. She had a physiotherapist come in every morning. She was bedridden for the first month. Then, with my help and a walking aid, she was able to move around the house. I fed her, bathed her, slept next to her. I have a job that allows me to work from home and that was super helpful.
Now to the crisis.
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Both of us had extremely high libidos. Sex was great and we used to have sex at least 5 times a week.
The doctor told me that her that she would not be able to have sex for two and a half years and even after that we'd have to be extremely careful.
I didn't care. I was just lucky that the love of my life was alive and was recovering.
I had never brought up the topic of sex because I knew that it would make her feel terrible. A month ago she said if she asked me if I was still attracted to her. I kissed her and told her, yes. Why ? Because I meant it. She still had a terrific body and is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met. She smiled and we went back to watching TV.
The day before yesterday, I heard her crying in her room. I ran inside asking if she was in pain or something. She said no and said she wanted to be alone for a while. I asked again if I could do something but she insisted that I couldn't. I obliged and left.
That evening she told me that she wanted to talk to me. I went in and sat next to her. Then she looked up at me with a very serious face. For those who've been in relationships with a partner long enough, you know that when he/she is about to say something deadly serious, they have their way of doing this. I knew the instant I looked at her that whatever she was about to say, she was dead serious about it.
She said, "I'm okay with you sleeping with other women". There was a pit in my stomach. I literally lost my breath.
I thought she meant that she was leaving me.
I asked her what she meant. She explained to me seriously that she was not kidding here and that she had taken the time and thought about it. She said to me that I still had my good years and that she'd be okay with me having one night stands so that I'm not always sexually frustrated.
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I got a little offended on the inside. Simply because it meant that she thought that I was acting fussy because I wasn't getting laid or something. That was totally not the case. But I didn't let this reaction of mine reflect on the outside. I simply told her that it was a crazy idea. I told her that I loved her and that I still found her very sexy and that I could wait for a couple of years.
I got up because I needed to get some air. She literally pushed me back down onto the chair. She said that she had thought about it and she wanted me to do this. She said that if we stay like this I'll get sick of her in two years. She said that she didn't want to get better only to have me dump her. I told her that she was acting crazy. She said that I was still young and attractive and could easily get someone for one night stands. Every word she said then was like acid.
I stormed off.
The next day, it was the same routine (physiotherapy, breakfast, bath and so on), but I was cold towards her. Again she said that she was serious about this.
I walked out again. I was furious. Then I thought about it. I thought hard for two hours. Two years was a long time, but I loved her. This could turn our relationship toxic. She was saying this now, but she would feel terrible knowing that her husband was having sex with someone else. I didn't care what people thought, but for the first time in my adult life (or at least after what seemed like a long time) I cried. I cried long and hard.
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Before I even thought of doing anything on the physical front, I had to check with her doctors. So I talked to the doctor who first took over her case. This guy is seriously the best doctor I have ever known. Even though he behaves professionally, he is so open and friendly that I felt no problem talking to him about sex.
I told him plain and simple that my wife was craving intimacy and that it's affecting our marriage and her emotional health. He gave me an understanding smile. He reminded me that he had told me when she was in the ICU after the accident that our marriage will go through a very tough phase. And that it will test every bit of our self control but we have to, if she is to make a full recovery.
Then again he told me that he agreed that something needed to be done. He said that oral sex on either side is completely, completely forbidden. He warned me that we should not try anything stupid otherwise she'd have to live with the consequences forever.
So my wife and I have gotten into a routine where we have this sexting/dirty talk build up until I come home from work and though we don't have sex right now, it still helps us to feel like were heading back to normalcy.
This is again a short term solution and I know that very soon shell want more, but Im taking small steps at this point, in what I hope is the right direction. Shes my wife and I dont want to see her hurt. I want to see her walk and jump again. I dont want to see her in pain and I want all this to be over so that we can go back to normal.
She keeps asking for more but instead of flat out saying "no", I plead with her to wait for a little while. I ask it as a personal favor and she reluctantly obliges, which Im thankful for. Shes getting better every day and I feel like were at a better place in our relationship now.
To those of you who are in such a situation, heres some advice : These are trying times. Theyll push and pull your bond to the limits and you will feel helpless at times, and you might want to shut yourself away from it all. The tunnel might seem too long and you might not see the light yet, but just believing that there is light at the end of it all helps a lot. You need to keep that special thing about your relationship alive.
How do we do it, you ask ? Every night, we read our marriage vows to each other. A month ago she had been in terrible pain and the doctors had done their work and left. I felt like shit because I couldnt help her. The next day, for some reason she was extremely cranky and rude and I was frustrated. I went out of the room and slammed the door shut. I heard her crying inside and I felt terrible. I just wanted to run away from it all. Then my eye fell on the plaque that we got engraved with our vows. I picked it up and read them again and again. I realized why I had to stick through it all, why I had to wait for these two years, why I had to be stronger. It was simply because I loved her more than I loved myself.
In sickness and in health
She was asleep when I entered the room that evening. I sat next to her and started reading our vows out loud. When I looked up, she was smiling at me with tears in her eyes.
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