People Share The Craziest Things A Child Has Ever Asked Them
Ekaterina Shakharova/Unsplash

Kids are wild.

If you don't think kids are wild, it's because you clearly haven't spent any real time around them or they're not comfortable enough to be themselves around you, yet. They're still putting up a front.

Catch them when they're relaxed and in their natural state - then they start talking and almost without fail, tiny humans are absolutely bananas. It might just be the best thing about them.


Reddit user Deepanjon asked:

"What's the craziest thing a child has ever asked you?"

Don't take my word for it, lets gather evidence from these fine folks.

When You Were Young

Getting Old 30 Rock GIF Giphy

" 'When you were a kid, did they even have electricity? Or is that new to you?' ”

"I’m 22???????"

- injury_minded

"My granddaughter asked me 'Was there color when you were younger?' ”

" 'Ummmm yes there has always been color.' "

"I died. It was so innocent. I love that kid."

- FlaOwlLover88

"My 5 year old asked me if we had rocks when I was a kid."

- vonMishka

Catloaf

"Dumb, but truly adorable."

"I got a new kitten and was taking him to the vet. He was sitting in the loaf cat position with his feet tucked all up under him in his cat carrier."

"Little girl comes up to me with a look of genuine concern."

“ 'Hello, excuse me, I’ve never had a cat, I just have a dog (points over at her dog at the vet) and I just wanted to know if you brought the cat to the vet because he doesn’t have any feet?' ”

"I picked him up and she saw his feet and was SO RELIEVED."

- sensualsqueaky

Verbal Decimation

"I was verbally decimated by a 9 year old. ZERO comeback."

"I was hanging out in my friends garage and his daughter came out from the house, and told me that I looked just like her teacher."

"I responded, 'Man, Your teacher must be a very handsome guy!' "

"She responded "Well no, she's pregnant. Are you pregnant too?' "

"WTF! That was a perfect burn. ZERO comebacks."

"My friend was laughing his @ss off."

- CodeBluePools

Why Grandma's Not Dead

"My three year old nephew asked me how old his great grandmother is. I told him she’s 94."

"He asked why she hasn’t died yet!"

"Thankfully she, like a lot of old people, has a sense of humour about her mortality. When we moved this grandma out of her house, I was carrying a box down the driveway and she walked next to me saying:"

" 'Thank you dear. This is my last move. Next time I'll be in the box.' "

"She was also friends with the retired head of the classics department at the local university, and I was a classics major so I liked visiting him from time to time. In the last year of his life he lived in a care facility."

"Whenever I was leaving he'd say 'It's always nice of you to come visit us folks here in the departures lounge.' "

- asoiahats

Jesus The Homie

family guy jesus GIF Giphy

"It wasn’t me, but my daughter."

"She was 4 when she met my grandmother, who was 68 at the time. By far the oldest person my daughter had ever met."

"Without missing a beat she turns to my grandmother and says.. 'Was Jesus friendly in person?' Lol."

- bellabbr

#28 Doesn't Always Work

"Not me, but my wife, who is Black."

"Kid: 'Your skin is so dark. Does it wash off?' "

"Wife: 'No baby, this is tanning shade #28. You've only got shade #3.' "

'Kid ran too his mom and said he wanted to go outside and get a #28."

- BigdoggyTN

"My toddler asked me why I was part black. (We are both very white.)"

"I asked her to clarify and she pointed to a mole on my arm and said:"

" 'Your skin tried to be black right there but it didn't work for your whole body.' "

- NeedsMoreTuba

Playing Games

"Because I'm a 27-year-old man who is 4 feet tall and has disproportionate dwarfism, I get a lot of funny/weird child encounters as they try to figure out who I am."

"One of my favourite interactions occurred when I was waiting for a friend who had gone to the restroom in a shopping centre."

"I was going about my business when I spotted a young girl, perhaps about eight years old and already taller than me, peering at me from a few yards away. I didn't think much of it (things like this happen all the time), so I just smiled to myself and kept her in my peripheral view."

"I was caught aback as she stormed directly towards me, an irritated expression on her face:"

" 'I know you're not an adult,' she stated when she got to me. 'Stop playing games!' Just as her embarrassed father raced up behind her and yanked her away; extensively apologizing to me."

"I was taken aback, and then I burst out laughing. I'm going to have to work on my disguise..."

- bonniejfox

The Old People Conundrum

Michael Cohen Yes GIF Giphy

"When I was little I remember asking my grandma:"

" 'Are old people smart because they're so old they've had time to learn everything, or are they stupid because they've had a lot of time to forget everything?' "

"She laughed in my face. I thought it was a legitimate question."

- Adelmas

"The answer is 'yes.' "

- scalablecory

During The Diaper Changes

"I work in childcare, mostly with very young children."

"While a coworker was changing a 2-almost-3s poopy diaper (there’s always another certified adult within seeing/hearing range while doing diaper changes or any other more delicate things; child abuse prevention measures!) I hear him say 'ow!' ”

"Coworker says 'I’m so sorry, I have to get the poopy off your little penis so it doesn’t get a rash! Would you like to take a wipe and help?' ”

"And the child responds 'No Ms, not little penis, BIG penis!' ”

"He asked me after he came out from the bathroom: 'I have a big penis right? Right?' ”

"100% told mom about it and she was howling with laughter. Sounds like he’s been hanging out with his older brothers or something!"

"Also my response to him was: 'oh, I’m taller than you, so you are just small to me! Like your hands are smaller than mine!' "

- immabadit

"My 3 year old boy, completely out of the blue while changing his diaper: 'I have BIG peepee!' Heavy emphasis on BIG."

- VisionsOfTheMind

Candy-Colored Gnome

" 'Are you real?' ”

"I was working at a movie theatre, and at the time had pink and blue hair. Also I am just over 5’ and have been told I look like a cartoon character."

"I think the kid had just fallen asleep during a movie and was kinda groggy, then this little candy-colored gnome with a broom walks by and she just needed to check."

- DelsMagicFishies

Point proven, but we're not done yet.

Lets turn it over to the comments, shall we? Tell us the kid-est thing a kid has ever said to you, let's expose them for magnificently hilarious little beasts they are.

Kids are amazing.

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