When I was a little kid, my grandfather bought me a book on unsolved mysteries. It was impossibly heavy, was well-above what people assumed I could read, and the subject matter wasn't exactly my mother's idea of appropriate.
I've had that book for 30 years now and I still pour over it obsessively. So obviously when I saw this thread I was all in:
Reddit user LordVader1995 asked:
What is your favorite unsolved mystery?
There are some mysteries mentioned here that were even in my book - but a far larger amount are newer. Considering the incredible technological leaps we have made, it seems crazy that things can just stay unsolved - but they do. Every single day more and more mysteries (large and small) just get added to the list of things that may never be figured out.
Here are some examples.
Malaysia Flight 370
This case seriously haunts me, I am dying to know whether it was an accident or intentional on the part of the pilot.
My personal theory is that they were hijacked by a lunatic intent on flying the plane into a building or something horrific. The pilot may have realized this and intentionally flew off-course into the ocean. When flying at night, there's nothing to see out the window, it's just blackness, so arguably the hijacker wouldn't have a clue until it's too late.
There was a case where a hijacker demanded the plane be flown to some ridiculous distance when it was only fueled for a short trip. The pilots did their best to explain that they didn't have the range, but the hijackers simply wouldn't listen. Plane ran out of fuel and crashed in the ocean. So sometimes hijackers can be total idiots too.
On the other hand, if the plane was hijacked, then the hijackers were savvy enough to pull the transponders to make the plane harder to trace (it's a fact that this happened, and could only have been a deliberate act). If they were savvy enough to do this it's unlikely they'd be dumb enough to not notice the pilots' plan to fly over the ocean rather than into a populated city, though...
MH370 is the ultimate Rorschach inkblot test. There are so few actual facts to work with, that everyone's imagination just takes over to fill in the blanks and we have millions of crazy theories. I wonder if we'll ever know.
The Noise Upstairs
Last summer I was babysitting for my neighbor - a young couple that lived in a small townhouse with their newborn. They were in the process of moving back to Kentucky, where their families are from, to raise their baby with family. They leave for dinner around 5pm, and say they'll be home before 12am. Now, this little home is empty save for their beds, a couch, and a TV. Around 7pm, the baby is getting fussy so I rock her to sleep and lay her down for bed/until she wakes up to be fed. I go downstairs and call my girlfriend to ask about her day, when I hear heavy footsteps coming from upstairs. I go up the stairs to the baby's room, thinking maybe there's a cat, and there's nothing that could have been making that noise. I check the parent's room, nothing. Bathroom, nothing. Everything is empty. I picked up the baby and went downstairs to the living room, keeping her with me the whole night. The footsteps keep happening, and I decide to call the police because there's clearly an intruder. It's about 9:15pm at this point, and I first heard noises around 7:30pm.
I call the parents first, though, to tell them that I was thinking to take the baby to my place while waiting for the police checked the house. It turns out that the parents were on the street already, and I decide to wait for them. A minute later, the footsteps turn into thuds and grunts, like two men are fighting directly above me and the baby. I can't wait anymore, and I run outside to find the parents. The parents are there, getting out of the car, and clearly upset. The police are with them. They take a statement from me as they check the house, and ask if I was drinking that night (no). The police check the house top to bottom, and found nothing. The parents moved out a week later. I still wonder what happened.
Yuba 5
The 1978 Yuba County disappearances of 5 young men- around 50 miles away from where they were supposed to be, on a road they never had been down.
They abandoned a perfectly fine car and walked 10+ miles through the forest in deep snow to ultimately die. Four of the five men were found dead in a ranger trailer and in the surrounding area. The trailer had been full of food and a heater- and it was all untouched.
The only witness? A man in the car behind them, who pulled over and saw them briefly before having a heart attack.
The last man, Gary Mathias, has still never been found. There are so many thought and theories about this case, and I hope someday it will be solved. Until then, it will be the most intriguing mystery I have ever come across.
Asha
Asha Degree.
A little girl who walked out of her house in the middle of the night, during a storm, the night before her parents anniversary, only to be seen walking down the road by motorists and then never being seen again. I personally think she was groomed by someone close.
This particular case is so heartbreaking to me, I heard the case being explained on the Crime Junkie Podcast. There were hardly any leads but I agree with you on the fact that she was most likely groomed by someone but it's insane how this little girl that's afraid of the dark just slipped out of her house at 3am, in the middle of a storm, to meet someone on the side of a highway. The power that person must have over her is terrifying.
- Halstump
I looked it up. They found her book bag 26 miles away in 2001. This is such a sad case. They also found candy wrappers near her bag. Something about that alone, makes me sad.
I heard an interesting theory about carbon monoxide poisoning - it would explain the way Asha just seemed to methodically pack her bag and walk out. The way she did this was apparently the same way she usually would for school, which can be linked to the disorientating effects of CO poisoning. The way she ran off into the forest when a car approached her can also be linked, as it may have brought her out of her daze, which would've frightened her.
This still doesn't explain the fact that her school bag was found wrapped in a plastic bag - that bit gives me the creeps.
- notbueno
Fenn's Gold
Forrest Fenn's Treasure has got to be my favorite. Fenn is a 87 year old art collector who resides in Santa Fe, New Mexico. In 2010, after being diagnosed with cancer and told he was most likely going to die, he asked himself what he could do to be remembered. He decided to go out into nature and hide a chest containing an estimated 2 million dollars of treasure. Despite the odds, he actually beat cancer and is still alive to this day. The treasure is somewhere in the rocky mountains within one of the following states: New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming or Montana. Fenn wrote a poem as a guide to finding the treasure. Here it is...
As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old.
Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.
From there it's no place for the meek,
The end is ever drawing nigh;
There'll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.
If you've been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease,
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.
So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know,
I've done it tired, and now I'm weak.
So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.
The treasure has yet to be found.
Green Children
Back in the day in England, I'm talking like somewhere between 1500's-1700's, this brother and sister wandered into a village. They were complete strangers to everyone there, and they were FREAKING GREEN. They were GREEN children. They didn't speak the language and wouldn't eat for days until they were offered raw Lima beans which they ate in excess and exclusively. The brother eventually died, but they sister lived long enough to lose her green pigment and learn english. She said they were from Saint Martin's Land, and had wandered from home and went over a river or something and found themselves in this village and had no idea how to get home. The world she described is something no one has been able to figure out, but it wasn't England.
This supposedly happened in the 12th century, not the 16th. Yes they ate raw beans, but not Lima beans. Pretty sure you can't even grow Lima beans in England. The boy got sick and died after being baptized. They claimed to come from an underground land where the sun never shone. They wandered into a cave from their land while herding cattle and suddenly found themselves in a different place after hearing a loud noise. Villagers then found them and brought them to the village where the girl survived and lived a relatively normal life.
More realistic theories have been put forward to explain this. Regarding their green colouring, one proposal is that the children were suffering from Hypochromic Anemia, originally known as Chlorosis (coming from the Greek word 'Chloris', meaning greenish-yellow). The condition is caused by a very poor diet that affects the color of the red blood cells and results in a noticeably green shade of the skin. In support of this theory is the fact that the girl is described as returning to a normal color after adopting a healthy diet.
With regards to the description of the strange land, Paul Harris suggested in Fortean Studies 4 (1998) that the children were Flemish orphans, possibly from a nearby place known as Fornham St. Martin, which was separated from Woolpit by the River Lark. A lot of Flemish immigrants had arrived during the 12th century but were persecuted under the reign of King Henry II. In 1173, many were killed near Bury St Edmunds. If they had fled into Thetford Forest, it may have seemed like permanent twilight to the frightened children. They may also have entered one of the many underground mine passages in the area, which finally led them to Woolpit.
Dressed in strange Flemish clothes and speaking another language, the children would have presented a very strange spectacle to the Woolpit villagers.
Where's Brandon?
The Brandon Lawson case, guy runs out of gas on a highway, calls his brother to help him get gas, then makes a 911 call telling them to send the police (recordings available on youtube), then disappears. When his brother and the police arrived his truck was still sitting there.
A weird detail I saw somewhere was that he actually had an active warrant for his arrest. (I don't remember what it was for, but I don't think it was a violent offense.) He was aware of the warrant, so everyone (especially the brother he had called previously) thought it was extremely odd that he would call the police. If I recall correctly, he specifically requested police, not emergency services which one might do if they needed help but didn't want to deal with police.
Somerton Man
The 70 yeah old case of the Somerton Man - no identity for the victim, no cause of death, mysterious codes, possible spy connections, lots of unanswered questions. I think we're currently waiting on DNA tests to come back to try and figure out who he is.
I live not far from Somerton, and have seen his grave at the West Terrace cemetery that states 'unknown man'. This case fascinates me, some of the minor facts of the case are just bizarre. I read a book called The Unknown Man by Gerry Feltus that i recommend for anyone interested. Professor Derek Abbot who is heading the DNA testing is very passionate about the case and optimistic about solving the mystery!
The Prime Minister
As an Australian, it 100% has to be the Harold Holt mystery.
Prime Minister of Australia Harold Holt, loved the beach, fishing and swimming etc. Apparently was an elite swimmer. Members of his cabinet and friends had all approached him about the dangers of swimming an fishing alone, to which he famously replied: "What are the odds of a prime minister being drowned or taken by a shark?"
On December 17, 1967, just after midday, Holt and a friend stopped for a swim at a beach they'd been to many times before. There was a large rip reported, and the friend stayed close to shore, but Holt swam as normal, and got pulled out to sea. he was never seen or heard from again.
We literally lost our Prime Minister.
Dylatlov Pass
The Dyatlov Pass incident.
In 1956, 9 very experienced Russian hikers were found dead on Mt. Otorten. 6 of them died of hypothermia, while the other 3 were found brutally killed. One hiker had his skull crushed, another had a crushed rib cage and his eyes were missing, and the last victim also had a crushed rib cage but had not only both eyes missing, but also her tongue was missing.
Their camp showed signs of a huge struggle and displayed a scene of chaos. The tent was cut open from the inside and belongings like jackets and shoes were left behind, suggesting they were in a hurry.
About 500 meters from the campsite are where the first two bodies were found next to a small campfire and only in their underwear (hypothermia). Three more hikers were found (also passing of hypothermia) in positions that suggested they were trying to return to the camp. These bodies also lacked clothes and shoes and were only found in their underwear.
The 4 other hikers weren't found until 2 months later in a snow ravine 75 meters from the small makeshift campsite. They were found better dressed than the rest of the hikers but their clothes were torn and some of them, even burned. Also note:
•that high levels of radiation was found on only one victims clothing item
•fatal injuries (crushed skull and ribs) couldn't have been cause by human because "the force of the blows had been too strong and no soft tissue had been damaged"
•Russian authorities are currently re-investigating this incident but are only allowing three possibilities: avalanche, a "snow slab" avalanche, or a hurricane. And the possibility of a crime is being completely discounted.
The internet is so fascinating.
And messy.
Thanks to YouTube and TikTok, so many hours can be spent lost in the world of video.
You pick a simple topic or name to check, and then it's tomorrow... and you've binged every army family reunion story.
And so much time to waste, depending on your keystroke choices.
Redditor imboredaa wanted to discuss all the ways so many of us get lost watching things on the internet, so they asked:
"What are some of the craziest/strangest rabbit holes you’ve ever been down?"
I constantly get lost on talent show audition rabbit holes.
And I am proud!
Restored
"YouTube videos of old chainsaw restorations. No idea why, but I guess that’s why it’s a rabbit hole. I don’t even own a chainsaw or have a need for one."
aretelio
'rooms/shared'
"I really enjoy going on a city’s Craigslist, then to 'rooms/shared' (or whatever it is for finding a room mate) and then typing words like 'warning' or 'beware' in the search to see what kind of horror show nightmare room mate scenarios people have decided to write about... it's usually some juicy headline like 'warning!!!'"
"Do NOT rent from this woman!!!! She is a PSYCHO!!….'"
"And after reading it, it’s always a guess to decide who is the actual crazy person, the landlord or tenant. Could be a bitter ex, tenant, or a scam, or whatever. But it’s an easy way to dive quick into some weird corners of the internet that are filled with drama."
After the Ice
"I spent a bunch of time about 12 years or so ago reading about all the details of the Titanic, how it sunk, what happened as it was sinking, who died, who survived. I got into the life stories of the people who died, and what became of the people who survived. And then I very nearly bought a piece of carpet from the Titanic."
SweetCosmicPope
Expeditions
"Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition"
"Dumb, then numb, a** thought he could fly a balloon to the North Pole. They had cyanide capsules and all, in case they crashed and were about to freeze to death. Or get eaten by a polar bear during a three month night. He and his assistants somehow managed to do both."
"Plot twist: Andree, the worst captain of all time, noticed the balloon was leaking the night before they were about to leave, pumped it up a bit, and said 'f**k it that'll do.' It did not do."
Needydadthrowaway
Thanks John
"An Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Started with 1 and ended up with a 20+ collection."
originalsanitizer
"Uncle John's Bathroom Readers are so addictive."
evanman69
Toilet time can be knowledge time.
Living Sky High
"Turning old planes into houses! About 10 years ago I found a company that would do it for you. The wings were decks and the plane was mounted to a pedestal that allowed it to be rotate with the sun!"
BeeEyeAm
Doggerland
"Mega tsunamis. Thousand foot walls of water moving at hundreds of mph? It happens more than you would think. The Azore-Gibraltar fault will cause one one day. There evidence they happened a few times in the Pacific. It doesn't take a meteor to happen, it could be an underwater landslide (Doggerland), or a large section of a volcanic island shearing off and falling into the ocean (Oahu). Doggerland is another rabbit hole that is worth googling."
KD_Burner_Account133
Hitting the Keys
"Mechanical keyboards. I wanted to buy one, so I started researching and watching videos of reviews. I went deeper and deeper, seeing special cables, obscure companies, the tons of switches, etc etc."
"I stopped when a Youtuber I watched made a video asking her viewers and discord users to stop bullying and harassing her for using some kind of switches or keycaps. I bought my keyboard and never went back to that crazy fandom."
NirvanaForce
In the Sky
"I worked in administration at an aviation academy for a few years and decided I’d start listening to aviation podcasts since I didn’t know much about it. I came across a plane crash podcast that talks about crashes in history and how it improved the safety of flying."
"I was fascinated by it, and found myself gradually needing to know more and listening to more of the same type of podcasts, watching videos, and listening to black box recordings. It was eerie but interesting at the time. Now, I regret it tremendously because since then I’ve developed horrible anxiety when flying."
contagiousphrase
The Big Questions
"Spent a lot of time in the 'quantum consciousness' rabbit hole. I had just deconstructed from religion and wanted answers about life, death, and reality. It was long before I made peace with not knowing. I spent around a year obsessed with quantum experiments, psychedelics, and the general philosophy of consciousness."
excusetheblood
Lives (and chores) can be put on serious hold when you find a juicy enough topic to research!
Well, what rabbit holes have you gotten lost in? Let us know in the comments below.
CW: Graphic imagery and accidents.
No one leaves this life without scars.
We witness so many awful things on a daily basis.
How could we not be followed by it all?
Messed up things are just part of the deal of living I guess.
One minute you're walking along on a bright sunny day, then boom, you're a witness to a murder.
Or some such craziness.
That's why I stay home a lot.
Redditor Who_Did_You_Expect1 wanted to hear about the things from our memories that still haunt our nightmares, so they asked:
"What's the most f--ked up thing you saw that still haunts you to this day?"
Living through peril is unimaginable. I've been luckier than most.
Tragic
"I watched cancer kill my baby brother. He was in grade school when I was in college. 25 years, and I still see it in my dreams."
TheDigitalRanger
Ay Dios mio, Dios mio!
"When I was about 8, my sister and I were walking with my mom to a bus stop to see my grandma in Mexico city. There was a lady on a bike crossing the intersection that we had just crossed ourselves but she didn't stop in time to the next one and didn't look both ways, she didn't have time to stop her bike. All I remember is the lady making the beginning of a scream as a white old muscle car ran over her (bike and all) at a high speed."
" remember the sound it made as it broke everywhere. My mother took her sweater off as she screamed and covered both my sister's and my head from looking, but it was too late. I remember looking at my sister with tears in her eyes, and I was too shocked to react or comprehend what I had just seen happened. A lot of people immediately surrounded the place, and the driver came out of his car and held his head with his hands after seeing the lady on the pavement."
"I didn't look at the lady anymore. I remember hearing people screaming in shock. My mother told my dad later as she cried. I remember hearing her wake up screaming for weeks after this saying: ay Dios mio, Dios mio! Still makes my heart race when I think about it."
amahied
I Quit
"I was a news photographer for a while in the 90’s. I got called out to an accident. A high school girl ran into the back of a semi. As I was shooting, I noticed her wallet was on the ground. It had a plastic picture holder and the wind was flipping back and forth. I saw her prom pictures and shots of her with her family."
"I quit being a news photographer shortly after. I never forgot that day, and it still haunts me."
No_Confusion4720
Images
"I saw the aftermath rather than the actual event. A woman was walking home from the grocery store late at night. She crossed the road without using the crosswalks and got hit by an SUV. The two images cemented in my mind are of her, embedded in the windshield, and the driver of the car standing a little ways down the street vomiting. I've never seen someone look so utterly broken as the way the driver looked. I can't imagine what he was going through."
GrowlyBear2
Everyday
"When I was 16 I was in a car wreck with my best friend since 3rd grade. I pulled him from the car with a broken shoulder while he was bloody, lifeless, limp. He died within the hour, not long after the ambulance got us. It’s been 18 years and I still think about it every single day."
oil_can_guster
I couldn't imagine living with that.
I also couldn't move...
"Coming to after getting hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian. Was face down, all I could see was blood soaked road and thought 'f**k, that doesn't look good.' I also couldn't move. The last thing I remember seeing before that was the grill of the vehicle. I still get jumpy when I catch a vehicles grill out of the corner of my eye and I'm not expecting it to be there."
"I'd seen a lot of accidents prior to that, but something about it being my own blood hit different."
"And yes, I had the right of way and was crossing in the proper place, at the proper time. Driver plain a** wasn't paying attention. It was daylight to boot, so no reason they couldn't see me."
Sweet_Force1478
Bad Dreams
"I was volunteering with my k9 working with NYC emergency services and chief Patell during 911 WTC attacks. We were in the middle of where the twin towers used to stand The thick gray dust, horrible smell of burnt things and dead people was all around but when the dogs started to find bodies and body parts it really freaked me out and I will forever live with this reality that seems like a bad dream."
DjCanicus
Missing
"A family of four that had burned in a plane crash. I used to do a woodland search and rescue, and we saw a lot of wild crap, but I still have dreams about what I saw when we went to look for a missing plane."
JalenTargaryen
Goodness life is dark sometimes.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.
Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.
But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.
Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:
"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"
Their Undivided Attention
"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."
- GoGoHesHere
Butterflies
"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."
- la_metisse
The Thrill of the 'Chase'
"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."
"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."
"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."
"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."
- AllAfterIncinerators
Literal Physical Attraction
"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."
- thelibrariangirl
Interested or Not?
"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."
"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."
- MangoMambo
It is, Indeed, ...Tense
"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"
"That's sexual tension."
- Grueaux
Sounds Awkward
"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."
"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."
- EimiCiel
Silent Communication
"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."
"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."
"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."
"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"
"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."
"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."
- im_dead_sirius
A List of Obvious Signals
"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."
"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"
"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."
"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."
"Playing with hair when you interact."
"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."
"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."
"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."
"Suggestive teasing."
"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."
"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."
- AndrogynousRain
When Someone Gets It Wrong
"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."
"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."
"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"
"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."
- Joygernaut
Obvious to Other People First
"When other people pick up on it."
- The_She_Ghost
Responding to Looks
"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"
"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"
"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"
"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"
"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."
- DragonofDojima_
Trying to Keep the Conversation Going
"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."
- djpack
Looking But Not Looking
"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."
- HuxEffect
The Classic Note Trick
"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"
"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"
"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"
- xaradevir
While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.
At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
- why_im_single
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
- Mo_Jack
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
- CurrentSingleStatus
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
- FilecakeAbroad
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
- Diesel07012012
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
- ConvenienceStoreDiet
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
- Interferonno2fan
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
- Rachel1578
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
- dp9116
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
- Mezame_Drgn
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
- ironicallyunstable
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
- beanedjibe
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
- Bethedr
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
- spenser1994
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.