
One of the first things you learn as a storyteller is that good stories have a resolution.
Bad guys get caught.
Mysteries get solved.
People are found.
But not every story is a "good" one.
Conflict isn't always resolved.
Some questions never get answers.
Reddit user numbnesstolife asked:
"What are some mysteries that should have been SOLVED by now?"
Sometimes, even piles of evidence and loads of data aren't enough to give us answers. Often, it just means more questions.
Trigger warning; a lot of the mysteries people wanted to talk about were disappearances and murders. True crime stories can be upsetting.
Who Was He?
"Who is DB Cooper?"
- llcucf80
"Best conspiracy theory I've heard is that he made the parachute landing successfully but lost the money on the way down. Since he had nothing to show for the crime, he made his way back home and went back to his normal life."
- agreeingstorm9
"I’ve always had a tinfoil hat theory he did it for the thrills and never planned on keeping the money."
"Like he just dumped the bag when he was parachuting down. Or maybe he knew the bills were numbered so he couldn’t spend them."
- retroverted_uterus
"My favorite theory is that DB Cooper wasn't one person, but a member of the flight crew and they were all in on it."
- hectoByte
The Setagaya Family
"The Setagaya family murders."
"A family of four were murdered in their Tokyo home in late December 2000, after which the killer stayed in the house for several hours leaving behind a ton of evidence; clothes, bag, murder weapon, DNA from blood and stool (he used the toilet and didn't flush.)"
"Sand was found in the bag that the killer left behind, which was analyzed and determined to have come from Edwards AFB."
"Despite all this and literally millions of man-hours spent by Japanese police and investigators, they're still no closer to solving the crime."
- jnhummel
"There’s a lot of the things that could narrow down the suspect pool: his DNA suggests he is Eurasian, with Italian on the mother’s side and Korean on the father’s."
"He left behind a T-shirt that was one of a few hundred sold in some area of LA. The soil on his boots could only have come from an area of Southern CA near or on one of the military facilities, probably at 29 Palms. Yet we still haven’t gotten anywhere."
"It’s frustrating."
- SniffleBot
"Considering that they found sand in the shoe tracks that was from an Air Force Base in the US, and evidence pointing to the killer wearing designer limited edition clothing from South Korea, as well as the strong US military presence in parts of Japan, I wonder if the killer was some US military high-up’s kid and it’s been heavily covered up…"
- hotpotatoyo
"The killer used the toilet and didn’t flush…? Now that’s just disrespectful. And I’m not even joking."
"This dude was legit challenging the investigators."
- Lanky_Accountant_453
"My guess is it was a US military dependent or member."
"Evidence links to Korea and California. Can't find him in Japan because he isn't."
- ikonoqlast
Max Headroom
"The Max Headroom signal hijacking occurred on the night of November 22, 1987, when the television broadcasts of two stations in Chicago, Illinois, United States, were hijacked in an act of broadcast piracy by a video of an unidentified person wearing a Max Headroom mask and costume."
"Really wish this was solved."
- Curiousthrowzone
"I saw that real time. SOB interrupted Dr. Who."
- EgberetSouse
"It seems to me that, by now, someone (possibly the girl) should have leaked it out. I think the statute of limitations expired a long time ago."
"It's all so odd."
"At the very least, three people had to be involved - the cameraman, the girl who swats his butt, and the guy. And not one person has told anyone?"
- jeremyxt
Anybody Out There?
"If we're alone in the universe."
"There's an entire argument for it called the Fermi Paradox. Essentially the argument is: with the extremely vast number of stars in the universe, and the number of habitable planets that must orbit them, it seems incredibly unlikely that someone wouldn't have found us already, or at the very least, we would have stumbled upon evidence of them."
"All it would take is 1 civilization in our galaxy to create self-replicating probes (that mine materials to replicate themselves) to fill the galaxy in relatively short time."
- LifeIsOnTheWire
"Another theory suggests that one possible conclusion of the fermi paradox is that no civilization survives long enough to invent long distance space travel, they all go extinct first."
- Ch1ef_Walrus
"I always subscribed to the theory that there IS alien life out there, but they’ve observed us as a species and decided we aren’t worth contacting due to how we treat each other and how we’d essentially try to attack or destroy them if they did make contact."
- Spudzley
"One thing I've been wondering about the past couple years is how likely it is for advanced civilizations to last long enough without killing themselves off to progress to the stage of long-distance space travel and finding other civilizations."
"Considering we could well be wiping ourselves out via climate change in the next couple centuries...it's possible we won't ever make it to a stage where we could discover life on other planets. Is the same true for other advanced civilizations in the universe?"
"That would explain their absence."
- Ilyeana
"My favorite 'theory' on that is it would (require) nuclear power to travel outside of the immediate vicinity of the home planet, but civilizations that reach nuclear capability wipe themselves out with nuclear war before they can explore farther into space."
- YayAdamYay
The Tylenol Murders
"The Tylenol murders is a good one! That story with no suspect(s) after all these years is nuts."
"Hard to believe Tylenol, as a brand, was able to come back after that."
- m_nels
"Probably the best theory is that one of the seven victims was the intended target."
"The perp was at least smart enough to realize that a single death would point straight to who did it, so they contaminated multiple containers to spread out the investigation."
- Dynasuarez-Wrecks
"I read that the FBI believes Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, was the real killer but since he is in Supermax and there have been no other poisonings they haven’t investigated further."
- Sam-I-Am56
"James Lewis. He served 13 years in prison for extortion in relation to the murders. Technically it’s 'unsolved' much like the Nicole Brown Simpson murder was 'unsolved.' "
- the-samizdat
"That dude flew out with his wife to NYC on 5th September and returned after the murders."
"Nobody could place him in Chicago at the time of the poisonings, which had to be carried out quickly else the potassium cyanide would eat through the pills."
"I agree he was suspicious, but they’ve never had the correct/enough evidence to convict him of the poisonings."
- FenderForever62
Missing In Panama
"The two girls that went missing in the jungle in Panama."
"There are only a few photos from the girls phones, attempts to call for help, and then apparently one of the phones were turned on later and the wrong PIN was entered a few times (not confirmed if it was just random)."
"Some clothes were found later during a search, mainly scattered bones with some skin on them and one of the girls bones were bleached."
"The photos and the bones suggest maybe someone killed them. For some reason there was 90 photos taken, but none of them except for 3 are even remotely clear to see anything, it's chilling as hell..."
"I hope it gets solved one day, those families deserve more closure other than what they have now."
- superfnliminal
"Kris Kremers and Lisanne Froon."
"I'd definitely like to see this one solved too although I do think this is a case which could just as easily be as a result of something other than foul play."
"It's very easy to get disoriented and hopelessly lost in the wilderness, especially in an environment you're not familiar with."
"The random photographs, it's been speculated, were them using the flash as a light to find their way, which seems plausible."
"And there is plenty of scavenging wildlife in that area which would explain the girls' remains being disturbed. Bones get sun-bleached all the time."
- jnhummel
What's Lurking
"The mysteries of the deep ocean. We know about the likes of the Deep Sea Angularfish and Colossal Squid, but it's probably just a fraction of what else is lurking down there."
- Quit_social_media
"As out Tech capacity has improved, scientists are 'discovering' weird and wonderful things all the time. I read somewhere they discovered 10 new creatures just in 2021."
- oceanbreze
"I think about this a lot. I have a 75 gallon aquarium. And even in that small contained space, I can rarely see all the fish in there."
- guppy89
Stolen Sisters
"Why are there so many Native American women going missing and why did the US government only start keeping track of this in the last month?"
"I have a theory that some, if not most, are being sold into sex trafficking. I live close to the Keshena reservation here in Northeastern Wisconsin. The reservation is maybe a 30 minute drive from Shawano, Wi."
"Shawano is considered a sex trafficking hub, as well as Green Bay which is only an hour from the Keshena reservation."
"The Keshena reservation is very isolated."
"What I mean by this is you could very easily kill someone and dump a body in the woods out there and no one would find it. No, I do not know this by experience."
"A young lady by the name of Katelyn Kelley went missing on June 18th 2020, her remains weren’t found until March 25th 2021. They were found in the woods near the reservation."
"The story of her death is a mess."
"She was loved by so many people, yet none of the people with her that night would open their mouths about who she was with. The Menominee board offered a $5,000 dollar reward for any information leading to the remains of Katelyn Kelley and still no one talked."
"This is weird because the Menominee reservation in Keshena is easily one of the poorest reservations in the US. That money would have gotten people to talk."
"I believe the murder was committed by someone outside the community. Sex traffickers."
"Many of her friends said that she was a fighter, she wouldn’t go down without putting up a fight. Secondly, she had a son who was an infant, giving her even more reason to fight."
"Personally, I believe that she was abducted and proved to be more of an issue then what it was worth so they just killed her and dumped her body in the woods on the reservation."
"To this day no arrests have been made and no new information has been presented."
"There are FED Dodge Chargers and SUVs everywhere on the reservation and in Shawano. How is this still happening?"
"Either the FEDs suck at their jobs on accident, or the US government is proving what we’ve known all along - that the US government doesn’t give two sh*ts about the indigenous population."
- Catman873
Lars
"Lars Mittank"
"He was a dude from Germany who went on vacation to Bulgaria with his friends in 2014. He 'apparently' got involved in a bar fight while drunk."
"I say 'apparently' because this happened when he was separated from his group of friends. All they knew was that he returned later with some injuries. None of his friends witnessed what actually happened."
"Because of this 'fight' he ended up with an injured jaw and a ruptured ear drum. The doctor on site told him that he had to wait a few days before he could safely fly."
"His friends offered to stay with him and take a flight back home later than planned, but Lars said it was ok and they should return to Germany without him. He would take a flight back home some days later."
"There are reports of him acting somewhat strange over the next few days. At one point he made a whispering phone call to his mother where he said that 'four men were coming to kill' him and advised her that she should cancel his credit cards."
"On the day he was supposed to fly back home, the airport CCTV recorded him going into the airport office to consult a doctor. It later shows him SPRINTING OUT OF THERE and running out of the airport altogether."
"We don't know why. He just ran, hopped the fence, and fled into a field of sunflowers (all captured on CCTV). He was never seen again."
"The most popular theory is that he had a reaction to the medicine he was given. In rare instances it can cause hallucinations and paranoia."
- enumaelisz
The Frog Boys
"Who killed the frog boys in South Korea?"
"5 boys between 9 and 13 go missing in 1991 while playing together looking for salamander eggs. The parents, community, and government searched for the boys."
"The parents blamed one another for years until the boys were found in 2002 buried in the mountainside behind the town - in an area that had been searched in the initial investigation and that the kids knew well."
"Due to police incompetence officers with no forensic experience were digging up the bodies and destroyed evidence."
"The local military took the families of the boys to the mountainside in the middle of the night 'to spiritually guide them' to the bodies."
"To be honest, I think the military personnel shot the boys by accident and covered it up. There was a military range in the mountainside."
"Years later they 'felt bad' so they tried to guide the parents to the bodies found on the mountainside."
- tabbeycatty
Happy Producers
"What’s on oak island?"
- Tremmorz
"Some very happy producers and tv execs"
- the_clash_is_back
"Ancient First Nations artifacts that the film crew and these diggers are completely unequipped to uncover. Why at all would you keep the guy who screwed up the last expedition onboard?"
- FilmGamerOne
"The real mystery is how this is a tv show with multiple seasons. Who watches this?!!"
- Actual_Hat9525
Whether these mysteries are on a scale as big as the universe or as small as one person, they still keep us up at night.
People like to tie up loose ends.
We expect it.
We demand stories with conclusions and resolutions—but it's clear that doesn't always happen.
What mysteries keep your brain in overdrive?
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It's another ordinary day in America.
So of course that means we've already had a mass shooting or two before brunch.
And aside from the mass shootings, the number of single gunshot wounds or deaths is too high to count.
So let's discuss the aftermath.
Let's hear from the people who have faced the barrel of a loaded gun, or were just a casualty going about their day.
What happens after the bullet lands?
***CAUTION - SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD - TRIGGER WARNING***
Redditor notaninterestingacc wanted to hear from the people who have lived the nightmare. They asked:
"Gunshot survivors of Reddit - What does it feel like to get shot?"
Guns are not a joke. Please educate yourself before you purchase.
Then the pin hit...
"I took a 7.62 to the stomach in Afghanistan. Felt like somebody had smacked with like, I dunno, a flyswatter or something. A short sharp smack. Didn’t feel much until I tried to come out of cover and I just... couldn’t. Couldn’t make my body listen to me. Then the pain hit. I’d put it at like, I dunno, an 11/10. Bullet blew off half my liver."
eyeCinfinitee
Thank you EMS...
"Chest, .357 magnum, through sternum, lung, ricochet off of rib, through scapula. Still have half under my shouldblade. Felt like I was stabbed in the chest with a hot fire poker mounted to the bottom of someone's foot when they drop kicked me. Was not expected to survive (severe blood loss), of course. Very good EMS team kept the liquids where they were supposed to and great doctors and nurses kept me going."
mndyerf**kinbusiness
Knocked Back
"I didn't really feel either of mine until about 10 minutes later. Took a grazing shot off my left arm and one in the right hip that went out my back thankfully missing my kidney. The arm felt like a bee sting the hip knocked me back a step the adrenalin at the time masked the pain."
richwith9
The Masked Men
"I was shot during a home robbery. I’m probably one of The luckiest people alive. The bullet no joke scratched my cheek and then went through the top of my ear and also a bullet grazed my wrist and opened it up. I didn’t feel anything but just liquid running down my face and my wrist was burning."
"Scariest night of my life and RIP Christian. Miss you so much buddy. Here is proof. We... https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/katy/crime-courts/article/Man-charged-in-attempted-burglary-apartment-6236325.php Authorities said Burke and Brandon Fries, 21, fought the suspects for their guns, which were fired during the struggle."
"The two masked men fled, and investigators initially did not have any information about which direction they went or whether they escaped from the scene by car. Both Burke and Fries had been shot and were transported to Hermann Memorial Hospital in Katy. Burke was pronounced dead upon arrival at the emergency room, less than four miles away.”
Brandonfries28
Like a Rock
"I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. Honestly I thought a rock hit me. Just a slight stinging feeling. Didn't really hurt, I even kept running with my bike. Later at the hospital was a different story. The doctor tried to remove the bullet without putting me under."
"He said the pain medicine would make me forget everything. He gave up after a few minutes of hell. And, whatever he gave me didn't work as described, but it did oddly make everyone look purple from what I remember. So maybe it half worked? lol."
adamchilders
People really? How in the world do y'all get firearms?
Fleshed Off...
"Right thigh, 9mm, grazing shot across the front of the leg about 4 inches above the knee. It plowed a channel of skin and some flesh off the front. It felt searing hot like someone had laid a hot piece of metal on my leg for a second. Then, the pain went away for a while until the adrenaline wore off. It honestly hurt worse 6 hours later than it did when it happened."
morgen_benner
A slight pinch...
"I was randomly shot while walking down the street with my girlfriend in 2013. I didn't fall to the ground or anything like that. Walked into a store and told them to call the cops. It didn't hurt too bad at first. A slight pinch. The heat builds up and the pain comes in. Some throbbing as the blood pumps out. I was extremely lucky as the bullet lodged between my lower right ribs in the back just above my kidney."
"The aftermath was a really achey back. What I remember most was how everyone around me except for my girlfriend just walked around us like nothing happened. I was suffering and potentially dying and everyone just ignored it. 'Not my problem' I suppose. I lost a lot of faith in people that day."
SoggyPastaPants
Not the Head
"I accidentally discharged my 9 and I was hit in the head. While it was going on I honestly did not feel any pain but everything slowed way down. Healing and recooperating was the hardest. My mouth and jaw was wired shut for several months. Had to have complete facial reconstruction surgery."
"Had to take a piece of bone from my skull and graph it to my nose just so I could have a nose. I also had to have a feeding tube for almost a whole year. I've recovered fully and I'm very lucky. I remember mostly everything. Something's from the incident I don't remember, but for the most part, I have my memories in tact."
No-Kick1632
It Burns...
"My gf was shot, not me, but she said it felt hot and like impact but not particularly painful until much later. She was in shock and went to the hospital, after hours she said it started to hurt."
DntShadowBanMeDaddy
"This was my response too. It feels incredibly hot. It's like getting hit with a bee that's on fire. It burns like hell. But then, and only later, does is f**king hurt. The part two is that you might think you understand pressure, but get shot. It doesn't just hurt, it mashes into you."
trebuchetfight
Ricochet
"A good friend of mine got hit with a ricochet from a 9mm that hit his calf, there was drive by about a block down. He was outside of the bar smoking a cig when it happened, ran inside and felt his leg burning but decided to keep drinking. He had about 3 more drinks before someone mentioned he was bleeding… went to the ER absolutely hammered and was fine after surgery."
PM_Me_UrRightNipple
Please stay sober when handling a weapon. Please be careful in general.
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It's never attractive to gloat.
Nor does superiority ever come off as a particularly attractive attribute.
But, consciously or not, some people speak or behave in a way that immediately suggests that they think they deserve to be treated differently, i.e better than others.
Or that they believe they simply are better than other people.
A recent Redditor was curious what sort of behavior struck other people as elitist or arrogant behavior by asking:
"What screams "I am entitled"?"
Where's the fire?
"Impatience in situations where it should be just universally understood that you need patience".- c7hu1hu.
Positions of power.
"I will have you fired!"- Vergo27.
"Generally just leaving something for someone else to deal with."- Splatty_boi_420.
Sorry, but I was here first.
"People who cut in line."- Chad_Farthousse.
"People who ignore lines and cut in the front, like their time is more important than every other person patiently queueing."- ofsquire.
No one loves a tattletale.
“I’ll call my dad and tell him what you did!”- ROAM300.
Ever heard of quid pro quo?
"When they do something to you and think it’s fine but when you do it in return and they freak out."- Silvero129.
Name your price.
"I work as a ticket seller for a ski resort."
"My favorite entitled person is the guy who, upon finding out that the kid's ski lesson was sold out, offered to pay extra if I would kick someone else's kid out so his kid could have a spot."- Floranagirl.
Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to unwittingly show off your entitlement?
By being oblivious to how entitled you are.
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There's something about the woods that creeps me out. Listen here, people: I'm a city guy. The idea of getting lost out there freaks me out. No thank you. I wasn't made for that. The rest of you who like to go camping and stuff? You do you. I'll stick with my running water.
But maybe I've seen too many horror movies. After all, if I saw some creepy stuff in the woods I'd definitely run in the other direction. And so would you, right? Right?
People shared their best stories with us after Redditor shantics asked the online community,
"What have you seen in the woods that you can’t explain?"
"I stepped on what I thought was a small rock but it turned out to be weird and gelatinous. I've also seen tombstones in the woods."
his_eminence56
You just suprised it. Rocks are soft and squishy, they just tense up when you touch them! /s
"I was hiking through the remnants..."
"I was hiking through the remnants of a remote, long-abandoned town and the surrounding area. To get to as far into the woods as I was, you had to cross fallen trees over a creek three times. I had just crossed the third "bridge" and was about five miles in and something blue caught my eye just ahead of me."
"There was a man, in his sixties at least, wearing blue satin pajamas, sitting in a tree. The closer I got to him the louder he laughed; it wasn't a maniacal laugh, but it set off all the alarms in my head nevertheless. He also wasn't wearing any shoes and looked well-groomed/cleaned."
"I gave him a friendly nod as I passed and he just kept laughing. Then it stopped. I turned and he was gone. There was no branch cracking, plants rustling, nothing... He was just gone."
"Still rubs me the wrong way. The area I was in was a pretty rough hike, very secluded. Not very many people venture as deep as I was that day. No idea what was going on there."
mrwitch
“Over the Third Bridge” would be a great title for a spooky book or movie.
"Neat as a pin..."
"Fully decorated Xmas tree. Middle of summer. Neat as a pin it was, as if it had just been finished. Who ever did it came back at some point and cleaned it up, because it wasn't there next I did that trail a week or so later."
OldWomanintheWoods
This one’s not that uncommon actually. Lots of folks will decorate a tree in remembrance of someone out in the woods. Sucks when they don’t clean them up though.
"It's an interesting..."
"In Japan. A hotel was abandoned before it was ever finished being built. It only became a cement skeleton, about 5 stories high. It was left that way to eventually mold back into the forest around it."
It’s an interesting small building to explore. There are halls that are unlevel to the point of hitting your head on the ceiling (think: Willy Wonka)."
"There are stairwells that lead to nothing and one that leads to an unintentional hole in a cement wall. And on the top floor (but “inside” - as in, under the “roof”), is an old car - all smashed up - with seemingly no reason or method to have been up there."
[deleted]
This reminds me of those old abandoned amusement parks that pretty much exist to destroy me mentally.
"I once walked..."
"I once walked through the undergrowth (i.e. off the trail) with my then-girlfriend when we came across this spot where a few empty plastic bags were lying on the ground (strange because the woods are otherwise super clean), a pair of gloves and, most confusingly, the official ID card (= passport) of a young woman."
Minister_of_Joy
I would freak out and call the cops. That sounds like a murder scene.
"Many plastic bags..."
"Many plastic bags with nothing really in them but random odd things tied to trees. Sure, it could have been a homeless person but us kids att (like 12+) of us lived in those small woods behind the church every single day. We never saw anyone like that, ever. Passing through I guess, but why so many bags...still wonder."
WiseOwlBear
Do we want to know what was in them? Probably not.
"When I was a teenager..."
"When I was a teenager, I worked at a fireworks stand that was run by my friend's family. It was in a rural area: they owned a few acres of land, had the fireworks tent at the front of the property and the house towards the back, but no lights in between. My friend's mother would prepare dinner for all the workers and we'd take turns going back to the house for dinner."
"One night, I was going to the house for dinner by myself. I felt something on my arm. I thought a bug might have landed on me, but it was really dark so I couldn't see anything. I stopped walking for a second. Then I started hearing this low, raspy breathing right next to me."
"There weren't any people around me and it didn't sound anything like a bug. It was like a slow, asthmatic wheeze."
"I started getting really freaked out. I reached my hand down to my arm and felt... something larger than I expected. I furiously rubbed my hands all across my body to try and dislodge whatever this thing was, then ran as fast as I could to the house. When I finally got to the safety of the house, I could see a small red mark on my arm, but that was it."
"To this day, it's probably the most freaked out I've ever been."
[deleted]
Chills reading this! Nooo thank you!
"Several very large holes..."
"Really big holes. Several very large holes, fairly close to each other, that seem to serve no purpose. Ten feet wide, deep enough that if you jumped in you’d have to have help getting out. Was someone preparing to bury a bunch of people? Was someone punishing their kid by making them dig holes? Did they hear there was buried treasure out there?"
"We’ve never figured it out."
theyarnilama
How far apart? How neat were the holes? In a plantation or natural wood? Accessible by a small excavator?
"I once saw a huge pile of cat and dog skulls and bones about 100m from my cabin so we sold the cabin as soon as we could. It was creepy."
[deleted]
This definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Did the ghosts follow you? Please report back.
"There's a small patch..."
"There's a small patch of woods where I live. You could walk across it in less than an hour. It's entirely safe and has marked trails. People somehow manage to get lost in there and I can't explain that."
ThadisJones
Did they stumble across the bounds of time and space? That might explain it. But you might be underestimating how many people lack a sense of direction.
None of this makes you want to go out into the woods, huh? Yeah, we thought so. We'll pass the next time we get an offer to go camping somewhere.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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We're all not geniuses.
Everybody has varying degrees of knowledge and brain power.
And that is ok.
Though some of us are really lacking in any sense and every once and awhile people like to sugarcoat that fact when they call us out.
"Bless your heart."
That's a big one in the South. Means... "I like you, but Lord are you missing marbles."
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
They asked:
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
Cents
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126
The Cells
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
Striking_Yoghurt_690
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
Bad Wheel
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
ofsquire
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
cardew-vascular
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
Mulberry0
YOU
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
ofsquire
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
Smoopiebear
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
WantToBeBetterAtSex
Ok... some of this is some good comedy.
Or Puppet...
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391
Vanilla?
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
Pokeybumfun
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
ElegantEagle13
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
00192737292
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
accomplished_loaf
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
thefuzzybunny1
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
thxitsthedepression
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
ferox965
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
one_angry_custodian
Space
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_Blues
Not all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
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