You don't want to think about it, but it haunts you at three in the morning, the way embarrassing, awkward memories often do.
You sit there and you CRINGE because dear LORD, it was awful and how in the world did you even survive that moment without DYING from embarrassment?!
"What is an embarrassing moment that still haunts you?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor Memes_are_treasure, and we're sorry to send you on this awful trip down memory lane.
"I have a few..."
I have a few but the worst, as I've said on here before, was when a colleague gave me a lift home from work as my wife was busy. When he dropped me off, I went into 'wife dropping me off' default mode, and leaned in for a goodbye kiss. Luckily for me, he wasn't looking and either didn't notice, or had an existential crisis and never mentioned it. The walk to my front door was spent bemoaning the fact I had been born.
"I was running late..."
I was running late one morning my junior year of high school and I had just missed the bus but I had hoped if I ran after it maybe it would stop, so I started running. I got right along side it but my backpack was too heavy and I fell face first onto the road. I could hear everyone laughing so I just laid there, pretended to be unconscious. Eventually I heard the bus leave and I got up and ran away, hid behind a neighbor's car. About a minute later the bus driver and two football players came running around the corner. Apparently the bus driver moved the bus to the field behind the neighborhood and they were going to come help me. But I was gone. I refused to get on the bus again. Fortunately I had already had my driver's license and a couple weeks later I got my first car so it wasn't a problem.
"I was pretty drunk..."
I was pretty drunk at a bar when I approached two women sitting by themselves, I then proceeded to say "What are two fine ladies like you doing all alone on Thanksgiving?...." It was Valentine's Day.
"I worked at a museum..."
Giphy
I worked at a museum as a young man and my job included talking to school groups before they went in. I had to speak in front of a group of older girls (close to my age) and I was hella nervous (I went to an all boys school). I got through my talk alright but, when I went to walk out the side, I bumped into a banner, which I promptly apologised to. "Oh, sorry".
"I was at a waterpark..."
I was at a waterpark with family and towards the end of the afternoon, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear that I have a problem with my swimsuit. I reached behind and noticed a huge gap. The fabric was torn right in the middle and you could see my crack. I was running around like this all day and no one said anything.
"The most embarrassing moment..."
The most embarrassing moment resulted on a weekend that I was organist for 3 weddings and 2 funerals, starting Friday evening into Saturday.
At one point, when the priest gave the signal to begin, I lost my concentration and started playing a funeral processional for music as the bride came down the aisle (instead of the wedding march).
"Nothing terribly bad..."
I was a freshman in high school, was a fat kid and thus wasn't very good at navigating new social areas. I met a girl, thought she was really pretty and had cool tastes in music and movies, so I went up and tried to introduce myself and talk to her on the bus. Nothing terribly bad or awkward happened, I just introduced myself and said I thought she seemed really cool; she seemed confused, and I took that as a clue that I was barking up the wrong tree and left her alone.
A few days later, I overheard a girl in one of my classes mention her, and that some creepy fat guy was was stalking her on the bus. Naturally, I was mortified, and didn't talk to many girls for a long time after that. I got a lot better with socialization and more comfortable with meeting new people, but I'll never forget how terrible it felt to be called a creep after a single exchange of introducing myself and telling her I thought she had really interesting tastes. I'd never had someone spread a rumor about me before, and I still remember it clear as day.
"When I was in middle school..."
When I was in middle school a lot of us were going through puberty and one girl in particular developed very quickly and very noticeably, she was stacked.
Well we got along pretty well before everything started getting confusing and we both rode the same bus home so one day we're sharing a seat and her friend was sitting across the aisle from us so they get chatting and after a bit she leans back and lays her head in my lap, and she's wearing a pretty low cut shirt so gravity is doing God's work and I'm getting the view of a lifetime while trying desperately to not be a creep because of raging hormones, about a minute in and I've got a situation that would make devil blush and it's just pounding on the back of this poor girls head with every heartbeat.
She caught on pretty quick and sat up for the rest of the ride and our friendship dissipated quicker than my wood.
"Day comes..."
Didn't eat fast food growing up.
Went to Subway with friends a couple times in my early 20's but didn't order. Seemed confusing and intimidating.
Began studying ordering techniques of friends so maybe I could try it some day.
Day comes where I'm ready to take the next step. Have my order memorized. I knock down my request segment by segment, like I'm reciting a script I'd been up all night rehearsing. Foot long. Ham. White. Swiss cheese. Lettuce and tomato.
Pretty excited because I'd nailed it. I stand idly by with my hands casually behind my back, lips optimistically pursed, trying to play it cool so everyone else could be fooled into thinking I'm a perfectly regular human being who'd totally ordered a sandwich before.
Subway worker throws me a curveball.
"Is this going to be a meal?"
Not completely sure why he wants to know if it's going to be my entire dinner or not. Sort of thought he may have been inviting himself over or something. Just felt like really odd small talk to make.
I become panicked and non-committal on the inside, still totally cool on the outside. I pause to contemplate for a moment then I say, "I don't know, we'll see."
Worker freezes.
Friend freezes.
I'm still up on my toes, hands behind my back, casually staring ahead waiting to pay for my sandwich.
Feels like an hour goes by but a couple moments of silence pass before it's explained to me that a Meal in this case means a sandwich, chips, and a drink.
Friend never wants to be seen in public with me again.
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
Donald Duck Sleeping GIFGiphy"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
Pippi Longstocking Chaos GIF by ZDFGiphy"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
Tired Fight Club GIFGiphy"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
andrew huang pots GIF by SoundflyGiphy"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Cloud Storm GIF by Weather UndergroundGiphyWhy beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Pluto Flyby GIFCan you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
No Idea Reaction GIF by BounceGiphyThe sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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