Police officers can run into all sorts of criminals over the course of their careers and not all of them are necessarily the sharpest knives in the drawer.
Today's burning question came from Redditor NobleDragon777, who asked the online community: "Cops of Reddit, what is the most stupid criminal you have ever met?"
There are a lot of them out there. Law enforcement officers and even regular citizens chimed in.
"3 guys broke in through a large window..."
Not a cop but I used to work at a smoke shop. 3 guys broke in through a large window, left blood everywhere just trying to get in. Walked right past the high end fancy expensive glass and proceeded to grab as many cheap Chinese bongs as possible. They went back through the window breaking 2 or 3 bongs in the process of crawling through the tiny hole they made probably cutting themselves even more than they already have and high tailed it across the street.
They seemed to have dropped damn near everything while running because there was literally a trail of broken glass leading to the apartment across the street. Cops came, followed the glass trail leading directly to someones door. Looked over the little fence to their bottom floor balcony and saw 3 guys all cut up smoking from a broken bong. We estimated they took 8 or 9 bongs, they were smoking from the only survivor. They turned out to be regulars. Never seem em again after that.
"So I went home, called the cops..."
Not a cop myself, but about 10 years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of 3 guys with knives. All they wanted was the money in my wallet, so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged. At the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said "If you ever tell the cops my name is <redacted> I will slice your throat right now".
So I went home, called the cops, told em where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me. The name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past. Cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear. They could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and thats about it.
Happened in the Netherlands, don't know his sentence or anything.
"Teen gets fired..."
Teen gets fired from Red Lobster, returns to rob same restaurant that night. They refuse to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box (muscular dystrophy or similar) and then he leaves on bicycle. I go to find him and see coins scattered about, follow trail off same which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church. Bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in.
"Went to a job..."
Went to a job of 2 males attempting to break into a car. Job description said they had been at it for at least an hour.
Got there and the car was theirs. They had apparently locked themselves out. Checks confirmed it did belong to one of the persons mum. On their person was stolen mail and heaps of phones and new stuff in boxes in the car so they got arrested for theft anyway.
Ended up that the drivers door they had been trying to break into was the only locked door out of the 4. Was unlocked everywhere else the whole time they were there.
"My ex stole a car..."
GiphyMy ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car. He parked right in front of a cop. The cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building. Next day, he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town.
"Took a vehicle burglary report..."
Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim's vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.
The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn't know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.
"He once told me a story..."
My father is a police officer. He once told me a story of a call he went to for reports of a man and woman fighting in an apartment (call came from neighbors for noise complaints/concern). He was 3rd shift, so this was at some point very late at night, when all the crazy people are up and at em. When he arrived he could hear the yelling through the door, he knocked and let them know it was the police.
There was immediate silence and a man answered the door... completely naked. The naked man didn't even give my dad a chance to speak or ask questions, the first thing he said was "I don't have a knife behind my back." Well, he definitely did have a knife behind his back. And the naked woman he was with had drugs, which was what they were fighting over. They both got arrested that night. Tip: don't do illegal drugs, and if you do, don't answer the door for the cops.
cambastian8
"Social media is a treasure trove..."
Can't go into too much detail, but kid (14) shot another kid (15) in the leg after a fight in their apartment complex. The victim is able to describe the gun the shooter used in detail. We get get shooters name from another kid who knows him from school, my partner looks up his Instagram and would you believe it, there he is posing with the gun described to us exactly.
Social media is a treasure trove of wannabe gangsters incriminating themselves.
"So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork."
So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.
Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some drugs. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.
"My cousin is a State Trooper..."
My cousin is a State Trooper, and he had a funny story about a guy he caught running drugs on the interstate. One day as he was about to head off duty, he saw a car going easily 100mph in the opposite direction, so he whipped around and eventually caught up to him and pulled him over. The first words out of the guy's mouth were, "You can't pull me over!" To which my cousin replied, "Um, I just did?"
After a search of the vehicle that yielded a pound of weed, a pistol with the serial number scratched off, some meth, and a notebook with his own rap lyrics, my cousin arrested the guy. While questioning him, he read some of his lyrics back to him including the line, "Ain't no pig ever gon catch me... F--- the police"
"He basically gave himself away."
My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.
Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"
Robber: "No it was only $300!"
He basically gave himself away.
"An idiot high schooler..."
My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I'm not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn't work out why his ID didn't work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.
"I pulled over a dude..."
Ex police officer here,
I pulled over a dude for having a brake light out. Nothing serious, ran his plated and the likes. It all came back clean and nothing seemed off, until he exclaimed, "I haven't had any alcohol!" In an over enthusiastic tone.... for some reason he thought this was a good idea... so nearly got away with it (vodka doesnt smell). I breathalised him... legal limit in England is 35 he blew over 60.... Arrested on the spot and his vehicle towed. Idiot.
"We had an inmate..."
We had an inmate that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes. He did this several times a month.
The moment Marlon Brando took off his shirt in one of the early scenes of A Streetcar Named Desire, a sex symbol was born.
Brando is only one of a long list of icons whose improbable good looks have pegged them as legendary and timeless sex symbols.
It's arguably easier than ever for people, celebrities or not, to come onto the scene as sex symbols thanks to social media.
But how well we'll remember these self-promoted, arguably manufactured people remains to be seen, while we continue to be dazzled and entranced by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Raquel Welch, Sean Connery, James Dean, and others decades, in some cases even centuries, after they came on the scene.
"Living or dead, who do you think has been the most powerful sex symbol the world has ever seen?"
The One Responsible For Starting It All
"Sigmund Freud's mother."- dreamwarrior22
Top Of The Liszt
"Franz Liszt, a 19th century Hungarian classical pianist and composer."
"Everything you've heard about obsessed fans of rockstars like Elvis or The Beatles was happening to perhaps an even greater degree a century earlier."
"People's obsession with him was so intense and so widespread that it was called Lisztomania and it was considered a genuine mental disorder."
"They threw underwear on the stage, they fainted just seeing him, they collected any scrap of anything he touched (some even wore his cigar butts as jewelry), and his shows caused full on riots."
"Both men and women were obsessed, common people as well as royalty, truly everyone."
"I remember hearing something about him playing for a Catholic mass at a cathedral in Rome, and got kicked out for making the nuns too horny."- paraworldblue
He Could Resist Anything, Except Temptation...
"How has no one said Oscar Wilde yet?"
"His grave was literally covered in lipstick kiss marks until they had to protect it."- LanceAlgoriddim
Age Could Not Wither Her
"Well, it's been about two thousand years and we're still talking about Cleopatra and her lovers, so I'm enclined to give her that."- emissaryofwinds
Eternal Beauty
"I’m going to say whom ever inspired those Paleolithic Venus figurines."- Tricky-Engineering59
Extinction Be Damned!
"The turtle who single-handedly brought his species out of endangerment by having a f*ckton of sex."- abitsussy
Marine Life Swimming GIF by Nature on PBSGiphyNothing Is Sexier Thank Kindness
"Paul Newman because of 'all profits to charity', $600 million so far."- tracyinge
Sexy, Or Sexist?
"Victor Hugo."
"Supposedly all the brothels in Paris closed on the day of his funeral."
"The prostitutes attended by the hundreds and draped their privates with black cloths as a sign of mourning."
"His sexy exploits include:"
"Having sex 83 times in the 4 months before he died at age 83."
"Having sex with over 200 women in 2 years."
"It was not unusual for him to have 3-4 different lovers in a day."
"For seven years he had a mistress he kept secret from his wife and a second mistress he kept secret from his first mistress."
"Had sex 9 times with his wife on their wedding night."
"She got pregnant 5 times in 8 years."
"He was married to his wife for 48 years til her death."
"Both had lovers outside the marriage."
"One of his mistresses was his unpaid 'secretary' and traveled with him for 50 years."
"He seduced his son's lover."
"His son said he didn't blame her for it."- heimdahl81
Victor Hugo Pamela Chougne GIFGiphyThe Face That Launched A Thousand Ships
"Helen of Troy."- destro23
They Always Love The Drummer...
"Roger Taylor in Queen's 'I want to break free' video."- vickinga
Everyone Could Just Eat Her Right Up...
"The green m&m."- Plenty-Row4359
No Matter What Name He Was Using...
"Prince."
"He will steal your girl, then steal her clothes, then steal someone else's girl in your girl's clothes."- LeChefK_Tang
Sexiness is in the eye of the beholder.
Though, anyone who doesn't think Paul Newman was the sexiest man that ever lived may need to get their eyes checked...
We've all made decisions we regret.
Thankfully, sometimes these decisions result in little to no consequences or can be easily fixed with some time and healing.
In other cases, one error in judgment might have permanent ramifications: causing an effective end to a friendship, irrevocably damaging your financial situation, or even resulting in permanent physical damage.
In some more serious cases, these mistakes might even result in someone's life coming to an end.
All heartbreaking scenarios which could have been easily avoided with a little more care and consideration.
"Who destroyed their entire life by making one mistake?"
Check Your Surroundings First
"I once worked as a personal assistant for a person who broke his neck due to diving into snow that was a little too hard."-tubzz2
A Wasted Career
"Boban Jankovic, basketball player."
"Copied from Wikipedia : 'Janković thought he scored a basket on a drive to the hoop while being guarded by Panathinaikos player Fragiskos Alvertis'."
"'However, the referee Stelios Koukoulekidis, called an offensive foul on him'."
"'It was Janković's fifth foul of the game, which meant that he had fouled out'."
"'In reaction to what he believed was a bad call at a crucial moment of a very important playoff game, Janković slammed his head hard against the padded concrete goal post'."
"He permanently damaged his spinal cord and was unable to walk for the rest of his life'."- bryanmills33
NEVER USE YOUR PHONE WHILE DRIVING!
"Near me there was a serious traffic collision."
"Several cars and 2 trucks."
"3 people died when one truck ploughed into stationary traffic at around 50mph."
"The crash and resulting fire was so horrific 2 people were only identified by their dead dog on the carriageway."
"It was microchipped."
"It was on the BBC news and have been documentaries about it."
"The truck driver was on his phone."
"He was charged and is now in prison."- Tabby_Tibs
How Could It Have Possibly Been Worth It?
"That dude who ate a slug as a dare."- valcallis
Violence Is Never The Answer
"Respected cardiothoracic surgeon tells a guy to stop smoking right outside the hospital doors."
"Guy turns around and punches him a single time in the head."
"King-hit, or coward punched, whatever you want to call it."
"He falls to the floor and hits his head a second time."
"On life support for four weeks."
"Nothing left to save."- Reddit
You Never Know Who You Can Trust
"My father."
"Years ago he started a trucking company with his best friend at the time."
"The HQ of the company was in a neighbor state, a six hours drive or about 40 minute flight."
"And for some reason, my dad just wouldn’t visit his company."
"Even with my mother pressing him to actually take care of his business, he would alway say he trusted his friend and since he only did the accounting for the company he only needed the reports his friend would send him."
"Long story short, his 'best friend' scammed him out a million bucks, driving both their company and my family to complete bankruptcy and f*cked off to live in some tropical paradise."- theapothecarium
Some People Get What They Deserve
"Dennis Rader, the BTK serial killer."
"He avoided arrest for 30 years, then, in an apparent need for attention, began writing to the police, basically mocking them for never having caught him."
"He asked the cops if they would be able to trace a floppy disk if he sent one to them."
"They said no."
"He sent it."
"They traced it."
"They arrested him and he's in prison for life."- President_Calhoun
There Are People Who Can Help You
"Doing fentanyl once destroyed my life for 3ish years."
"I was a complete shell and zombie. almost died too, overdosed 4 times."
"Lucky i got my sh*t together and will be 5 months sober in two days."- mission_mayhem
Some Risks Are Worth Taking
"I'm 49 years old, that context is relevant."
"When I was in college, a friend of mine started a company with a professor."
"This company was basically the first social network, I won't list its name here."
"This was in the early 90s."
"He offered me a job as employee number 4 or 5."
"I didn't know what the hell the internet was, let alone understand the concept of a social network."
"I knew he wasn't going to pay me much. I turned him down."
"Three years later, that company was sold for $190mm."
"They still only had a few employees."
"Every employee had equity and every employee made millions by age 25, including several other friends."
"I was a junior employee at an insurance company when I heard."
"Gah."
"Several of those people have gone on to very successful careers in technology and private equity."
"They were all basically set for life because of a quick decision they made at age 21."
"I've had an excellent career so far, I haven't 'destroyed my life'."
"But I think about this frequently."- hiro111
There's A Reason Stealing Is A Sin
"I knew of a girl who thought it was a good idea to steal a good sized amount of drugs from a guy she was partying with and then attempt to board a flight with it."
"She got caught by customs and ended up doing time."
"Dumb."- mrnoire
Couldn't This Be Viewed As Self-Defense?
"Friend was having a beer in a tavern."
"Some guys came in and started messing with my friend."
"He moved seats twice and then got up to leave when one of the guys threw a punch."
"My friend threw ONE punch back and the guy he hit landed in the ICU and wasn't expected to live."
"Friend was sitting in jail waiting just waiting for the guy he punched to either die or recover."
"Turns out the guy he punched recovered."
"Friend took a reduced charge of aggravated assault...a felony."
"One punch."- Noelle305
Actions have consequences.
Though we all have some trouble controlling our impulses every now and then.
But sometimes a short pause and a deep breath is all it takes to prevent us from making a mistake we'd regret for the rest of our lives.
People Break Down How They'd React If They Couldn't Have Sex Anymore Due To Physical Or Mental Issues
Sex isn't everything.
But it can be something many of us take for granted.
But when it's gone... you notice.
Some move on, and some grieve.
And for many Redditors, this situation wasn't a hypotherical.
Redditor JeffLaRue wanted to hear how people would react without the possibility of sex, so they asked:
"What would you do if you couldn't have sex anymore due to a physical or mental issue?"
I personally wouldn't be thrilled.
But I'd find a way.
The New Me
Sad Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I do actually (endometriosis). It's sometimes really sad, but you do other things with your partner, and try again to see if there's any improvement."
"I used to have a high sex drive, but due to the pain not anymore. My partner understands that and his one preoccupation is my health."
Nansya
Likely be ok?
"My husband has stage 4 metastatic melanoma. He’s ok and will likely be ok but chemo/immunotherapy f**ked with his mojo. I’m good. We’ve found our intimacy in other ways like coffee together and just laughing in our car, our tv shows, etc.. I’d much rather have him with me than sex."
Dawnydiesel
"Let's take a moment to appreciate that 'likely be ok' and 'stage 4 metastatic melanoma' can coexist in one sentence. Science, man."
Sixmonths_Newaccount
Sucks, really...
"I was hit by a car and paralyzed from the chest down. I no longer have any sensation down there. Sucks, really. In some ways I think it is easier to get over not being able to walk, than losing sexual function. Unfortunately there isn't anything to do about it."
krunchytacos
"I’m glad you’ve made it this far. I agree with you. My vehicle was rear-ended at a red light. I learned to walk again (so I’m doing amazing really!) but I can’t feel most of my bits, peeing is weird or doesn’t work, same with poo, one foot is constantly weakening, numbness, pins and needles, bolts of pain, constant throbbing, changes with the weather and activities, and really just keeps getting worse. Can’t work a full time job anymore. But the thing that’s the hardest to deal with is the neurogenic sexual dysfunction. It’s difficult as hell."
jessibrarian
All Gone
"The real question is, what would your SO do? We have been in this exact predicament for over 3 years now... It's like living with your best friend but every single day you watch a piece of your relationship die."
"Sorry for the over sharing. This one hits hard. Prostate cancer under 50 is considered rare."
"Although if caught early its very treatable. What they don't tell you is the cancer is transplanted into your relationship. For over 30yrs we had an amazing intimate sexual chemistry that was built around if one of us isn't into it then we won't do it. No fake orgasms, no birthday sex, no wearing each other down or giving in... just raw vulnerability and trust. All gone!"
New_Shoes_999
Meh
Awkward John Krasinski GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I would definitely miss it, but I'd manage."
SexyChronicPain
Some people really don't care but did address the lack of intimacy.
A Mental No
No No No GIFGiphy"Honestly I’d be devastated. Not being able to connect in that intimate way with my partner would leave a huge gap in my mental well being. I know it’s not technically essential but it’s a massive part of a relationship and without that I would feel incompetent as a partner."
whiskerbiscuit2
Quality Time
"I'd try other things to feel intimate with my partner. Like naked, but not sexual, snuggling. Or start up a hobby night where we spend quality time together. Maybe buy them a quality toy so they don't feel like they're missing out because of me 🤷♀️ But other than that? I'd just continue getting on with life!"
BinkiesForLife_05
The Struggle
"Been dealing with an inflammatory skin issue that has prevented me from having sex with my partner for the last two months. It’s been a struggle, feels like my sex life is in shambles, and it’s driven me back into depression."
"Luckily my partner is incredibly understanding, but it has put a huge strain on the relationship. Trying to explore other forms of intimacy but she has a hard time receiving touch without it being a mutual experience.
"If this becomes a long term problem I don’t know how I’ll cope."
Merp_the_People
Downgrade
"I'm going to buck the trend and say that my life would be significantly degraded. I had a fairly low sex drive through periods of my life due to mental illness. Now, I am at my sexual peak and it's as if I'm seeing in color for the first time: I know how my body works, and what it likes, and I feel powerful and sexy."
"At this point, my sense of self and identity are linked to my ability to have sex. I felt very ugly and like I was only a mother for a while, and I feel much more like a woman and a normal person now. I could live without sex... but it would take me building myself up all over again and accepting who I am without that."
PralineOwl
Inadequacy...
"It would probably devastate me, honestly. I was super overweight had very poor luck with women in my teens and twenties. I took control of my life, lost over 100 pounds and met my wife at 28. 8 years later we still have a very healthy sex life. She would understand but I feel as though it would bring up the feeling of inadequacy again."
Kingjerm731
Sex isn't everything, but it's important to many.
Hopefully everyone finds peace if this is a life issue being faced.
When it comes to sexual harassment, everybody needs to be on the same page.
The focus has predominantly (and rightfully so) been on educating men.
But the men of Reddit wanted to discuss some of their experiences that some people may not realize are harassment.
Redditor Babydolltoes544 asked:
"Men of Reddit, what’s something women don’t realize is sexual harassment?"
First up, let's listen to our Kindergarten teachers and keep our hands to ourselves.
Gloves On
Long Hair GIF by Slingshot DakotaGiphy"As a guy just because I have long hair doesn’t mean you can walk up to me and run your hands through it when I don’t even know you."
TheSilkySpoon76
"Definitely a long hair or curly hair problem. actually why do people think it’s cool to touch your hair, beard, muscles, pregnant belly etc?? personal space everyone!"
ashoka_akira
Leave me Alone
"Some women once tried to take off some of my clothes in a club (without me showing interest in them at all). When I told them to «f**k off» after a while, they got angry at me. Never been so confused."
"Edit: I almost forgot lmao. They talked to one of the guards at the club right after. "
"Don’t know what they said, but as they talked to him, they pointed at me. (Maybe they said that I was the bad guy or something). When I saw that, I just left. I figured the guard would trust the two girls more than me. Club was boring anyways."
UngabaBongDong
Fix the Damage
"I had a drunk young lady rip my button up shirt off in a bar on a dance floor then proceed to cup my d**k. I was mad so told her and her friends to f**k off after I got my shirt back from them, which had all the buttons torn off except the bottom 2. That was super annoying but I was just going to deal with it until I was asked to leave by the bouncers for yelling at women and not buttoning up my shirt."
"Another group of women approached me and said they had the whole thing on video which I then sent to the bars management and got a $200 gift certificate for it. In hindsight, I probably should have just taken it to the police. I never felt in danger or scared for my safety but it was totally inappropriate and if I did that I would be in jail."
krzysztoflee
You're an Adult
"I was working at a birthday party in a bar once, and a really drunk 40 year old woman decided to just walk behind the counter and slip a banknote into my shirt. She then started to rub around my chest like some sort of massage I guess? It was really weird, I just stood there confused waiting for it to end."
"Her husband was watching the whole time and didn't seem to happy about the whole thing. But nobody really seemed to care or just laughed about it. If I as a 40 year old man had done that to a 17 year old girl working at a bar, I would've gotten one hell of a lawsuit."
Xender04
Creepy Granny
Sam Heughan Dancing GIF by Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and GrahamGiphy"Every wedding and funeral I have ever been to as a Scotsman, there are a gaggle of horny grannies who at every opportunity try to get a look under the kilt."
bonjelascott
Not okay, grannies. Let's respect cultural tradition and healthy boundaries.
She gets it now...
"I’ve been into weightlifting most of my adult life. As a result, my arms and chest are noticeable. I’m not like a body builder or anything but I’ve got big arms and a protruding chest. Women think that they can just grab on my arms and rub my chest without permission or warning. I think that they think it’s okay because they compliment me afterwards. It makes me uncomfortable."
"My fiancée never really took me serious about it until at a work party one of my female coworkers basically groped my arms in front of her and it made her jealous. She gets it now."
IWillFindUinRealLife
LIAR!
"The same exact crap that applies to sexual harassment against women. I had a girl I used to work with slap my a**, grab my crotch and try to rub her breasts against me. When I took it to HR nothing was done about it. A week later I got written up because she lied and told HR I had verbally abused her."
SugoiBakaMatt
Where is She?
"My partner was at a truck stop waiting for his food when some lady came up and grabbed his junk. Just walked up and shoved her hand down his pants. He pushed her off, said he was taken and told her to f**k off. She reached for him again and said 'Well she isn't here now, is she?'"
"It disgusts me people are like this, regardless of gender. It's even worse that women aren't held as accountable as men are."
peckerlips
This is Odd...
"My partner went to a job interview and the older woman kept touching him as they talked. Like on his arm or hand. I told him that’s not okay and he doesn’t have to take that."
"He said that he didn’t want to make a scene because she might accuse him of harassment in retaliation and she had his information."
"And I realized men put up with harassment out of fear too. Different reasons, but it sucks for both genders."
BarbarianFoxQueen
Excuse You?
Excuse Me Reaction GIF by BounceGiphy"I once had some chick walk past me and squeeze my junk and another one slap my butt and I'm pretty sure that neither of them knew that that was sexual harassment. (Edit: Both of these instances were on two separate occasions)."
CapG_13
Sexual harassment is still all too prevalent. We have a long way to go.
Do you have any experiences to share? Let us know in the comments.