The most depressingly comical news out of the Iowa caucuses earlier was about a woman who said she was ready to change her vote after finding out candidate Pete Buttigieg is a gay dude.
We don't know where in the world she's been for the last year, but you can go to YouTube to see this hot mess for yourself.
That's just one example of logical absurdity, though. You can thank Redditor DooDooPancake for introducing us to many more after asking the online community, "What is some of the worst broken logic you've ever heard?"
"My sister told me..."
My sister told me the way I was pointing couldn't be north because "north has to be in a straight line and that's a diagonal."
"I overheard two girls..."
I overheard two girls talking about how The Hobbit was a bad film, because they stole the story from Harry Potter and used the same actor for their wizard. So much went wrong in this conversation that I am still going to therapy for it two years later.
"Those lazy freeloaders..."
Those lazy freeloaders are taking our jobs.
"My Discover card..."
Dad: Credit cards are just a scam to make money off you.
Me: My Discover card doesn't charge me any fees.
Dad: They charge you interest on your charges.
Me: Only if you don't pay them off at the end of the month, which I always pay.
Dad: ….. Well credit cards are a scam and I still don't want one.
"Once at a party..."Giphy
Once at a party I was pointing at Jupiter in the sky. A girl behind me said: "I've always wondered what stars are." I replied "What do you mean? They are like our sun but really far away." She remained silent for a good ten seconds and then added : "I think stars are the spirits of dead people."
"My coworker told me..."
My coworker told me that she can't eat pasta because she is gluten intolerant. I said, "Don't worry, you can still eat pasta, they sell different types of gluten free pasta at the store". She insisted that she has tried those and it still messes up her stomach, because of her gluten intolerance.
"You should buy..."
Liquor Store Salesman: You should buy a growler instead of a six pack. Beer in bottles and cans has preservatives and chemicals that are bad for you.
Me: Are you aware of what alcohol is?
"My dad does not..."
My dad does not have a garage door opener, so he has to open the door manually every time. When we ask why he won't get one, "If the power goes out, I'd have to open the door by hand."
Soooo, maybe once a year instead of multiple times per day. Okay then.
"Why do you care so much..."
"Why do you care so much about race issues? Sure, your mom is black, but you aren't black. I mean, you were raised by your white dad."
A former friend of mine told me after I told her how excited I was to see "I Am Not Your Negro".
One of my students: "Hawaii is too small to be a state. It has to be a country". Despite showing her multiple sources, her asking multiple other teachers, her classmates screaming at her, she refuses to believe me. Worse part is she went home and her mom agreed with her, causing her to double down. Worst part is I am her ELA and social studies teacher, so her test scores determine my yearly teacher rating.