There are a few signs that can tell you when a company is on its last leg. Sometimes they can limp along for a few more years, but it might not be a bad idea to dust off that good, old resume.
We went to Ask Reddit to hear about those red flags and hopefully we can learn a few things from these horror stories.
Redditor Lofi_While_I_Sleep asked:
"What's a sign that the company you're working for is on its death strokes?"
Here's how you catch the signs so you know when to get out.
What comes before lay-offs?
"Having been through this, they start stripping benefits. Then comes the employee reductions and wage freezes. CEO leaves."
"As somebody who's been involved at a senior leadership level and had to execute lay-offs/reductions/downsizing, I'll add this; there are markers that come way before it gets to employee cuts. First it comes from top-down communications that start to talk about declining revenue or profit. Then, when senior leadership starts talking about saving, you know 'tightening the belt' it's a sign that leaders are thinking about how to cut spending, but that in it of itself doesn't mean a RIF (reduction in force)."
"The real thing to look out for is if leadership is talking about reducing cost but at the same time are not communicating a vision for innovating or changing the business model in a significant way. If their plan is to save money while doing exactly the same thing then this is the biggest red flag. A company rarely saves its way to profitability without innovating and generating new value to offset the decline. Penny pinching essentially just slows the decline and delays the inevitable."
"Well said. My company implemented TPS (Lean) even in office processes before dropping the hammer."
"Pretty futile, it might buy some time but if your market share is on the decline and the company's products are not really that competitive anymore (and ownership/leadership isn't innovating/pivoting), than no amount of Black-Belt Six Sigma Consultant stuff is going to turn a dying business around. It's like trying to save yourself by going on life support when you really need a heart transplant. It's only a matter of time."
"In a similar vein, be on the alert for what might be termed 'musical chairs' behavior among lower and middle management: blame is going to land somewhere and so each little team leader and department head scrambles to cover their a**."
" If you don't have the vantage to see that dynamic firsthand, then be on the lookout for nonsensical expectations, which get followed by different pie in the sky initiatives that seem to be at cross purposes with the last set of orders (which were never really rescinded). Meanwhile your boss looks stressed and dodges questions when asked for clarification. Maybe the boss mutters this place is so f*cked up."
"That's the time to look for other opportunities, before the axes start to fall."
The "everything's fine" meeting.
"When management calls an all-hands meeting, to assure the employees that everything's fine."
"Sh*t, we have one of those planned for Friday."
"Time to update the resume."
We're a family!
"We are PARTNERING with a bigger competitor firm. We will stay a FAMILY and NOBODY is GOING ANYWHERE."
"Means you got bought out and everyone is getting laid off as soon as they have control of your business."
"Yep, 'merger' usually just means 'acquisition' and their ways imposed on you."
"Happened near me when two hospitals 'merged' with the usual puff of management and PR bullsh*t. All that happened was a load of Hospital A's outpatient clinics started closing and moved to Hospital B. Hospital A was the only hospital for 25-30 miles around and people were also travelling long distances from rural areas to get there in the first place, now they're expected to do another 20 miles south to Hospital B. Woohoo."
"Happened to me. It was announced as a merger but it was an acquisition. Six months later our management was walked out the door. We were placed under new managers who then stripped our responsibilities and our access."
"You forgot the cheerful chatter about 'synergies!' How could you possibly forget about how the merger is going to make everything so much better because of all the new opportunities for 'synergies'????"
"Lol. I went to this meeting the #2 said he was taking a pay cut. One of the research drs raised his hand and asked if it would help if we all took a pay cut. Every head turned and gave him a death glare."
"In that moment I would be contemplating a 100% pay cut... By updating my resume and passing it on the the competition. See I can be a team player too, once hired I just saved my old company some cash by not having to pay me anymore."
A tale of merging.
"I once worked for a company that rented medical equipment like pulse oximeters and defibrillators to hospitals across the US. Branch offices in every major city. I worked in IT, helping to run the mainframe. This was the late 1980s/early 1990s, and desktop PCs at the office were just becoming a thing."
"Anyway, we were extremely leveraged and one Saturday my boss calls me at home and asks me to write a massive report basically summarizing the total sales of every branch office, by hospital, in descending order of revenue. For the last five years."
"To put that in context, the physical output of such a report ended up being a stack of wide-carriage pin-fed computer paper that came up to my waist."
"I knew this when I took the call and closed my eyes and said to my boss, 'We're being bought, aren't we?'"
"He swore me to secrecy."
"About 300 people worked at that HQ. We were informed we were losing our jobs by... [drum roll please] ... a voice mail."
"We came back from lunch on Friday to a company-wide VM telling us we were 'merging' with our next largest competitor. Of the 300 people in that office, maybe six got jobs with the merging company."
These Actors Seemed Miscast But Absolutely Nailed The Role | George Takei’s Oh MyyyThe Actors Who Seemed Miscast But Absolutely Nailed The RoleFew people bought into the idea of Bryan Cranston in the role of Walter White before Breaking Bad...
"A really subtle one is when Purchasing suddenly starts thrashing around looking for 'new' vendors for basic things like copier paper, pens, staples, sh*t like that. That means they've burned their existing vendors by not being able to pay bills. I've seen it happen at least twice. Both companies ceased to exist within 12 months."
"Could also be a sign they're trying to pinch pennies on office supplies. If how much you're paying for a ream of paper matters for your company, you're probably in trouble."
"Light bulbs are different colors or brightness. When the maintenance department is using lightbulbs that are a different color temperature of the existing lights it is because someone isn't paying attention or because they are using old stock and not re-lamping whole zones at a time due to inventory or labor constraints."
"This is especially true of retail stores. Once the regular vendors start demanding cash on delivery, well-known names start disappearing off shelves, and they are being replaced with Chinese knockoffs called 'La Croisiet,' 'Bakemister' and 'Cuisine Art,' well…springing for the store warranty on your blender is an even dumber idea than usual."
Employees have to get paid.
"I'll add my own. We've been on paper checks for 6 pay cycles because ADP (our payroll software) is too expensive. Getting out asap."
"Yeah, that's probably a sign that you're gonna bounce that check soon."
"Yeah I once worked for a company where the CEO had previously gotten in trouble with a state board of labor for not paying out employee wages after going under. Shame I didn't find that gigantic red flag before I took the job, because they went from aggressively building a software team to firing all of their engineers in like 8 months."
There's a lot of signs.
One Redditor had a whole list.
"From my experience:"
- "Long time employees are forced in to retiring"
- "Management is constantly fighting each other"
- "Good employees quit without cause"
- "Company is behind on their payables or they're scrambling to find new vendors"
- "A LOT of closed door meetings between management"
- "Consultants are brought in"
- "Hours are cut"
- "Benefits are cut"
- "Wage freeze"
"I was going to mention the consultant thing. Its a sign to watch for when there are other concerns. Obviously consultants can be used for a whole host of things, but when its a last ditch effort to overhaul the organization, you're on thin ice."
"And to add:"
- "Promotions are frozen along with wages"
- "Older employees are laid off with a huge push for bringing in college students that they can pay much less"
- "Janitorial and coffee services are cut down"
- "Bathrooms are migrated to one ply toilet paper"
- "In-house jobs are shipped off to contracting companies or overseas"
"When the top level management, right under senior management are replaced with management consultants. Been working in corporate USA for over 30 years, all they do is sow fear, uncertainty, and doubt about the current staff, try to stay as long as they can to suck the company dry."
"Our consultants were from Accenture at my last company, yes the same company that worked for Enron."
Positions aren't being filled.
"No positions are being filled when people quit. Delaying of pay. Silence of management. Key people leaving the company."
"At my former employer HR would hassle you into interviewing and hiring absolutely useless internal candidates just because they had applied. You have told us you want a role opened, so you will fill it."
"And if it went on long enough unfilled, or someone else had 'held the fort' for long enough, HR decided you didn't need that extra body and pulled the post. Therefore you could hire nobody and anyone holding the fort had to continue doing so."
"Saying we are overstaffed and not hiring newcomers when everyone is doing 3 people's job and the workload is out of hand."
If you're working on commission.
"If you're in sales and they start messing with the commission structure every couple months, that's a pretty big sign. Especially if they start doing stuff like, 'If you sell $x of accessories on a ticket, then your commission rate changes to this other arbitrary number.'"
"That's a clear sign to bounce. Messing with pay is a deal breaker. Not necessarily a sign of the end of the company though, sometimes it's undervalued sales team by a greedy management. Or if the company suddenly thinks the stuff will 'sell itself.'"
Not trusting the movement towards digital.
"Micromanagement, lack of vision, 20th century strategy, distrust of digital. Going through this right now."
"I'm in the Midwest and I see the 'distrust of digital' far too often. If company leaders are simply unfamiliar with a lot of digital tools and resources out there that's one thing (that's how I get hired), but if they're full-on against making use of digital tools and resources that's when you walk away because they are on a downhill spire."
If any of these things are happening at your work place, it might be time to start checking out LinkedIn and Indeed.com.
This is a strange time for job hunting as record numbers of workers are quitting. It's up to you when you want to jump ship, but make sure you're keeping your eye out for those red flags.
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Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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