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Former Coma Patients Describe What It Was Like Being Trapped In Their Own Bodies

Former Coma Patients Describe What It Was Like Being Trapped In Their Own Bodies

Former Coma Patients Describe What It Was Like Being Trapped In Their Own Bodies

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It's so hard to imagine what it would be like to be in a coma, if you've never been in one. Is it like sleep? Do you maintain some level of consciousness? What exactly does it mean to be in a coma? What's so scary is scientists have almost no answers for us. It's impossible to replicate the level of consciousness from inside of a coma. Luckily, there are some surviving coma victims who can share with us.

Redditor lauren__95 asked the internet:

People who have been in a coma, what was it like? Did you dream, hear things in real life, or feel like you were trapped inside a sleeping body?

Here were some of the harrowing recounts.

Tears

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My husband was put into a medically induced coma when he was 4 years old for 6 weeks, after a near death experience post-tonsillectomy (that's a whole other story - lead to the discovery of a very rare bleeding disorder.)

During the coma he could hear everything and he could feel. His family would notice tears, he was crying while comatose, and no one could figure it out, not even the doctors. Then one day his grandma got this idea that if he could cry, maybe he could feel, and if he could feel, maybe he's itchy. She scratched his whole body for him. The crying stopped. She did it every day till he woke up. He remembers feeling itchy and not being able to scratch. He also remembers the relief when his grandma started doing it for him.

Secondhand

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I went into a coma, after spending 2 & 1/2 months semi-comatose. I may as well have been in a coma the entire time, since I have very little memory of what occurred that entire time, but then again, my memory sucks as a whole, thanks to this entire event. My seizure meds were no longer flushing through my system, and my body just started shutting down, til I ended up fully comatose. Apparently I was having what my sister called a never-ending seizure while in the coma, which led to my being tied to the bed. At one point, I felt my step-mother rubbing on my arm, while her and my sister told me to settle down. Shortly after, the dr told them to go ahead and begin funeral plans, but thankfully, not in my presence. However, the following afternoon, I began the slow process of waking up, pissed off because something was making a god awful noise and I couldn't open my eyes to figure out what it was. Come to find out, it was me, by swallowing against the tube in my throat. Terrifying experience overall, even if most of it has been relayed to me secondhand.

Family Respect

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I don't remember anything from those 6 weeks; but I woke up angry with a family member who rarely visited and did/said dumb stuff around my comatose self. Apparently, when the doctors said I could hear, they weren't wrong. Was angry for quite a while.

Awake

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In my case I was perfectly aware of everything going around me but trapped in a sleeping body. Couldn't move a single part of my body for myself but was able to hear, feel and even focus and see when the dr lift my eyelid. Very frightening. Luckily it only lasted a couple/three hours tops (it was caused by an unknown extreme allergy to opioids).

Opposite Effects

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Short backstory, anesthetics don't work on me. I lose control of my body, but I can hear and feel everything. And I mean everything. My appendix burst a few years ago, I had surgery and I was comatose for 3 days because of the anesthesia. I felt every cut and every stitch, I heard the surgeon talking about his daughter's school play, I felt dad hugging me and crying after the surgery, but I couldn't react. I heard my brother yelling at the doctors why I wasn't awake yet, and my highschool friend talking to me.

This is why I'm scared to get that f-cker of a wisdom tooth removed. What if it happens again?

Probed

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I was put into an induced coma for about 6 days after being struck by a taxi while crossing a road. I was blackout drunk when it happened so for the most part I don't remember anything from about the time I went out for the night to when I was properly woken up after my first surgery (facial reconstruction for my broken frontal bone). However, I was woken up periodically to check how responsive I was. The memories for this stretch of time were pretty hazy. The first thing I remember was waking up and freaking out about having a breathing tube down my throat. This was around the 5th day. Seriously freaked me the f-ck out tbh, it felt like I was being abducted by aliens.

To The Stars

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I was once in a coma for 72 hours.

I remember seeing stars, and a voice telling me to count all the stars if I want to go back, I remember looking 'up' at them and telling the voice it's impossible, there are too many, then I started counting them...

Besides that, I just remember waking up and feeling groggy.

Strange but true.

1st time I've ever told that story.

Another World

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I was in a coma for 11 days from an accident. The Neurologist(s), Internist, Nurses, etc told me I was one of the most 'agitated' Coma patients they had ever seen. They literally had to invent new, almost boxing-type gloves for my hands! But to answer your question, I do remember being in my coma sometimes...its been over a year, and I can still recollect the 'world' that I resided in for those 11 days as clearly now as when I woke up. Contrary to popular culture, one doesn't just "wake up" from a coma and are suddenly themselves. It's very gradual. Takes days. I remember being in a dream-like state, but in that 'dream' I could taste, touch, feel, hear, etc. Its weird. I remember choosing to wake up as well. I was on a cabana on the beach when a guy in his thirties (I can still see his face but he was a complete stranger) approached and spoke with me for a while. As he was talking, suddenly the buildings behind me, pieces of furniture, even people, start to fade away, and disappear altogether. He told me remain calm, and that I had a choice: I could remain where I was, or I could take a left, and walk down the beach to a 'tiki like shack' of sorts, where a Haitian woman would be waiting. I chose to walk. When I arrived at the shack, the woman asked me if I was ready, took me inside, had me lie down on a small, twin bed, and when I replied that I was ready now, I just...started to wake up. Once I 'woke up' from my coma, no matter how many times I floated in and out of consciousness, I could never return to that state again.

Crazy sh-t...

Fever Dreams

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I was in a coma in 2007 after suffering Traumatic Brain Injury from crashing my head through a fence as the result of an ATV crash.

I had the craziest dreams, wow. I can still remember a couple of them pretty vividly. I feel like some of the things that were happening in real life were actually contributing to the dreams; for instance one involved the nurses and I got them to take me to a pig blood party in the hospital hallways. There was another wild one involving going through the drive through at mcdonald's in a jeep wrangler with a machine gun strapped to the top.

Week Gone

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My coma was roughly a week but I don't remember anything from that week. I recall the ambulance ride (I had busted my head pretty badly) and know that I heard them saying I would be okay. When I woke up I thought it was still the same day. It was kind of like when you lay down to sleep and wake up eight hours later but it feels like you blinked. You know time passed but it feels like an instant. I tried to sit up but the doctor stopped me and talked to me until I was coherent. Apparently I had been in the process of coming around for about an hour by the time I tried to sit up.

My mom claims that I knew songs after my coma that I couldn't have heard before but I listened to so much radio back then I don't really know if that's accurate.

Another Life

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throw away account cause this is really personal.

While unconscious on the ground I lived a different life.

I met a wonderful young lady, she made my heart skip and my face red, I pursued her for months and dispatched a few jerk boyfriends before I finally won her over, after two years we got married and almost immediately she bore me a daughter.

I had a great job and my wife didn't have to work outside of the house, when my daughter was two she [my wife] bore me a son. My son was the joy of my life, I would walk into his room every morning before I left for work and doted on him and my daughter.

One day while sitting on the couch I noticed that the perspective of the lamp was odd, like inverted. It was still in 3D but... just.. wrong. (It was a square lamp base, red with gold trim on 4 legs and a white square shade). I was transfixed, I couldn't look away from it. I stayed up all night staring at it, the next morning I didn't go to work, something was just not right about that lamp.

I stopped eating, I left the couch only to use the bathroom at first, soon I stopped that too as I wasn't eating or drinking. I stared at the lamp for 3 days before my wife got really worried, she had someone come and try to talk to me, by this time my cognizance was breaking up and my wife was freaking out. She took the kids to her mother's house just before I had my epiphany.... the lamp is not real.... the house is not real, my wife, my kids... none of that is real... the last 10 years of my life are not f-cking real!

The lamp started to grow wider and deeper, it was still inverted dimensions, it took up my entire perspective and all I could see was red, I heard voices, screams, all kinds of weird noises and I became aware of pain.... a f-cking sh-t ton of pain... the first words I said were "I'm missing teeth" and opened my eyes. I was laying on my back on the sidewalk surrounded by people that I didn't know, lots were freaking out, I was completely confused.

at some point a cop scooped me up, dragged/walked me across the sidewalk and grass and threw me face down in the back of a cop car, I was still confused.

I was taken to the hospital by the cop (seems he didn't want to wait for the ambulance to arrive) and give CT scans.

I went through about 3 years of horrid depression, I was grieving the loss of my wife and children and dealing with the knowledge that they never existed, I was scared that I was going insane as I would cry myself to sleep hoping I would see her in my dreams. I never have, but sometimes I see my son, usually just a glimpse out of my peripheral vision, he is perpetually 5 years old and I can never hear what he says.

Paralyzed

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I was in a medical induced coma for a month when I was 8 years old. I could hear the people around me, I wanted to move but I could not I could not open my eyes.

When I did dream it was extremely vivid and mostly nightmares due to the medications I was on. I don't remember them now but my parents say that my heart rate would go up and I looked scared.

I never want to be in a coma again. I still get anxiety thinking about it, even though all I remember is being paralyzed. Not being able to open my eyes, but hearing my parents discussion was terrifying. I wanted to join in I wanted to move, but I couldn't even with my brushes with death this is the one experience I experience the most anxiety/fear from.

Egg Commitments

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I can't speak to her experience as she didn't make it through, but my aunt was in a coma and responded to things we said. Around christmas, my mom said "if Sandy doesn't get up or isn't able, one of us will have to make the deviled eggs this year" and my Aunt's blood pressure spiked. My mom freaked out and said "sorry, we won't take your job from you Sandy" and it went back down as soon as it came.

Band Of Brothers

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Personally I was never in a coma but my uncle worked on an oil rig that burnt down. In a small Canadian town named Flin Flon. He was on the top floor of a 15 story tower as it was on fire. The event is known as one of the more tragic events in the town and everyone who lives there knows about it and someone who was affected by it. All my uncles friends ended up dying except for my uncle. 80% of his body is burns and was in a coma for 2.5 months I think and says the entire time he was dreaming that he was a solider at war and his co-workers were his army pals and he watched them all die in the field and he said he thought it was all real.

Wall Of Clowns

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Was in an induced coma for a week when I was 6.

I dreamt really weird sh-t. I dreamt of this red wall with red objects, slowly passing by in front of my eyes. I also dreamt of a few situations with people I knew (not even friends) where the room was really weirdly lit and it seemed like people were laughing at me. It was kind of scary, cause it I somehow felt something was wrong but there wasn't anything I could do to change it. Lastly, I dreamt of clowns that were laughing at me, but I think that was just me being high on morphine, cause I later heard that I was swearing like hell at the clowns who were supposed to cheer me up.

Trapped

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I've been in a coma - don't remember a thing. It was basically just like a normal night of sleep, except a bit longer. I usually don't dream (or remember doing so), and nothing was really different about it.

I've also had sleep paralysis, and that's a completely different deal. After a long, sleepless night, I was waiting outside a classroom on campus, and sat down in a chair. The moment I leaned my head backward, everything blacked out. I was still completely conscious, but couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything, and couldn't move a muscle. Right as I internally started panicking, I heard myself start snoring - like incredibly loud, almost cartoonish-level snoring. I desperately tried moving anything I could, mostly out of sheer embarrassment because it still sounded like I was snoring. What felt like minutes later, I finally managed to move an elbow slightly closer inward off of the armrest of my chair, which jolted me sideways a bit, waking me up. Vision and sound started flooding back in, and I immediately noticed that no one around seemed to notice or care that I was basically trapped inside myself for a few minutes. I never did find out if I was actually making any sounds or weird movements, but it was definitely an experience that I don't want to repeat.

I'd pick a coma over sleep paralysis any day.

Impostor Syndrome

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Not me, but my mom. She had a minor procedure last year which went sideways (she developed acute pancreatitis and she went into shock); she slipped into a coma for two months.

She said that she could hear us from time to time, but it was all like a dream. For instance, my sis learned that she was pregnant on the same day my mom slipped into the coma and she told her about it while she was asleep - she woke up and remembered it.

She also had some really weird and vivid dreams. For instance, she was convinced (even after she woke up!) that I was replaced by an impostor. She also woke up angry at my dad about something that happened in a dream. My sister was the only one who she wasn't angry with. At least I know which of her children she loves more is.

Overdose

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I had a short-term (1 night) medically induced coma after reacting violently to an anti-nausea medicine and then given an overdose (mistakenly) of antihistamine to stop the reaction.

I had crazy, vivid nightmares for 8 hours (probably induced by the overdose of antihistamine my body was trying to get rid of). I was never so happy to wake up in my life. I only have nightmares in normal life (never good dreams), so maybe someone else would've been just dreaming.

Late Knowledge

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I was in a coma for 3 Days. It was as if I fell asleep waiting for a nurse and then instantly woke up in a hospital bed. Time travel is never a good thing. My blood sugar was at around 800. This is when I found out that I had childhood onset diabetes at the age of 22. I had lost 40 lbs in 3 months. Went from 6'2 185-145. Within a few days of waking up they had rehydrated my body and I gained most of my weight back. Pretty scary sh-t.

All I Ever Wanted

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My wife was in a coma for several weeks. She was touch and go at first, thought we might lose her, so I didn't bring the kids up. About the 2nd week, after she has stabilized but still in a coma I finally brought the kids up.

While they were their I got them talking about past vacations. Asked them which was their favorite and we talked for a long while about road trip vacations we had taken...one to Nevada & Arizona and one to New Mexico. Then we talked about our what our next vacation should be and they were all into seeing more pueblos, mountains, deserts, caves, dormant volcanoes, canyons etc..kids were laughing and it was quite therapeutic overall.

Flash forward to about a month and a half later when my wife is out of the coma and she has completely real memories of a new vacation. In her mind she has a week long road trip from Texas to New Mexico, then Arizona and back...that never happened. Crazy.

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.