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People Who Work In Gun Shops Share The Biggest Red Flags They've Ever Seen

People Who Work In Gun Shops Share The Biggest Red Flags They've Ever Seen
Skitterphoto / Pexels

With the news being what it's been lately (and by "lately" we mean for the past several years) the conversation about gun sales and control comes up a lot. We tackle a lot of different angles from a hypothetical perspective - but it's rare that we talk to people who actually sell guns.

Now we are.


Reddit user Claim_to_lame asked:

People who work in gun shops, what are some red flags you've seen that made you deny a sale?

Legally buying a weapon in the United States is shamefully easy - but that doesn't mean there aren't times when a salesperson declines to sell a weapon to someone.

These are some of their stories.

The Consultation

As they were talking with me about various aspects of the purchase they would occasionally consult with the person that was with them. There was no person with them.

- _CattleRustler_

Skateboarders

Giphy

When I was younger, I landed a seasonal position as a gun counter person at a local gun store. I never actually received a training or anything on when and why to deny a sale. We were told to only deny a sale if it was a obvious "Straw-Buy," or a the background check came back as a no-go.

One morning, about 15 minutes after we opened, 2 females enter the shop. They stood at the door for a moment and I greeted them and asked if they needed help. One of them responded that they were looking for a gun for home defense. I said sure we had plenty for that purpose.

I began to show her some handguns and some 20 gauge pump shotguns. We chatted for a minute, but the other woman had not said a word the entire time. The other woman had not even glanced at her the entire time.

I asked if she's ever owned or fired a gun before, and she said no. So I suggested maybe attending some courses we offered right there in the shop. She declined and wanted to pick up a gun that day. She eventually settled on a .22 semi automatic pistol. I tried to explain to her that the .22 LR is a poor choice for self defense. It's actually better for a small game use and not effective for assailants.

I elaborated that while deadly, as any firearm bullet is, it was less likely to be a stopping round unless she was able to land precise shots, perfectly, every time. She argued that the .22 was perfect for what she wanted it for. Whatever, I can't change her mind and it was a fairly pricey 22 pistol, so I was happy to take the commission. As I had her take a seat in our back room and complete a background check, I had begun to box up the weapon.

The quiet woman approached me.

Turned out the woman was her sister and was very against the woman purchasing a gun. She had actually tagged along to try and convince her otherwise. She very quietly told me to not sell the woman a gun because she really wanted the firearm to shoot at some local kids on her street that skateboard near her property.


So THAT'S why she choose the .22. She saw it as a benefit that it was less likely to kill, and I had essentially argued for more reasons for her to settle on the .22. So I made the call, and decided to veto the sale. Luckily for me, she actually checked YES on the line that asks if you have ever been declared mentally defunct. Go figure.

I told the woman that I can't sell her the gun because she filled it out that way and that her owning a firearm would be illegal. So she just left the store, without a further word. Super weird.

- GordonChisolmDavis

Test It On Some People

I can tell you one time when I almost got denied for purchasing a rifle.

It was a bolt action .308 made by savage. The rifle came with a scope, not great but just a little extra over their standard rifle in that package.

The store was over an hour away and so I invited my younger brother to keep me company during the ride. He was 17 or 18 at the time. As I was wrapping up the sale we had friendly banter back and forth with the salesman and I was talking about videos of several men pegging pop cans at 1000m with this gun.

My brother, for whatever stupid reasons I can only attribute to being young and dumb says "yea we need to test it on some people."

Dumbfounded, I just looked at him and I was just thinking, what the hell why would you say that? The salesman was understanding and very kindly replied "you need to be careful with that language I can refuse this sale to you."

I politely apologized and reprimanded my brother for saying something that ridiculous.

- -a---q-p

Problems

I had one guy who was a resident from another state come in and say that he wanted to buy a CZ P-07. I told him I legally can't sell pistols to out of state residents and he got pissed and stormed off. Maybe 20 minutes later he comes back with his brother (who was an in-state resident) and as soon as his brother walks up to the counter he points to the EXACT same gun and says "I want to buy that one!"

He didn't even ask to hold it or look at it first. That's a clear straw purchase. I told them to kick rocks, I'm not going to break the law for you.

I had another guy try to buy a shotgun and answered yes to having been convicted of a felony. I asked him if he was actually a felon (you'd be surprised how many guys accidentally check the wrong box). This fool looked at me and said "yeah, is that a problem?" Dude. Yes its a problem.

- ChimyJimmy

Bullet Proof

A friend of mine sold guns at a sporting goods store a while ago. He had to deny a guy a gun sale of an AR-15 because the customer was wearing a bullet proof vest. People don't just walk around with bullet proof vests unless they're looking for trouble.

- Revenge_of_the_Khaki

Evidence

Giphy

Gun store I worked at had a varied and diverse clientele. Usually that meant that more law abiding citizens were looking to purchase firearms, but the usual wacko or two would come by. The one I remember clearest was the guy who came in and wanted to see only two types of firearms, a pistol grip shotgun and a large frame revolver.


As I was asking him what he wanted those specific types of firearms for, since they aren't really the greatest for home defense or personal protection, he tells me that he wants a revolver because it won't leave evidence at the scene of a shooting. I noped out of that one and told him we didn't have the type of equipment he was in search of. I passed along his name to the local police but nothing ever came of it.

- 91Foxtrot

Not Shooting The Wife

I used to work as management in Walmart and as such had to be licensed to do any job in the store, including firearm sales.

There had been many cases of background checks not clearing, which is normal. One that I made a judgment call to refuse, however, was the guy who kept joking that he most certainly was not under any circumstances going to use this .22 rifle to shoot his wife.

You'd get all sorts of rednecks who think they're hilarious while they're gearing up for the next hunting season, but by the third time he brought up not shooting his wife, I just shut down the entire process. Had to have him removed from the building after his breakdown turned verbally aggressive.

- JBP47

The Coming Race War

I almost got through the sale with one guy who wanted to buy a handgun. He was a little jittery and weird, but not quite enough to refuse a sale. But then he started talking about the possibility of the coming apocalypse, and the inevitable race war.

He mentioned how every race has committed genocide at some point. He didn't hate any particular race, but obviously we all have to stick together if it comes down to it. I explained that, despite our matching skin tones, he and I were not on the same page. Our store was not going to provide him with a firearm. He actually left without any argument.

- TryCoserious

A Manager's Approval

So this man comes in at 9:30, 30 minutes before closing. He has his two kids with him, and both of them look uncomfortable and won't make eye contact. The man is acting a little strange, too, and I feel pretty uneasy about it already, but I chalk all that up to maybe they're just a socially awkward family.

So, as we're doing the paperwork, the man is telling me about his life and what all is going on in it currently. Then he says he's divorcing his wife, and starts complaining about all the things he doesn't like about her.

His kids still haven't spoken a word or looked up, but they're so uncomfortable at this point that they're constantly shifting their arms and legs. I pretend to keep filling out the form while listening closely to what the man is saying. He mumbles under his breath, alllllmost where I couldn't hear him, "sometimes I could just kill her."

I was an 18 year old girl, completely alone on that entire half of the store, and I was flipping out big time inside. I pretended not to hear him, and kept "filling out the form" while actually cancelling it. Then I said "ok I'm at the point where I need a manager's approval for the form to go through. One second and let me get him and get the gun out of the back room."

So I go to the managers' office, and I tell my manager, "There's a man wanting to buy a gun, and I think he's going to kill his wife with it."

He says, "Ok, let me handle it and you stay in here until I come back."

By the time he comes back, it's already half an hour past when my shift ended. He said he had to get the police to escort the man out of the store. I believe that he was arrested but I can't entirely remember since it was a good many years ago.

That memory still scares me, because what if I hadn't have heard him? I was the only thing standing between him buying a gun that night to shoot his wife. I still wonder about what ever happened to them.

- yDoIm8kSOmanyofDeez

Blowback

I used to sell firearms when I was in college. Only a few years ago though. 2016-2018.

There were a few times where I denied people that weren't already denied by the background check. Probably the most absurd was a guy that asked me: "What gun will have the most blowback if somebody comes in my house? I want to see him fly in another room like the movies."

That was an auto-deny from me and contacted my manager. Not sure what happened after that. Usually we would call all the other gun stores in the area (within an hr half drive) and share information.

- TheRaunchyFart

The ATF Call

A few years back I had a guy come in looking for a semi automatic pistol, he knew exactly what he wanted and after holding it he confirmed that was the one he wanted to purchase. I handed him some paperwork to fill out and instead of taking the pen, he snapped his fingers and this lady came from one of the aisles to fill out the paperwork. This was obviously fishy, so before I denied the sale I asked for his ID to make a photocopy.

I then proceeded to tell him that I couldn't continue with the transaction because it was obvious he was trying to do a straw purchase and he told me that he could do whatever he wanted and that I HAD to sell him the gun.

A little more back and forth continued and I eventually told him if he doesn't leave I was calling the police.

He left and I sent his info to a local ATF agent. Not 20 minutes later I got a call asking for all the info I had on him, when he arrived, when he left and what direction he went.

Turns out the guy was wanted for being a suspect for several murders and they couldn't track him down, hence why he wanted someone else to buy the gun.

- daisybooty

30 George Zimmermans

My brother owns a small gun shop. He gets a disturbing amount of people who think that buying a gun grants them some police powers. As in: "OK, I'm going to buy this gun and then head downtown so I can chase off those homeless guys by the Starbucks."

As my brother put it: "I never met George Zimmerman but I've had at least 30 of them come through my store."

- TheFire_Eagle

Negative Yelp Review

Giphy

The buyer brought in his 10 year old son with him during our Glock sale day. He was being very discreet around his son, like he didn't want the boy to know he was buying a gun. He asked me to see "a Glock." I released the mag and cleared the G17, and handed him the gun.

He holds its with both hands viewing the side, while pointing in his sons direction, and click - at his son.

I stared dumbfounded for a minute and then said: "You just pulled the trigger and your son is standing right there."


He said "Yeah but the gun wasn't loaded."

I countered by taking the gun back and refusing to sell him a gun unless he took a crash course with our shop instructor. He agreed as long as it would be quick enough where his son wouldn't notice.

We asked him to leave and gained a negative yelp review out of it too.

- goinv8huntin

Sleazeball Boss

I've wanted to deny sales back years ago when I worked at one, but my boss was a sleazeball and wouldn't let me.

Biggest time I wanted to deny? Guy came in, wanted like 12 Phoenix Arms pot-metal $75 little .25 ACP pistols. It was obvious he was going to resell. He also bought a TEC-9 and a KG-99.

I took my boss aside and was like "You're not really going to allow this are you? It's pretty obvious he's going to resell or something. Something definitely illegal is going to happen."

His response: "Pshh you don't know that. There's nothing illegal about buying that many guns."

I knew that but it's still suspect as hell especially with those cheap little pocket pistols. I guess the redeeming thing is even since he passed his background check, he bought more than one pistol in X amount of time (right then and there) so a special form is filled out to be sent to the ATF to check him out as a way to help stop illegal underworld dealers, etc. So I don't doubt an ATF field agent showed up at his place and asked a ton of questions.

- Folffairport

Saving His Son

I had come in to my local gun shop/range early to be the first customer because the store gets absolutely slammed on the weekend. A nervous looking older gentleman is also outside waiting. I can tell something is off about him. I enter and start talking to the salesman, and the other guy is hovering. My curiosity is peaked. The salesman starts talking to him and I can only make out certain parts. "Yes we know,.... its been passed down to everyone.... you don't need to worry sir... he will not purchase one from here...."

And then I figured it out. This poor father was trying to keep his suicidal son from buying a firearm.

He looked like he was ready to break down in tears. The salesmen all understood the issue and were very kind. As a father I just wanted to hug, or pat on the shoulder, and tell him he was doing the right thing. He left the store to go to another firearms store. His eyes were watery. This man loved his son, and was about to go to every place around and ask them not to sell to his son. It hit my black heart in the little feels it has.

- Im_caffeinated_chris

Mom Vs. The Salesman

Not an employee, but a customer.

I had decided to join the trap team at my high school along with my friends. I was only 15 or 16 at the time, so my mother came along to actually buy the shotgun for me.

We go in, look around, consult the employee, and decide on a Benelli supernova (fantastic all purpose gun if anyone is looking). My mom fills out the 2a, passes the background check, and is about to pay when the employee (who's been helping us the entire time) says "Sorry I can't sell you this gun. Buying it for your son would be considered a straw purchase, which is illegal."

After we argue back and forth a little bit, the owner of this small mom and pop shop comes out and asks what the trouble is. The employee tells him the situation, at which point the owner informs in a scolding-type or manner that it's perfectly legal for a parent to purchase a gun for their children as long as they live in the same house.

The employee, slightly embarrassed, finishes up our purchase and we got the gun. I don't blame the employee, in fact I admire him trying to do the right thing, but I was a little frustrated with the confusion and delay. I still frequent that store and have had no further problems. Definitely one of my favorite gun shops as the employees are very knowledgeable and friendly, and have a big husky that's always a treat to pet!

- DirtiestSpider1

This Sale Fail

Not a buy but an attempt to sell a gun.

I spent lots of time at gun shops and shows. Once at a gun show, a dealer who was a friend told us to watch the action toward the front.

A young man had come to his table looking to sell a gun. This was a pricey high end pistol and the guy was looking for just $200 out of it. For reference, it was worth more like $2000.

Dealer probes a little about how the young man had obtained this gun, but got lots of vague "I bought it last year" sorts of answers. Dealer says he cannot afford it. And as soon as the young man walks away, he flags over one of the police officers at the show. We watched as the police verified the gun was stolen and were arresting the young man.

- debbieae

"Just Wait" 

My boss was finishing the background check and decided to let the customer and his friend test fire in the range while they wait. They pass the check, but as he goes into tell them, he overhears them saying things like, "Ya, he's gonna get what's coming to him. Just wait, he's dead the next time I see him."

Boss pretended the check didn't FAIL, but that the problem is on the checkers' end. They'll have to come back tomorrow.

As soon as they leave, boss called the cops and every other dealer in town to warn them. Cops picked the two guys up later that day.

- palauni1

"Shotty" 

Almost. Didn't have to actually deny the sale though. Would have if I got the opportunity, but it didn't get that far.

Him: "I need a gun"

Me: "... what kind?"

Him: "Shotty"

Me: "They're on the rack over there"

**5 minutes later**

Him: *sets gun on counter, displays wad of cash. Hands me $400* "here"

Me, declining the money: "actually, we need you to do a background check first"

Him: "what's a background check?"

Me: "basically we check for any felonies or other things that would prevent you from owning a gun."

Him: *immediately leaves*

- PMmechubbygirlbutts

Home Defense

Some meth head came in asking "whats your most deadly revolver?"

I then said "is it for home defense?"

and he did the classic movie cliche "uhhh yeah... home defense."

Denied the sale right away.

- talin_the_mistreated

Ranch House Or Town House

At a gun show in Texas. I wanted a new carry gun, so I was browsing the handguns when a couple next to me decide they want a nice Kimber 9mm. And why not? It's a great-looking gun. They start to fill out the paperwork, and get into a HUGE fight with each other about which address to use. Both are in Texas, so no out-of-state issues.

The lady behind the counter is trying to tell them to just pick one, it legitimately does not matter, but they get angrier and angrier about whether to "register" it to the ranch house or the town house. The lady tries to explain that there is no registry and it could not, ever, possibly matter, when the guy gets so frustrated he screams at the counter lady, "THIS IS TOO GODDAMN DIFFICULT JUST TO BUY A F*CKING GUN!"

She suspends the sale, tells the guy he's obviously of the wrong temperament to own a firearm, hopes he doesn't have others, and calls security.

The wife is now angry that they're NOT buying a gun, and I wanted to tell her that based on the scene I just saw, someone is saving her life or his and keeping the other out of prison.

- profssr_woland

Do Not Pass Go

Giphy

I've overheard a co-worker working the firearms department be asked, "I need to see if it fits in this backpack first."

A school backpack.

Cue me standing behind him and waving at my co-worker silently with that "Do not pass Go, do not collect $200" wave you do with your hands kinda crossing, shaking my head, mouthing 'No no, HELL no'.

He didn't get sold anything, and the store owner alerted the ATF and FBI after we briefed him on what happened. No idea what happened to him, but CCW or not, he wasn't getting a gun from us.

- dunehound

Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason

"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"

Close up of an owl tilting their head to side, looking bewildered
Photo by Josh Mills

The old wives' tales.

They are the stories of legend.

I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.

Where did they originate?

WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!

You don't hear about them as much anymore.

It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.

But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.

Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:

"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"

"Wait an hour to swim after eating."

What a crock!

So many summer hours wasted.

I want revenge for that one.

Say Nothing

Giphy

"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."

LonelyMail5115

"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."

I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA

Say Something

"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."

Severe_Airport1426

"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."

crappycurtains

"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."

AlbinoShavedGorilla

Body Temps

"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."

chriseo22

"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."

"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."

apocalypticradish

Arms Down

"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."

Fatmouse84

10 Years Actually

Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy

"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."

REDDIT

"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."

Gecko-911

I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.

This tale is haunting.

High/Low

Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy

"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."

LeastFormal9366

"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."

IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI

The Cursed

"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."

"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."

SmoreOfBabylon

Stay In

"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."

"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."

worldbound0514

Dreams and Facts

"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."

"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."

mattshonestreddit

"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."

Darthdemented

Cracked

Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy

"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."

Choice-Grapefruit-44

"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."

MacyTmcterry

I love my knuckles.

Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

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A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

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Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?