Top Stories

People Break Down The Healthy Behaviors People Still Shame Them For

People Break Down The Healthy Behaviors People Still Shame Them For
Mathilde Langevin/Unsplash

Shame is a powerful force. When there are certain cultural or societal norms, we tend not to deviate from them to avoid feeling a sense of shame.

Now, shame when we say something mean or do something harmful is absolutely normal. It becomes a problem though when shame dictates our lives in a way that keeps us from living joyful and productive lives.

Things like eating or sleeping habits, how you dress, or what you enjoy doing can be scrutinized by society so much so we feel a sense of shame that holds us back from happiness or well-being.

We wanted to know what are completely normal and healthy behaviors that society tries to tell us are shameful.


Redditor dodongicepick asked:

"What is a healthy behavior that people shame others for?"

Redditors shared some very real scenarios that many of us have experienced before.

You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it.

"Doing something you enjoy but being bad at it."

- donwileydon

"I love dancing, not good at it but freaking love it."

- ominously-optimistic

"Keep at it then - and damn anyone that tries to shame you out of it."

- donwileydon

"Oooh I love this one. Capitalism has turned far too many activities and forms of self expression into competitions and products worthy of judgement by all."

"I adore hearing people sing tunelessly while they cook, or drawing a shaky sketch on a loving card, or doing silly dances to songs that make them happy. It’s joyful and human and real."

- chiro-petra

"I think it's globalism and the internet more than capitalism. It used to be that if you were pretty good at singing/playing an instrument your skills were very valuable to your community since the only way they'd be hearing music is from someone local."

"Now days, being good at something isn't worth much unless you're world-class, since you're compared to everyone else in the entire world and anyone can share their work online with the whole world. It has really upped the expectations of what is considered good."

- n64ssb

Everyone needs rest.

"Taking a healthy amount of time to take care of yourself, rest, or recoup."

- paintbrushvolcanoe

"Rest shouldn't be a reward, it should be treated as a necessary aspect of life."

- -Asher-

"Exactly! Even if the goal is to get work done, you cant be productive if you don't give yourself the proper time to rest before and after, but the society we live has subscribed to this perpetual cycle of working yourself to the bone and then not even getting eight hours of sleep until you have to do it all again."

- paintbrushvolcanoe

And go to bed when you want to.

"Going to bed early."

- Smooth_Arachnid8146

"This. Pre-COVID I had to be up at 5am for my job, yeah no I'm not staying up every night until passed midnight."

- Undarien

"I force myself to try and make it till 11:00. Although my mind and body tells a different story around 9:30."

- karmagod13000

"I’ve been called an old lady many times because I just get tired earlier and even when we used to go clubbing before C19 I’d always be either in a corner of the club or back in the car if it was safe because I just can’t sustain a high level of energy for prolonged times. I just always make sure my phone is charged and can be contacted."

- docasj

And conversely, waking up late."

"I've had people shame me for waking up at 11am or laughing at me. But I'm a night owl who sometimes works and conducts research until 5am."

- JackThreeFingered

Verbal processing.

"Talking to yourself."

"It's a good way to problem solve or even just vent about something."

- Vanilla_Neko

"Sometimes I tell myself the same joke five times and I laugh every time. It is nice to have your sense of humor appreciated."

- Koloristik

"I explain things to myself so I understand it better. It helps a lot when it comes to studying but then people look at me like I'm crazy."

- Mangobunny98

Cutting off parents.

"Estranging from toxic parents."

- doublestitch

"I think the problem is that people with good, supportive parents don't understand. They can't fathom it being that bad. At least that was the case for my husband and me."

- Quill_Strokes

"Exactly. Even within the family, some can't see the toxic/abusive individuals as they truly are. I've started explaining it to these types of people as... Imagine it being EASIER and less painful to not have them in your life at all. Imagine how awful they must be that it's easier to lose them than keep them. Most can't actually imagine it, but it helps them get the message a bit better. I hope you and your husband have reached a good understanding."

- handsinmyplants

Doing things alone.

"Doing things that are normally thought of as social activities by yourself. Like eating at a restaurant, or going to a concert, play, or movie. Stop shaming yourselves for enjoying life, friends."

- ipakookapi

"I went through a period in my 20's where I was single, for years. I had lost my father after a years-long battle with cancer and just really wasn't in the head-space to deal with a relationship. But, I still wanted to do fun stuff. I'd go out with friends when I was feeling up to it, but sometimes it was just nice to do things alone - go out for dinner, a movie, travel. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and answer to no one. It was really nice, and exactly what I needed at that point in my life. I took solo trips to California, France and Spain during that time and enjoyed every single minute of it."

"To this day (and I'm pushing 50 now and have been married for 16 years), my mother and sister still talk about my 'weird phase where I did everything alone.' SMH. Not everything has to be a group effort and solitude is very underrated."

- SuchLovelyLilacs

You can still party without drinking.

"Not drinking every time you go out with friends."

- SoNotJohnny

"I came here to say this. I work in the bar industry so everyone drinks a lot. I used to drink a lot, too but now I just have a beer here and there because I actually hate being drunk and I really hate hangovers. My friends and coworkers just stopped inviting me out. People treat you so different, I don't even not drink, I just drink responsibly and my coworkers think that I don't like going out no matter how much I tell them that I do."

- SailorSpoon11

It's okay to be wrong.

"Being wrong. It's healthy to express opinions and ideas. When we shame people for being wrong, we tend to stop new conversations from happening. In this way, we lose opportunities to understand where others are coming from and squander opportunities to change minds. Further, we push all the wrong-headed people into groups where they can go nuts following their wrongness to its logical conclusion. Just stop humiliating people for holding opinions and having bad ideas. And remember everybody does."

- addisonaddisonii

"I’d add 'admitting you’re wrong (or that you f*cked up)' to this. Too often accepting blame is seen as either a weakness or a reason to lay into someone, when it’s actually a sign of integrity."

- EndApostrophe4Plural

If you relate to the things on this list, it's safe to say you're not alone.

Thousands of people have liked and commented similar stories and experiences of shame.

You do you.

Your happiness is worth more than someone else's judgement.

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.

Historical Events So Ridiculous They Sound Made Up

A Redditor asked: 'What’s an event in history that is so ridiculous it sounds fake?'

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

Keep reading...Show less
person holding photo of three girls near chainlink fence
Anita Jankovic on Unsplash

Life is all about learning new things, including learning new things about the people in your life. Sometimes, the things you learn are shocking, disgusting, or even scary.

I was the new kid in town when I was in fifth grade and my first friend was this quiet (and cute) boy in my class. He and I remained friends through middle school, and even though we drifted apart in high school, our interactions when we ran into each other in the halls or the cafeteria were really nice.

All throughout school and even beyond, he remained quiet, polite, and reserved. Just a few years ago, I read a news article written about him. He had apparently fatally wounded his father after an argument.

I had to reread the article several times to make sure it was really about my old friend. I think about it a lot, and still can't believe it!

I'm not the only one that has a shocking story like that. A lot of Redditors learned shocking or scary things about people from their childhood, and are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor ValuableHovercraft90 asked:

"What's the scariest thing you have found out about someone from your childhood (old friends, teachers, etc)?"

So Creepy

"That the boy who lived across the street and moved when I was 6 is still obsessed with me and my sister 30+ years later and posts ramblings on Facebook with our names and that he's going to be with us. Pretty terrifying honestly."

– mrscrawfish

The Worst List

"A neighbour died when he was 30. Police searched a trailer he owned and found weapons, bombs and a list of people he wanted to kill. My uncle was on that list."

– Flashy_Somewhere_648

"I'm glad this ended the way it did."

– CreepyCandidate4449

Terrifying

"One of my best friends (and locker partner) from high school was kidnapped by terrorists in Iraq. After a nightmare of 6+ months, all went silent. We buried an empty casket in his memory 10 years later."

– francois_du_nord

"This is horrifying. How incredibly sad for family to never get any closure. Very sad to read this. :("

– fizzycherryseltzer

"About 15 years ago my dad received a very good offer for work in Iraq, as a construction specialist. He was considering going, since at the same time the financial crisis started in Europe, but then one of his friends, a civil engineer, was kidnapped. Never returned back either."

– 19lgkrn70

"Same thing for my dad old coworker told him how great the money was. Dude got sniped working on a radio tower or something. My dad luckily was like, "I got a wife and family that would kill me for doing something so dangerous.""

– tristanjones

End Of The Friendship

"One of my dad's good friends, and my "uncle", just stopped coming around one day. I was told he was always busy with work, away, etc."

"Turns out, he killed 3 people in a drug deal gone bad and got life in prison."

"What's scary, is that we were over at his house for a weekend BBQ with a bunch of people earlier in the day of the night he did it, and it happened at his house."

– pnwking509

School Friends

"Don't know if it was scary, but I grew up with a kid whose birthday was the day before mine so we almost always shared birthdays in elementary school. We were friends, even spent the night at his house growing up. Later on in our teens, he started getting into some really dark stuff. I recognize that now as his being a sociopath, but like most everybody else at the time, figured it was just him going through some kind of emo phase. Over the years, we lost touch but I would occasionally run into him around town and our meetings were cordial, if not friendly."

"Last year, he was sentenced to 35 years in prison for killing a man back in 1993, roughly 3 years after we got out of High School. Apparently he, his sister and another man lured this guy out to the boonies and killed him to steal money he had gotten in an insurance settlement."

"The only reason they were caught is the other guy got religion, felt remorse and went on the local TV station and aired a confession before turning himself in (He got 25 to life)."

– 530_Oldschoolgeek

"A girl I went to school with did the same thing. She was the nicest girl, got good grades & was kind of a dork. Mixed with the wrong people after graduation. She and two others lured an old man into an abandoned building, stabbed him and robbed him. He later died from his wounds."

– HereF0rTheSnacks

The Worst Afternoon

"I had a friend in grade school who was being raised by her single dad. She had a unique name and pretty face. She never talked about her mom, and she was super outgoing, so all us kids just made friends with her quickly. It was weird her dad never brought her to our birthday parties, even though she was always invited, but we didn’t think much of it. A couple times, she was allowed to ride the bus home with me after school, and we played and had fun until her dad came to pick her up. Later in the school year, she invited me to ride the bus to her house, and my mom agreed. I was 10. It was the scariest afternoon of my young life. I cannot articulate the extreme tension in her home. We weren’t allowed to make any noise, and we mostly stayed outside, me desperate for my mom to arrive."

"Her dad screamed at us for opening the door, and I was too nervous to go into the house to use the restroom. I knew she was embarrassed that there were no snacks or comforting interactions, like at my house. I didn’t really tell anyone how uncomfortable the experience was. After that day, I didn’t hang out with her a lot. We were in different classes, drifted apart, and decades later, when my own daughter asked to go to a friend’s house, I thought about that girl."

"As an adult, I figured out her dad probably worked a night shift and tried to sleep during the day…or he was an alcoholic who was really angry. Maybe both? I looked her up on social media, and thanks to her unique name and face, I recognized her immediately. She’s a perfectly well-adjusted woman with a beautiful family. She even had pictures of her kids with her dad and tributes to him as the greatest father and grandpa. Her whole page made me wonder what the hell I experienced that afternoon in the 4th grade?"

– OlderAndTired

School Is Supposed To Be Safe!

"In our school, we had something called "de halte." In English, it means "the halt" literally translated. Basically time out. BIf you had a meltdown in class or you were just a little sh*thead, you were sent there for 15 minutes or so to cool off.

The de hatle teacher got fired and jailed for breaking 4 different wrists of 4 different students by bending them the wrong way..."

– Ok_Win7358

*Skin Crawling*

​"There was this classmate a grade below me but all grades shared the same drama class. She was weird and kind of "off." I tried to befriend her at one point and was rebuffed. It later came out that she was actually an almost 30-year-old woman who would show up in a new area claiming to be a 15-year-old runaway. Kind of freaked me out."

jackfaire

It turns out it was a good thing that the friendship didn't work out!