"Friendship is like a garden. You have to water it, you have to tend to it, you have to care about it, or you lose it."
The garden of friendship is easily soiled, but yet, so many don't take the care and attention for their friendships.
u/Iusedtocarebut asked:
What would ruin a friendship for you?
Here were some of those answers.
All The Lies
GiphyWhat would ruin a friendship for me is if someone is being two-faced. I've lost a couple because they wanted to choose when to be my friend and not. I got tired of it. Every time I would say something about anything, they would get mad. I didn't have time for it and I am glad that it's over with.
With Great Friendship Comes Great Responsibility
Not taking responsibility when they mess up. I had a friend that had planned on moving into an apartment with me, and the day the security deposit was due he backed out, leaving me without a home. His response was "I'm sorry, but you didn't make me want to move in with you. And I shouldn't be expected to move if it's not best for me. And I never... bla bla bla etc.". Cut off contact with him and I've never regret it.
Another friend and I were planning a trip a few years ago with a group of friends, and we planned on getting one hotel room together. About a month before we were supposed to leave he contacted me and told me he had decided to get a hotel room with the other two guys instead.
I was livid, since according to him they had gotten the room a few months earlier and just hadn't told me. His response was "I'm sorry dude. I was only thinking about my budget, but I should have thought about how this would affect you and your budget too. I'll make sure to do better in the future." We're still good friends today and I'm glad.
The moral is if you're sorry and want to prove you've learned from the experience, you won't tell the other person why what happened isn't your fault. You'll own up to your mistake and work to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Partying Is Not Caring
When it becomes obvious that they're only pretending to care about you instead of genuinely caring. I've had people who would ghost my messages for weeks at a time, always tell me they were busy but suspiciously always had the time to party. I noped out of that.
The Stress Literally Killed Him
I can tell you what did. I was friends with a husband and wife couple. Over a year and a half period the wife went from social drinking to being drunk at all times, started dating her high school boyfriend behind her husband's back, and took advantage of everyone around her that was friends with them. Husband found out about the boyfriend part and confronted her and she told him, "Then leave me cause I'm not stopping."
They had two kids together and he didn't want to hurt them so he just stayed and sucked it up. Six months later CPS took away their youngest, not long after their oldest was arrested for grand theft auto and drug use and sent to jail (still there as far as I know). I couldn't deal with being tangentially sandblasted by the drama at that point and had to cut it off. Hated doing it and told the husband I'd help him whenever I could but couldn't deal with the wife anymore. He died from a heart attack three months later, I can only assume it was caused by stress.
An Easy Choice
This actually happened. A friend (A) called me and told me that I was probably going to soon hear that he'd been sleeping with the wife of different friend (B) of mine. (A) wanted to see if we'd still be friends because "it just happened" and that the wife wasn't happy anyway.
Yeah, now I have to choose.
I chose the friend who didn't stab a friend in the back, duh.
It's Become Expectation Rather Than Nicety
The need to constantly one up you and if they can't, they either choose to ignore your success or put you down but expects you to compliment them on their achievements.
When a friend stops appreciating the things you do for them and starts to EXPECT you to do things for them ex: Driving them around, paying for their meals, and etc. I don't think it's very hard to just say "thank you" sometimes???
Blah Blah Blah Blah
Being a big blabbermouth. Someone who has no idea what they should or shouldn't say to other people. This doesn't just extend to private moments or secrets I may have shared with them, but includes tact and how they should treat other people.
Projecting
My best friend becoming vegan and getting angry at me everytime I eat meat, despite me supporting her on her new diet/lifestyle or whatever, and also becoming childfree and even though I support her she tells me I'm selfish for wanting kids and seems to be angry that I have one and want more.
Yeah this happened to me. Our friendship abruptly ended and felt more like a breakup.
As Long As You're Mine
Constant dependency. We all should have our own lives. I realize how this sounds but I really hate it when people I try to make friends with try to do every little activity together and never go home. Like they try too hard.
My idea of a good friendship is two people having a lot in common and spending their free time together. Planned or not, however, space needs to be established.
Constantly bombarding me with messages about what I'm doing and where I'm at, video links of memes and stupid videos you find funny, or trying to invest all your time and life into being my friend (i.e. copying me, taking all my words to heart, spending every waking moment to hang out with me)
I know a LOT of people see this as a good friendship. But I can't. It will, And has destroyed friendships. The best thing I can ask for is a friend who obviously has something going for them in their life, but fits me into their routine. We dont have to try and make it seem like we're friends, and we dont have to text each other like a fresh couple just to validate our friendship.
With The Taste Of Your Lips
GiphyToxicity. Sounds simple, but people can pass by pretty blatant red flags. A 'friend' singling you out and using you as a target for 'teasing' isn't a good person to be around. Don't hang out with people who use you like that, even if you've been friends for a long time. People change, and people can become douches. To whoever's reading this, find people you enjoy being with. Those are actual friends.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.