People Explain Which Foods Are Downright Impossible To Eat In A Civilized Manner

Imagine you're out on a first date or you're at a business luncheon...


You reach for a helping of a greasy, saucy, messy finger food option. Then, no matter how much you try, in slow motion, you see it drop down onto your shirt. There was no way to avoid this terribly awkward catastrophe...

Or was there?

That's what the internet is for.

Reddit user, u/Iron-Waffle, wanted to hear what they should avoid chowing down on at fancy events when they asked:

What food is just impossible to eat in a civilized manner?

Some foods prove a challenge, not because the present as a messy food, but because they hide a more sinister side. The mess is coming, just not in a way you expected.

If You Don't Buy It Pre-Sliced...

"a whole mango"

Particular-Ad95

"How do you guys do it? As a Filipino, we slice it parallel to the seed. You will end up with two halves and the center cross-section. You can eat both halves with a spoon. You can just throw the seed part out.

Of course not. You obviously don't waste a mango! You just devour it messily with your hands."

he_who_yawns

Slurp. Slurp.

"Spaghetti, it doesn't matter how much you spin your fork, there will always be that(those) noodle(s) that just won't wrap around your fork and will hang out of your mouth making it look like you have the table manners of a toddler."

BlueShoe15

Dignity: LOST

"Donuts, especially the kind with fillings. It's hard to look dignified when you bite into something and cream/jelly splurts out all over your face."

Gurasola

Anything with a sauce, that you're required to eat with your hands, is bound to be a bit messy. Best to just suck it up, know you're going to get some on your shirt, and enjoy the flavor clash.

No Point In Trying To Avoid The Inevitable

"BBQ ribs"

rywigo

"If I recall my Pet & Pete (Yes, I'm old) the correct way to eat BBQ ribs IS to eat it in a messy manner. Using a fork and knife to eat them is wrong etiquette, as demonstrated by inspector 34."

Sasparillafizz

Gnaw And Gnaw And Gnaw

"Chicken wings"

The_Apollo0

"I saw a dude shaking his head back and forth while holding the chicken wing still. It was like, well, a dog gnawing a bone. It was incredible. He was a full grown adult man. I still think about it."

startrekmama

"I've mastered eating wings with one hand so that my other hand stays clean. My friends however somehow get sauce all the way down their forearms and walk to the bathroom like a surgeon about to put gloves on pre operation"

Devlo34

Self-Imposed Mess

"There's this one I make myself from this bbq joint Restaurant near my folks house … I get the fried chicken tenders and Mac and cheese as a side. Ask for extra piece of Texas Toast. Make a sandwich with the chicken loads of BBQ sauce and Mac and cheese it's messy AF… the owner saw me make it one time and put it on the menu as a limited time thing gave me one for free."

TheBayouKid

And then there's these foods, which no mortal could eat without coming off looking like a manic monster devouring its prey. That's okay, though, because it all sounds delicious.

Unhinge Your Jaw Like A Snake And...

"Those giant burgers that are like 8 inches high. Yeah they look cool and usually taste good but shield your children's eyes because I look like a monster when I eat one of those things"

iBelieveInSpace

"When I eat those, even if I flip it so the bigger bun is on the bottom, it's just impossible for it to survive. So now I just resign myself to the fact that at some point I'm going to be eating like a Viking, and just go to town on it."

elmonstro12345

...Stuff It All In.

"A taco when it's over stuffed. The meat falls out, if you put too much sour cream it falls over, cheese falls everywhere if its not melted, and then it all blends together on your plate. Then, you try to find different angles to eat your taco, rather you move your taco or your head. No matter what, you generally look like a weirdo. Or, maybe that's just me-"

[usernamedeleted]

This Just Sounds Like A Lot Of Work

"A dozen Maryland style steamed blue crabs."

"Using only your hands and a small wooden mallet?"

"You literally have to rip the body open, gut it, pull off its lungs, crack the torso in half and scoop out the inside meat while also tearing off its legs one by one, cracking them open with a wooden hammer before sucking out the inner flesh."

"There is no other way to eat them. You end up covered from face to lap in bits of shell, guts, crab poop (the "mustard" which is actually the tastiest part), the juices, the spices and your own blood if you're not careful when you're opening them up in the first place."

"I once invited a friend from the Midwest to a crab feast when she was visiting. I've never seen someone so disturbed about seafood in my life. At one point she had to leave the table to go vomit because the violence of eating crabs was a bit too much for her."

"Probably should should have started her out light with something like a crab cake or some crab dip or something. Glad I didn't decide to steam them fresh myself that night. Which is a whole other level of brutality."

Zippidi-doo-dah

Never deny yourself tasty food. Doesn't matter what the event or where you are, enjoy it all. You only have one life to cover yourself in BBQ sauce, after all.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Person wearing a Pride Equality cap
Elyssa Fahndrich/Unsplash

For closeted individuals, coming out is a rite of passage in life that LGBTQ+ people never signed up for.

Why is it that anyone who inherently identifies a certain way has to explain themselves to those who are confused and unwavering in their socialized ignorance?

Times have changed and while there have been advances made for LGBTQ+ people to find more acceptance and feel less like an "other," there are still many challenges to overcome.

Even with gay role models prevalent in pop culture, it can still be difficult for gay youth today to come out to a parent who chooses to live in the past and align themselves to antiquated ideals in society that prevents them from loving their child as they are.

But sometimes, the response after opening up to a parent in a vulnerable moment can prove that unconditional love is the best thing in the entire world.

Keep reading...Show less

Everyone loves a good mystery or ghost story, particularly one with a massive twist regarding one of the main characters.

But surely, stories like this never happen in real life?

Such as finding yourself stuck on the side of the road, when a guardian angel of sorts comes and helps you, seemingly out of nowhere, then disappears just as mysteriously.

Or getting a call warning you about something which sounds far-fetched, then happens three weeks later?

Surely, these are the types of situations only found in the work of Shirley Jackson or Edgar Allen Poe.

Or are they?

Keep reading...Show less

We've all made clumsy mistakes that we know could have been avoided had we used a little bit more good judgment and common sense.

Thankfully, these silly mistakes don't usually harm others or ourselves.

This is why it's hard to see people knowingly perform reckless or dangerous activities which they know might have serious consequences.

While we don't usually wish these people ill, we also have a hard time feeling bad for them, as they knew what they were getting themselves in for.

As some people might say, they "f*cked around and found out" or "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."

Keep reading...Show less

Being horny can lead to some questionable decision-making.

Something happens to the brain when blood is flowing to other regions of the body.

They should discuss this in health class.

It's perfectly normal, but we have to learn how to deal.

Keep reading...Show less