People Divulge Why The Devil Would Want To Shake Their Hand After They Die And Go To Hell

People Divulge Why The Devil Would Want To Shake Their Hand After They Die And Go To Hell
Image by Waldkunst from Pixabay

Ending up in Hell would be one thing, but discovering that the Devil is a huge fan of yours would be a whole extra layer of horror.


But that's what a recent Redditor asked people to imagine: what petty, sinful thing would earn you a #1 fan in Satan.

Here's hoping your answer to that question leans more toward petty than immoral.

Redditor Ok-Reaction-5644 asked:

"Satan shakes your hand and says 'I'm glad I finally got to meet you,' what did you do?"

Many people divulged their part in the very incredible annoyances of modern life, particularly life on the internet.

The Horror

"I created mobile ads with transparent close button....." -- voliver016

"Oh god. And let me guess, the company's logo looks like an X. like it's called X Games or something. So you accidentally tap on that when looking for the close button." -- fernshanks

Hooked Us All

"invented micro transactions in video games" -- Day61298

"Satan: So, I'm thinking about retiring and you seem just the person for the job...." -- Logan3point14

"Move over Hitler. Move over slavers. Move over Ajit Pai. We have a new champion of hell." -- Andrakisjl

That Was One Guy??

"i invented popup ads and the thing that makes you disable ad blocker before you can visit a website" -- thetapiryourodeinon

"I feel like Satan would punch you in the face, not shake your hand. All like 'This MFer is out of control' " -- Shinbiku

Others talked about the cartoonishly terrible things they did. In hindsight, they wondered how they ever could have done what they did.

But at the time, it just made sense.

Case Closed

"oh definitely that time i kicked a child," -- Domesticgay_

​Saboteur 

"Christmas time. Shopping mall car parks are chaos. I'll be walking through the car park with bags off Shopping and see people in cars looking for people about to leave..."

"...I stop, look at a car, put my bags down pull my keys out, someone in their car sees me and indicates to my direction to claim the park. I pick my bags up and keep walking."

-- Intellect-Offswitch

And some took the question as a perfect opportunity to get snarky about he prospect of ending up in Hell.

The Chain Mail Was REAL

"Did not forward that email I received in 2008 saying that If I did not, I would go to hell." -- peidinho31

" 'IF YOU DO NOT SEND THIS TO 20 PEOPLE IN 5 MINUTES LITTLE TIMMY WILL CRAWL OUT OF THE SINK AND EAT YOUR EYEBALLS' " -- Ak_Jumper_942

Some Old-Fashioned Humor

"Persuaded my dead mother-in-law to move out of hell." -- Antigravfraggle

"I've spent years looking for my mother-in-law's killer. But nobody will do it." -- elee0228

"Thanks satan, now she's haunting and possessing people on earth again." -- Gurbwat

Lead With Compliments

" 'Me too! I can't believe you're even MORE attractive than your profile pic!' " -- PM_ME_YOUR_CUTE_PU**

"Please, call me twenty twenty" -- punkhobo

The Better Choice

"Ehh... there's a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell and I sure as hell don't feel like climbing any stairs." -- dusty-kat

"fires up his motorcycle" -- thearmouredcake

"Why clib stairs when you can go down lil nas x's strip pol" -- LilacForgetMeNot

If Hell is real, we hope none of you end up there. But we sure hope you have a hell of a story if you do!

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People Share Unspoken First Date Rules Everyone Should Follow

Reddit user Quotedkarma asked: 'What's an unspoken rule on a first date?'

Two people having coffee
Photo by Chewy on Unsplash

Countless emotions arise when going on a first date.

Making this all the more difficult is that a first date is one of the few things that absolutely must be done solo, so bringing friends as backup simply isn't an option.

Leaving one to wish there was a handbook for navigating a first date successfully.

Of course, while there is no official guide, everyone has rules and beliefs about what to do and what to avoid on a first date.

From how to effortlessly bring out your best qualities, to a foolproof escape plan if your date is anything but the one you've dreamed your whole life of meeting.

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woman in white t-shirt looking at the window during daytime
Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash

My second college internship led me to a small content creation company. It was so small that the two editors were the only paid employees. Everyone else was an intern.

I was excited to start so I could add more to my portfolio only to realize that one of the editors replaced my name with hers every time she edited one of my articles. Not much of the content was changed, but I was too shy to question it.

I eventually found out that she did this to all the interns, and most of the interns had learned to private message their draft articles to the other editor, who did not take the bylines.

I asked one of my fellow interns if the founder of the company knew the editor took bylines. Turns out, the founder knew, but for some reason no one else could figure out, the editor never got fired.

It turns out this story isn't unique. There are lots of instances when someone does something at work that should get them fired, but they manage to hold on to their job. Redditors have plenty of stories like that and are eager to share.

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Not to startle any of you, but death stalks us.

We all have nightmares about diseases and murderers.

But what if, in the end, we just choke on a pickle we inhaled too fast?

Maybe instead of a pickle, a little coleslaw would have been the wiser choice.

We'll never know.

The most minute things can send us packing.

Redditor SuffocatedByThighs wanted to discuss the things that can extinguish our lives in the most basic ways, so they asked:

"What simple mistake has ended lives?"

Tripping over untied shoelaces.

It can break your neck.

TIE YOUR SHOES!!!

Off the Rocks

On No Falling GIF by Outside TVGiphy

"There have been too many instances of rock climbers rappelling off of the ends of their ropes, which could have been easily avoided by tying stopper knots at the ends of their ropes."

LZRDLZRD

Seconds

"I worked at a tire place for a summer and the first thing they told me was 'See that torque wrench? One mistake with this and you can kill a whole family in a matter of seconds.' I thought well, better take this thing seriously."

FrenchMicrowave

"Man for a second I was thinking 'F**k you'd have to swing that thing around fast to take out an entire family' and just bluescreened on the idea of changing a tire."

lurking_my_a**_off

How Vexing...

"THERAC-25. The world’s deadliest software error. Cost several radiation patients their lives by administering lethal amounts of radiation, and for a while, the doctors didn’t even know."

Longjumping_Event_59

"THERAC-25 suffered a particularly vexing sort of error known as a race condition. Essentially, the circuit required multiple inputs in a particular sequence, but sometimes the timing of that sequence could get thrown out of whack and it would lead to all sorts of nonsensical output."

"This is less than ideal when all you're doing is manipulating pixels, but when your software is handling radiation beams you really don't want this to happen."

"Even more vexing is that race conditions are frequently heisenbugs, which can vanish altogether when one attempts to study them. If you don't have a good idea of what's causing the error, you may never cotton on to what sort of bad input is required to test it. Under those circumstances, it's easy to write them off as imaginary, only to then find."

dancingmadkoschei

Heavy Drifting

"Leaving the stranded vehicle on the road in winter and trying to walk to get help. It happens in rural parts of our province once or twice a year and they find the body a few days later. They get disoriented and freeze."

Regina_Runner

"I got blown off a road in high winds. Heavy drifting. Less than a mile from a friend's house after I had turned around. Drifts made it impossible to complete the trip. Trying to run a mile in full blizzard conditions was a fight for my life as an in-shape 24-year-old male athlete.

"rotyag

Simple Slips

Uh Oh Omg GIF by BounceGiphy

"Almost any simple mistake can end a life if you're an anesthesiologist, that's how my grandpa died in his early 60s."

dwserps

Any second. Any moment.

Stay vigilant people.

Celibacy could be better...

Oh My Wow GIFGiphy

"Not being honest with doctors about Viagra. It has many dangerous drug interactions and can cause a lot of problems from what I’ve heard. Trust me the doctor ain’t gonna judge you guys, they have seen many more embarrassing things. And it would suck to die because you wanted to hide something just for it to be later stated in your death certificate."

The_upsetti_spagetti

Check the Numbers

"As a healthcare worker, giving the wrong amount of insulin."

UzumakiHorror

"During the first shift of my first clinical rotation in nursing school, I watched a nurse draw up insulin out of an auto-injector pen that was CLEARLY marked to specifically not do that AND she was drastically wrong about the dosage and almost killed a guy by giving him essentially like a hundred times the intended dose."

someguynamedg

Stay In

"Pulling the knife out of someone."

rcadephantom

"Yeah, I did that but it was a broken tree branch that had impaled my leg. Without even thinking I pulled it out. Blood started gushing so I pulled off my shirt and tied it into a pressure bandage. I was lucky I didn’t bleed to death."

Olddog_Newtricks2001

"Shock is an IQ reducer. I once sliced a bit off the side of my hand with a broken glass, and sort of dazedly picked off the piece of me and tried to stick it back on. It did not work."

UncannyTarotSpread

Stay Dirty

"Mixing cleaning ingredients."

Jonnysource

"My dad was trying to unclog his kitchen drain and mixed drain cleaners by adding one then adding another a few minutes later. It started bubbling and he began coughing intensely. I heard him coughing from the other room, saw what happened, and opened the nearby window to get rid of the chlorine gas he just produced."

"I forgot there was a large hive of wasps that had moved into that window and they did not appreciate this unexpected interruption. I took him to the emergency room for the gas exposure and it was tough explaining that the wasp stings were not why we were there."

CharmingTuber

Dear God

Jeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James CordenGiphy

"A friend’s husband locked himself out of their home. He tried to get in through a window that had security bars. While squeezing through his foot slipped and he essentially hung himself on the window sill."

Cokej01

Life is fleeting. Here is proof.

LIVE!! But live smart.

We all have foods that we like or don't like, and depending on how passionately we feel, it may be pretty hard to understand why someone likes a food that otherwise grosses us out.

But if that food is also expensive, we'll also be left wondering why they'd spend so much money on that dish.

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