I'm proud to say I'm older and wiser and that I handle my breakups with much more grace than I did when I was much younger (and far more lame). For the sake of contrast, consider the time I cried my eyes out and threw up in a restaurant following a breakup with a guy in my early twenties versus the couple of weeks I spent chilling out, writing, watching movies, and spending time with my friends (and feeling productive) after my most recent one. Trust me, developing better habits never comes easy.
After Redditor ceelery asked the online community, "How do you get over someone?" people weighed in with their best advice.
"You'll try a million things..."
You'll try a million things, but the only real answers are time and/or eternal sunshine of the spotless mind-ing them.
"I'm 40 now..."
Play it out in your mind. Have the full unabashed conversation like that person was standing right in front of you. Talk to them. Remember why you aren't together. If it was mutual, then this usually works. If it's one-sided, and your heart is broken, embrace it. Embrace the pain, remember, if there isn't anything you can do about the situation, the only thing you can change is the way you react to it. Amor Fati. Love your fate.
If this person you wish to "get over" has passed on, and everything in the world is muted gray, dull, and terrible, then in my experience, "getting over" is not something you should really even attempt. That person, as all people, are never truly gone from this world until they are forgotten. It is your duty to live your life as best you can, never forgetting them, but also living as they would have wanted you to. Go on adventures, pet dogs, eat strange foods, read books that challenge your beliefs, grow as a person, and maybe one day find love again. Knowing full well that they would approve.
I'm 40 now, and it seems the older I get, the easier it becomes to walk away from people. I've met the "love of my life" 3 different times, I've loved women without ever telling them, I've been rejected, cheated on, dumped, ghosted, married and divorced. I've had one night stands, and 12 year relationships. The only thing I can tell you is that the people we chose to love, leave pieces of themselves within us. Often times, you don't even realize it until you have the strange desire to go to an IKEA on a Saturday afternoon, and have no idea why until you walk in and feel the nostalgia of walking around with someone, laughing at odd chairs, and wondering why this insignificant thing meant so much.
"We were both kids pretending to be adults..."
One thing I'd recommend: try having the conversation out loud. You can use your mind to play everyone who isn't you, but there's some inherent value in speaking your own part out loud.
I remember being 22, stupid, and furious after a relationship ended. It was easier to be angry than it was to be sad, so I really dove into that rage. I called that ex every mean name in the book, slung mud about her to friends and random strangers, left not-so-cryptic messages about how much I hated her on Reddit where I knew she'd find them-- all sorts of crappy stuff.
In my mind, it was easy to justify everything. I hurt really bad, and she'd clearly and intentionally caused me a lot of emotional harm by breaking up with me and then getting together with someone else too darned quickly, and proving that I'd never meant anything to her!
I drove a lot for work, and after literal months of going to bed and waking up angry with a woman I hadn't seen since I graduated college, I decided to finally talk about it out loud to the empty Passenger's seat. And trying to call her a cruel bitch and worse-- it stuck in my throat. Because it was a damn lie.
We were both kids pretending to be adults wrapping up college. She wanted out because I wasn't a particularly good boyfriend to her; I was obsessed with sex, didn't have much by way of a future planned out or ambitions, dismissed her when she talked about stuff that bothered her, played too many video games-- there was a laundry list of reasons why most people wouldn't have wanted to date my crusty @ss in college. I'd ignored all of them because it was easier to pretend that she was just pure evil than it was to be sad and to acknowledge that I needed to change and improve if I ever wanted to have happy and healthy relationships again.
Hashing it out with yourself out loud forces that sort of honesty and makes you examine things a little more clearly. You know when you're lying to yourself, it's just that sometimes you need the extra kick of having to say it.
"I used to convince myself..."
There's going to be good days and there's going to be bad days. I used to convince myself that I didn't think of him anymore, but the truth was I thought of him every day, until I didn't. People say you need time, but you also need patience. Just when I thought I was finally getting over him, I started to dream of him. I would wake up in tears because of how angry I was that I was doing so good on moving on, yet all it took was one 15 second dream to pull me back 20 steps. But in order to move on, you have to let yourself feel every emotion and have patience.
"It takes awhile..."
Tears and time.
It takes awhile but you will eventually figure out wether you actually miss them or the idea of them.
"Love yourself more."
Stop trying too hard to get over. When I had my first break up, I tried too hard to distract myself and everything kept reminding me of her. The point being, if you feel said, it's okay. If you miss them, it's okay. If you feel jealous seeing them with someone else, it's okay.
If I could go back and do one thing differently was "self-love". I did not love myself enough and kept thinking about what I could have done better. Now I am old enough to realize that relationship is two people and you can't keep it together just by yourself.
It has already been suggested here. Love yourself more. Get healthy, fit or learn a new hobby. Do something you always wanted to do but were too preoccupied to do before.
"And then you have to realize..."
Look mate, I got divorced 4 months ago and here's what I've learned through lots of thought and pain.
You won't. Don't let that discourage you though. The more it hurts, the longer it takes to get over someone, the more you know you cared about that person.
I don't know your situation, so I can't be specific, but what helped me was not turning away from that pain. You need to face whatever fear, loss, anger, sorrow, pity, anxiety, or loneliness you feel and question why you feel this way. What about this person do you miss, what did this person bring into your life or relationship that made you happy.
And then you have to realize that all those same actions, thoughts, and feelings the other person gave you, you can self generate that same energy. Just because they are gone, doesn't mean you can't learn from them and become a better and happier person without them in your life.
Be happy that it happened, not sad because it's gone.
"Accept the things you cannot change."
Accept the things you cannot change.
That includes people.
"The feelings that you have..."
Imagine the ocean. In the middle of it, there's a wave. It's only purpose is get to the shore from the vast open sea. It roams and it roams towards the shore, but the shore is far. It takes time to reach it. However, it gets smaller and smaller as it approaches it's destination. Eventually subsiding into a soft little splash of water caressing the toes of the people on the beach.
The feelings that you have towards this person (be it infatuation, attraction, love) get smaller as the time goes by. Now get on with your life. Read a book, go to work, go to school or whatever it is you do. And one of these days you're gonna come to the realization: "Wow. I didn't have a single thought about this person yesterday."
I hope this helps.
"It's a cliche but..."
It's a cliche but "just do you".
Figure out who and what you are. What you want and what you lack and what you can give. Why do you need a partner? Why do you want a partner? What happened with this one? What were your wrongs and what were their wrongs?
It doesn't matter if you're 13, 23, 33, 43, or 53.
If you never figure yourself out and be content--or at least understand--who you are... there's a good chance you'll never meet the right person or be the right person for others. There'll always be that void of loneliness and itch that's never been scratched.
Because you don't even know what you need or what you can give.
If you're a young person, take this time to be someone of genuinely value to yourself. That'll naturally make you person who can provide for others as well.
Learn skills, pile on knowledge, and develop your physical traits.
Start working on all that and time will fly. You'll meet someone before you realize it's been months, years, since the break up. And you'll see how far you've come.
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People typically think of cannabis legalization as one of those cut and dry things.
If you don't use marijuana, you probably don't want to legalize it.
If you do use marijuana, you are probably pro-legalization.
... except it's not that simple.
Reddit user SaifurCloudstrife asked:
"Redditors opposed to marijuana legalization and decriminalization: Why?"
Normally when these types of questions are asked, you get a bunch of people who are pro-the-thing chiming in and that absolutely happened here.
Interestingly, that opened up discourse that got people actually talking—probably more than they normally would have. The constant back and forth helped people get down to the core of their beliefs and reasons.
I can't say minds or hearts were changed, or even that people had particularly good reasons (and there were some not-great counter arguments, let's be real) when it came right down to it, but conversations were certainly had...
"It's a drug."
"I have two examples in my close family that clearly show how devastating pot can be. This attitude to marijuana reminds me of the attitude towards cocaine in the mid to late seventies when everyone thought it was harmless 'nose candy.' "
"I'm against sentences for drug possession but many people would benefit from dealers serving 3-5 for selling pot."
"Honestly, I think everyone against it should come to Canada for a visit. It's been legal here for 4 years and absolutely NONE of the spooky stories have come true."
"The only real differences is that people buy their weed in nice, clean stores with clear labels and not on street corners and our tax dollars don't go towards harassing people for a weekend indulgence."Giphy
"It stinks and makes people lazy."
"And often the weed smokers don't care if they are a pain in the butt to others and that kind of apathy is a huge no for me."Giphy
"I live in WA, where rec weed is legal."
"I rarely ever smell pot smoke. And I have the nose of a bloodhound."
"Yes, more often than as a teen when it was still illegal, but far less than any amount to be pro-prohibition about it."
"Plus, I mean, there's lots of smells I f*cking hate but wouldn't enact harmful laws over- Axe body spray being one."
"Laws can be made regarding where you can smoke."
"In Australia you can't smoke inside or within a certain distance to entryways. The only space you smell smoke is at an outdoor pub, designated smoking areas and occasionally when walking."
"It took years, but people become accustomed to new rules. Knowing Americans though, you guys will be on the brink of civil war if they brought in similar restrictions."
It's TOO Good
"I've read that the potency in pot these days is a hell of a lot stronger compared to say 20 or 30 yrs ago."
"The huge increase in THC levels should be a huge concern for people. The pot being legalized today is not the same I smoked when I was much younger."
"This argument has been rolled out again and again since I was in elementary school (~30 years ago) and I never understood it."
"THC is remarkably non-toxic, it's so much less toxic than many common substances people ingest on a regular basis (aspirin, and plenty of other OTC meds, as examples), to the point where actual THC toxicity is caused by physical rather than chemical/metabolic actions."
"Smoked cannabis is also much easier to titrate (dose appropriately), since the effects are nearly instantaneous - take a couple hits and you'll know if you've had enough within seconds."Giphy
"As opposed to an accidental edible overdose where you might not know for a couple hours that you've taken a heroic dose."
"So a higher % of THC by weight in cannabis flower shouldn't be an issue, especially considering that back in D.A.R.E. they used to tell us that smoking cannabis was SO MUCH WORSE than smoking tobacco."
"Cannabis was supposedly so much 'harsher,' one joint contains 'toxins' equivalent to an entire pack of cigs, etc...which is total bull, but even if that were true...wouldn't that mean that stronger cannabis is less harmful, since you don't have to smoke so much to achieve the desired effect?"
"Can't have it both ways."
It is high potency because it is illegal. It's easier to transport a half pound of skunk than 10 pounds of trash weed."
"Look at states that have legalized. There are low thc strains available and easily accessible."
"Because dipsh*ts will start smoking it in public places where others can not really avoid it, like is the case with cigarettes currently."
"Also yes: F*ck cigarettes."
"Yep my problem is drugs in public."
"I do not care if you do drugs as long as your doing them in a private place. I don't want to breathe in your smoke and get lung cancer."
"I don't especially care what folks get up to on their own, it's when they make everyone around them a participant that it aggravates me."
"Plus, depending on the setting, it's really inconsiderate."
"I have a friend whose job does random drug testing and he left a bar because a bunch of folks were smoking inside and he was worried about work."Giphy
Go Away, Government!
"I'm for legalization but as someone that worked for corporate cannabis, I'd loathe seeing those scums run the market."
"My state Governor tried writing a recreational cannabis bill on their own terms since we are surrounded by recreational territories."
"They stated they didn't want it to lead to a ballot measure because that's worst case scenario (didnt think voters were educated) than proceeded to write the most comically bad legalization bill that existed - before completely dropping it because they couldn't write a competent law."
"I am about as anti pot as they come, but if they are going to legalize it, why wouldn't they make it legal to grow your own? (Rhetorical- I know the answer… same reason "they" are legalizing it… tax money)"
"This is what I am screaming. For them it's only about money."
"They are waiting for the rich to install a profit making infrastructure before they let us peasants enjoy anything."Giphy
"If I had any good reason it's because idiots insist it's not addictive and it doesn't impede your senses. So they drive and do dangerous sh*t while high."
"My issue isn't the severity of the impediment. It's that people refuse to admit that it does alter the mind."
"I already have one person insist they smoke weed and drive because they know their body."
"Now imagine if someone openly said that about alcohol and how you'd react. It's a really dumb mentality to have."
"If anything I'd push for it to be illegalized ALONG WITH alcohol and cigarettes."
"But prohibition taught us that is not the way to go."Giphy
The Same Path As Alcohol
"I believe that if it was legalized, it would become a much bigger part in society, much like how alcohol is now."
"I do have a problem with public drinking and personally view alcohol as much worse compared to marijuana."
"However, since drinking is already so ingrained in our society, it's not like we can get rid of it. I'm just hoping that weed doesn't follow in the same path as alcohol."Giphy
"Im so sick of all these CBD oil pyramid schemes popping up!"
"The testimonials are all, 'I broke my spine in half and had to get it surgically fused together. Now all I have to do is rub a drop of CBD on it, and the pain is gone!' "
"And I'm not against it, I actually use high grade CBD at night to help me sleep. I fucking hate going through a rep though, they always try to hard sell me on topical CBD for my back pain that's like $80 for a little jar, or $30 bath bombs."
"I have discs squeezing out of my spine, I'm pretty sure a dab of hemp oil is gonna do jack shit for that."
"And the cancer patient abuse!"
"Smoking or ingesting edibles with THC for pain management and appetite is super helpful for cancer patients, but cbd wont do anything. Not to mention getting an ounce of good weed wont set you back much, but getting a tiny vial of cbd can set you back a couple hundred bucks."
"With our healthcare system in the states, we know damn well cancer patients are already in a hole of debt. I'm worried legalizing will encourage these CBD lies."
"It's the new snake oil."
"My MIL is that person. She's was touting its Indica strains ability to outright cure cancer the last I saw her."
"Cancer patients get hit very hard with the cannabis oil scams. What kind of evil sh*t do you need to be to take advantage of desperate people?"
"I agree with you about people thinking its the grand cure all, but that's why I feel we SHOULD legalize."
"The main reason I want it legalize is so they can do more research on the things it does help. It's effect on tremors alone is fascinating."Giphy
So what have we really learned here? I'm not really certain.
Lots of people's reasons seemed under-informed, but just as many people had legitimate concerns.
Sure, those concerns could just as easily be applied to alcohol, but lots of Redditors admitted that and seemed to take LARGER issue with alcohol than cannabis. It was honestly difficult to find anyone (aside from the smell people) who was 100% against it.
And that, dear reader, is possibly the biggest takeaway from this. Attitudes are changing.
Sorry, D.A.R.E.—looks like we said yes to drugs. Well, cannabis at least.
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Chosen family is family. Sometimes they are the closest and most important family. Just because you share blood with someone, doesn't mean you have to form a bond.
That's why best friends are so important.
BFFs are forged in many ways. They're there for you in triumph and sorrow. They hold your hand. T
They know where the bodies are buried because they helped bury them. That's why it's so heartbreaking to lose them.
It's just a bitter pill to swallow when it's a relationship you thought was going to be endless.
Redditor FindingDale wanted to hear all the reasons why sometimes we just have to say goodbye to certain people in life, by asking:
How did you lose your best friend?
I've lost a few besties. Some through death. Some through personal growth and some just because it was time. That was an important lesson. Just like lovers, friends also outgrow one another.
I'm ExhaustedI Cant Modern Family GIF by HULUGiphy
"I got tired of it being all about her all of the time. I couldn't tell her anything in my life good or bad because she would make it about herself." ~ Wide-Fig-1063
"He was the passenger in a single-car accident. The driver was drunk, showing off, and drifting on an unfamiliar dirt road in California. They found the car at the bottom of a 70-foot cliff. Everyone in the car walked away except my friend, who died instantly."
"He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn't feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, Jake." ~ FormerLurker3
"Best friends since we were 12. Best Man at my wedding when we were 28. Day after the wedding he never spoke to me again. No explanation. Calls and texts went unanswered. He would avoid being at any social event I would be at, which was a few because we had the same circle of friends. Tried for two years to keep that friendship alive." ~ Tionek
"I had a weird dynamic to continue because of trauma. We had been friends for most of our lives (26 years) and every conversation was all about her. I was fine with that because she had a traumatic childhood and I knew she wasn't super socially with it. I'm happy to listen when my friends need it."
"Then she just unloaded on me saying I wasn't listening enough to her problems and how I had mistreated her by not asking enough pointed questions about abuse she had suffered as a kid. This was days after a three hour call where she did all the talking and it was mostly about her abuse."
"I was six months pregnant at the time and all I could think was "do I really have the bandwidth to take care of two babies?" I haven't spoken to her since." ~ keepinitcornmeal
It's WeirdFriends Tv GIFGiphy
"His wife tried to sleep with me. I didn't let it happen and I told him about it. They reconciled and had more kids, then it got weird whenever I was around so we drifted apart." ~ mycowild
Yeah, beware the partner of a loved one who is trying to trap you in a scandal. They are shady. Take that drama and run fast and far.
Why?Peering Looking GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"No idea. He slowly stopped answering calls, texts, emails... his wife, even more so. I'd occasionally stop by to see them and everything appeared to be OK. They never stopped to see us, even though his mother lived just a few miles away. I just quit trying." ~ NagromTrebloc
"It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting. At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it."
"He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead. I couldn't process what he was saying."
"I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner." Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and Benadryl together. It stopped his heart. He died 2 days before his 40th birthday. We were friends since grade school."
"We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle. I miss him every single day." ~ SnooCapers1425
"Codependency. I became basically obsessed with her and it just became too toxic. I had to cut it off because it was eating me up inside and she didn't deserve how I was treating her." ~ SuccessfulEggplant82
"Good on you for recognizing the problem you were having. It takes a lot (and I mean a crap ton) for an individual to come to this realization. Most people like to live in denial or fight it. I did the same thing and by the time I realized it, it was to late. I hope your able to get through it." ~ Nakanon85
"I noticed that he never came to my place to catch up. I stopped going over to his place to see how long until he noticed.... It's been 5 years now 🤷♂️." ~ Mr_Nonesuch
"Over the years I have observed in number of friendships that its always me that makes the call. They always are delighted to hear from me. If I organise something they come. They just don't make the effort. I have been best man five times so I don't think that its because the friendships are not valued. I don't know, am I missing something?" ~ Yarray2
"My ex wife. Even after we split we stayed close, co-parenting, helping each other out. She died 3.5 years ago. I could have made peace I think but after her death and our daughter was living with me full time I found out about how abusive my ex had been to her when I was around and it felt like losing her all over."
"Like I thought I knew who she was in the 13 years we'd had both together and separated, but it turns out I knew nothing. Now I'm just angry about it, like how dare you get to do this crap and then leave me to clean up your mess."
"How dare you have peace when my daughter has nothing but struggles and therapy. I felt like we were robbed of the good person, the good mother I thought she was." ~ Scarecrowqueen
Far Far Away...Jake Gyllenhaal Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Friend moved to the other side of the planet, with their spouse, to be nearer to both their families. I never understood what real friendship was before friend was in my life; and now they're alive, but not here." ~ ClutchCrgo
One of the natural parts of life... saying goodbye. Or in some cases getting ghosted and forgotten. Either way, chin up.
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Humans have had an undeniably significant impact on our environment and the other species that inhabit the planet with us.
What might happen if humans weren't here to exert that influence, though?
What if we never had?
Reddit user Mompkey asked:
"Which species do you think would be dominant if humans didn't exist?"
"Wolves. They can, and have, successfully adapted to most of the various biomes on the planet."
"There's a reason we domesticated them and took them everywhere with us."Giphy
- Everything is garbage
- Garbage is delicious"
"I would agree, but now I'm wondering if our presence is the reason cockroaches have thrived as well as they have."Giphy
"Sharks, they are the dominant species on 3/4 of the Earth's surface already, they have survived mass extinctions and would thrive even more without humans mucking up their habitat."Giphy
"Humans are the only species that seek to dominate others. Other animals just want to live in the balance of nature. They're just trying to survive, they don't have time to take over the world."
"Pinky and The Brain theme song played in my head."Giphy
"We've killed off so many throughout history but of the ones that remains intelligence and versatility would be the key factors. Their food supply and habitat would greatly increase in our absence so with this being said.........primates."
"We are simply the superior primate therefore we are the dominant species. That opposable thumb is a mf when you have a large brain."
"Wouldn't it be just another off shoot of humans like the Neanderthal or heidelbergensis?"Giphy
While we'll probably never know definitively which species would truly thrive without us around, it's still fun to speculate.
Do you have thoughts?
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