The most depressingly comical news out of the Iowa caucuses earlier was about a woman who said she was ready to change her vote after finding out candidate Pete Buttigieg is a gay dude.
We don't know where in the world she's been for the last year, but you can go to YouTube to see this hot mess for yourself.
That's just one example of logical absurdity, though. You can thank Redditor DooDooPancake for introducing us to many more after asking the online community, "What is some of the worst broken logic you've ever heard?"
"My sister told me..."
My sister told me the way I was pointing couldn't be north because "north has to be in a straight line and that's a diagonal."
"I overheard two girls..."
I overheard two girls talking about how The Hobbit was a bad film, because they stole the story from Harry Potter and used the same actor for their wizard. So much went wrong in this conversation that I am still going to therapy for it two years later.
"My Discover card..."
Dad: Credit cards are just a scam to make money off you.
Me: My Discover card doesn't charge me any fees.
Dad: They charge you interest on your charges.
Me: Only if you don't pay them off at the end of the month, which I always pay.
Dad: ….. Well credit cards are a scam and I still don't want one.
"Once at a party..."
GiphyOnce at a party I was pointing at Jupiter in the sky. A girl behind me said: "I've always wondered what stars are." I replied "What do you mean? They are like our sun but really far away." She remained silent for a good ten seconds and then added : "I think stars are the spirits of dead people."
"My coworker told me..."
My coworker told me that she can't eat pasta because she is gluten intolerant. I said, "Don't worry, you can still eat pasta, they sell different types of gluten free pasta at the store". She insisted that she has tried those and it still messes up her stomach, because of her gluten intolerance.
"You should buy..."
Liquor Store Salesman: You should buy a growler instead of a six pack. Beer in bottles and cans has preservatives and chemicals that are bad for you.
Me: Are you aware of what alcohol is?
"My dad does not..."
My dad does not have a garage door opener, so he has to open the door manually every time. When we ask why he won't get one, "If the power goes out, I'd have to open the door by hand."
Soooo, maybe once a year instead of multiple times per day. Okay then.
"Why do you care so much..."
"Why do you care so much about race issues? Sure, your mom is black, but you aren't black. I mean, you were raised by your white dad."
A former friend of mine told me after I told her how excited I was to see "I Am Not Your Negro".
"Worst part..."
One of my students: "Hawaii is too small to be a state. It has to be a country". Despite showing her multiple sources, her asking multiple other teachers, her classmates screaming at her, she refuses to believe me. Worse part is she went home and her mom agreed with her, causing her to double down. Worst part is I am her ELA and social studies teacher, so her test scores determine my yearly teacher rating.
Redditor gejiw94601 wanted to compare notes on how money can slip away so easily, so they asked:
"What's the biggest waste of money?"
Money is so easy to lose.
Just ask my best friend... vodka.
WHY?!
Idiot Facepalm GIFGiphy"Donating to rich Twitch streamers. I’ll probably never understand why people do it."
dring157
"I remember watching one guy drop $60k to Ninja. I was making 30k a year at the time, this guy drop double my salary in one stream."
IanFPS
Adulting
"Credit Card interest."
DweeblesX
"When I first go a credit card I used it only when I was short on cash, but it ended up me throwing money at stupid things because I knew I had a credit card to fall back on if I needed it."
"Now I use my card for the points, and I pay it off about every two weeks. While I'm still not great at adulting, at least I figured out this part."
boardmonkey
What about Florida?
"The $50 scratch-off lottery tickets you can buy in Iowa."
notthesedays
"I used to work for the VA lottery. I got to see the numbers, the payout was only about 20% (if that) of profit for scratch-offs. Slightly higher for the draw games. But print-n-play was almost 1-1 for payout vs profit. Don't know how it is now or how other state's payout margins are, but print-n-play is where it's at if you're gonna play anything."
DarthWeabu
Always Upgrade
adopt for sale GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy"Buying cheap crap you have to replace."
coinkeeper8
"My dad once told me to not spend excessive money on tools at first. Buy them for dirt cheap, and learn which tools you really need. And when they break: replace them with quality ones. Buying pro-grade stuff you don't need is wasted money."
.HarlequinSyndrom
Spending a little extra can go a long way.
Cheap doesn't often equal quality.
Flex
Costume Clothes GIF by Big Brother AustraliaGiphy"Buying ridiculously expensive clothes to flex."
PinkLemon4
"Clothes are a two-way issue. Good clothes last a long time and the price is worth it for the comfort on top of that. But some clothes are 100x the price and 1/10th the quality. So there is a fine line here."
Wdrussell1
Pay to Lose
"Pay to win games."
testthrowawayzz
"I played a lot of mobile games with in-game currencies. I have never spent a cent on these games. Why would I spend hundreds of dollars if I can enjoy the game and learn how to play even if it's slow? And many items don't even help you at the game. It's just skins or titles that only show other players how stupid you were to pay for a free app."
Pintermarc
And Silver?
"Gold Food, or more accurately food that is covered in something called gold leaf. In my eyes, food is worth buying if they provide a great amount of nutrition for considerably good prices. After all, you probably avoid paying 50 million dollars just to buy a few molecules that are useless to your health and needs."
"And then there's gold leaf food, sure the food looks fancy but at the cost of a ludicrous amount of money! And with the gold having no usable nutrients at all, it is just not worth it to buy such expensive food for a relatively small amount of nutrients."
"For instance, Industry Kitchen (hopefully that's the name of the place) in NYC serves a pizza with a gold leaf covering for a whopping price of $2000. While at my home country which is Indonesia, Domino's serves an American Classic Cheeseburger Pizza (IDK that's a thing) which is the most expensive pizza I could find on the website costs around $7 which is just baffling to me."
ScopeRicrit
Pretty Boom
"Fireworks, I love them, but it's like $50 per second for the good ones."
endisnigh-ish
"Yeah, I end up spending probably $300 each summer buying fountains and batteries and helicopters and cardboard tanks and sh*t--none of the big professional skyrockets. It's absurd, I'll be the first to admit."
"But it's fun!"
-RadarRanger-
Just Elope
"Weddings."
"Crazy expensive day. Guaranteed at least one relative will kick up a stink. Massive pressure to be The Happiest Day of Your Life. Everything doubles in cost if you say it's for a wedding (dress, suit, cake, venue) Just do the quick registry office paperwork, have a surprise party, and run away for a long honeymoon with the money you saved."
PinchAssault52
Roll of the Dice
Card Game Poker GIFGiphy"Gambling for sure."
snazyfragz
"I live in a small town where a casino is the big attraction They've had numerous people crap and pee themselves because they didn't wanna get up from the slots because 'it's just about to pay out.'"
11BREWER
Gambling is the greatest way to lose money.
Addiction will take everything if you let it.
