Kids say the darndest things don't they? They can always be counted on for a cute discovery or childlike astute life lesson. It's a wonderful family moment when kids verbally surprise you and everyone laughs. And then there are times when those little heathens expose you to another side. Say... akin to 'Rosemary's baby?' You never know what children may say, and their words and actions can be a mystery. The type of mystery where you may need to sleep with one eye open.
Redditor u/Rene_420 wanted to know if some parents out there had some stories about their kiddies that are opposite of the tales they spin in the car pool lane by asking.... Parents of Reddit what is the most creepiest crap your kid has said or done?Mommy First
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When my youngest daughter was 5 we were all sitting together eating a meal when out of nowhere she announced "if we had no food I think we'd kill mommy first because daddy can cook so he can cook her" and then just carried on eating. It's good that she has a plan I guess.
"who's that?"
At grandma's old farmhouse in FL, 4 year old granddaughter looked at the ceiling and asked, "who's that?", grandma replied, "who is who honey?" Daughter, "there's a witch on the ceiling looking at us." Grandma: "well, is she a nice witch or a mean witch, because mean witches aren't allowed in our house." Daughter: "well, she's smiling, but not in a nice way."
She proceeded to watch something on the ceiling track toward the basement door, then went back to her snack.
Edit more context, this is a historic (1910's ish farmhouse in citrus (formerly cattle) country.) I was visiting with my kids and, separate from this, my daughter stopped at the start of the main hallway one day and asked me, pointing to the front door, "daddy, who is that little boy?"
Already freaked out by above I asked what she meant and she abruptly said, "oh never mind he left." I'm not a big ghost believer dude, but I definitely leave 4% of my brainpower open to something I don't understand based on their focus, honest line of questioning and apparent belief in whatever they were or were not seeing. It seemed to surpass the normal "I have an imaginary friend" thinking.
Extra edit for skeptics, this is a house in Fl that actually had a basement, super rare, yes bc of flooding and a low water table, but super creepy basement it has!
"Hi Mommy! I got blood!"
I have twin boys. One of them was prone to nosebleeds when they were little. Real gushers, too. Cured me of any blood aversion I may have had. His nosebleeds got to the point where a black towel was carried in my diaper bag at all times, and I bought him black pillows for his bed because he'd ruin white ones.
One morning when they were about 3, I hear them playing quietly in their room, so I enjoyed a few minutes of extra rest before getting up and starting our day. They were laughing and talking and seemed to be content.
When I got up and went into their room, I found an absolute murder scene. Twin A had gotten an absolute geyser of a nosebleed, and the two of them played with the blood. They were both covered in it, one much more than the other. They were using it to practice writing letters on the wall, and there were dozens of bloody little handprints everywhere.
It was like a freaking horror movie... two little boys covered in blood and giggling, poorly drawn alphabet letters on the wall and dozens of child sized bloody handprints. When they saw me they came running over, all happy, arms outstretched to be picked up and the bloodiest one said "Hi Mommy! I got blood!"
We hate Her
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When my son was in 3rd grade I noticed he was in deep thought. I asked him what he was thinking about. "How I could kill my teacher and not get caught?"
In his defense, the teacher was a royal witch.
I'm not Jane
Not a parent myself, but still a good story:
At one point I had to share a bed with my 5y/o niece. Things were pretty normal for a while and I was almost asleep. Then I feel it; a tiny hand stroking the back of my head and fingers being run through my hair. I knew it was her because this was not the first time she'd done this. Kinda freaky, but then again, she had always been a weird kid who liked to touch other people to feel comforted. So, figuring she'd probably gotten scared somehow, I let her keep at it for a long time, thinking she would stop soon enough.
But OH NO. Then she started talking to me. She brushed my hair away from my ear, leaned in so that I could feel her breath on my cheek, and said: "Oh, don't worry auntie Jane, I won't kill you and make all your blood and guts come out." With that, she promptly stopped petting my hair, rolled over and went to sleep. Leaving me wide awake and pondering WTH just happened for the next four hours.
(BTW, Jane is not my real name, it just seemed like a good one to use.)
"daddy came home"
I scared my mom once when I was very young. My father was working night shift so he wasn't home at my bedtime. But when my mom was putting me to bed I suddenly said "daddy came home" and when she told me that daddy is still at work I answered "but I saw daddy's hand by the door." Mom grabbed me out of the bed and checked the whole apartment and of course found no one.
And when she put me to bed I just shrugged it off with "maybe it was just a piggy's hoof toes" and apparently was content with that explanation.
I don't remember this myself because I was very young (under 3yo) but my mom has told me the story and said that she was really freaked out.
Lucy
My daughter when about 3 years old was looking at herself in a full length mirror, I said to her "that's you there Lucy" she replied to me "but I'm not Lucy, I'm Hannah". We don't know anyone called Hannah and as far as I know she'd never heard that name in her life. She really meant it to and seemed quite confused.
In the Eye
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Apparently when I was 4/5 yrs old I looked my beloved grandad in the eye and said 'I've just started my life, your's is ending.'
Back in before my Day....
When my sister was 2 years old she would often declare that she was actually 82 years old and what had we done with her big purple hat? It might have just been a game but my mom thinks it was a past life thing.
When I was in high school, my friend had a little brother who I think was maybe 8 at the time. Our friend was listening to a 40s swing song in the car (we all had a phase that I'm lowkey still in) and her little brother, from the backseat, said "I love this song!"
We asked him where he had heard it and he said "From before I was born. Then I fell into that hole."
Was mildly disconcerting.
"the dolly is dead"
My 3 year old was playing with her dolls. Then she just looked at us and said "the dolly is dead." I was stunned. We had never taught her that word and had no idea where she got it from. For a while after everything and everyone was either dead or dying or going to die. She also liked to smash her dolls against doorframes. Repeatedly. Then she would say "oh dear, baby needs a doctor". I think at that point baby was so far past a doctor.
"the funny man"
My brothers two year old twins were in their room giggling and laughing at something a couple weeks ago. When I went in there, they were both staring at a corner of the room, and towards the ceiling. When I asked what was so funny, they both just shrieked with laughter and said "the funny man" and kept on laughing.
Falling Water....
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I'm an uncle. My 3 yr old niece has an imaginary friend and blames her for things she did. The last one was pushing a glass full of water and it smashing on the ground. When I asked her why she did it, she said her 'friend' wanted me to slip and fall. When I asked why? She just said "because she wanted you to."
Had to explain to her that wasn't nice and she got mad saying it wasn't her. I dunno man. Kids are freaking weird.
Hey Kebin...
I'm not the parent but the child but my mum told me that when I was younger, I had an imaginary friend or something who I would talk to at night. He was called Kevin but I couldn't pronounce it so I called him Kebin. And one of the stories my mum said was that she didn't really believe in lying to your kids so didn't want me to believe in Santa. But apparently this Kebin guy literally told me everything. Despite her never telling me anything about it, I just suddenly woke up one day and told my mum all about it then said oh Kebin told me. I'm sure there's more stories about Kebin. I was a strange kid.
Slumber time....
My daughter likes to come into our room at night, its fairly common, and normally she just crawls into bed with us and I don't even notice.
But one night I wake up. And she's just standing right next to my head staring directly into my eyes, she smiled and said oh mama, you're awake. Scared the crap out of me.
3 is a rough age....
Once when my son was around 3, he walked up to me and asked if I remember when we were running through the woods being chased, and then we fought with some other people and wore their skins after. 😳 At that point, he was only watching Blues Clues and Bob the Builder. No idea where that came from. He said it so matter of fact. That's what made it creepy!
Where is HE?
Not a parent, but I still think about the time I was coloring with my niece and she looked at me and said, "When I was a ghost, God was not my friend," then resumed coloring. I asked her what he was. "He wasn't there."
She was around 4 at the time. Maybe she heard it from the TV or something, but it still weirded me out a bit.
Beware
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My Cousin once said when she saw her father go for a cigarette: "Dad, do you want to die?"
'demon words'
I was playing in a sandbox when I was too li'l to remember this incident. Apparently I stopped, looked at Mom, & calmly stated "The earth is in the hands of the devil." Matter-of-fact, like your kid. Then I went back to playing.
We are not a religious family. Once in a blue moon we went to church to appease my grandparents, but they were Methodist & there was no talk of fire & brimstone in that place because Methodists are fairly chill as far as I can tell.
I don't know where I learned the word 'devil'.
Santa is Scared
Ok I'm not a parent, and this is some random kid, but this is the creepiest thing I have ever heard a kid do.
My sister worked for a mall santa as an elf. So one day she has this little boy come up and sit on santa's lap. Santa asked the boy what he wants for Christmas. The little boy responded that he wants Santa's head in a sack and Santa's arms and legs nailed to his wall.
Santa had to take a break and go out for some fresh air after that one.
Run Auntie....
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I'm not a parent, but apparently my little cousin once pointed at the coffin during a funeral and told my aunt, "Aren't you glad you're still young?"
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.