Just because it's a classic doesn't mean it's always the best choice.

Most of us were forced to read some classic literature in school. Most of us can also probably recall falling asleep while reading one of these books late into the night. Not every book resonates with every person, therefore--not every classic book will either.

What was the book you put down and never picked back up again?

u/demlightra asked:

"What is the worst classic literature you have read?"

Here were some of those answers.

Elephant Dung

The White Bone. All those elephants did was walk around and poop. You can't read more than a few pages without an unnecessary poop plotline.

This one might be my favorite:

"A hard, blackened morsel of dung. 'How old is it?' Mung says. 'Thirty-five days,' She-Snorts murmurs. 'Perhaps more.' They smell the morsel in wonder. It is so precious and so paltry. She-Screams, who has already evacuated a seepage, comes over and pokes her trunk in among everyone else's."

evacuated a seepage

Okay, I pulled up a random PDF page and they were talking about using warthog pee and hyena poop to make a band-aid. But, I felt like that was cheating because it wasn't elephant poop, so I pulled up the next page and lo and behold:
"When she awakes she notices, inches from her eyes, a pile of her own dung, the sweet known smell of which is so appetizing she would eat it had she the will to move."



Wuthering Wuthering Wuthering

I was one of those straight A students in high school who always did all the homework on time. That being said, the one book I did NOT finish was Wuthering Heights.


I was looking for this comment. What an infuriating book. There was not one character that I could actually find myself rooting for, in part due to the fact that most of the book was told from the perspective of a guy listening to a story from someone who was really only marginally involved, so emotions were really taken out of it. Took me forever to get through.


Too Much Description

Absolutely anything by Thomas Hardy. I had to read The Mayor of Casterbridge, it was the only book I didn't finish at school. I remember a guy walking into a town and there being like 10 pages of description of what the town looked like.


Purely Awful

The pearl. Even my teacher said it was one of the few John Steinbeck works she couldn't stand. The book is tiny and as an avid book lover should've taken me like an hour or two to read. It took me the entire summer. I had to force a page at a time. It was awful. Decades later and it's still the worst book I've ever read. And I tend to love most classics.


Conservative Anthems

Atlas Shrugged. The Fountainhead was actually worse, but I think more people would consider AS 'classic'. Both were dreadful though. Why I have read both is a mystery I cannot explain even to myself.

Pro tip: if you for some reason decide to read it anyway, stop when Galt takes over the radio station then skip ahead for (depending on the print size) 60-80 pages. You won't miss anything; it's just a protracted delusional monologue and I'm not exaggerating about the length.


Call Me Ishmael....Wait...Wrong Book

I hated Last of the Mohicans (incredibly dull) and The Old Man and the Sea (just doesn't make sense). I was told that Hemingway's weird grammar was because he didn't want anything to be unnecessary, but then why is it necessary for us to know that the old man gets up and urinates? Twice?


It's Just A Sham...No Pun Intended

Great Expectations was hell for me.

Far too long and too boring for my high school ADHD brain to handle.

It didn't stand a chance against TV and video games. Trying to remember anything from it is just like a foggy dream.

Might like it today though, who knows. Just finished Monte Cristo and enjoyed it.


I'd Rather Stare At A Windmill

Spanish speaker here. I looove reading, like, books and literature are huge part of my life, but reading Don Quixote was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was so boring, slow, and just unpleasant. I just hope I never have to read It again.


Omg They Were Roommates

A Separate Peace. I've never hated a book as viscerally as that one. Would have been an infinitely better read if Finny and Gene just got it over with and had sex. I know Knowles has denied there's any homoerotic element to it, but then why the hell did he write 236 pages of absolutely nothing except for sweltering sexual tension with no payoff?

I would have rather followed Leper's perspective as he enlists in the army and battles his own eroding sanity and cosmic dread. Can't believe Knowles teased us with less than a page of sheer terror and John Carpenter-esque body horror before casually reminding us "No no. This isn't that story. Here's a scene of Gene trying on Phineas' pink shirt. Enjoy as I describe everything except his pounding erection splitting the seams on his uniform slacks."


Dusts And Bowls

The Grapes Of Wrath. I hated that book so much that I refused to read anymore after the 4th chapter in high school. I read a book that was easily twice as long instead. Catcher In The Rye is rough too because it's so damn depressing, but I've read that twice.


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Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".


We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."


Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.


The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.


That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."


This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."


​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".


Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".


It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."


As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.


​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".


In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".


It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."


These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.


Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.


I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”


Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".


"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.


In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

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