Junk Food Junkies, we have been blessed with insider info! If you've never worked in fast food it's easy to assume everything on the menu is about the same quality. Apparently, that's not the case. One Reddit user asked:
People who work in fast food: what is one item from your menu you would never order?
Honestly, if there's anyone who would know what to steer clear of, it's the people who make the food, right? So listen, take notes. You'll thank me after your next 1AM drunken fast food binge is helluh upgraded. You're welcome for the glow-up!
Brown And Slimey
GiphyI worked at a popular midwestern pizza chain for a while. The pizza was really good and the ingredients were fresh, with the sauce and dough being made fresh every morning and the veggies delivered whole and sliced and diced by hand, along with whole blocks of mozeralla being shredded throughout the day. Good food, felt good about making it and serving it. Literally the only thing we got that was consistently gross was the lettuce we would use for sandwiches and salads. It would come pre-shredded in a plastic bag that was who-knows-how-old and would turn brown and slimy seemingly within the first hour or two. And I think that's par for the course.
When our store opened on Chicago's north side, we took the fucking neighborhood by storm. People instantly became downright addicted to the pizza. But at least once a week people would call in or walk in angry about how disgusting the salad was.
tl;dr, Every fastfood place has terrible salad, no matter how much quality there is in other ingredients.
Scoop The Mold Off The Top
GiphyWhen I worked at 7-11 years ago one of the things we got was a nachos machine, which had a big glass bin full of chips and two heated cookers with spigots on the bottom, one for chili and one for cheese. It was pretty popular. I don't know if there was supposed to be some cleaning schedule, but we never had one. Cleaning it meant emptying the cookers, which wasted food (the boss said).
In any case, the cheese one wasn't so bad. When it was low we just dumped in another tub of cheese. Some oily separation, but it seemed ok. The chili, on the other hand, tended to mold, which crept up the insides of the cooker. When it got low we'd scoop the mold off the top and wipe the inside a bit, then just dump another batch of new chili in on top of the old. If I weren't young and stupid about things then I'd probably have said something, but all I did was avoid the stuff myself.
- Dxrey65
Um... What Happened To "Eat Fresh?"
GiphySandwich shop tuna is literal poison in a container. It is always several days older then expiration. I used to walk on shift and throw it out by look alone. Old tuna just got mixed in with new tuna and people usually didn't notice. It comes in like a giant flaky pressed tuna patty that doesn't look edible in the first place and you mix it with a bunch of mayo and just smush it together with your hands. We usually used two bags of mayo for one tuna brick at my store, others used different ratios.
Coolatta Cleaning
Never get the coolattas. The machines at the one I worked were hardly cleaned. Also if you want fresh donuts go to one with a bakery and not one that gets them shipped from other locations (they change them out every 12 hours).
Skip The Soda
GiphyI've seen too many moldy ice containers and nozzles in the soda fountain to ever order a soda. I go with what I have at home, get a canned soda from the vending machine at work, or get a bottle of water if I'm eating on the run.
I've found it's actually a little cheaper most times. The combos/meals are cheaper than say a burger + fries + drink separately, but more than just burger + fries.
Sliced Cheddar, Please
GiphyUnder no circumstances should you get a Beef 'n' Cheddar. Make them put a cheddar slice on it like civilized people.
I'll just say this: Cleaning out the cheese goop pump when closing was enough to prepare me for working with human stool, sputum, and blood lab specimens without blinking years later. It would congeal to a foul-smelling brown-orange gel substance coating the pump container that required a surprising amount of scrubbing to clean off.
McFail
Please god don't order the fish sandwich. They keep them in the freezers for up to a month and literally just reheat them if they didn't use them the day before. They are like 40 percent fish.
I can't believe people eat it.
Pasta Mouse
GiphyHad one of those quick-service food bars that they would empty and sanitize every night after closing.
I didn't work in the food department, but in the produce section. One night just after closing (before they had emptied them), I was mopping the floor nearby and a mouse unearthed itself from inside the pasta salad tray, hopped down onto the floor and ran off.
So... the pasta salad.
H/T: Reddit
Curious to hear from fans online, Redditor Nickster1619 asked:
"Who is the best SNL cast member of all time?"
Repertory cast members from earlier seasons get a shout-out.
Known For Eugene–The Anal Retentive Chef
"Quite possible! It's Phil Hartman."
– Jaoxpax
The Larry King And Burt Reynolds Impersonator
"Idk about the best, but Norm McDonald was always my favorite."
– Burgerpocolypse
Memorable Sketch
"Norm did a skit where he played a police sketch artist who wasn't any good at eyes or hair so everybody had a giant hat and sunglasses. It was a rip on the Unabomber sketch with the hood, bandana and glasses. It was so dry and hilarious."
– tuenthe463
Best Weekend Update Host
"Norm was by far the best weekend update. No question. Seth Meyers and Tina Fey were second. I'm a big fan of Michael Che because I've been following him since he was doing stand-up. Who else? Dennis Miller, meh. Collin Quinn, I like the guy but he wasn't my favorite weekend update by a long shot. Norm was the perfect person for that gig."
– arcaneresistance
The "Beverly Hills Cop" Star
"Eddie Murphy. He carried the show when he was on it, and it probably would have been cancelled if he wasn’t there to do so."
– ovid10
Iconic Characters
"Seconding! Murphy was at a career peak during his time with the show, and his characters - Gumby, Mr. Robinson, Buckwheat - were iconic."
– Brilliant_Tourist400
The Church Lady
"Dana Carvey was incredible in his time."
– Iwannascream2
The 2000s boasted these greats.
Now Starring In "Barry"
"Bill Hader"
"I dont really watch a lot of SNL so my knowledge is limited. He just always appeared to be having a really good time on the show and he's one of the ones who could make me laugh sometimes."
– adios-b*tchachos
The Giggles
"I loved it when he’d get the giggles at something he was going to say and he couldn’t deliver it because of his laughter. That was as good as the joke."
– opossumonmyporch
Love To The Ladies
"Gotta send love to my ladies, it’s Tina Fey for me. Amy Poehler is also a goddess but I don’t remember her as much until Parks and Rec. Also Kenan Thompson? He had such a long run!"
– __nothankyou__
Kiss Me, Kate
"Kate McKinnon. She is the most versatile cast member of modern times."
– Guest8782
Longtime Cast Member
"Gotta give some love to Kenan. He is often the center and driver of the sketches. So consistent and has been there so long now."
– Naes422
No one made me crack up harder than the great comedy legend, Gilda Radner.
In 1975, the SNL alum was one of the original "Not Ready for Prime Time Players"–the freshman cast of the show's first season.
A character of hers I'll never forget was the know-it-all Weekend Update advice expert, Roseanne Roseannadanna. YouTube clips of her hilarious turn as the wacky consumer affairs reporter show her comedic timing and delivery brilliance.
Unfortunately, Radner left us too soon in 1989 having died from ovarian cancer. She was 42.
"What makes you instantly question someone's intelligence?"
One Shouldn't Always Be So Confident...
"Being confidently ignorant."- Tattooed-Tango
amanda tanen catwalk GIF by HULUGiphyLearning Is An Eternal Gift
"An unwillingness to learn new things."- Electrical-Bid-9577
Don't Be Fooled...
"Interest in a pyramid scheme."- GameCox
"When people are really into a MLM scheme."
"I’m not taking about 'I’m a bored house wife so I decided to start selling makeup, leggings, whatever it may be, because I’m bored and this gives me something to do'.”
"I’m talking about the people who consider it their career and are huge into the Boss Babe lifestyle."- Milehighcarson
Talking Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySpreading Garbage
"When they post one of those things on Facebook saying 'only a few will share!' or when they comment on one of those clickbait 'God has a blessing for you today say amen!' posts."- se7ensquared·
Do You Even Know What I'm Saying?
"Arguing without listening."- dezx156
angry daffy duck GIF by Looney TunesAnd Now For Something Completely Different
"When you prove your point in a discussion and the other person explains that it doesn’t even matter because their REAL point is something that’s an off-shoot of that subject in a 'gotcha!' manner."- No-Mud-5854
Loud Is Almost Never Right
"People who can only argue by raising their voice."- malkumecks
driving eric cartman GIF by South Park They Have No Idea What They're Missing
"Active hostility to books (as opposed to simply not reading them)."- Manganela
"Being proud of never having read a book."- peppermintcreams
Nice Try
"When they repeat a certain statement word for word I get the impression that they memorized something to sound more intelligent than they are."- Armedes369
Talking Nigel Thornberry GIFGiphyHow Much Proof Do They Need?
"They aren't open to changing their beliefs when given new information."- Pretengineer_825
What Are They Trying To Prove?
"Oddly enough, when they try and tell me their IQ."- manwithoutcountry
It is often the people who try to prove how smart they are who end up doing just the opposite.
A truly intelligent person would know better than to do that.
Redditor broadway96 was eager to hear the juiciest information people learned about their former workplaces which they weren't supposed to know, leading them to ask:
"What's a company secret you can share now that you don't work there?"
Off The Books, But With Good Intentions
"This isn't a company secret, but:"
"I worked part-time at a Domino's franchise in college."
"The owner was, at first glance, a short-tempered, critical penny-pincher who did everything he could to save a business money, right down to watching over your shoulder to make sure you didn't put too much cheese on a pizza."
"Cheese is called 'white gold' in the pizza industry, even back in 2002."
"But after working for him for a while, you realized why he was so specific about the margins."
"Twice yearly, he would send out generous bonuses (in the form of money orders made out to his employees from his own personal savings account) to the college students working for him."
"the checks/money orders contained the memo line 'keep learning!'"
"The amount of the money orders would be directly correlated to the profit margins of the stores he owned. The dude did legit profit sharing."
"After I graduated, I heard a rumor that he was trying to start up a small education grant trust that would benefit applicants of the Farmer School of Business at Miami University, but I don't think anything ever came of it."
"This owner also played favorites when hiring."
"Every single one of his managers was a former employee."
"Three of the four managers at his stores when I worked there had graduated from my college with business degrees."
"All four of them had a small portion of their education paid for by Marvin Covington."
"Marvin Covington, Oxford, Ohio Dominoes owner from Vevay, Indiana, died in 2017."
"That dude knew how to do business, and do it right."- sunward_Lily
Season 1 Netflix GIFGiphyIt's all in the branding
"I worked at L’Oréal."
"The cosmetics from L’Oréal and Lancôme are practically the same."
"But Lancôme costs like $20 more."- BayBel
A Literal Comic Book Villain
"I worked at a comic book store that offered a service where you paid a small premium to have sent in rare comics to have them graded at CGC."
"A few months later we had many customers coming in to check the status of their comics."
"We contacted the owner to see what was going on, and he would always claim that there was some distribution problem."
"Fast forward a few months, we found out he was taking customers graded copies and selling them online while trying to return back issue versions of their original comics."- ZealousidealWay1139
The American Healthcare System Everyone...
"Health insurance dude."
"When you file a claim, it is often denied because they're counting on you not escalating it."
"Once you do, your case goes to a 'medical management group' which ought to be called the 'we don't wanna pay' group."
"Keep escalating and involve your doctor."
"Fight for the insurance you paid for."- theUttermostSnark
Pop Culture Politics GIF by PBS Digital StudiosGiphyWow.
"The vehicle modification shop at Chillicothe Correctional Institution in Chillicothe, Ohio dumps waste coolant from the machine shop into a storm drain that empties directly into the Scioto River, because the chemical disposal tank is a 55 gallon drum in the paint shop, and that's much too small.
"They can't throw me into solitary confinement for complaining anymore."
"This happens about once a year, when the machine's coolant reservoirs are emptied and the coolant replaced."
"It's not on a schedule, it's one of those things that you do when work is slow."
"Each machine holds 15-20 gallons, and usually you just add more as it evaporates, but eventually it gets nasty and needs replaced."
"It's supposed to go in a waste tote to be disposed of safely, which is what every non - government machine shop does."
"Being able to prove this is being done would require knowing when they're going to do this, and that's a decision that's often made spur of the moment - hey, work is slow, let's have a clean up day."
"There aren't any phones in the machine shop, either."
"A container to store the waste properly costs $200."
"Why waste taxpayer money when we can just poison the taxpayers instead?"- Pariahdog119
Neat Freak! But It Paid Off...
"I don't think it's a bad secret at all."
"But back in college, I delivered pizzas for Papa John's."
"The store manager must have had an undiagnosed case of OCD or germaphobia or something."
"Because every night, he would assign someone to do the cleaning duties (mopping floors, double checking expiration dates/throwing away expired stuff, etc.)."
"And every night, he would absolutely lose his temper and berate whoever was doing the cleaning."
"They were going too fast, they weren't cleaning everything, whatever."
"After that, he'd always take over the cleaning himself."
"He was amazingly picky about the cleanliness and food quality."
"'Expiration date is three days from now? F*ck that, I'll order more'."
"Throw that sh*t away, we're not serving it'."
"He would also go out of pocket to buy special cleaning products 'because that worthless bullsh*t that corporate wants us to use doesn't get the job done'."
"He also went out of pocket to hire some kind of specialist to clean out the fountain drink dispenser, ice machine and all that stuff."
"'The machine needs to always be as close to brand new as possible!'"
"One stand out moment for me was when he reduced a cashier to tears by hollering 'Would you eat off this floor? No? THEN IT'S NOT CLEAN ENOUGH!'"
"He wasn't telling her to eat off the floor."
"He was just making a point."
"After we'd closed the store, he'd kick all of us out, lock up behind us and stay until something like 2am cleaning the place."
"You always knew when he closed because you could smell the chemical scent still lingering in the air."
"The end result of this was the store, the food, the equipment and the facilities were always in squeaky clean condition."
"Customers (somehow) picked up on what a perfectionist the store manager was and bought from us all the time."
"Because there's a lot of peace of mind that goes in with knowing your food was cooked by someone willing to throw ingredients away BEFORE the expiration date, stay in the store until God knows when cleaning everything, etc."
"The true irony was how much the boss hated himself because he didn't think he was doing a good enough job to run a clean restaurant with fresh ingredients."
"It didn't matter how many compliments he got from customers or how many service industry veterans said they'd never worked in a place as obsessive about freshness and cleanliness as his Papa John's store, he was convinced his store was still a filthy barn."
"Eventually, he got promoted to some kind of higher level corporate position (district manager?) that required him to visit other stores and make sure they were all up to spec."
"The end result of that was a LOT of stores in this area all improved seemingly overnight."- EponymousTitular
Season 10 GIF by FriendsGiphyEasy Way To Get Attention
"If you pick up a wall phone at Home Depot and push '7' it activates the store wide intercom."
"This works in every store in my province afaik."- _Zoko_
Be Careful What You Say...
"If you were on Live Chat with Customer Care, I could see what you were typing before pressing send."
"I watched people work through grotesque, racist, sexist statements, fraudulent lies and mistruths, meticulous grammar fixes, and their whole range of emotions in real-time before deleting and typing 'ok'.”- BariatricPressure
2 Secrets For The Price Of One
"Ford parts from Mexico are way more reliable than Ford parts from Detroit, or at least they were before 2020."
"I worked in Detroit and we had some customers who were fussy about us always doing repairs with Michigan parts, but when we had a problem that wouldn't stay fixed we would always secretly switch to the Mexican parts, which did solve things."
"I was a prison guard a decade ago and we installed some facial tracking software in the surveillance cameras."
"One of the inmates panicked while cleaning the unused solitary confinement cells--which is usually a desirable job, it's easy as f*ck and nobody pays attention to you, and he insisted that he be moved out of that job because there was a ghost."
"The ranking officers decided to check the new cameras, and the security software claimed it saw a face behind the inmate at the same time as he was visibly startled in the camera footage."
"We're all aware there are mundane reasons why a new facial recognition system would think it saw a ghost, but since the inmate and the security software both thought there was a ghost it was decided that the inmate should be immediately transferred at no penalty."- NoAnTeGaWa
season 9 GIFGiphyIf some walls could talk!
Then again, any jilted employee will likely do all the talking for them...