People Share The Biggest Red Flags That Actually Made Them End A Relationship
Eddy Billard on Unsplash

*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.

People like what they like.

That point can't be argued. If there's something about a person that just sets your heart on fire, don't ignore it. Chase that feeling because clearly whatever that person is putting out is something important.

That being said, some of these traits, either obvious or delayed, should be considered as "red flags," warning signs, for any future or present relationships you find yourself in.

Reddit user, K2TsU, wanted to know what flags to keep an eye out for when they asked:

"What are some red flags that made you leave the relationship?"

Keep secrets is a never a good thing. Unless you're planning a surprise trip to Venice or something for your partner, you should be honest and open with the person you've decided to be intimate with.

Not like these folks.

I'm Not The Problem. You're The Problem.

"She was always checking my phone if I left it laying around. I’d wake up from a nap and she would be looking through my phone. I gave her the passcode because I had nothing to hide. When I finally had enough I asked her to show me her phone and she refused and guarded it like Fort Knox"


I Feel So Bad About Spending All Your Money

"When we were just starting out we ran into some unexpected financial difficulties. We had to borrow money from my parents to make rent one month. I was vocal about how much I hated doing it, and how badly I wanted to pay them back as soon as possible."

"He took some of the money, bought an expensive bottle of high-quality alcohol and hid it from me."

"He was not working at the time."


Perhaps it's not a secret. Perhaps the flag that finally makes you drop the relationships has been there for a long time, except you've only chosen now to do something about it.

Ha! Showed You!

"When instead of apologizing after being caught lying he met another girl on the internet to “show me” how easy it was to get another woman to talk to him if I wouldn’t. But he still expected to work things out..."


Unable To Keep A Smile On In Public

"He ruined every big event. He had an attitude that didn't let you enjoy anything. He would act happy and excited leading up to said event, then just ruin it."


"I just left a relationship for this same reason. No matter what the situation, he always had to focus on the negatives and acted like the whole world was against him all the time. I have severe depression and eventually, after a particularly bad relapse where I was suicidal again, I got therapy. I worked so hard to change my outlook on things, to practice self care, to recognise when my symptoms were getting bad and manage them, and to have someone constantly trying to undo that was just too much."


Becoming The New Dr. Doolittle

"They couldn't stop adopting new pets. Like 1 - 2 new animals a week. We lived in a 2 room flat."


And then there's these, red flags that under no circumstance could be perceived any way except, "Get out of this relationship."

Which is exactly what these people did.

A Unique Kind Of Honesty

"A friend of mine sat me down one day and told me she'd been smoking pot with him (he was a dealer at the time) and telling him how bad she wanted him, basically begging him for sex. He turned her down every time but admitted he wanted to be with her and didn't think I deserved to be cheated on. He made it clear he was interested, but also that he wouldn't come between us, so it was my decision how things went."

"She denied it but I dumped her shortly afterward and she started dating him maybe a week later. He was kind of an a-- most of the time but I've always appreciated him giving me the heads up instead of just letting her cheat and me be none the wiser."


Don't Allow Yourself To Be Pushed Around

"I just broke up with my boyfriend. He isn’t a bad person, he just has a lot of issues but the red flags were that he’d enter temper tantrums if I didn’t say or do what he wanted, talk behind my back while knowing I don’t like that and he kept saying how he needed me and he’d kill himself if I left. I stayed with him despite them but when we finally broke up, I said that I didn’t want to get back with him a week later and he told me that my emotions don’t matter because his emotions never came first."

"It’s like sure, I’ll let you yell at me because you’re just mad. Maybe next time, I won’t spend hours talking to someone through a breakdown if they’re gonna tell me that I didn’t support them emotionally."


Anger Issues

"Controlling behavior!"

"That I should wear covered clothes so men wouldn’t look at me. It was a very hot summer and I already would wear long skirts to my ankles and tops without cleavage."

"One time we were eating at a cafe and some drunk dude who was sitting behind me, started to talk to me, I didn’t even turn to him or acknowledge him, just kept eating. My ex started to fight with him, and then took me by my arm to leave. On our walk back home he was screaming at me how this was all my fault. After 3 years that was my breaking point and I left."


Be Self-Aware And Try To Break Free

"I never knew I was being gaslighted til she broke up with me, and I was happy she did. Fellas, if youre being gaslighted, its really hard to tell reality from fantasy if youre the one in it. Lived a happier life ever since"


We Both Have Stuff Going On, But Only I'm Working On It

"Confusion. Or you can say, Lack of Confidence. Whenever I get into a relationship or say start at the initial stage, if I see that they don't trust or are not confident about the relationship and all the efforts are from my side, it simply means that it's just a waste of time. Relationships are because of efforts from both the parties. So, if one party is not confident, have confusion, or is seriously not giving effort, that simply means I must be out of that relationship ASAP. And this is applicable to everyone Imo."


Undercutting Your Progress

"Constantly accused me of cheating or that I was going to leave her because I was getting serious about my weight loss and health."

"I hope anyone who has gone through this or is going through this gets the strength to do what’s best for them and to love their lives free of the abuse/negativity of others."


Attempted Murder? Yeah, Get Out Of There.

"When I was a few days post brain surgery and wouldn’t mow the lawn, she tried to punch my head in at the surgical site. Would have killed me. called my dad and was gone within about an hour."

"(for those who don’t know, your activities are majorly limited after brain surgery so you don’t get a brain fluid leak.)"


Yep. Red Flag. The Biggest Of Red Flags.

"He said to me after having had periods of suicidal thoughts in the past..."

"I decided last night I couldn't kill myself unless I killed you first, so you wouldn't have to live with the guilt."

"That felt like a red flag."

"...To those that asked, yes I left him but as you can imagine it was complicated and took me a while to untangle the bullsh-t. I am now happily married to the guy that helped me get away and basically saved my life."

"I also want to thank those that have shared their own stories of mental health struggles both with a partner and themselves. I have very little advise of any use but I love all the support in the comments."

"For anyone in a similar situation... Trust your gut. No relationship is worth your life. It is better to act and be wrong, then not act, think everything is okay, and be wrong. If anything on this post rang true for you right now, start taking steps to protect yourself today, and reach out if you need help. There are plenty of hands here to help pull you up."


Keep your eyes sharp, everyone. Flags are everywhere. You just need to decide if they're red or slightly off color.

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at

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