Working in an emergency room can be dark, somber yet an often hilarious experience. The one true thing about life is it's absurdity and unexpected happenings. Those on the front lines of health see it all and live to tell about it. Nurses are warriors and sometimes their jobs, while disturbing, can be a comedy show set up.
Redditor u/ddelGuy wanted the nurses out there to tickle our funny bone by asking.... Nurses of Reddit, what is your funniest emergency room story?
Shattered.
GiphyI have a friend who is a nurse and she said they once had to deal with someone who had inserted a magic 8 ball up their butt. Most horrifying was someone who inserted a lightbulb but it shattered. XtraFalcon
Sporked.
My ex was a nurse and she once attended an emergency surgery of a guy who had been stabbed with a spork- the spoon-terminus, mind you- and the instrument was still stuck in his chest when he arrived at the hospital. For some reason, on the fork-side of the spork there was a little piece of Wiener Wurst attached.
The surgeon's hand trembled from laughter during the whole operation. When asked during recovery about what happened, the guy said he'd slipped while eating dinner and fell on the spork but the authorities suspect there was something more sinister going on. EPIC_BOY_CHOLDE
The Scene Stealer.
We had a dad bring his kid in, cause she had weird red areas on her belly. He screamed at us, cursed and made a BIG scene, claiming his kid would "fade into unconsciousness" and we are just watching her die. Don't get me wrong, if she'd had altered mental status I'd have been concerned, but the kid was dancing around the examination room and had no signs of problems whatsoever, while we had actually sick kids waiting.
Well, dad insisted to get an ultrasound for his kid with internal bleeding. When the ultrasound gel was applied, we wiped off the red color that she probably got from a new shirt or toy or whatever... He was embarrassed. At least. bringmeagene
Home Care.
Not sure if it counts because it's not in the ER, but it still makes me laugh.
Student nurse here, I work in home care. I once got a call from a client who was freaking out because a friend brought her home and now her friend said she didn't feel well, to the point she wasn't responding anymore. So here I go, rushing over, thinking about the questions I need to ask, things I need to observe, possible outcomes etc. I arrive at the clients house, my client comes running to me: "come fast come fast! there she is! she runs to the couch and starts rubbing a pillow. Turns out she was hallucinating. princessfailure
I Fainted.
GiphyNot my story, but here it goes. Couple arrive late night in the ER, him with a bleeding sore penis, her with multiple head injuries and a burned back. After being treated they eventually tell the story to the puzzled nurses. He was frying eggs when she decided to surprise him with oral sex, during the action he dropped the eggs on her back, she bit him and he started banging her head with the pan to stop. meshmel1
"the other jelly had seeds"
Not an emergency but funny story... My twin sister is a nurse and when we were in college she had a patient during an OB/GYN clinical who was said she was using grape jelly as lube because "the other jelly had seeds." She thought food jelly and petroleum jelly were the same thing. kerriging
Holding the Code....
Not a human nurse, but a vet nurse- A hysterical man came in carrying his dog, and we prepared for an emergency situation, except he then tells us the following: that the dog went over the fence in his yard and into his neighbor's house (a neighbor who doesn't like them very much to begin with), climbed on top of his desk and ate the code-device for his bank. Now he would like to get it out and replace it before the neighbor took notice 😂. AsthmaticWolf
"Pull your waistband down."
GiphyNot a nurse but I bet she told everyone... because she was cracking up at my innocence.
I had the need for a poison ivy shot and my dad told me they shoot your butt. Im like 15. So nurse says "time for your shot, can you/
Me: pants down; butt out...
"Pull your waistband down."
The funny part is I kicked my shoes off as well. Like I was about to get all naked and comfortable for a one second shot. We all laughed real hard at that. She had the pants down before but never the shoes kicked off. RacinGracey
TWO SHAMPOO BOTTLES.
My mother used to work away, but due to the inconvenience of driving all the way across town coupled with a promotion, she works from home. A patient came in complaining of constipation. Right on cue he pooped out TWO SHAMPOO BOTTLES. They were about half the height of normal ones, but not half the width. GiggityMerf
"I'll tell ya one thing, sex is out of the question"
I was on a clinical for paramedic school. I was in the room helping 2 nurses insert a foley cath on a 90 year old female. She had came in after a fall and had a dislocated hip. The nurses are prepping everything trying to get her ready and she suddenly sits up and says in the calmest possible voice "I'll tell ya one thing, sex is out of the question" and lays back down and goes back to screamin' in pain. jesus-christ-of-ems
I won $150 that day!
GiphyI used to work in the ER sometimes... and when we would pull stuff out of people's buttholes it would get washed and sterilized and put in this box under the Triage desk.
When a new person started we would run a pool on who could get the newbie to use something out of the box first... I won it once by taking the staples out of his stapler and then casually mentioning that "Hey, there is a stapler in the box under the triage desk". I won $150 that day! hokeyWB
Seeing Red.
Not my story, but heard it from my cousin. She was training for her nurse diploma at the time at a local hospital. So there is this old guy (70-80) coming in the ER with a big wound on his leg and he had to go for surgery. My cousin tried to prepare him for the surgery and asked him to remove his boots and clothes, so he can change into proper clothing.
The old guy started yelling and cursing because he didn't want to get his boots off. Several doctors came by to calm him and he started to fight them too. After some time when he calmed down they injected him some anesthetic in order to remove his boots without him flipping over. It turns out he was ashamed to take them off because he had his nails painted red. SteliosTh
What an idiot.
Not a nurse but an MA and I once had a patient that was a catholic priest that developed a skin rash... he was treating it with that spray Clorox cleanup solution which of course only made it worse. When asked about the rash, he said he caught it from his wife and then pleaded with us not to report him to the head guy at his church since he's not supposed to be married.
Obviously we can't report things like that due to privacy laws. Turns out his "wife" was a hooker that was also one of our patients (unbeknownst to either of them). FYI/ Clorox spray, when applied liberally and directly to your genitalia WILL cause burns. What an idiot. trontellix
Oh Meth....
I work inpatient but here are some stories.
The patient had a UTI. She told me that a previous nurse had told her to wipe front to back and how ridiculous that was as she had wiped back to front her whole life and was fine. I asked her if she had ever had a UTI before. She said "Oh yeah, all the time."
Had a patient who was coming down off of meth. He insisted that he had been kidnapped because a hold had been placed (for very valid concerns about violent behavior). He called 911 and said he had been kidnapped.
The police arrived to make sure everything was alright (make sure that someone hadn't actually been kidnapped). When the patient saw the police his response was not "I have been kidnapped please help" but to try and attack the police. We managed to disengage him without anyone getting hurt. As soon as they left he demanded to use the phone to report his kidnapping. a098273
"fat Mary Poppins"
GiphyI was in charge one day and was called to rescue my rech who had been pulled to sit with a psych pt. I go down and he's pale and shaking, and his patient is straining at his leathers and screaming.
I told the patient to calm down a sec so I can talk to my tech just to be a smart butt and he actually did! I told my tech to chill and call me if he needs me. I then told the patient I was done talking and he could go back to making a ruckus if he wanted. The meds had kicked in though, and he just called me "fat Mary Poppins" as I left. CrochetyNurse
"I REMEMBER!!!"
Not ER, but once I took care of the same 2 patients for 3 days in a row, and they were separated only with a curtain. On the third day the nice old man gets distraught and goes "Nurse! Nurse! I'm so worried I haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days!!" I go "what do you mean? You just had one yesterday." And he relaxes and smiles and says "oh, I guess I forgot." From behind the curtain my other patient yells "I REMEMBER!!!" 😂 Notexpiredyet
damn diarrhea....
Or that time a nice fella taking a colonoscopy prep overdid it, and got to vomiting... just when the diarrhea kicked in. Eventually, exhausted and empty, but feeling better, he thought he'd try to get approved to go ahead with the colonoscopy instead of wasting the prep. GI said ok, if he went to the ED and got checked out for dehydration/infection.
He hopped into the shower, cleaned off in a hurry and came to see me. Having failed to notice that he used his teenaged daughters fancy silly glitter body wash. This big, macho muscular conservative looking 50 year old man, glittering like Edward from Twilight. Once he heard the workup was ok and he was clear for the scope, we all had a great laugh. procrast1natrix
Still Barefoot?
I had a manic guy on a psych hold who eloped. Ran like a gazelle out to triage barefoot in only his underwear. Once there, he stopped and weighed himself. Then, faced with his choice of two convenient doors out to the lobby, he instead climbed up onto the counter and thru the little triage window, ran outside (still barefoot) and stole a police car. procrast1natrix
Not the Butt!
My mom has been a nurse for my entire life and I remember when she did her stint in the OR at our local hospital. She told me some guy came in complaining of pain in his butt but would not specify to the female nurses what happened. Being that the OR was a zoo they implored the man to be honest just because they didn't have many men working on the floor and since he was not in crisis he may have to sit for awhile.
Finally the man broke down and told them he was home watching some adult films (this was the early 90's) when he got curious about a certain thing he saw a male performer do but unlike the professionals this guy couldn't get it out and it was currently stuck in limbo.
My mom never specified what was shoved up his there but she said he got lucky they were able to get out completely. godbullseye
Go Fish.
GiphyOr that time someone had an allergic reaction, and for some reason brought in live mussel for us, which hr thought he had reacted to. In a little jar full of water. Like a goldfish or something. We kept our little mussel friend for most of a day in the charting space. He did not contribute meaningfully to the workup or treatment plan. procrast1natrix
Any other nurses have a tale or two?
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.