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People Share Their Best 'Sh*t, This Criminal Is Smart' Experiences

People Share Their Best 'Sh*t, This Criminal Is Smart' Experiences
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Anyone who's ever listened to a true crime podcast can tell you, secondhand, that criminals aren't as smart as we might think.

Now, this doesn't include the criminal masterminds that whole documentary series are made about. No, these are the criminals somehow trying to make it by, day to day, with only their wits at their side. Unfortunately, their wits are as dull as a pair of children's scissors encased in Jell-O.

Reddit user, u/MookaMoona, wanted to hear about how the criminal element succeeded when they asked:

what are your 'holy sh-t, this criminal is smart' moments?

You don't get into crime to make friends.

You also don't get into crime to learn things. Mostly, you're just hoping that whatever you're about to try next to escape the system works out and no one happens to be looking your direction.

Thanks, Weather! We Appreciate It!

"A bank in my hometown was robbed by a group of individuals during a historic snowstorm. we got ~12ft in two days, and early in the storm the bank was still open. Couple people just walked in masked with guns, robbed the place and escaped on foot. Police response time was about 45 mins at best, and by the time they arrived on scene the tracks were gone. Longshot, but pure genius."

Biddyearlyman

Cashing In A Different Kind Of Monetary System

"I was an assistant manager at a little deli/corner store for a few years and one of the employees bragged that he was getting a bag of weed a week from the store for free... Not to me but to other employees."

"I couldn't figure out how... the numbers always matched up. He was also really sucessful with one of our couponing programs.... It took me a while to figure out that our POS system would take the coupon without the upc being scanned... In otherwords... the coupons were esentially cash. He was cashing out ~$80 a week in coupons. The kid was pretty smart... I only found out when I was doing rhe inventory and the books the same week... I saw that we sold a ton of icecream... and thought geeze I am gonna have to restock the crap outta that... then realized that it was fully stocked and put 2 and 2 together."

Daftpunksluggage

Doing crime is really creating an infraction against the system we've built as a society. These "laws" are imaginary rules we assign value, and give credence, to so much so that when someone does something to break them we lose our minds.

Even when it's not that big of a deal.

Just Opening The Door Wrong

"A very clever criminal was stealing electricity for his nightclub in Liverpool, the power company knew something was happening because as soon as this guy took over their usage was about a quarter of the previous owner."

"They finally sent an old guy out to check the meter for problems. He discovered that they'd fitted a pressure switch on the door so that when it was opened the meter turned as normal, but as soon as you closes it the meter would stop turning."

"Two years they'd been investigating before he was caught out."

Are-Sole

And You Almost Got Away With It

"Ex-Security Guard here. One of the many town drunks goes into a supermarket in Tonbridge, Kent (UK). Fills basket with 8 bottles of wine. Goes to toilets. Drinks all 8 bottles. Staggers out. He still gets arrested for theft but we had to admire his ingenuity!"

Holmesy7291

Embarrassing Things People Did As Kids That Still Make Them Cringe | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

I Wasn't There. See?

"I'm a Police Officer. The smartest thing I see people who've been alleged to have committed a crime do is to have recorded what they were doing so they can prove their innocence."

Stendhal-Syndrome

And then there's these guys, who might actually be literal geniuses when the day is done.

Cutting Off The World's Connection

"Guy found out that when a gas station lost it's satellite connection, it automatically accepted all credit cards, and would presumably process them later. So, he climbed on the roof and covered the dish with foil to force it to lose connection then made charges on a card that was cancelled."

mrpbeaar

Crime! 30,000 Feet In The Air!

"In the 2000's you could order a new credit card, not activate it, and then when you were on a long haul flight you could upgrade via the card machine to first class once onboard and then pay for the premium service and when the flight landed and got internet connection none of the purchases would be successful and you would already be out of the airport."

"I never understood how they couldn't find you afterwards with your passport and credit card details but it was a big fraudulent scam that hit the newspapers multiple times. Maybe because apart from witness testimonies there wasn't a sufficient paper trail to say that you were upgraded or had any of the expensive champagne or duty free."

Naamibro

A Little Electric Play

"My dad is an attorney and had two clients: one who had an old huge Chevy Nova with a very well hidden switch under the dash. He would flip the switch and the brake lights off, then go in front of someone and hit the brakes."

"Won several claims from insurance companies."

"The second one was flying into small international airports carrying normal checked bags. Flew in from Canada every time, small puddle jumpers."

"Turns out what he was actually doing was smuggling immense amounts of cocaine. He refused to say a word to cops or in his own trial. Just pled out, and went to jail. My dad gets a single check to pay for his service of sitting and doing the plea deal. About half of his normal yearly earnings."

"Turns out the guy was snmuggling for Pablo Escobar, and would have been killed if he talked."

futureformerteacher

Truly Abhorrent Behavior

"A few years back my elderly neighbors home robbed. Her husband had just passed away and the obituary was in the paper with showing times and time the burial ceremony was to start. These low life's looked up her husband's address in the phone book and knew exactly what time their house would be un occupied. They took absolutely everything of value from this lady on the day she was putting her husband in the ground. And they never caught them."

110savage87

Crime doesn't pay.

Until it does.

When you have the cleverness, and ingenuity, as some of these people? Then maybe crime might pay a bit.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

People's Weirdest Hospital Waiting Room Experiences

Reddit user /IAmAsianHearMeRoar asked: 'What did you see happen in the hospital waiting room?'

hospital waiting area
Martha Dominguez de Gouveia on Unsplash

When we're in pain or scared, we're not on our best behavior.

We've got more important things on our minds than proper etiquette.

Couple our lowered inhibitions with the bizarre amalgam that is the human body and weirdness is bound to happen in hospital waiting rooms.

Keep reading...Show less
life

People Share Signs To Tell Whether A Friend Has A Good Marriage

A pair of wedding rings on the ground
Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

No matter how good it might be, no relationship is 100% perfect 100% of the time.

On the contrary, there are some relationships that seem pretty doomed to fail, and it's disheartening how many signs we can spot of the relationship coming apart, perhaps even before the couple themselves is aware of it.

But as clear as a sign of trouble might be, it can feel impossible to talk to a loved one about it when it's about their relationship.

Redditor AnitaDeckenme123 asked:

"What are some signs that your married friend doesn't have a good marriage?"

All Joking Aside

"Talking s**t about their spouse, even if it’s in a joking way, is a clear sign to me. I went to a bachelor party with a bunch of guys I didn’t know and they spent the entire time b***hing about their wives, and they all sounded miserable."

- FunctionBuilt

Desperate to Hide the Truth

"They are withdrawn or secretive. If your friend is suddenly withdrawn or secretive, it may be a sign that they are having problems in their marriage."

- LiaRipsx

Weird Gestures to "Mark Their Territory"

"His hang glider now has a full-sized graphic of his spouse holding the cat on it. And he wasn't asked beforehand."

- BarcodeNinja

Hypothetical Divorces

"They talk about divorce hypothetically."

- LaximumEffort

"Okay, but what if, say, I am watching a lot of true crime murder shows, and he tells me we can just get a divorce instead of me killing him? Does that count? Lol (laughing out loud)."

- HopefulKitty

Detached Relationship

"When they don’t care what the other person is doing or where they are. Basically, two people who live separate lives and live like roommates."

- Lucyinthesky

"My friend never says anything bad about her husband, but she also doesn't speak about him much at all. They’ve been married less than a year, but she's said things like not caring what he's up to a couple of times, and it made me wonder if that was normal in marriage. It feels wrong."

- happinessinasong88

Fighting in Public

"I’ve known two different couples that off and on fought a lot around me at certain points, which isn’t obviously a great sign."

"The fighting stopped, but what I realized after a while that may be worse is that they didn’t interact at all unless absolutely necessary."

"I’m mostly oblivious, so it took my wife pointing it out to notice that both of these couples never really talk to each other besides mandatory stuff like plans or the kids."

"No casual conversations, no eye contact, no touching each other; literally no interaction that’s not necessary for the family to function."

"I suppose it’s better than fighting in public, but it’s kind of weird once you notice it."

- non_clever_username

Social Media Cover Stories

"If they're plastering social media with how HAPPY they are, and they're SO IN LOVE, and THEY'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, that's a sure sign that things are in the process of going sideways."

- wilderlowerwolves

"This confuses me SO much. I have two close friends (women) who have been texting me nonstop about how s**tty their significant others are, like going OFF about them, long voice messages, etc."

"Then between messages, I will open Facebook and see they just made a post about how much they love their partner with a cute picture and tons of hearts and s**t."

"Like... WHAT. I have never called them out, but what the h**l?"

- perfectdrug659

"Gah, my BIL (Brother-in-Law) divorced after a short two-year marriage, and this was the prime indicator of knowing that they were doomed."

"They did this kissy cutesy schmoopy lovey-dovey thing in public, and the worse their relationship got, the more publicly showy they were about showing how in love they were. It was horrific to watch unfold."

- abqkat

Controlling and Jealous Behavior

"In my experience, going out with my old homie that was married, I couldn't ever post us out at the bar or anything. If his wife saw it, she’d blow her top apparently."

"We went out for my 23rd birthday a couple of years ago and merely his elbow was in the video of me sipping on whatever drink I had. In a panic, he urged that I delete it before his wife saw it for whatever reason."

"They’re divorced now."

- jailbreakthetesla_

Mean to Their Partner

"When their identity is the 'person who is mean to their spouse.'"

"I was at a party this weekend and there was a woman who just bad-mouthed her husband and talked about how nice it was to be away from him and the kids for the night. That’s like her shtick… she talks about how her kids and husband are s**tty. It’s such a gross personality, and it’s relatively common. It shouldn’t be common at all."

- SpacemanPete

Flirting Elsewhere

"They flirt a lot. A lot of unhappily married people I know are quick to flirt with anyone who seems interested because they want to feel that spark again."

- FlatulentDwarf

Constant Check-Ins

"When one of them is out and their spouse does not stop calling them."

- BansheeShriek

"I can't imagine living like that. I took a 10-day road trip to the beach alone, and all my husband asked of me was to keep my location turned on in case of an accident, and text a few times a day so he knew I was alive. That's trust."

- HopefulKitty

The Depression or Glow Up Era

"If they suddenly seem really down on themselves or stop taking care of themselves for seemingly no reason, If their outlook on relationships and/or marriage had changed since getting married, If they have nothing good to say about their partner or just don't talk about them..."

"The list goes on."

- Misspent_interlude

"Or reverse, they start glowing up. They lose weight, focus on appearance more, it means they're getting ready to split."

- Alternative-Post-937

Wishful Widows

"When my husband died, some friends admitted that they were a little jealous."

- emmymcd

"My ex-husband responded, 'One can only hope,' and looked at me when he heard someone’s wife died."

- foldinthecheese89

"I would never say this to someone, but I understand the sentiment. I absolutely wished my ex-husband dead a handful of times. It's one of those things where you can't leave because I had very little money of my own and staying meant living with abuse."

- IsThatBlueSoup

Jealous of Working Relationships

"It's bad when you avoid or feel guilty talking about how happy you are or about the nice and thoughtful things that your partner does because you know your friend can't relate."

- anemic_girlfriend

"Yikes. This is how I am with a friend group of mine. They’re always complaining about their husbands, and I stay silent. I don’t want to rub it in that I love my husband and he’s mostly awesome. In the past two years, one has gotten divorced and another is on her way there."

- Nonny70

"It gets weird for me when people are like, 'Must be nice to get away from the wife' if I'm on a work trip or something."

"I don't understand. I sleep better when my wife's next to me, I feel better about the day when I get to see her and talk to her, she makes me smile all the damn time."

"Everybody on the planet is a very distant second on my list of people I want to be around, and even though we do plenty of things separately I don't see time apart as some sort of reprieve from her presence."

- HereToTheSquatch

Wishing They Were Out

"I got married young and a lot of older guys gave me s**t for it, like they resented their wives for settling down too soon. It upsets me when men talk s**t about their wives. If you hate your wife, then leave, she’s probably better off without you."

"My wife is my best friend. Seven years later, our relationship only grows stronger over time. If you love someone and they love you back, be grateful for that and show it!"

- Apprehensive-Hall254

There are many ways to tell that a relationship is in a downward spiral, especially when the relationship is not our own.

But these accounts were intense and ones that we can only hope are less common.

signs of a breakup

People Reveal The Worst Health-Related Advice They've Ever Received

Doctor with arms crossed holding stethoscope
Sasun Bughdaryan/Unsplash

Whenever we feel like something isn't right about our bodies or we're suffering from some kind of medical issues, we want them taken care of straight away.

The problem with that is, that depending on whom we're getting information from, we tend to believe in the initial diagnosis or remedy because we trust the professional sources and we want quick solutions.

But do doctors and health specialists always know what they're talking about?

Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Strangers online shared their medical horror stories when Redditor Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo asked:

"What is the worst health advice you've been given?"

Not doing further research into something that raises eyebrows can be a fatal mistake.

Turns Out It Was Brain Cancer

"i went cross eyed and my primary said 'could be a sinus thing, get some mucinex.'”

"turns out it was glioblastoma."

– Guy_Faux

"Wow, that's an absurdly sh**ty doctor. The same thing happened to my mother and it was quickly determined that it was stage 4 lung cancer. She made it about 3 months after that. She was 48 and I was 18 so the idea that any doctor would ignore that is infuriating to me."

– Frisky_Picker

Second Opinion Saves Lives

"My primary doctor kept telling me that nothing was wrong with my thyroid, and I was a hypochondriac."

"I had been told at 12 years old that I had thyroid issues and she told me that doctor was wrong. I had to see a whole other doctor to get a referral to the endocrinologist because she literally refused to refer me to one."

"The endocrinologist said, I had scarring all over my thyroid, I had Hashimoto’s, and my levels were horrible, and she didn’t know what the doctor was talking about. She said she was glad I advocated for myself."

– littlemybb

Tiny Grandchild

"I was not the recipient of this 'advice' but I had a coworker proudly say how small her new grandchild was when they were born and that her daughter smoked her whole pregnancy to try and have a smaller baby. This was in like 2010, not the 1960s for reference."

"ETA: smoked cigarettes. clarified since that can mean more than one thing."

– Emkems

Unforeseen Ailment​

"Was sick for a year in my late teens. Saw multiple specialists to find the cause. Experimented with diet. Saw a naturopath that did some ‘electric pulse test’ thing that apparently gave indicators of organ health. After a few visits, and months of eating the weirdest sh*t, the test said things were improving (including my gallbladder). Months went on but I was still quite sick. I eventually ended up in hospital and one of my specialists decided to take my appendix out on a whim to see if it might help. Turns out I had something called a ‘grumbling appendix’ and it completely fixed me. Funny thing is, while they were in there, they discovered I was born without a gallbladder."

– Ok_Ear_8848

These are not appropriate remedies.

That's Not How That Works

"When I had an urinary tract infection someone told me to wash my vagina with vinegar..."

– _Puke_Bucket_

"And maybe add some diced onions and tomatoes to make a refreshing Mediterranean salad."

– Bos_lost_ton

Pushing Through

"Just push through whenever you're sick. If you can get to a doctor's office for a doctor's certificate you can get to school/college/work."

– BoyMonday

"My childhood pediatrician told my parents that 'A sick child never smiles.'”

"I tend to laugh/smile when I’m nervous or uncomfortable to self regulate."

– pinotproblems

"A doctor once told my parents that a child who isn’t crying can’t really be hurt. Because of that, it took me days to convince my parents to take me to the doctor after I fell on my arm because I wasn’t crying. It turns out it was broken."

– slowsunslumber

"Ignoring" The Problem Isn't A Solution

"A friend of mine was in horrible pain, and was repeatedly told (by multiple doctors) that she should stop complaining and just get used to it because periods are painful and that’s the way it is."

"After being blown off for years, she finally got a doctor to take her pain seriously- and it turned out she had severe endometriosis. The surgeon said it was the worst case he had ever seen in his career, and was horrified that it had gotten so advanced with no one listening to her."

– sapphireblossoms

Choking On Blood

"The school nurse telling me to tilt my head back for a bloody nose. That was an awful experience."

– hypo-osmotic

"I do like doing this because when I cough up the blood I can pretend I’m in a period drama and I have tuberculosis."

– OrangeTree81

These Redditors discovered that all pain is not necessarily "normal."

The C-Word

"Doctor said certain pain is normal as you get older. Turns out it was cancer."

– REDDIT

"That's a fibrous strip of breast tissue, you're too young to have breast cancer."

"Delayed diagnosis by 6 months. I was 31."

– juniper_max

Thinking Twice About Back Pain

"I got from a doctor, 'everyone has back pain. There’s nothing wrong with you, just use a heating pad.' It was kidney stones."

– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor

"Yikes, I am so sorry."

"I had a kinda similar experience. I went to the doctor for a morning appointment to get some persistent, worsening back pain checked out. Doc asked me where my back pain was, looked me in the eyes and told me I was fine and must have just slept wrong. He shut me down when I tried to advocate for myself."

"That night, I was admitted to the ER due to the crippling pain I was in. Turns out I had a serious kidney infection that was turning septic."

"One of the ER staff who helped me told me if I had waited another 24 hours, my kidneys would have shut down and I very likely would have died from organ failure?!"

"I’ve been dismissed by doctors over and over again in my personal health journey, and it is so frustrating and scary, as they’ve dismissed me for 'being dramatic' when there’s actually something very serious going on with my body."

– Yarr0wFeather

Vitamin D Overdose

"If you have pale skin, get just a little sunburnt every day so that your skin will 'learn' to get a tan. That’s how everyone else does it."

"My Solar Keratosis skin cancers would beg to disagree."

– comfortablynumb15

As much as we want to believe our doctors when they give us a health assessment and assure us we're "fine," you should never ignore your inner voice telling you that something is not right.

Your conscience is there for a reason.

Even if a doctor tells you it's okay to ignore the problem, you should think twice about ignoring your gut feelings.

health

The Absolute Stupidest Things People Have Said With Complete Conviction

Woman speaking to an audience
Photo by Ben Moreland on Unsplash

When giving a speech and making an argument, the most effective way to reach other people or get your point across is to speak with conviction.

However, speaking with conviction doesn't always mean people are speaking the truth... or even coherently.

Redditor MonkeyGentleman420 was curious to hear more stories of ludicrous things people said with unwavering conviction, leading them to ask:

"What is the stupidest thing someone has told you with complete conviction?"

We Know How Often Birds Check Clocks...

'That we set the clocks forwards and backwards so the birds don’t get confused with their migration patterns."- alliecita410

Speaking From Experience?

"'Two people can breathe underwater forever if they have a hose'."

"The first person breathes in while the second breathes out, then the first person breathes out and the second person breathes in etc'."- PahoojyMan

Dream On...

"She said:'

"'If you are dream about falling and you hit the ground in your sleep you'll actually die'."

"'It's been proven'."

"I said 'If you die in your sleep, how can anyone know what you were dreaming?'"

"Ruined a favorite story of hers."

"Sorry."- FrankieMint

falling GIFGiphy

Because ALL Cops Ask For Your SSN Before Cuffing You...

"From a coworker: 'If you don't have a social security number then the government can't do anything to you'."

"I asked if that meant, if I didn't have an SSN then I could just go kill someone on the street and the government couldn't arrest me."

"'Yep', he said, 'if you don't have an SSN then they can't enforce any laws on you'."- AllAboutThePotatoes

Keep Them Away From Needles...

"A former coworker insisted that the body believes the ears are injuries, and we are all constantly trying to heal our own ears closed."

"The only thing keeping them open, you ask?"

"Ear wax."

"We worked in healthcare."- Reflection_Secure

Credit To the Visual Effects Designer

"A girl I worked with was convinced that every single mythological creature was real."

"I’ll never forget one of her claims."

“Think about it, every movie you done seen all those creatures and aliens and sh*t, all that’s real."

"Someone has to have actually seen it to come up with that!”

"Apparently there’s no such thing as the human imagination to her."

"So yes, transformers are real, Godzilla is real, Independence Day is real."

"This was a 20-year-old that said all of this."- Dragonborn83196

Unicorn GIF by MOODMANGiphy

In Theory... Still Wrong!

"That the speed of light wasn’t like an actual number, it was just a figure of speech."- sunbearimon·

Check The Date...

"Sunburn is not caused by the sun, it is actually caused by sunblock."

"If you don't use sunblock then you will never be burned."

"Sunburn was created by the sun cream industry to sell their products."

"Seems easily testable, why not lie on the beach all day in one position with no sun block and see what happens?"

"Make sure you fall asleep for maximum effect."

"You go bright red and then blister to the point that you get taken to hospital for a combination of sunstroke and the beginning of shock then spend the rest of the holiday indoors face down with regular application of creams and replacement paraffin patches on the burns."

"It puts a bit of a dampener on your 2 week break."

"Sunburn is mentioned in Livy's history of the second Punic war and others over 2000 years ago which is solid proof that the 'Big Sunscreen' claim is ridiculous."

"However it would be hand-waved away by a True Believer of big Sunscreen."- Magnus_40

Sonne Sunburn GIF by Mitteldeutscher RundfunkGiphy

Ignorance Is Not Always Bliss...

"A distant relative, recently retired, once told me that he was going to hire a gardener and a housekeeper because 'the government will give you a grant to pay for them now'."

"This was a few minutes after a lengthy rant about how the welfare state should be scrapped because only lazy people lose their jobs and need to claim benefits."

"The same relative, some years ago, also announced with absolute conviction that he was going to hire a neighbor as a cleaner because 'she won't have anything to do now her kids are grown up'."- Plantagenesta

The Price Of Never Looking Up!

"Pineapples aren't real."

"They're entirely manmade and do not exist in nature."- tricksterloki

ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR!!!

"My dad was experiencing end stage renal failure (was on dialysis at the time and has since had a transplant)."

"My best friend's boyfriend at the time looked at me dead in the eye and said he could reverse his condition with a vegan diet and that the only important organ in the body was the skin, so as long as you take good care of your skin, your other organs will function properly."

"Mind you, by the time my dad got on dialysis his kidneys were functioning at 11% and his SKIN WAS JUST FINE."- lyingintheleaves

But What Causes Cavities?

"I'm a dental hygienist."

"We had a patient come in with terrible teeth."

"They thought toothpaste caused cancer."- dilapidatedfungus

If Only...

"That women don't burp or fart, because only men have (the ability to pass) gas."

"Spoiler alert: he was horrified when I burped in front of him."- sequoia_summers

Guilt Is Easier When You Know It's Coming.

"First girlfriend was religious, and apparently it was okay that we had sex 'as long as she feels bad about it after'."

"Pre-planning regret was her loophole to do what she wanted."- Lone_Buck

season 2 famalam GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy

When people do speak with conviction, more often than not they firmly believed what they say.

So much so, that they have trouble believing the person brave enough to correct them.

In spite of the concrete evidence thrown in front of them...

conviction