Delivering the news of someone's death must be one of the hardest aspects in medicine. Thankfully we have Reddit which allows us to hear their stories.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
I'm not crying, you're crying.
Giphy
Worked on a medical-surgical for a few years at the beginning of my career. Sure, we had a few patients here and there that were just there for observation.
My first cancer patient I lost in my career seemed like one of those. When he was admitted to our floor, he was always cheerful, polite, and never admitted feeling ill in any way. One of the nicest people you could want to meet. I remember him because of this. Dude had stage 4b lung cancer, and never once asked for ANYTHING.
Over the course of a few months, I got to know him better. As it turns out, he thought he had a bad cold and found out he was dying shortly. It's shitty, but that's life sometimes I suppose. It ain't always pretty. When he found out, he seemed at peace with it all. Then he began working like a madman from his bed.
Every time I went in to his room to check on him or give him meds, he was writing in a notebook. Only once did he receive visits whole he was with us, and it was his wife, who was brought by a friend. She'd never learned to drive because she never wanted or needed to. Dude spent his entire life taking care of her, completely and totally. As it turns out, all the writing in notebooks was him leaving her notes of how to do things. He'd literally taken care of her since they were in high school. She didn't even know how to use a dish washer. Nothing.
I think of him from time to time, when I've had a rough go with love in my life. The times I asked this man about his wife were some of the few times I saw his face light up with delight. It's nice to think that love like that exists.
Taking the news like a pro.
Giphy
The ones that really stick out are the people who take the news with quiet dignity. Had one patient present with dermatomyositis. 20% of people with this have an underlying malignancy. I told the patient and family this and asked if they wanted to look—they said yes. Did a CT scan, showed multi-focal tumor burden in the liver. Biopsy showed pancreatic adenocarcinoma unfortunately, so Mets to the liver = stage 4. Broke the news to the patient and her family and her response was "thank you for telling me. That must have been really hard for you to do."
Pancreatic adenocarcinoma seems to always take the most gentle people :(gettheread
Get a translator next time.
Giphy
One of my patients had squamous cell carcinoma in situ on his lip that I caught early and was actually removed entirely in the biopsy. We still wanted him to get topical chemotherapy on the area to make extra sure we got everything. For those unaware, it's like a lotion and mostly only has local skin side effects. It was actually good news, but I wanted to reinforce that he's at a higher risk of developing new cancers and it's possible that his children have the same genetic predisposition, so he needs to make sure he and his kids need to be using sunscreen and lip balm with sunscreen it in, plus 6 month follow up.
He was a native Spanish speaker but his English seemed above average so I didn't want to use a translator if I didn't have to. Well, judging from the years and how upset he was, I guess I misjudged his English skills...
He did a good job at picking up the buzzwords. He heard "cancer", "more cancer", "chemotherapy" and "his children have a higher chance of getting cancer", but he missed all the important context.
He thought was going to die and his kids were too. I quickly got a translator and explained everything again. He was still distraught over the emotional rollercoaster moments ago but he understood what was going on.
So my worst reaction was a wrong reaction because I f*cked up
Note to self: make sure my head rest is at the proper height.
Work in orthopaedics. Had a car crash involving 7 family members. Youngest was a 9 year old with open fractures to both legs. Rushed straight into theatre, but the child had developed rapid onset sepsis, mixed with some blood lost and a PE. Died on the table before surgery could begin properly. Despite a large number of staff as you can imagine, we couldn't do any more. The father was the last to find out, as suffered a fractured skull and was moved to a different trauma hospital (crash occured halfway between the two hospitals, patients were split up due to rush/need at the time). He had a bleed on the brain and was in ICU for a week. Wife didn't tell him until he left ICU out of fear it would set him off/hinder recovery.
I heard when he found out, he self discharged. I hope he is alright now and getting help, but unfortunately being in a different area it's hard to find out. I believe it was actually his wife that was driving.
Finally as a side note, please ensure that your headrest in a car is adjusted correctly. I see a lot of head, skull and neck injuries frequently because of this. Only today I was seeing a fractured C5 because of this. It's something your only have to do once if your driving the same car all the time, but in combination with a seat belt it really is there for a reason, not just for comfort.
If this ain't hell...
I was working the burn unit. Guy comes in, MVC head on collision the other driver was drunk and crossed lanes. His wife was killed in the crash. Every time he woke up he asked where his wife was, and he had to be told. He would just start saying "42 years" and sobbing. I can't imagine what it was like for that guy, having to remember every single time you wake up. He was in a lot of pain, AKA lots of dilaudid, which contributed to his confusion. Slowly over time it sank in. Very heartbreaking to watch.
Trying to not picture this but okay.
Giphy
I was at a delivery where both mom and baby were having problems. As we were saving baby the OR team was trying to save mom. We did, they didn't. As we were leaving with baby to the NICU the OR doc was telling dad and his family that his wife didn't make it. He saw his baby and asked when mom could begin breast feeding. Grandma fell to the floor crying but dad just had this look like he was just waking up and not hearing what was going on. Seeing him visit the NICU was just so sad, you could see him trying to hold it all in while visiting his baby.
They ain't getting it...
Giphy
Thankfully I wasn't the only one in the room, but we spent 3 hours on and off explaining to a family that we couldn't transfer their deceased child to another hospital. I think they believed the kid was in a vegetative state, and that we just gave up on them, instead of the reality that their kid was dead.
Some serious spousal shade...
Deputy here. I've been to a quite a few deaths and I've only seen one that was "happy". The husband was a lifetime alcoholic and was on hospice for various related illnesses. When we arrived he was DOA. She told us he went to go to the bathroom gasped and literally dropped dead.
She was at first sad. The more she talked about him we could tell he was a real bastard. She pretty much couldn't make a move with out him. He wouldn't let the grand kids come over and they lived next door. When the funeral home came to collect the body they had difficulty getting him loaded up. The wife remarked "Even dead he still finds a way to be a pain," I couldn't help but grin when she said it.
Cherish every moment...
Giphy
Intern year of residency while working on the vascular surgery service. ER pages about an older lady who was being transferred in from an outside hospital with an aortic aneurysm rupture.
Aortic aneurysm ruptures have a really poor outcome, but the interesting thing is that while an individual is actively dying from it they are still coherent and not in (relatively) terrible pain. About a couple minutes of me leaving the ER room, the patient died. Anyways the daughter and best friend arrived, presumably being with her at the other facility's ER previously. I took them to a seperate room away from all the hustle of the ER and let them know. Of course they were surprised because "we were just talking to her" and "she didn't seem to be in that much pain". Both of which are true statements, aortic aneurysm ruptures really are a relatively low pain way to die. But can be pretty shocking for the loved ones to register in a short amount of time.
Alternatively it was the 40-something year old mother of 2 who had been admitted for nausea and vomiting and died of multi-system organ failure (heart attacks, strokes, ischemic colitis, pulmonary embolism, etc) because of a rare clotting disorder than decided to manifest itself all at once for the first time in her. Telling a family that someone that young and previously healthy that not only is the mother going to die, but that they should have their doctor look at screening them for a rare condition is no fun.
That's enough, Internet.
Giphy
Elderly male patient decided to willingly opt out of respiratory support machine. Lovely man, his time inevitably came around 6 hours later, early in the morning. His granddaughter (young girl around mid-20s) the only family member in the hospital at the time was so devastated she climbed into the bed with him and wouldn't leave the ward. Endless crying, shrieking and asking for her Grandad to wake up... heart breaking stuff. Staff and doctors tried to coerce her to take some time outside but she wouldn't leave the bed. Eventually the rest of the family arrived and talked her out but took a good few hours.
Unfortunately people do "just die." That's how death works.
When I worked in a large inner city ER this family had brought in their grandmother who had went to take a nap in the family living room on her family chair. Well when she didn't wake up for 8-10 hours, the family activated EMS and brought her to me. She had been dead for half the day at this point which was very obvious so we called it, the lady was stiff at this point. When I called the family into the room (all 20 of them) to tell them their 88yo without a decent organ in her body on dialysis had indeed died they accused me first of lying then second of murdering her. Police had to be called as a particularly boisterous 14yo female was being very threatening and repeating what a lot of families say "she was fine this morning, people don't JUST DIE.' Unfortunately that is how everyone dies.
Sometimes there's nothing more doctors can do.
Giphy
This was three years ago, when I'd recently started training in the hospital, and I was placed in a consultation room for a week. The doctor had told me the next patient had received many treatments for her bowel cancer but the cancer was coming back too fast. There was nothing the hospital could offer her anymore, so that day we were to tell her how she only had an estimated three montha left to live.
They walked in the room and she looked as if she already understood what we were about to say, but the husband was distraught. He was in tears, and I had to do my best to offer advice and comfort as the doctor had already gone back to his paperwork. It was one of the most harrowing experiences I've had in the hospital to date, hearing his desperate pleas of whether there was anything we could do to help. His wife did her best to console him too, but I could see she needed the support too.
I'm really sorry I couldn't do anything to help, old friend. I hope your wife rests peacefully.
Going out in style.
Giphy
I was doing my internship on a palliative care ward where we were occasionally supporting patients through the medical assistance in dying process. One wise-cracking patient was set to pass away that day. All of the preparations had been made and he had said his goodbyes to his family. There was a bit of a delay and the family had stepped out of the room momentarily. A poor nursing student assumed that the medically-assisted death had already been performed and walked into the patient's room. All of a sudden, he sat up in the bed, stared at her and exclaimed, "WHY AREN'T THE DRUGS WORKING!!!?" She ran out of the room terrified with him cackling in the background.
People should be allowed to die with dignity and on their own terms.
Giphy
Best was talking with the family matriarch.
Strong business woman whose children had taken over several businesses in the town. Very rich influential family.
We originally admitted her as a stroke but on further review found multiple brain metastasis. Family wanted everything done. This was a mentally alert woman who at 94 they wanted to have chemo and surgery.
I discussed her options with her including no aggressive treatment. She elected for this. She went into hospice and died peacefully a few months later.
She asked what I would do. Having just gone through this with my grandmother and grandfather the year before I gave her both sides of the story. Doing everything and buying a few months but dealing with surgery and illness. Or just pursuing comfort measures.
I think she was happy with the decision.
I think the family was upset with me for giving her that option.
Such loneliness.
Giphy
So many traumatic events it is hard to recall all the details or to pick one, but this one was different, no trauma no emergency.
We told this friendly guy of his diagnosis that will kill him soon, weeks to months. Then asked who we should talk to or who can be his guardian. He only had his boss from his recent job. No family, no friends. He was all alone. His boss visited once early on.
I thought about that a lot. Still do.
This is a healthy way to handle death.
Giphy
So here's a weird one that's stuck with me.
Had a patient in his 50's die in a single room on the ward while surrounded by his Portuguese family. Mostly women; wife, sisters, in-laws, all in their 40's at least.
We knew he was deteriorating and had no plans to resuscitate if and when he died. A few days into his admission he passes away while the family were visiting. I get called in by the nurse to confirm the death and everyone in the room is completely silent and watching me. I confirm what they already know and everyone just mobs me, hugging me, kissing my hands, kissing my cheeks and thanking me profusely for looking after their relative. Not what I was expecting at all, it was like a sudden collective release of tension in the room. Somehow I think they were just relieved he wasn't suffering anymore.
Baby death.
Nursing assistant, so I'm a bit down the chain of command but still relevant.
Had this Lithuanian couple come in to the ED, couldn't speak a word English. They'd come on one last holiday before their baby came, except they were rushed straight off the plane into an ambulance as the woman had severe abdo cramps and heavy bleeding. The doctor had to translate that the baby had died. I will honestly never forget those screams for the rest of my career. Like, blood curdling, pure heartbroken screams from both of them. Honestly, the whole day every single staff member just was so shaken and upset.
Are kids replaceable?
I work in a pediatric cancer hospital and once when we were talking to a mother about her two year old's daughter's poor prognosis, she said 'as a mother, all I can really think of now that I'm losing a child is when I can start trying for another one'.
It was definitely one of the most uncomfortable reactions I've ever heard, I know grief is complicated but I will never forgot because no one in the room knew how to respond.
No one wants to go out on the toilet.
28 year old, metastatic breast cancer.
The wailing on the oncology ward when she was told there's no more chemo to be offered was bad, but to see the 2 young kids stand there wide eyed and not really take it in was just...something else. In my first year of being a doctor, and had to be counselled by the nurses that kids behave a certain way. Thank god for nurses.
Also had a young guy die suddenly in the toilet (medical patient on a surgical ward). Having to call the family at 2 am in the morning, and then to have the 3 young kids be in absolute shock was also surreal. The nurses locked the entrance to the ward as the eldest child was 16 and they were worried she might run.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
Giphy
Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
Giphy
See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
Giphy
Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
Giphy
Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
Giphy
The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.