Anchors Aweigh![rebelmouse-image 18347725 is_animated_gif=
Every year, over 20,000,000 people embark on cruises. For every ship that sails, between 800 -- 1,500 crew members are needed to take care of them. And just like with hotels, if you want to know what's really going on, check with the staff.
Reddit user maudiestirling asked "Cruise ship staff (cleaners in particular), what are some disturbing secrets passengers should know?"
Here is the behind the scenes look at cruise ships.
Crash Test[rebelmouse-image 18347726 is_animated_gif=
Cruise ships have a different safety standard in construction for collisions since it's so unlikely, meaning if there is a major collision it has a higher chance of sinking compared to similar sized ships but the odds are still low to sink since all ships are really well built.
Carbon Footprint[rebelmouse-image 18347728 is_animated_gif=
Worked in advertising for 2 different cruise lines. The dirtiest secret I know is that cruises are environmental disasters. Aside from the ecosystem damage a large ship can do in port, once a ship is in international waters normal fuel standards do not apply. So most burn the cheapest, dirtiest fuel they can to save money. It's gross and if you care about the planet you really shouldn't take cruises.
Most massive ships are 2 stroke engines (sometimes more on cruises to reduce vibrations). They have to use thick soupy oil to power these things, and I'm not just referring to cruises, but tankers and cargo ships. It's the only fuel that won't go up like a rocket in the pressure of a 10 ton piston.
There is literally no other fuel that can power engines that big, not because they hate the environment.
Fixed Schedule[rebelmouse-image 18347729 is_animated_gif=
When a cruise ship needs to go in for repairs they have a set schedule they have to meet and a ton of money to throw at it. Although, they pay exorbitant amounts of money for the repairs due to the schedule, every contractor has to do a rush job so a great many of the repairs are done shoddily and the ship has no choice but to just leave any unfinished non-critical work undone and sail away.
The Brig[rebelmouse-image 18347730 is_animated_gif=
I used to work as a cleaner (and bartender, and in the restaurant, and in the cafe, and in the dishes) on cruise ships in the Baltic Sea for about 4 years before I went back to school.
We do have a "jail" for the drunkards and the passengers who make a fuss, and as a clearer we started 4-5 in the morning, and every morning I usually walked past and peaked in to see what that night's bounty was.
Bugging Out[rebelmouse-image 18347731 is_animated_gif=
Ahhh. Nobody mention the roaches. Or what happens when the ship is fumigated.
Playing the Odds[rebelmouse-image 18347732 is_animated_gif=
A casino staff member told us that the poker machine payouts are set higher in the first two days to make you win, and thus make you want to play more, then as the ship enters international waters they don't need to have the same regulated payout percentages and it gets lowered so you have a very very slim chance at winning anything after the first few days.
This is why gambling on poker machines is so utterly stupid - they can be programmed to deliver payouts whenever the owners want. It's not like gambling on roulette, or a card game: those are based on physical objects which can't be manipulated like a computer program can. Hell, you could program a poker machine to never pay out, but you can't stop a roulette ball from falling in slots with a particular probability.
Inequity[rebelmouse-image 18345312 is_animated_gif=
I work in corporate for a cruise ship company. A majority of the labor workforce on these cruise ships are recruited from the Philippines, Indonesia, and India. All things being equal. A white crew member will always be paid more than an Asian. Even if they have the same job title and are doing the same work. It's pretty messed up.
Ships are very segregated with respect to culture/race and job. It's comically stereotypical on some ships, with Asians doing laundry and Indians cleaning rooms and Filipenos doing grunt work and cleaning the deck. And of course, Italians running the ship and the engine room.
Tales to Tell[rebelmouse-image 18347733 is_animated_gif=
I worked casinos on 23 ships from 89-2000. Over 400 cruises. I could write a book on what goes on. I remember a photog (cruise ship photographer) told me he was asked to go down and take photos somewhere on the lowest deck and he said there was a foot of water down there. We continued to sail for months after that. Nothing was ever mentioned about it again.
Many times I have stepped into an elevator and there were small fires in the free standing ashtrays.
I was working (if I can use this word to apply to casino staff) on a ship sailing across the Baltic from Karlskrona (Sweden) to Gdansk (Poland) with mostly Swedes as passengers. As staff on this particular ship we never did a boat drill or were issued life vests. Unbelievable I know. The Baltic is notorious for rough seas and on one of those nights (I'm talking really bad weather) after work our neighbor, totally freaking out, knocks the door and says "come look at this". We had the only 2 occupied cabins on this row. 3 cabins down the porthole had blown in and water was pouring into the cabin. The ship is flying every which way and my cabin mate starts putting on all his clothes like Joey in friends saying if we're going down I'm not leaving anything. He was a bit of an idiot tbh. I had been in worse storms (Hurricane Andrew to name one) and I'm a pretty calm person so I said we should go to the bridge and check out what's going on. There was one guy up there and he said this is normal. "It's an old ship. Don't worry." I just went to one of the bars. In the morning the ship docked and it was trashed inside. Windows broken with stuff all over the floors. No alarm was ever sounded. We sailed that evening as usual.
Running a Tab[rebelmouse-image 18347734 is_animated_gif=
Drinks at the crew bar are INSANELY CHEAPER than at passenger bars.
If I remember correctly, Carnival gave us 30% discounts, as crew members, at passenger bars, and it was still 5x more expensive than drinking below deck.
Spic & Span[rebelmouse-image 18347735 is_animated_gif=
I worked on a ship for two summers and could answer loads of questions, but the cleaning standards are very high! There's an organization I can't remember the name of that visits ships randomly to check cleanliness and if the ship doesn't meet standards they can't sail. I worked in the kids activity center and the last day of every cruise we would do a 2-hour special clean with a certain cleaning solution and rags in literally every nook and cranny. Toys get steam cleaned, toys with small holes in them get hand washed, toys with lots of crevices get cleaned with q-tips, etc. Last inspection my ship passed with like a 94% or something like that.
Outbreak[rebelmouse-image 18347736 is_animated_gif=
I've been working on ships for almost a decade now, engineering department. When the Ebola scare of 2014 went down I was crewing a passenger ferry. During a safety meeting someone asked what would happen if we got a passenger showing symptoms. We were told the ship would be quarantined until the disease had run its course. Imagine just sitting in the bay on an Ebola ridden ship.
Death on the High Seas[rebelmouse-image 18347737 is_animated_gif=
That if you die on board at sea from something other than natural causes (heart attack, old age) your death will probably not be investigated properly. Ships need to get back to port on time to load up the next set of passengers. *sweeps details under rug
Slave Wages[rebelmouse-image 18346607 is_animated_gif=
Anyone that works below deck and not always in view of passengers usually works 70-80 hour weeks while sharing a cabin the size of a closet with 4 people.
I worked as a musician on cruise ships for a year, ending a few months ago. My main concern was how the cleaning staff are treated. As a musician, we get amazing privileges. The cleaners were doing 7 hour split shifts, so 7 hours on, 5 hours off, 7 hours on, 5 hours off, every day, 7 days a week for up to 9 months straight. All of this for a basic wage of $500. It was appalling. I was on 6 times that amount, doing 3 hours work. On top of this, they're not allowed in guest areas without permission other than the corridor of rooms they clean, meaning they have to wander around the dinghy crew areas every day without barely seeing sunlight.
Modern day slavery.
Just In Case[rebelmouse-image 18347738 is_animated_gif=
Getting airlifted off a ship in a medical emergency costs a fortune, and your insurance will likely not cover it. It's the best reason for purchasing travel insurance.
Travel insurance is also cheap. I think it was $20 for a week and included like $1 million in airlifting coverage on top of other stuff.
Disembarking[rebelmouse-image 18347739 is_animated_gif=
I'm a student working sidejob on a cruise ships every week. When a ship makes a turnover at the port, we would come and help the crews doing luggage/housekeeping jobs. Since we are only external helpers, I don't know much about what happens during the trip. But during the turnover the schedule is pretty tight. Basically you have to clean rooms/deliver luggage to 3000+ passengers in around 6-7 hours. Everyone is rushed and the rooms might not be cleaned well. Sometime they don't even change the bed/pillow covers, so if you are unlucky, you might get some that have been used for weeks by 10+ people.
Also they don't care about the luggage. It gets thrown pretty violently. At the end of every shift there usually 3-4 broken wheels lying around. (Small tips: check in early, buy luggage with 4 wheels. If we can push you luggage easily, we will be more careful with it, and the later the shift gets, people will be more and more violent with the luggage since we are too tired to do it properly)
Most of the crew doing the hard work are Asian, they have to work 12-13 hours a day and only get paid 5-6$ per hour.
Pool Clue[rebelmouse-image 18345304 is_animated_gif=
Please for the love of God and all things good, do not get in the swimming pool. I bet you did not know three toddlers defecated in there within the hour did you?
This must vary by cruise. The one I was on, the pool was constantly being drained because of human waste, and they "had to" drain it each time for legal reasons.
Super Steward[rebelmouse-image 18347740 is_animated_gif=
Are the stewards trained to read minds? Or are they just amazing at their jobs? Do they have monitors watching the doors to see when you leave so they can clean?
I was taken along on a ladies cruise by a cruise-crazy family member (husband's aunt), and I'd never been on a cruise before. We stayed in the Concierge level (because the one who was paying was posh). My room steward was a Filipino man and he absolutely made my stay amazing. I asked about an extra pillow one day to use as a body pillow, and he took pillows and sheets and made me this big Tootsie roll thing for a body pillow. Every day it was re-rolled with a clean sheet. I loved the toiletries and used up an entire bottle of lotion every day on my sun-burnt body, so each day I began finding 3 bottles of lotion with the clean towels. I ordered an iced tea with 2 lemons in my room after dinner 2 nights in a row and for the remaining nights of the trip, when I came back to my cabin after dinner there was a cold iced tea, 2 lemons each time. I swear the second I left the room for meals it got cleaned or turned down or fancied up. I was a poor slob who spent a week feeling like a queen because of that guy. I asked my posh host about tipping etiquette at the end and she gave me an envelope for him. It had $400 in it. I added another $100 from my spending money. He made the trip for me. Thank you, Filipino steward dude on my Celebrity cruise in April 2013, you rock.
Proposals[rebelmouse-image 18347741 is_animated_gif=
We had a couple leave out 7 sex toys on the counter with a note asking if their steward would like to join the fun.
The note had a yes, no, maybe check box, like in 3rd grade.
We All Go Sometime[rebelmouse-image 18347742 is_animated_gif=
I was touring a ship for a future event. The ship was about to leave for a 100+ day cruise. I saw alot of old people getting on with oxygen tanks. I asked him what happens if they die on board. He said it was very common for old people blow their life savings to come spend their last days on this cruise. He also said they have a fully functional morgue.
A lot of people die. Depending on the line, it's not unusual for a couple a week. Depending on the age of the ship, there are decent odds someone died in that room. Also, if you receive an upgrade mid cruise, there's a reason why a room is suddenly available.
Is There a Doctor on the Ship?[rebelmouse-image 18347743 is_animated_gif=
1: Don't go to the cruise ship infirmary for anything to do with a stomach or bowel problem.
You will likely be quarantined in your cabin for 24-48 hours as a precaution for gastrointestinal disorders; those issues can be very contagious on a cruise ship. So that means if you need Immodium or drank a bit too much and feel queasy, you better get those OTC medicines in port. Forgot to tell my dad that when he went on his first cruise 3 months ago...whoops.
2: Cruise ship doctors just have to be licensed in their home countries...regardless of very different requirements in certain parts of the world.
I got strep throat 8 days after starting my second contract for my 3rd time as an adult. Cruise ship doctor insisted that I only had tonsilitis, despite my previous experiences and symptoms, and under-dosed me with penicillin. Spread into my skin, which they proceeded to tell me it is shingles. They couldn't understand why I didn't believe them. Finally convinced the ship/company to let me see a dermatologist in port. Bam, I was right-strep infection that had spread. That doctor was fired after he misdiagnosed numerous other very treatable things for passengers.
In general, you shouldn't trust a cruise ship doctor.
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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