Kids say the darndest things don't they? They can always be counted on for a cute discovery or childlike astute life lesson. It's a wonderful family moment when kids verbally surprise you and everyone laughs. And then there are times when those little heathens expose you to another side. Say... akin to 'Rosemary's baby?' You never know what children may say, and their words and actions can be a mystery. The type of mystery where you may need to sleep with one eye open.

Redditor u/Rene_420 wanted to know if some parents out there had some stories about their kiddies that are opposite of the tales they spin in the car pool lane by asking.... Parents of Reddit what is the most creepiest crap your kid has said or done?

Mommy First

confused one more time GIF by Paramount NetworkGiphy

When my youngest daughter was 5 we were all sitting together eating a meal when out of nowhere she announced "if we had no food I think we'd kill mommy first because daddy can cook so he can cook her" and then just carried on eating. It's good that she has a plan I guess.


"who's that?"

At grandma's old farmhouse in FL, 4 year old granddaughter looked at the ceiling and asked, "who's that?", grandma replied, "who is who honey?" Daughter, "there's a witch on the ceiling looking at us." Grandma: "well, is she a nice witch or a mean witch, because mean witches aren't allowed in our house." Daughter: "well, she's smiling, but not in a nice way."

She proceeded to watch something on the ceiling track toward the basement door, then went back to her snack.

Edit more context, this is a historic (1910's ish farmhouse in citrus (formerly cattle) country.) I was visiting with my kids and, separate from this, my daughter stopped at the start of the main hallway one day and asked me, pointing to the front door, "daddy, who is that little boy?"

Already freaked out by above I asked what she meant and she abruptly said, "oh never mind he left." I'm not a big ghost believer dude, but I definitely leave 4% of my brainpower open to something I don't understand based on their focus, honest line of questioning and apparent belief in whatever they were or were not seeing. It seemed to surpass the normal "I have an imaginary friend" thinking.

Extra edit for skeptics, this is a house in Fl that actually had a basement, super rare, yes bc of flooding and a low water table, but super creepy basement it has!


"Hi Mommy! I got blood!" 

I have twin boys. One of them was prone to nosebleeds when they were little. Real gushers, too. Cured me of any blood aversion I may have had. His nosebleeds got to the point where a black towel was carried in my diaper bag at all times, and I bought him black pillows for his bed because he'd ruin white ones.

One morning when they were about 3, I hear them playing quietly in their room, so I enjoyed a few minutes of extra rest before getting up and starting our day. They were laughing and talking and seemed to be content.

When I got up and went into their room, I found an absolute murder scene. Twin A had gotten an absolute geyser of a nosebleed, and the two of them played with the blood. They were both covered in it, one much more than the other. They were using it to practice writing letters on the wall, and there were dozens of bloody little handprints everywhere.

It was like a freaking horror movie... two little boys covered in blood and giggling, poorly drawn alphabet letters on the wall and dozens of child sized bloody handprints. When they saw me they came running over, all happy, arms outstretched to be picked up and the bloodiest one said "Hi Mommy! I got blood!"


We hate Her

nest GIFGiphy

When my son was in 3rd grade I noticed he was in deep thought. I asked him what he was thinking about. "How I could kill my teacher and not get caught?"

In his defense, the teacher was a royal witch.


I'm not Jane

Not a parent myself, but still a good story:

At one point I had to share a bed with my 5y/o niece. Things were pretty normal for a while and I was almost asleep. Then I feel it; a tiny hand stroking the back of my head and fingers being run through my hair. I knew it was her because this was not the first time she'd done this. Kinda freaky, but then again, she had always been a weird kid who liked to touch other people to feel comforted. So, figuring she'd probably gotten scared somehow, I let her keep at it for a long time, thinking she would stop soon enough.

But OH NO. Then she started talking to me. She brushed my hair away from my ear, leaned in so that I could feel her breath on my cheek, and said: "Oh, don't worry auntie Jane, I won't kill you and make all your blood and guts come out." With that, she promptly stopped petting my hair, rolled over and went to sleep. Leaving me wide awake and pondering WTH just happened for the next four hours.

(BTW, Jane is not my real name, it just seemed like a good one to use.)


"daddy came home"

I scared my mom once when I was very young. My father was working night shift so he wasn't home at my bedtime. But when my mom was putting me to bed I suddenly said "daddy came home" and when she told me that daddy is still at work I answered "but I saw daddy's hand by the door." Mom grabbed me out of the bed and checked the whole apartment and of course found no one.

And when she put me to bed I just shrugged it off with "maybe it was just a piggy's hoof toes" and apparently was content with that explanation.

I don't remember this myself because I was very young (under 3yo) but my mom has told me the story and said that she was really freaked out.



My daughter when about 3 years old was looking at herself in a full length mirror, I said to her "that's you there Lucy" she replied to me "but I'm not Lucy, I'm Hannah". We don't know anyone called Hannah and as far as I know she'd never heard that name in her life. She really meant it to and seemed quite confused.


In the Eye

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Apparently when I was 4/5 yrs old I looked my beloved grandad in the eye and said 'I've just started my life, your's is ending.'


Back in before my Day....

When my sister was 2 years old she would often declare that she was actually 82 years old and what had we done with her big purple hat? It might have just been a game but my mom thinks it was a past life thing.

When I was in high school, my friend had a little brother who I think was maybe 8 at the time. Our friend was listening to a 40s swing song in the car (we all had a phase that I'm lowkey still in) and her little brother, from the backseat, said "I love this song!"

We asked him where he had heard it and he said "From before I was born. Then I fell into that hole."

Was mildly disconcerting.


"the dolly is dead"

My 3 year old was playing with her dolls. Then she just looked at us and said "the dolly is dead." I was stunned. We had never taught her that word and had no idea where she got it from. For a while after everything and everyone was either dead or dying or going to die. She also liked to smash her dolls against doorframes. Repeatedly. Then she would say "oh dear, baby needs a doctor". I think at that point baby was so far past a doctor.


"the funny man"

My brothers two year old twins were in their room giggling and laughing at something a couple weeks ago. When I went in there, they were both staring at a corner of the room, and towards the ceiling. When I asked what was so funny, they both just shrieked with laughter and said "the funny man" and kept on laughing.


Falling Water....

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I'm an uncle. My 3 yr old niece has an imaginary friend and blames her for things she did. The last one was pushing a glass full of water and it smashing on the ground. When I asked her why she did it, she said her 'friend' wanted me to slip and fall. When I asked why? She just said "because she wanted you to."

Had to explain to her that wasn't nice and she got mad saying it wasn't her. I dunno man. Kids are freaking weird.


Hey Kebin...

I'm not the parent but the child but my mum told me that when I was younger, I had an imaginary friend or something who I would talk to at night. He was called Kevin but I couldn't pronounce it so I called him Kebin. And one of the stories my mum said was that she didn't really believe in lying to your kids so didn't want me to believe in Santa. But apparently this Kebin guy literally told me everything. Despite her never telling me anything about it, I just suddenly woke up one day and told my mum all about it then said oh Kebin told me. I'm sure there's more stories about Kebin. I was a strange kid.


Slumber time....

My daughter likes to come into our room at night, its fairly common, and normally she just crawls into bed with us and I don't even notice.

But one night I wake up. And she's just standing right next to my head staring directly into my eyes, she smiled and said oh mama, you're awake. Scared the crap out of me.


3 is a rough age....

Once when my son was around 3, he walked up to me and asked if I remember when we were running through the woods being chased, and then we fought with some other people and wore their skins after. 😳 At that point, he was only watching Blues Clues and Bob the Builder. No idea where that came from. He said it so matter of fact. That's what made it creepy!


Where is HE?

Not a parent, but I still think about the time I was coloring with my niece and she looked at me and said, "When I was a ghost, God was not my friend," then resumed coloring. I asked her what he was. "He wasn't there."

She was around 4 at the time. Maybe she heard it from the TV or something, but it still weirded me out a bit.



death GIFGiphy

My Cousin once said when she saw her father go for a cigarette: "Dad, do you want to die?"


'demon words'

I was playing in a sandbox when I was too li'l to remember this incident. Apparently I stopped, looked at Mom, & calmly stated "The earth is in the hands of the devil." Matter-of-fact, like your kid. Then I went back to playing.

We are not a religious family. Once in a blue moon we went to church to appease my grandparents, but they were Methodist & there was no talk of fire & brimstone in that place because Methodists are fairly chill as far as I can tell.

I don't know where I learned the word 'devil'.


Santa is Scared

Ok I'm not a parent, and this is some random kid, but this is the creepiest thing I have ever heard a kid do.

My sister worked for a mall santa as an elf. So one day she has this little boy come up and sit on santa's lap. Santa asked the boy what he wants for Christmas. The little boy responded that he wants Santa's head in a sack and Santa's arms and legs nailed to his wall.

Santa had to take a break and go out for some fresh air after that one.


Run Auntie....

Originals Coffin GIF by blackbearGiphy

I'm not a parent, but apparently my little cousin once pointed at the coffin during a funeral and told my aunt, "Aren't you glad you're still young?"



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