Ah, massages. This very legitimate therapeutic technique has been around for nearly as long as human beings.
But now it's been co-opted by so much erotica and so many movies that it seems to constantly provided weirdo creeps with a place to actualize their fantasies.
Real life massage therapists have plenty of run-ins with said weirdo creeps. PSA: happy ending massages are NOT to be expected. Sex work does not equal therapeutic medical techniques.
u/Tracewell asked, "Massage Therapists of Reddit what is the creepiest thing to ever happen to you while giving a client a massage?"
GLAM IS NOT DEAD
We usually leave the room to let the clients strip down into underwear before we commence, but with this guy I had no chance to get away. Before I had time to give him a towel he dropped his pants to reveal a sparkling blue G-string that barely kept everything in place. The guy was about 58, huge beer gut, grey hair, gold earring, and hairy like Robin Williams.
GiphyPay Me My Money
At the end of the third session as I was massaging his neck while hes on his back he just started pleasuring ghimself. I was kind of shocked in the moment and didn't know what to do. I stood up and said I have to go. Was fairly awkward waiting for him to get dressed so i could pack my table and get my money and leave.
GiphyGonna Need a Bigger Wad Than That
One day this male client books a massage for himself with our male therapist, Ed.
This fu**er flips over, hands Ed a wad a cash from who knows where saying "That's for you," and starts to pleasure himself off. Ed promptly said "Alright your appointment is done they'll take care of you at the front desk" and books it out of there. Dude pays leaves with no problem.
GiphyA Happy Ending Rejection Play-By-Play
The conversation goes like this:
Creepy dude: "You do happy ending?"
Me: "No."
CD: "Why not?"
Me: "Because that's disgusting and unprofessional."
CD: "I pay extra"
Me: "We're done here."
Taking Liberties, Are We?
My wife and I were at a small resort in Costa Rica. This time we decided to get a couple's massage.
The time came to do my butt, she moved the towel down and started working my cheeks. Then the inside of my cheeks, which I thought was odd, but I'm new to this massage world and maybe that's what a deep tissue was. At this time I'm starting to feel, not relaxed but insecure. I suddenly become aware of my wife next to me who sounds more then relaxed.
Meanwhile back at my butt, she was really doing the inside of the cheeks well. I had hoped this was the last spot she would do, the last thing I want is butt cheek sweat rubbed all over my body. Then started to press down on my actual anus. I felt pressure building up behind her thumb. I clench, and I clench like I never have before. I spin around and say very politely thank you for the massage.
Whatever Gets You Goin'
Someone I know (they are female) said that while doing a Brazilian wax on a male he climaxed. She just wiped it up and remained professional. Idk how
Those eyes. Those EYES.
This one dude though kept folding the sheet down to just under his nipples. I would keep moving him and adjusting the sheet but he would eventually fold it back down. The edge of the sheet perfectly underlined his nipples and I just kept getting distracted by them... they were like 2 eyes staring at me.
(Grossest Thing I've Heard In Days)
One day she had a guy in his late 30's early 40's come in for a back massage. When he took off his shirt, his back was literally blackhead central. Like there wasn't one spot in which he DIDN'T have a blackhead, and her hand was slathered in gross juice and pus when she tried to massage him. She just gave up after that.
Welp, Everything Seems To Be In Order Here
Well one day I receive a call from a man asking if im available. He said he would like a massage at his office in the middle of downtown.
After 30mins, I started to get a sense that something is off. I would glide my hands to more intimate areas but he keep talking casually. Most guys would pop a tent, or ask to be massaged near their groin. But he was talking about his wife and daughters.
Then starting going on about his relationship with this guy and how they have a very strong friendship and that they would constantly prank each other.
This guy thinks this a legit massage! This was suppose to be a prank that somehow got way to advance without any party knowing. Hence, why I'm in the middle of a tech office and he is so non chalant about everything.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop Jumping
Fight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
StabbyPants
Louder
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
Blaze*itch
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
ForecastForFourCats
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
amalgamas
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Ouch_i_fell_down
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
Dry-Mycologist3966
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
gingerisla
Talk to Me
In Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
Horror_Librarian_133
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut Up
Scared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
abananation
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
CarpetPure7924
Speak Good
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
StretchArmstrong74
Nonsense
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
TheShadowOfKaos
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
Mortlach78
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Bombzey
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
ThisIsCreation
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
1840_NO
Drama
will devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
LightInthewater
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trapped
season 6 friends GIFGiphy"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
Stuck
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
- braydenmaine
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
- melancholybuzzard
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
weebeardedman
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
habeeb51
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
JazzySocrate
"My uncle who served back in the day said that people would have the bamboo slipped under their fingernails because it would continue to grow still. It would just continue growing into the body."
Payness0826
Excruciating
"Rabies."
Santolmo
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
RonaldRawdog
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Santolmo
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
Suspended
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
DubiousAlibi
No Cure
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
randymn1963
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
DevTheDummy
Agony...
"Radiation poisoning."
binhan123ad
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
yea_nah448
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
nosmelc
Goo
Not Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
Beardless_Man
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Bannon9k
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
