Police officers can run into all sorts of criminals over the course of their careers and not all of them are necessarily the sharpest knives in the drawer.
Today's burning question came from Redditor NobleDragon777, who asked the online community: "Cops of Reddit, what is the most stupid criminal you have ever met?"
There are a lot of them out there. Law enforcement officers and even regular citizens chimed in.
"3 guys broke in through a large window..."
Not a cop but I used to work at a smoke shop. 3 guys broke in through a large window, left blood everywhere just trying to get in. Walked right past the high end fancy expensive glass and proceeded to grab as many cheap Chinese bongs as possible. They went back through the window breaking 2 or 3 bongs in the process of crawling through the tiny hole they made probably cutting themselves even more than they already have and high tailed it across the street.
They seemed to have dropped damn near everything while running because there was literally a trail of broken glass leading to the apartment across the street. Cops came, followed the glass trail leading directly to someones door. Looked over the little fence to their bottom floor balcony and saw 3 guys all cut up smoking from a broken bong. We estimated they took 8 or 9 bongs, they were smoking from the only survivor. They turned out to be regulars. Never seem em again after that.
"So I went home, called the cops..."
Not a cop myself, but about 10 years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of 3 guys with knives. All they wanted was the money in my wallet, so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged. At the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said "If you ever tell the cops my name is <redacted> I will slice your throat right now".
So I went home, called the cops, told em where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me. The name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past. Cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear. They could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and thats about it.
Happened in the Netherlands, don't know his sentence or anything.
"Teen gets fired..."
Teen gets fired from Red Lobster, returns to rob same restaurant that night. They refuse to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box (muscular dystrophy or similar) and then he leaves on bicycle. I go to find him and see coins scattered about, follow trail off same which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church. Bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in.
"Went to a job..."
Went to a job of 2 males attempting to break into a car. Job description said they had been at it for at least an hour.
Got there and the car was theirs. They had apparently locked themselves out. Checks confirmed it did belong to one of the persons mum. On their person was stolen mail and heaps of phones and new stuff in boxes in the car so they got arrested for theft anyway.
Ended up that the drivers door they had been trying to break into was the only locked door out of the 4. Was unlocked everywhere else the whole time they were there.
"My ex stole a car..."Giphy
My ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car. He parked right in front of a cop. The cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building. Next day, he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town.
"Took a vehicle burglary report..."
Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim's vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.
The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn't know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.
"He once told me a story..."
My father is a police officer. He once told me a story of a call he went to for reports of a man and woman fighting in an apartment (call came from neighbors for noise complaints/concern). He was 3rd shift, so this was at some point very late at night, when all the crazy people are up and at em. When he arrived he could hear the yelling through the door, he knocked and let them know it was the police.
There was immediate silence and a man answered the door... completely naked. The naked man didn't even give my dad a chance to speak or ask questions, the first thing he said was "I don't have a knife behind my back." Well, he definitely did have a knife behind his back. And the naked woman he was with had drugs, which was what they were fighting over. They both got arrested that night. Tip: don't do illegal drugs, and if you do, don't answer the door for the cops.
"Social media is a treasure trove..."
Can't go into too much detail, but kid (14) shot another kid (15) in the leg after a fight in their apartment complex. The victim is able to describe the gun the shooter used in detail. We get get shooters name from another kid who knows him from school, my partner looks up his Instagram and would you believe it, there he is posing with the gun described to us exactly.
Social media is a treasure trove of wannabe gangsters incriminating themselves.
"So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork."
So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.
Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some drugs. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.
"My cousin is a State Trooper..."
My cousin is a State Trooper, and he had a funny story about a guy he caught running drugs on the interstate. One day as he was about to head off duty, he saw a car going easily 100mph in the opposite direction, so he whipped around and eventually caught up to him and pulled him over. The first words out of the guy's mouth were, "You can't pull me over!" To which my cousin replied, "Um, I just did?"
After a search of the vehicle that yielded a pound of weed, a pistol with the serial number scratched off, some meth, and a notebook with his own rap lyrics, my cousin arrested the guy. While questioning him, he read some of his lyrics back to him including the line, "Ain't no pig ever gon catch me... F--- the police"
"He basically gave himself away."
My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.
Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"
Robber: "No it was only $300!"
He basically gave himself away.
"An idiot high schooler..."
My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I'm not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn't work out why his ID didn't work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.
"I pulled over a dude..."
Ex police officer here,
I pulled over a dude for having a brake light out. Nothing serious, ran his plated and the likes. It all came back clean and nothing seemed off, until he exclaimed, "I haven't had any alcohol!" In an over enthusiastic tone.... for some reason he thought this was a good idea... so nearly got away with it (vodka doesnt smell). I breathalised him... legal limit in England is 35 he blew over 60.... Arrested on the spot and his vehicle towed. Idiot.
"We had an inmate..."
We had an inmate that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes. He did this several times a month.
So I have this concept I call "Emotional Velociraptors" - they're the people that stay in your life testing your fences for weak spots after you've set a boundary.
Rom-coms like to frame it as one person being madly in love and the other just not realizing they're in love yet. It's determination, it's devotion, it's "true love" and so romantic!
Nah, it's totally disregarding your boundaries and your autonomy and collectively can we just ... ya know ... NOT?
Hanging around waiting for someone to be emotionally compromised so you can swoop in and "save the day" with your love is predatory.
"Wearing them down" until they say yes to a date is predatory.
Sabotaging their friendships and other relationships in the hopes that they'll "fall back" to you is predatory.
Not romance. Raptors. Now cut it out!
Reddit user MysteryScallop asked:
"What do people need to stop romanticizing?"
And hey, would you look at the very first response, it's our good friend Rom-coms!
But they're not alone here. This list is full of messiness, take a look.
Rom-Coms Need To Be StoppedBbc Starz GIF by Dublin MurdersGiphy
"People dropping all their own goals and interests for someone else. Yes, the plot of standard rom-com."
"Which brings us to stalking. Also romanticised in rom-coms."
"It's scary how people in these threads I see are sometimes just like 'no this is so romantic' and 'oh look at their relationship progressing' while I'm like 'no wtf?! this is the behavior of a crazy person that I wouldn't want anything to do with in real life ever!' "
"Doesn't just go for stalking, goes for a lot of things really. Rom-coms/dramas etc are good at romanticizing these really weird and super unhealthy things."
"Do you know the series 'You' on Netflix?"
"The protagonist believes he is the hero of a romance. Just watch the trailer, I love it. It's relevant."
Manic Pixie Superpowers?Sarcastic Rose Byrne GIF by Apple TVGiphy
"Mental illness is a serious condition. Having one does not make you cool, unique, or insightful. It's a disaster."
"The people who call ADHD a 'superpower' are just flat out wrong. ADHD is super debilitating overall."
"While there are some things we can do 'better' than people who are neurotypical, overall ADHD is extremely hard to manage and often can destroy a person's home life, school and/or career."
"Things aren't structured for us. At all. It's really hard to function."
"Some individuals go as far as fetishsizing people with mental illness and its disgusting. That Manic Pixie Dream Girl is suffering."
"Some people called my autism a 'superpower' because smart or rich people also have autism and are really successful (Elon musk, Bill gates etc).but their superpower isn't autism, it's being a rich white guy."
"People don't seem to realize what Savant Syndrome is or what privilege is and just believe everyone with a mental illness or disability is some secret untapped genius, which is not the case."
"I don't have a 'superpower' and am not incredibly smart, what is different is my breakdowns which aren't fun believe it or not."
FollowersSocial Media Reaction GIF by TravisGiphy
"I had an acquaintance tell me that he really liked this guy he had gone on a few dates with, but the the guy had less than 1000 Instagram followers, and he saw that as a red flag."
"We were probably 19/20 at the time, in college. This guy was obsessed with social media appearances. He would only post photos of himself with people who he deemed attractive enough."
"Once my roommate, her other friend, him & I all went out. He knew my roommates friend on the same level as me, just acquaintances. No real connection."
"The friend is super pretty; she looks similar to Shay Mitchell."
"He asked to take a photo with her so he could post it on Instagram and didn’t even ask my roommate who he is ACTUALLY friends with or I to get in it LOL."
"HE was definitely the red flag in that relationship."
"Real" Fathersdarth vader father GIF by Star WarsGiphy
"My wife's ex-husband has documented schizophrenia, bi-polar and is a drug addict with a severe alcohol problem. He's also assaulted multiple people and posted pictures/bragged about nearly beating an old man to death at a gas station because he 'talked to his woman.' "
"People liked to romanticize him as just 'protective father.' "
"We lived in absolute fear anytime he got to see the kids. Would they come back with bruises, night-terrors, talking about strange people and places?"
"Or the week-long headaches with their clothes smelling of marijuana and having strange stains on them. What would go wrong this time? Or...would we even see them again?"
"Would he fly off the handle this time and beat or abandon them? Would he do what he's threatened and leave the state?"
"It's absolutely terrifying. The late night/early morning messages that didn't make sense, had him half-naked outside doing God only knows. The video chats of him being drunk or high."
"It took years to get him cut off completely, all due to the f*cking lie that 'children need their "REAL" father.'
F*ck. That. Shit. Sideways."
"No, they don't. Especially not if he's a dangerous maniac and they have a Father (ME) and only wants to love and protect them."
"He wasn't 'protective, he was violent. It cost nearly $10k and took ~5 years but he's finally been cut off."
"It only happened when he tried to break in, armed with a gun, drunk at 3am. He was caught a block away waiting for us to come out."
"Why? To be a real father and 'check on his children... with a loaded gun. The letter he wrote that they confiscated off of him that night really told what he wanted to do."
"We've since moved, and it's taken over a year of no contact for us to finally not be looking over our shoulder every second. Mental illness is awful and the man truly needs to be locked up, away from the general population with long-term care."
Caught Up In The Gameice cube film GIFGiphy
"The 'gangsta' lifestyle and all that it entails."
"I grew up in Oakland and have witnessed far too many of the people I grew with get caught up in the game. Roughly half of the guys from my former neighborhood are either serving life sentences or were killed."
"I grew up in the 80s, but it's even worse now."
"We've been glorifying lawless rebels who make their fortune through strength, cunning, and weapons since the start of time."
"Gangsters are just the modern version of outlaws, bandits, pirates, treasure hunters, and explorers. They answer to no one, they don't take any crap, you don't want to cross them, and the ones we idolize (whether real or fiction) are the ones that do that and succeed."
"We overlook the many, many examples of it being awful and focus on the few that show it being way better than our sh*tty boring, repetitive lives where we lack so much freedom."
Seriously SerialThis Is Weird GIF by Catfish MTVGiphy
"And putting details of what they did all over the media, giving them additional fame. A comic I can't recall the name of said 'I know more about Ted Bundy than I know about my family.' "
"Ted Bundy legit got hundreds of love letters from women in jail. Really strange why women would find a person who specifically murders only women attractive."
"Humans are certainly bizzarre."
"Last podcast on the left does a really good job of showing how these guys are actually just massive losers that turn to killing because it’s the easiest way they can be good at something."
"You can't possibly be a "fan" of any serial killers they talk about, because they make it very clear what pathetic and horrible people they all were."
"I absolutely loved their Charles Manson episodes. 99% of Manson-related media makes him out to be some criminal psychopath mastermind."
"LPOTL makes him out to be a horny little conman troll who had no f*cking clue what he was doing and made a bunch of choices out of sheer panic or stupidity. There's no glamour there."
It's Just A JobTired Presidential Debate GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
"My coworkers tend to make it a competition to see who can make the most sacrifices for their career. Who puts in the most overtime hours? Who does things off the clock for work more? Etc"
"It's bullsh*t. I have a life and a family I want to prioritize."
"Saying that you work a lot isn't the flex most people think it is. Unless you're rich or you work for yourself, you're basically admitting that you're sacrificing your life for someone else's gain."
"I can see when everyone on my team logs in and out."
"It's super common for people to start working at 4-5am and stay on until 10-11pm. I see work getting submitted at 2am. I see people logging on during weekends."
"One person even worked on Thanksgiving."
"It's like they don't know how to occupy themselves if they're not doing their job."
Hot People Can Be Evilbella swan twilight GIFGiphy
"Attractive people doing harmful things."
"People shouldn't get a pass to do toxic and rude things simply because they're attractive. Why do I see serial killers and toxic partners get romanticized simply because they're hot?"
"Why does that make their horrible actions somehow badass and charismatic??"
"Back when the Boston marathon bombing happened one of my friends on Facebook started posting a bunch of pictures of one of the bombers, talking about how she would have dreams about him and how obsessed she was with him."
"I straight up blocked her after the second or third time because I couldn't get over how messed up that was. Dude killed and maimed multiple people, his objective attractiveness became absolutely null at that point."
"Ugh Twilight absolutely romanticizes this!"
"It's NOT ROMANTIC that a guy breaks into your bedroom at night and watches you sleep. It's not suddenly less terrifying because he is hot."
Yanderemirai nikki gasai yuno GIFGiphy
"In the anime community, can we please stop with the premise of a 'Yandere,' where someone is so obsessed with someone that they'd go out of their way to hurt other people that person falls in love with."
"I once had a girlfriend in college tell me entirely seriously that she had killed someone before and would physically harm the person I went out with if I ever went out with someone else."
"It was terrifying. It led to me having a fight with another close friend before finally mustering the courage to break off the relationship."
"She's been out of my life for three years but she still causes me issues with relationships to this day (for a few other reasons as well)."
"Not once did I think it was hot to have her earnestly threaten someone else. F*ck that."
It's Not OrganizationSobbing Jamie Lee Curtis GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"It’s not quirky or funny when I’m late for work because I had to back upstairs to check that the gas stove is off for the fifteenth time because I can’t stop envisioning the whole building blowing up."
"I literally stand frozen to the spot trying to fight the urge to go back when I KNOW I CHECKED but the intrusive thoughts are too upsetting to deal with."
"OCD isn’t being cute and quirky organized."
"For me its believing that people will die if I don’t check again. Again. No again."
"Even if it hurts me. Again."
"I watched a TV series called Whitechapel where the main detective has OCD. There’s a scene of him flicking his office light switch off and on repeatedly whilst screaming his head off desperately wanting to stop."
"That is exactly what it feels like for me."
"Howie Mandel talked about this on Conan's podcast the other week."
"As an example, he said he'd miss business meetings getting stuck in a loop of checking that the front door was locked for hours."
What does it say about us as people that almost all of these were related to the ways we glamorize our own destruction?
I know I came hard for rom-coms at the beginning, but let's be honest this list is kind of disturbing. What's more, I'm sure you all have things you could add here.
So let's talk about them. What dangerously romanticized thing would you add to the list?
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I love movies. Who doesn't?
Film has been leaving an impression on our lives for over a century.
Some of the things we remember most are the images. The shots that seem otherworldly.
How does the director and the DP figure it all out? How do they see the colors?
I've seen some shots that have left me breathless.
It's all genius.
Redditor dilapidatedbunghole wanted to talk about the beauty of cinema, by asking:
"What is the most aesthetically pleasing movie you've ever seen?"
'American Beauty,' that was the first film I truly began to appreciate the aesthetic of cinema. The roses, the reds, the blues, and how it was all married... brilliant!
Brillianttim blake nelson water GIFGiphy
"'Oh Brother Where Art Thou,' it was just so visually unique and the slightly aged color tinting with the old music worked together so well." ~ educatedpotato1
"The Fall was gorgeous. For clarification, the 2006 movie "The Fall.'" ~ savantard
"This is one of my secret favorite movies. I say 'secret' because most people have never heard of it and it's criminally overlooked. Gorgeously shot, and a beautiful story to boot." ~ Schneetmacher
"For anyone who doesn't know, Tarsem Singh, the director, did both 'The Fall 'and T'he Cell.' Even though it only got one season (a tragedy), I recommend NBC's Emerald City to anyone who enjoys Tarsem's work. He directed every episode. A lot of beautiful costumes on that show." ~ die-squith
"Kubo and the Two Strings was a beautiful movie, visually and musically." ~ drawfanstein
"I think it didn’t get the recognition it deserved because a lot of people found the storyline lacking in comparison to the other movies studio laika produced. But the movie was seriously stunning and definitely in the lead for most beautiful (Coraline is the runner-up imo)." ~ Lihork
"'The Secret of Kells.' Everything by Cartoon Saloon is absolutely beautiful, but this one also has the perfect match of subject matter and art style." ~ Murgatroyd314
"I like to describe the art/animation style as 'Genndy Tartakovsky on mushrooms, possessed by a monk's ghost.' Even when not on psychedelics I weep with both joy and sadness at multiple points in the film because of how much emotion the mise-en-scene is able to evoke." ~ I_Do_Not_Abbreviate
The Flowaudrey tautou amelie breaks the 4th wall GIF by MauditGiphy
"Amélie. The color scheme is warm and welcoming, the storyline flows beautifully, and the soundtrack is brilliant and whimsical, not to mention how talented each actor is. This is my favorite movie." ~ ItStillIsntLupus
My movie bucket list is growing. There is clearly much to study.
Long and Sandytrue detective desert GIFGiphy
"'Laurence of Arabia.' I don’t care for long movies or deserts, and it’s still just very pretty." ~ akaCatt
"'The good, the bad and the ugly' is a strangely beautiful movie." ~ tsaroz
"A lot of the old spaghetti westerns are beautifully shot. And the pacing is tightly controlled to make sure you experience it. Watching these movies in my 40s when I'm more patient is a much different experience than when I was a kid and bored waiting for the gunfights." ~ allboolshite
Sing 2 Me
"Song of the sea." ~ KiviRinne
"Scrolled way too far to find a Cartoon Saloon movie. Everyones mentioning Ghibli, and they're not wrong to do so. But Cartoon Saloon is criminally underrated. 'Secret of Kells, Song of the Sea, and Wolfwalkers.' Some of the most visually beautiful films on the planet." ~TheBlueHeron
In the Woods
"1917 was really nice, even though it was mostly bland brown colors for the majority but the scene in croisilles wood with Jos Slovik singing 'poor wayfairing stranger' is probably my favourite cinematographic moment in film." ~ ravioli_knight2
"The French town at night is my favorite part of that film shot-wise. Flares illuminating the ruins, the glow of burning buildings, shadows everywhere, and one small little fire-lit enclave where a hapless civilian still resides." ~ Metlman13
"This was the movie that popped into my head first. It was so well done, and even though the colors are all similar, the lighting, angle of the shot, and noise/lack of noise all made it so pleasant to watch. Especially being filmed to look like a one-shot movie, it just kept me on the edge of my seat and all the more wrapped up in the cinematography." ~ anony_moose9889
"Annihilation is very unsettlingly pretty." ~ Weirdguy149
"The strange beauty is one of the best aspects of the movie. It gives 'The Shimmer 'this sort of 'devil-may-care' personality. The mutations occur in whatever way it seems necessary in each life form. On one hand you get these beautiful deer-like creatures with flowering branches for antlers. On the other hand." — Screambear.
I love movies. And I'm glad I'm not alone. Tell me more... what else should we be watching?
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How high was God or whoever when they designed the human body? Clearly they needed a crash course in anatomy.
The body is amazing and resilient, but it can also be a hot mess.
Why are so many areas susceptible to pain? Like, one bad fall on a knee and you could be hobbled for life.
They should be more bulletproof. And the eyes, why so fragile when a wild eyelash gets caught in a blink?
So many questions. If the body was intended to last ten decades or so, it should be a bit more bionic.
Redditor MrBowls wanted to get into details about anatomy and it's issues, they asked:
"What’s the worst designed part of the human body?"
I have pain everywhere. Just because I'm not twenty anymore doesn't mean my body gets to just give in. I know I could help more with that issue, but I feel like my design should be more automatically durable.
Murderersseason 5 GIFGiphy
"Honestly our appendixes try to kill us too often. Something ain’t right with it." ~ moonbarrow
"The sciatic nerve routing. Going through the periformis muscle was a bad idea." ~ Sleepdprived
"Just FYI: actually passing through the muscle is an anatomical variant. For the majority of people, the nerve just travels alongside the muscle. Still, that variant is a... uh, pain in the butt." ~ EauEwe
"I'm currently experiencing sciatica right now. It's a nerve being pinched by your spine or muscle in the lower back. The best way I can explain is like a scalpel scraping off your bone marrow throughout your entire leg 24/7."
"It's physically and mentally excruciating so much so that people who suffer from it would rather have their entire leg amputated than live through it. And the thing is this is not an uncommon medical condition. Since the cause is usually a spinal injury, it takes way longer to recover than other injuries, so you're pretty much sleep deprived and exhausted from the pain at every moment until it resides. I'm 25 right now and my first sciatic episode started when I was 21" ~ psyatica
"Teeth, one set while we're a child, one set for 60/70 years." ~ godca_grema
"Meanwhile sharks, the lucky bastards, just keep growing new teeth." ~ XxsquirrelxX
"We used to call my brother Shark Boy growing up. That dude had LAYERS of teeth. He had one tooth that grew in the roof of his mouth."
"He also had teeth growing sideways in his gums which torqued his other teeth. It took 2.5 years to get him prepped for orthodontics and then he was in braces for another 5 years after that. Worth it though, he looks like a Colgate commercial now." ~ justuselotion
"The ear. Eyes have eyelids, you can close your mouth, but if there’s an extremely loud noise, your ear drum has to just take it and be irreversibly ruined." ~ sicknessandpurgatory
"Well technically there is a muscle that can tighten your ear to prevent damage from extreme noise, it’s the same reason you don’t hear yourself chew. Some new cars will make a sound to trigger this muscle to prevent hearing loss from the noise of an accident." ~ engineer_doc
HeeledSoccer Celebrate GIF by Indiana HoosiersGiphy
"Achilles tendon. Single point of vulnerability that has no bone sheath and will absolutely cripple you if it's f**ked with." ~ Torvaun
Why do we have an appendix? And why is it a ticking time bomb? All good questions.
SIT!Cat Dancing GIF by TikTokGiphy
"A bony butt! It actually hurts to sit still." ~ thatluckyfox
"The elbow. Why the f**k is there a nerve that's so exposed, when you hit it at just the right spot it sends a jolt down your arm?!" ~ hikoboshi_sama
"It’s not just one nerve. You’re talking about the brachial plexus. It’s a bundle of nerves that come from your spine and innervates all the muscles in your arm. That’s why stingers hurt so much, it’s taking out every nerve."
"It’s also a good site for nerve blocks when you have upper limb surgery because you can disable the arm and reduce post operative pain by applying anaesthesia around the nerve roots. Also, in the case of brachial plexus avulsions, you lose all function permanently. And on that note, nerve injuries are freaking crap. We should be able to regenerate them more easily and quickly." ~ ShibuRigged
"Knees are a good idea, but needed a bit more R&D before being rolled out." ~ ChampionshipMission
"Came here to say this. Have you ever seen a child try to make a spaceship or a suit of armor out of cardboard, but they don't have enough cardboard and none of the pieces really fit together anyway, so they end up lashing it together with dozens of strips of tape at every possible angle until it just barely holds together? That's knees. That's how your knees are made." ~ DerCatzefragger
"Having sharpened rocks that slowly push their way through the sensitive gums of tiny humans who are too small to understand or explain the reason for their incessant crying. Bonus bad points for these tiny humans being designed to get 100% of their nutrition by latching their new razor teeth around the nipples of another human." ~ PoetryOfLogicalIdeas
E is for Emptypoop toilet GIF by Poo~PourriGiphy
"Bowels. I should be able to decide when to empty them completely! In one go and not little bit now and more later!"
"Edit: All this fibre talk, I get it. I now understand more about the importance of fibre. But that kinda adds to what I'm saying. Imagine not needing a summoning ritual. Like deciding when you do and don't drop the kids off at the pool. A human eject button." ~ J1ra1y4
The bowels, they never let up. And like I said earlier, the knees have it. Ankles, knees, elbows, the keys to a happy life.
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A boss can make or break a job.
Worse still, is when a bad boss asks you to get in on their badness, forcing you to choose between the moral high-ground and a paycheck.
Kind of like what happened with these people.
Reddit user, SethmAR15, wanted to know what your employer tried to get away with when they asked:
"What’s the most unethical thing a boss has ever asked you to do?"
Sometimes it's small, but inexcusable. Nothing like a boss asking you to do more work than what's required of you, is there?
Always A Good Thing When The Boss Says, "Don't Ask Questions."
"I had a boss ask to me take a bunch of stock from the warehouse to his personal storage unit, and not to ask any questions …"
"You did it huh"
"Turns out he’s been taking ‘damaged’ goods and keeping them in a storage unit and selling them online. I let the owner of the company know (his head office happens to be at my branch) my boss didn’t last too much longer after that, I got a decent raise 6 months later… if he’d cut me in then maybe it would have been a different story."
In-Person Tutoring Is A Separate Charge
"First job after I graduated college, boss called me into his office and had me sit next to his daughter while she took an online exam, told me to make sure she passed it."
"She definitely wouldn’t have passed if I wasn’t in the room."
People's Lives Ruined
"I worked for the largest property management in San Francisco and frequently the Manager would ask us to shred checks that came to us so they could file for eviction on tenants. I quit immediately."
Sounds Like A Harassment Suit Waiting To Happen
"Branch Manager (Banking) asked me to pose in a picture, showing a lot of cleavage, to use on his construction loan website for his builders. He wanted them to ‘see’ who they would be working with in a daily basis so he could get more business."
Murder shouldn't really be a thing involved on job applications, but someone probably should have told employers like these.
I Guess Murder Is Asking For A Lot
"My old boss at dollar tree would make me drive her to the bank in my car every night. And she would have me park like 10 feet back from the ATM while she walked up to it. She told me that if someone ever tried to run up on her while she was depositing the money I had to run them over. She said if they were too close to her to just hit her as well. She was incredibly adamant that I absolutely HAD to do this and very serious."
Chemicals Or No Chemicals, You Keep Working
"Keep people at work when there was a chemical leak from the car painting shop next door, and people were getting sick."
"The boss wasn't on site (almost never was), I tried calling him and got no answer, and I was the most senior worker on site so I sent everyone home."
"When I was almost home (1h+ commute) he called me back. He had gotten my voicemail where I explained the situation and he was not happy. Apparently we should have waited it out or I should have arranged for everyone to work from home (not possible)."
"The guy was a d-ckhead but this one still makes me angry when I think about it."
Keep It Under 40 Hours
"Also at Dollar Tree, most of my cashiers were teenagers or dipsh-ts that never showed up for work so this older Korean woman kept getting called in to work the register. She was pretty much getting 40+ hours every week and open season for benefits was getting ready to start. My district manager called me and told me I had to convince her to not get any benefits or else. I told him that else better be him doing that sh-t himself because I'm not about to do his dirty work."
And then there's these stories. Bosses who make you wonder, "Is that what it takes to be in charge?" Because, wow, talk about flat out terrible people.
Lives Are Never Worth Profit
"Many, many years ago I was working as a part-time mechanic for a guy selling "restored cars". He called me in for an emergency brake repair on a TR-4. One of the rear wheel cylinders had failed and he needed it fixed ASAP. He had a buyer lined up with cash."
"Instead of having me hone and rebuild the cylinder properly (I had the tools and the kit to do so) he wanted me to cut the pipe to the rear brakes and just crimp it over onto itself, enough to stop the leak. He was in a hurry and wanted it fixed before the customer saw anything."
"I fixed it properly anyway, so that no one would die, and then rolled my toolbox out of there that very night."
Crossing A Serious Personal Line
"When I was 16 I worked at Spencer's in the mall. The store manager was a middle aged female who found out she was being demoted. She made the decision to instead quit. Her last day I happened to be closing the store with her. Nothing wierd, we had done it many times before. After everything was closed and locked up we were punching out in the back room. I went to open the door that led back into the store and she physically put her hand over it and closed it like a scene from a movie."
"Then she said "you know I make schedules right" I said "yea I understand that". She said "Do you think it's a coincidence that you and I are closing my last day? This is your opportunity to do anything that you want with me." I was so uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do, so I gave her a hug and she said really that's it.. All the while her husband and 2 kids were waiting in the car outside the mall to pick her up to pick her up."
Lesson Learned: Never Let A Boss Push You Around
"I had a manager that tried to get me to falsify reports to the feds (financial stuff). I flat out refused. Soon after I had to leave the company for I would have been fired for made up bullsh-t on his part. To this day I will never regret standing my ground."
Work for the kind of people you want to work for. Nobody says you can't just go and get a job elsewhere.
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