They say not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.
But sometimes, that is REALLY hard. Forgiveness is a test of your ability to deal with people who have wronged you. And sometimes, you really just do not want to give them that space.
But eventually you need to.
u/forlorn12345 asked:
What was the hardest thing you actually forgave someone for? how is your relationship with them today if you still talk to them?
Here were some of the answers.
Love Is Hard
GiphyI forgave my dad for his drug abuse during my childhood. He lost his sobriety when I was one and didn't get clean till I was 15. He still doesn't know me very well. He thinks he does but, he's wrong. I'm not mad about the time lost and am incredibly proud of his 5.5 years. I've forgiven him, but addiction has had a permanent effect on our relationship and on his brain. I love him, though.
Dads Have A Rough Time
My biological dad wrote me (7-8) and my sister (9-10) a letter. after years of inconsistent visitation he was ready to give up his parental rights. Me and my sister sat on the living room floor while my mom and step dad read us his letter, saying he didn't want us anymore and that my step dad would be a much better father for us. Step dad adopted my sister and i. 2 years later biological dad had a son with another woman. 10 years later he still has custody of that kid. it took me a long time to forgive him. i remember exactly where i was when i did. Spencer Lake Youth Camp. i was probably 16-17 y/o. we have a relationship bc i turned 18 and went to find him. We've never talked about it.
On The Basis Of Religion
I was 11 and I had just been diagnosed with skin cancer when my very abusive mother told me that God was punishing me for being a bad son. I forgave her when I went to church to get baptized because I realized I didn't have the time to be hateful like her. I forgave her for the things she has done and said to me and I forgive her whenever she does anything because I know that my life has been shortened enough by the poor decisions I've made. It was hard, it was one of the few things I'm not sure I could ever do again, because she truly hurt me for years, she always told me I was a mistake and that I wasn't ever wanted, but I let it go and my heart stopped hurting. I know I've never had a mother, not really, and I'm glad I stopped lying to myself about it too.
Go To Therapy
Years of neglect. She's got some issues and doesn't know it. It took me a really long time to recognize that my mother does not in fact walk on water, and is human like the rest of us and is flawed and makes mistakes. She wasn't neglectful on purpose, and she can't admit it to herself or bring herself so apologize, but I forgive her for everything anyway.
He Ain't But A Cheater
He cheated on me and got her pregnant. We divorced, w him leaving me in an apartment I couldn't afford. I forgave him because ironically I was offered a better life, in Hawaii, no less. Karma came back for him, hes twice divorced and the kid lives w her grandmother. I occasionally talk w him now, but cant bear to listen to him talk about his daughter since she's the kid I wouldn't give him.
I Could Have Used A Hospital
My dad found me homeless on the streets suffering from mental illness. I had been hospitalized for it before. He didn't try to take me to the hospital or anything. He just gave me 40 bucks and told me he'd pray for me. And just walked
I still have resentment but I mostly got over it. A lot of people didn't want to help me and I was a lot to deal with, but it still hurts. I still love him and we talk pretty often but once something like that happens you can't just forget it. It's tough.
People talk about stigma of mental illness and how we should be open about it but they want to hear I struggled with it and I'm doing better now. Not when your in the midst of it, and I hope that changes.
Contact
My brother lost contact with us when I about 8-9. I was too young to really remember life with him, but in like 6th grade I was upset about it. He left with nothing for us to remember him by except a pair of earrings he sent me for my tenth birthday (another thing I don't really remember getting; just having).
As I got older it was easier to accept that he left because of his multiple mental illnesses and not because he was angry with me or my family. I've learned to forgive him. I treasure the earrings he got me now. It proves that even through his haze he cared about me. But sometimes it still hurts to think about after all this time. I may never have a chance to see him again. I just wish I could see him again and thank him, and tell him we all forgive him.
The Difference Between Forgive And Forget
He cheated. Once. Told me about it the next day. Expressed genuine remorse. 3 years later we got married. 10 years after that we're still together. Our marriage is still monogamous and has been genuinely happy. It wasn't hard to forgive, but was hard to forget. It hurt so much. It still hurts to think about it, and probably always will. Yet I don't regret staying with him. He's the love of my life.
Yourself Is The Most Important
I forgave him for his addiction which led to years of toxic, codependent behavior. As cliche as it sounds, I was blinded by love and refused to see what everyone else saw; that he was lying to my face about abusing his prescriptions pills.
I believed his stories, thinking there was no way someone could come up with something so believable but I knew something was off about him. I chalked it up to the Lyme Disease since he blamed everything on that.
I lost myself trying to save him. Stupidly, I thought it was my job to make him better, which in turn made me worse. In a fit of overwhelming anxiety, panic, and fear of losing him I tried committing suicide.
I found my way back to him needing to make us work. That was until I found needles in his shorts doing laundry one day. The blow to my gut is something I'll never forget. I was the world's biggest fool...
Determined to move on and find myself again I broke up with him, although I contacted him every day to check up on him. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We got back together, he got help, and we had a baby girl.
The first two years of her life were pure bliss until I noticed the same behavior creeping back. After a psychotic break led him to get arrested and hospitalized, I knew it was best to let go. I couldn't believe anything he told me anymore.
He didn't see her again until she was almost 4. Some of that was because I got an order of protection for the first few months and then because I had full custody and he was to have visitations. During that time he met another woman and had a son with her.
Fast forward, we're good friends and coparent my daughter together. We share our time with her and I'm also really good friends with his girlfriend and have even babysat their little boy. They seem happy and while I'm no longer in love with him, sometimes I'll catch myself thinking about the memories we had and how we ended up where we are now.
Forgiving myself for being so foolish and hurting my family by trying to kill myself, however, is something I still have yet to figure out.
Stretching Beyond Your Means For Love
GiphyWe, or rather Spouse, stupidly loaned $1,500 to a nephew. His mother asked for it, begged Spouse for it, "because he lost money in a casino and his loan shark is threatening to break a leg." She swore she would pay us back. Later, after bugging her for a while just to get one month's payment, she swore that she didn't say that and that her son, the nephew, would pay us back. He has never repaid us a dime.
In fact, we haven't seen him for 30+ years.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.