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People Share The Best Morbid Jokes They Know

People Share The Best Morbid Jokes They Know
Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.

There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.

In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.

And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.

So what do we do?

We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.

Let's hear some...

RedditorCrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:

"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"

***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***

I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.

Lady

Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy

"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"

UnoriginalUse

at 9am...

"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"

"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”

dreagan021

Comedy?

"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."

GW2RNGR

"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."

JayDub506

People who make comedy are evil. LOL.

The Darkness

That 70S Show Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy

"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."

storm_the_castle

God Laughs?

"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"

“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."

"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"

semimillennial

Oh Baby

"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."

sirnibs3

Jumpers

"Four people are on a plane, a British guy, a French guy, a Mexican guy, and a guy from Texas. The plane is about to go down so the pilot tells everyone to grab a parachute and jump. The British guy goes first, grabs a parachute, says 'long live the queen!' And jumps out. The French guy goes next, grabs a parachute, says 'vive la France!' And jumps out. Then the Texan goes next, says 'remember the Alamo!' And throws out the Mexican."

joebannaners

Oh Baby

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw ‘em."

BibleButterSandwich

"Dead baby jokes are my favorite. What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed as a clown."

InteligentTard

"I hate myself for laughing the way I did. I'm so ashamed."

LiteLit

Frozen

Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy

"To necrophiliacs there's nothing better than cracking open a cold one."

Schfifty561

Forest Story

"A stranger brings a person in a dark scary forest."

"-Sir, I'm scared."

"-Imagine me, I'll have to find my way back alone..."

Joyce_Windu

2 Chris'

"What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?"

"Christopher Walken."

About2Time

"I googled sick jokes one day and that was the first result. Savage."

Epatubiq

AHHHH!!

"What's the difference between a baby and a bag of coke?"

"Eric Clapton would pay enough attention for the bag of coke to not drop out of a window."

UnoriginalUse

"That’s Dark Dark."

Raichu-R-Ken

World Issues

"Why did the Ethiopian put up a clothesline?"

"So the children can play in the shade."

"How do you recognize a wealthy Ethiopian?"

"Rolex round the waist."

CropCircle77

Cheers?

"What was Bin Laden's favorite drink."

"A double Manhattan."

itamarka

"I always heard 'two kamikaze shots followed by a manhattan.'"

baf6

Oh no.

Frustrated Gecko GIFGiphy

"They say there's safety in numbers... try telling that to 6 million Jews."

alan2998

Passengers

"I want to die like my granddad, while sleeping. Not like the two people screaming in his car."

VulgarVinyasa

"I've always heard this one as: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandad. Not screaming for my life, like the passengers on his bus."

djAMPnz

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.

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The Best Loopholes People Have Ever Discovered And Exploited

"Reddit user Aarunascut asked: 'What was a loophole that you found and exploited the hell out of?'"

Two people look over paperwork on a desk
Photo by Romain Dancre

Loopholes are everywhere.

But finding them can be time-consuming.

Or they can be a straight-up accident.

Sometimes corporations don't even realize the ways they've given out great deals.

In the early days of the internet, scheming for loopholes was a favorite pastime, but companies caught on.

They're still out there though, just waiting to be discovered.

Redditor Aarunascut wanted to discuss the best "deals" they've stumbled upon and utilized, so they asked:

"What was a loophole that you found and exploited the hell out of?"

I love a good loophole.

I would always use the free gym trial memberships.

They've caught on now by using better tracking.

Alas...

Rinse & Repeat

coins GIFGiphy

"You used to be able to order dollar coins from the mint."

"Pay for it on your credit card, free delivery."

"Get sky miles."

"Take dollar coins to the bank, deposit, and pay off bills."

"Repeat."

AMLT1983

I Love Pizza

"I run a recycling center and when Mountain Dew did the win an Xbox One with codes under the soda bottle caps we got a total of 20 Xbox ones. Every worker got one that year. Also, Casey’s Pizza had a thing going that you collected 10 tabs off the large pizza box you’d get a free pizza. We had free pizzas weekly for years till they stopped doing it."

Otis_Firefly

Her Code

"During my first year teaching, teachers were each allowed 1500 photocopies a month. I had 150 students. That wasn't enough. One day, a coworker announced that she was leaving for a different opportunity. I asked her for her copier code. They never deleted her code, so I had 3000 copies per month for the last 5 months of the school year."

driveonacid

Sacagawea

"Older vending machines like the ones in my high school and car wash used to take golden dollars (yes, the Sacagawea coin), count them as a dollar and then spit them back out. You could buy the whole machine with one golden dollar. My friends and I exploited this for 7 months senior year until they swapped all of the machines out."

MapUnitKey

"Interestingly almost all of the US dollar coins ended up in Ecuador as they also use the US dollar. It was super weird but convenient as an American going there and I guess it really messed up their economy. I had always wondered where they disappeared to though. Major issues with counterfitting them too, any shiny one was basically useless even if it was real."

ember3pines

Coded

Girl Cheese GIF by Pizza HutGiphy

"When Pizza Hut first started online ordering they gave me a code for a free pizza for ordering online for the first time. Turns out the code also worked if you just ordered as a guest and kept working."

Stone_Reign

I miss the Pizza Hut deal days.

Online coupons used to give away the whole company.

$1.50

Make It Rain Loop GIF by Chris TimmonsGiphy

"My bank thinks the vending machine at work is an ATM and refunds my 'atm fee' automatically... Chase bank if anyone wondered. I noticed I was always getting like $1.50 returned to my account here and there and then I realized what it was."

homerinthebushes

Past Services

"Back in the 80s, we found vending machines that were not regularly serviced that would overflow the coin box and spill quarters on the floor. We used to scrape them out from under the machine with a stick. Was a good time to be a latchkey unattended minor."

weakplay

"Vending machines in college (Ireland early 2000s) had a flap at the bottom that was supposed to stop you reaching your arm up to steal. But it also had a sensor used to determine if had something been dispensed. So if you held it shut, the machine would think nothing had dropped and you could order as many things as you wanted, then refund your coins and release the flap."

BrianHenryIE

Senior Year

"My senior year of high school a Chick-fil-A opened in our town and to advertise the grand opening they put a free chicken sandwich coupon in the yellow pages of the phone book. No purchase, no stipulations. For whatever reason there were like 1,000 phone books stored in a storeroom off the gym. Me and my buddies ate a chicken sandwich damn near every single day of senior year."

Panther90

Switched with Michelle

"At a former job management rearranged the schedules to expand our call center hours from 7 am to 9 pm. It was still an 8-hour day, you just started later. We had a meeting to discuss if we could pick our own hours so employees didn’t run the risk of working until 9 pm then having to be back the next day at 7 am. Management gave us a hard no-on that. But we were allowed to swap with a co-worker."

"A few of us got together to review the monthly schedule and noticed that 5 people were in the rotation who hadn’t worked there for years. (Seriously!). So, whenever we had to work a late schedule that we didn’t want we 'switched with Michelle.' This went on for almost 2 years before management scrapped the whole idea."

Crazy_from_the_heat

The King

burger king GIFGiphy

"Burger King used to have an app where you’d shake your phone and it would sometimes display a free item. A guy at work wrote his own app that looked identical to Burger King, but would only ever show a Whopper Meal. Every lunchtime he’d go to Burger King and get a free meal."

RedLeader7

I love a free meal.

Especially a free meal at any "cost!" LOL.

couple painting room
Roselyn Tirado on Unsplash

A pet peeve is defined as something a person finds especially annoying.

These tend to vary from person to person which makes them a frequent issue in relationships. From small habits to major personality traits, it's hard to know what will set someone else off.

A partner's interesting quirks or routine habits might inadvertently get on their significant others last nerve.

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It feels like the workplace is constantly changing, especially since the pandemic, with more people working from home, more systems being automated, and more social pressure for workplaces to evolve.

But it's even more jarring to think of how much the workplace has changed for those who have been in the workforce for many decades and how seemingly every aspect of their work has changed... at least once.

Redditor LightningStrikes818 asked:

"Redditors who are 50 years old or older, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs. working nowadays?"

Dress Codes

"Skirts/dresses and pantyhose required of women in many offices through the 1990s."

- hhhmmm0

"Flipside: suits and ties, buttoned-up shirts. Brutal in summer."

- ridleyfiredome

"Pantyhose were high maintenance. I had to have an extra pair in my desk drawer in case of a major run. I had clear nail polish at home and work to stop any runs above the hemline."

"Pantyhose were expensive, I had nice department store hose for special occasions, and bulk mail order hose for daily wear. They had to be washed in mesh bags and hung to dry."

"In the summer I’d get swamp crotch when it was hot and humid, and heat rash on my thighs where they rubbed."

"Heels had to be polished and the heel tips replaced at the shoe shop. Most office clothes were dry clean only, and it was expensive, and yet another errand. Office clothes were expensive, I didn’t have many clothes, I had to plan what to wear and time the dry cleaning."

"I don’t miss the nightmare of heels and hose from the 80’s."

- phineasminius

Electrical Transfer, Who?

"Having to go to the bank to cash my paycheck."

- Cndngirl

"Oh my god, yes, and we needed to wait until after 3:00 PM to cash it."

- Big-Reflection-104

Work and... Strip Clubs?

"We took a company van with a logo on it to take out-of-town guests to a strip club. I don’t even think I can say that out loud at work today."

- scruffles360

"Strip clubs were standard practice. Especially in sales. Many deals closed in those places over my career."

- YOU_WONT_LIKE_IT

Smoking Spaces

"People smoking indoors. Clouds of smoke everywhere in the office and no way for a nonsmoker to avoid it. That was the norm so you just had to suck it up."

- andBobsyourcat

"Yes, at one stage I had the misfortune of sitting next to someone who used to smoke a pipe. I could barely see my computer screen at times for the clouds of smoke."

"Also, the IT support guy would come over to do something and he always had a cigarette dangling from his lips, dropping ash into my keyboard. Urgh! Different times!"

- MickSturbs

Office Parties of Old

"Man, in state government, all the older employees have similar stories of work parties in the 90s. Booze everywhere, smoking, people dancing, and having fun. Everyone brought their spouses, etc."

"Now you're lucky if you see a Christmas cake. People wonder why everything feels like it's coming apart at the seams and people are so unhappy. That aspect of being a human being fun, even at work is gone."

- t00sl0w

"I'm a millennial in industrial equipment sales, and it genuinely feels like you showed up to a party about an hour after everyone was gone."

"Nowadays, I can't even have a beer with dinner and expect to expense it."

- titsmuhgeeee

"Oh man, the office Christmas parties then, versus now?? Forget about it. Like comparing a wedding to a funeral."

- Schyznik

Safety Precautions

"I'm 42 but feel like I want to chime in."

"Health and safety has changed loads. You wouldn't get away with half the sh*t we did when I was 17."

- section4

Constantly, Always Sitting

"I watched office work go from sedentary to virtually immobile. We used to retrieve paper files, pass memos around, and consult with coworkers in other sections and floors."

"Now everything is available on the screen in front of us, everything can be shared with a few clicks. It’s convenient, but so unhealthy."

- MathematicianWitty23

What's a Pension Again?

"Hardly anybody has a pension anymore."

- whitewolfdogwalker

"That's where I feel really lucky to be in Australia, we have mandatory superannuation (a percentage of your pay plus employer contribution goes into a fund for your retirement) and most people will also qualify for an age care pension in addition to their super."

"The pension isn't really enough for our current seniors who don't have much super (due to the timeline of when it was introduced) but generations after that should be relatively well set up for retirement."

- TheGardenNymph

Work Availability in General

"I'm in the UK."

"It was a great deal easier to find work. You'd get vacancies posted in various places and could go down to the Job Centre, browse vacancies posted on postcards on boards, pick out the jobs you were interested in, and get a member of staff to arrange an interview for you. Just like that."

"Dress codes were more formal and you actually had to go to work. If you worked in an office for the right company work finished Friday lunchtime when you'd go with your colleagues to the pub. You'd go back after the 'liquid' lunch hour and work Friday afternoon, but no sh*t got done and work piled up for Monday."

"You got paid either direct debit, cash or if you were unlucky by cheque. You had to deposit your cheque in the bank or building society and wait for the cheque to clear, usually four days, but sometimes 10 days. If you got paid cash you'd get it in a small brown envelope known as a wage packet which listed all deductions on the outside. It still felt good to tear open the wage packet and take out the cash."

- ElvishMystical

The Value of Employees

"That you chose a career, and you worked for an employee, and they valued your experience. You rose in the ranks of your profession, you became a valued team member, and you stayed until you retired."

"Changing jobs often is frowned on; if you make a job commitment, you follow through on it. People get bothered and quit/move/change really quickly now. That's not necessarily bad, but it has created a gap in expertise; everyone is new all the time, and there isn't any value in having experience."

"If you happen to be an elder in your field with some level of legacy knowledge; it doesn't seem to matter because your boss is likely younger than you and less experienced."

"There used to be jobs what you did to get paid and live, and careers, what you did because you wanted to invest time into being good at something, AND that was how you made a living."

"Moreover, you went to school to be in a career. So you put time and energy into attaining your job, therefore you'd want to stay in it and grow. In theory."

"I'm not sure anyone cares about being in a career anymore. Because we all feel so betrayed by the system; wages not keeping up with COL, inflation, (and inflation subsiding and prices staying high because it's what the market will bear), and when everyone is replaceable, then no one is an expert."

"I'm GenX. I work in healthcare. I work in a broken system that no one actually wants to fix. Those of us working in this system are now just grist for the mill. It's too bad because we spent a lot of time and money going to school to be able to work in our chosen field."

"In contrast, my mom was also a nurse. She had a career. She worked in it until she was 70 and retired. She worked with a team that mostly stayed the same, over decades. I don't work with anyone I started with at my job six years ago."

- bunnehfeet

Business Phones

"People used to answer their business phones."

- BornFree2018

"Oh my god, work landline numbers. I never see those anymore. I don’t even have a phone number in my email signature at work anymore."

"And business cards used to be such a big deal. I used to get really excited to see my name and title in print. I would always send my parents one when I got a new job. What a dork!"

- ptpoa120000

What Work-Life Balance?

"There was a lot more understanding back in the 80's and 90's that each employee had a life outside of work, and work would end at 5:00 PM. You could leave work and go do something that you liked, maybe a martial arts class or some learning workshop somewhere."

"There were no phone calls. Text messages and email hadn't happened yet. Pagers were rare. People were in better shape. They had time to workout and were encouraged by their bosses to go do something to keep in shape."

"These days, it's the opposite. There's no encouragement from your boss or your coworkers other than to just work around the clock. You're never 'off.' Emails, text messages, Slack messages, video calls, and 'tickets' from your company's internal issue tracking system come in at all hours of the day."

"You're tracked in every way possible these days. You're given impossible deadlines. It now takes incredible willpower to break free and 'sneak' away to go workout. You're exhausted all the time, so you lose the desire to workout. You just want sleep."

"Instead of meeting up with friends somewhere for dinner, you are happy to just get home, get something hot to eat from your microwave, and numb yourself by watching YouTube and Reddit."

"What you do now during your downtime is very low quality and is just done to unwind from the stress that follows you no matter where you are. They call this Flex Time, and its purpose is ostensibly to give you the ability to walk away from your work and go enjoy life. Funny."

- mhv64sj

New Measures of Success

​"Working for a company for many years was seen as honorable and a sign you were a good worker."

"Now it’s viewed as someone complacent, scared of change, and stupid for not salary hopping."

"I don’t disagree, though; I’ve been at my company for a long time and it’s anything but complacent and always changing."

- MysteryMeat11

"This is why we in-betweeners especially (between gen-x and millennial) have been conflicted and confused about it all. We were raised by older boomers and heard it's best to stay with companies because it looks bad on resumes to not and can even affect your buying things like houses and cars."

"But then when we did, we were let go during times like the recession and cutbacks having to start all over again, on top of not getting raises like the new hires and then confused because we were told staying and being loyal looked good and led to success."

- fidgetypenguin123

A Literal Paper Trail

"Paper. Lots of paper."

"Before email, there were people (secretaries or admins) who would take a memo someone printed out on their computer, make physical copies, and either walk around to every executive’s desk, or put into inter-office mail. This memo could be to a few people, one person, or for a general announcement needed to go to everyone."

"For expediency, these memos would also be posted in public areas (lunchroom, messaging board) if it was a general notice. These memos were often routed from the head manager throughout the department if it was more for general information."

"We once had a wave of new hires (about 20 people in our company of 400) and each got their own announcement. So, 20 people and 50 copies was two reams of paper. Copied. Hand carried or inter-department mailed. For one set of announcements."

"Oh, and each department admin had their own routing slip (small piece of paper with each person in the department’s name) that was stapled to the announcement. When you got the memo, you read it, crossed your name off, and gave it to the next person on the list."

"That’s where 'they must not have gotten the memo' comes from."

- UncleGizmo

It's interesting to look back on how things have changed. While some things have definitely improved, like improved safety precautions and more relaxed attire, other things like a sense of work-life balance have certainly declined.

If people were able to choose their working conditions, it'd be interesting to see if they'd choose today's working conditions or a different work-life balance...

There are countless tropes in movies and books that people love to follow.

From enemies to lovers, to final girls, to certain types of jump scares, there are people who will read a book or watch a movie simply because their favorite trope has been promised to be in there!

A much-loved trope is the strong female main character, or even the strong female sidekick, and fortunately, they're becoming much more commonly represented.

Keep reading...Show less