It's always sad when people don't have anything better to do than throw insults at people.
And yet it happens far too often, between people who see each other on a fairly regular basis, as well as complete strangers.
It's always a good idea to avoid sinking to their level when this happens, and just ignore them and walk on by.
That being said, there is very little more satisfying than coming back at them with just the right choice of words, and leaving them in stunned silence.
Redditor random-joe-shmoe was curious to learn the all time best comebacks people heard to any and all insults, leading them to ask:
"What is the greatest comeback to an insult you’ve ever heard?"
"My best friend: After an argument with some kid from our school in a shop we began walking away down the street..."
"Kid: 'where you going?'"
"Friend: 'your moms house'."
"Kid: 'my mom lives the other way idiot'."
"Friend: 'Nah, i meant your real mom'.”- FourShott
Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job!
"Air Traffic Control doing a poor job of vectoring an Airbus A330 in for landing."
"Pilot: 'You've left us too high, I don't think we can make the approach'."
"ATC: "You've got speedbreaks on that thing, don't you?'"
"Pilot: (After a noticeable pause) 'Yes, but those are for my mistakes, not yours'."- DerpDishPizza
If You Can't Take Heat...
"A friend in high school on our way to a track meet."
"He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice."
"When this dbag saw him."
"Dbag: 'Why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?'”
"My friend: 'The same reason you watch porn'.”
"The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard."- RedIguanaLeaderCute Gif Reaction GIFGiphy
The Only Thing Worse Than People Talking About You?...
"A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine."
"That people are talking behind his back."
"In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: 'Well you know what the say about you?'"
"'Nothing, nobody f*cking cares'.“ Reddit
Seriously, Mind Your Own Business
"So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own business and says: you go to hell too!"
"My sister: do you want me to say anything to your mom?" - Reddit
Take It Like A Real Man!
"It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me."
"Hudson: 'Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?'"
"Vasquez: 'No, have you?'"- Mike-DropJames Cameron Aliens GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
When You Get The Teacher In Stitches...
"English class in Middle School."
"Kid A - 'yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night'."
"'Must feel like sh*t having a mom that works at McDonalds'."
"Kid B- 'at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work'."
"English teacher far louder than he realized 'DAYUM!'."
"The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on."- Nutella_Zamboni
Living Up To His Reputation
"Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace)."
"JO: 'And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you?'."
"SH: 'There may even be a universe where you are funny'."- bugfish03
When They Go Low, You Go High!
"Overheard by me, the school bus driver."
"One fifth grade student was belittling a first grader."
"When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, 'Congratulations!'"
"The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus."- emzirekJeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James CordenGiphy
"Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa."
"Joe: 'I guess your long hair makes you a woman'."
"FZ: 'I guess your wooden leg makes you a table'." Reddit
Keep It Simple
"My friend's answer."- Kazuhiko101
Wonder Why This Didn't Work Out...
"Ok so just to set the scene a bit."
"When I was with my ex, we both had very different attitudes to time-keeping and work."
"I am a self-employed, dyslexic with A.D.D who at the time worked in the live music industry so I had to always be very punctual and organized."
"My partner at the time was an english literature student, who was maybe the most disorganized person I had met."
"My ex would lose 3 or 4 phones a year, got fired from jobs every few months because they always turned up late and had to repeat a semester of uni because my ex didn't do enough work and/or wouldn't turn up some times."
"In a nutshell my ex was late for everything all the time."
"Despite all this my ex was always annoyed at me for leaving home early to go to work and always turning up on time because I was too punctual according to them."
"As if this is a bad thing."
"You can now see why we are not together any more."
"So one day, and this is probably due to my dyslexia, A.D.D and the fact that I am aware of it, I leave my ex's apartment early to go to work on Tuesday."
"When I get to work I realize that I've made a mistake and I've mixed up Tuesday with Thursday."
"Feeling a bit silly I phone my partner at the time and tell them I've mixed my days up and can come back to their apartment."
"We laugh it off as a stupid mistake but my ex see's it as me being so punctual that I turn up to work two days early."
"Now that I've explained the back story."
"My ex thinks it's a good time to bring it up again in the pub with myself all their pals."
"This is how it goes."
"My ex: 'omg you'll never guess what'."
"My ex's pals: 'What?'"
"My ex: 'So my partner takes their job so seriously and is so punctual that they turned up to work two days early. They turned up on Tuesday when they were supposed to work on Thursday Hahahahah."
"My ex's pals and myself: Hahahahahaha'."
"Myself: Yeah my partner is so late for everything that they had to repeat a semester of university!!! HAHAHAHAH'."
"My ex's pals: 'HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHA!'"
"My ex: 'I don't find this funny'."
"Myself: 'I do'."
"Still makes my chuckle to this day."
"We split up a few years later."
"Took them 2 months to clear their stuff out."- surfinbear1990Not Funny GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy
"My older brother was getting messed with by our older sister holding her baby and saying."
"'So, how you and your Ex doing?'"
"They broke up several weeks ago."
"'You gonna get back together? You gonna say you miss her and want her? You want send her some kisses?'"
"Something along those lines."
"The usual sibling kind of messing around."
"So as the little brother I step in and say."
"'Oh is that how you and your boyfriend got back together?'"
"My older sis stays silent while my bro laughs and I kill both of them as follow up and say 'now we have our niece'."- Shadow_Storm21
"So my boyfriend's dad is a priest and my boyfriend's big brother got bullied for that by another guy who said 'my dad is much cooler than yours' and stuff like that ."
"So my boyfriend's brother said back 'your dad is probably cooler than mine but my dad can bury your dad and get paid for it'."- Lill_Amaliehappy grumpy cat GIFGiphy
Don't Touch The Hair!
"I have really curly hair."
"Genetics from my father."
"My father lost his hair years ago so basically he’s bald."
"And whenever I wake up in the morning, my hair is literally in the air."
"Not kidding, it either looks like an Eiffel Tower or I look like Chewbacca."
"Because of COVID-19 my father is stuck in another country."
"Here’s how one of our conversations went one morning after I woke up."
"My father: 'Be careful [my name] your hair might get stuck in the fan."
"Me: 'You don’t have any fans nor any hair! Ahah!'"
"I still find it funny thinking my 9yr old brain to reply like that."- Myra_Akido2020
"This happened between friends, but it was still hilarious."
" Friend 1 'Shut up or I'll egg your house'."
"Friend 2: 'You can't even afford eggs'."- JoeyBad_SaladTour
It's sad when people have nothing better to do than belittle others.
Making it hard to feel that they get just what they deserve when someone school's them with a clever comeback.
Hopefully teaching them to use their time a bit more wisely going forward.
It's very popular to create rumors about certain historical figures to which there is no concrete evidence.
Such as the sexual orientation of Abraham Lincoln or the alleged illicit behavior of Lewis Carroll and Hans Christian Andersen.
Understandably, these mostly baseless, though not necessarily false, theories are left out of history books.
However, there are facts about legends of history which have, indeed, been proven true, but are also left out of history books.
Namely, because it's not the sort of information many would consider in polite conversation, let alone be talked about in schools.
Even if it is no less fascinating than anything else we might learn.
"What’s a NSFW detail about a historical figure that’s normally left out of the history books?"
Dubious Contributions To The War Effort...
"During WW1, sex workers in Britain were more expensive if they had STD's."
"This was because if a soldier hired them and got infected, the soldier could be honorably discharged, and not have to fight in war."- KaleBrew
Talk About A Huge Relief...
"Ancient Egyptians believed the god Atum created the universe by pleasuring himself to ejaculation, and that the ebb and flow of the Nile corresponded to how much."
"To honor this, the pharaohs ceremonially pleasured themselves into the river."- -weeflets go luna fun GIF by PBS KIDSGiphy
The Downside Of Their Journey...
"Lewis and Clark described the screaming sh*ts that they got from eating unfamiliar food (camas) in detail in their journals."- ayriana
Shameful Thanks For A Hero
"After Alan Turing cracked the enigma code, essentially ending WW2 years earlier than expected and saving countless lives, he was thanked by the British government in the form of chemical castration."
"All because he was a gay man."- Dangerjayne
Talk About Man About Town...
"Probably said here elsewhere, but Victor Hugo, author of The Hunchback of Notre Dame among other tales, was a notorious philanderer who had affairs on top of affairs with sex workers throughout his life."
"When he died, ALL of the brothels in Paris had to close because so many attended his funeral."- JLWilcoclassic film vintage GIF by FilmStruckGiphy
None Of Our Business What They Got Up To In Private...
"Pyotr Tchaikovsky was a submissive bottom."
"In one note, never before published in Russian or English, Tchaikovsky wrote of a young servant 'with whom I am more in love than ever', adding: 'My God, what an angelic creature and how I long to be his slave, his plaything, his property!'". Reddit
The Secret Lives Of The Founding Fathers
"Patrick Henry, the American founding father better known for his quote, 'give me liberty or give me death', kept his wife imprisoned in a cellar because of her frequent outbursts due to postpartum depression."
"His wife had eventually died in that cellar, and he had buried her in an unmarked grave."
"10/10 quote but the wife killing part always seems to get left out of history texts."- sortatoxic
"Ben Franklin was a notorious flirt, and hit on and/or ploughed just about every woman he ever met."
"Single women, married women, young women, old women, women of title, women of the royal line."
"Protestant women, Catholic women."
"All of them."- TheLastIronManGiphy
Taken To Heaven... Just Not Back...
"French President Félix Faure died during oral sex"- Wiesterfeler
His Bubble Was Bound To Burst Eventually...
"It's said that Henry VIII 'exploded' in his coffin."
"Dogs then licked up the Henry juice."- B1LMAN
It's understandable why most of this information is left out of history books.
Particularly those used in schools.
Even if it might make students' attention might be a bit more attentive...
We've sure been hearing the term "conspiracy theory" a lot lately.
And if history has taught us anything, it's that it would do us all good to avoid them altogether as they are rooted in falsehoods tied to clandestine government plans and sinister plots–which, yeah, doesn't sound good.
But like anyone spinning a rumor, people tend to latch on to spurious information that cannot be verified by science or fact because it's just easy to go along with it without taking the time for research.
But there are some conspiracy theories that do make us wonder if there is something to them.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor BipolarSkeleton asked:
"What conspiracy theory do you completely believe is true?"
A majority of extremely wealthy people or organizations tend to be very secretive. What must they be hiding? These Redditors have a few ideas.
Money And Violence
"a lot of rich people help terrorism and movements to destabilise a nation or a region to make money from its resources or people."
"In my home city (in the UK) a heroin dealer was convicted of lacing his product with poison and causing the deaths of homeless people."
"In court he claimed that the local council payed him off to get rid of some of the homeless people in that way."
"His defense was 'why would I kill my customers.'"
"I have met one person that worked with the council and believes the story to be true, and years later I met some people that had worked with a homeless charity at the time. They claimed they knew it was the case but there was nothing they could do to prove it expose it."
"This one pertains to my university, but some people may have the same experiences with theirs."
"So students who choose my university send applications in by December. The entire COVID shutdown happens in March, around the same time university acceptances are starting to be sent out. Each first year student has guaranteed residence."
"Everyone is wondering what the new teaching model will be, and it’s announced that it’s mixed. 30% in person, 70% online."
"At this point, if you’re in first year, and all your courses are online, why pay for residence? You can do class online. But the university sees these discussions, and know they’ll lose A LOT of money if they don’t have students in residence."
"So what is announced? Almost EVERY first year has at least 1 person class. Meaning? They have to be on campus. MEANING, they have to live in residence."
"Idk if this makes sense to anyone but I thought it was interesting."
All About Appearances
"Everyone I tell about this tells me I'm overreacting and it's just a conspiracy. But I strongly believe large companies who use eco friendly products around customers only do it to make themselves look good, and to make the customer feel like pollution is their fault when they use for example, plastic straws. When in reality using eco friendly straws barely dents the amount of pollution the company itself makes behind the scenes."
People have speculations about high-profile individuals.
Slave 4 U
"That Britney Spears is either being held hostage or otherwise in a very compromised situation."
Captured Or Deceased?
"Shelly Miscavige is either dead or being held prisoner by the Church of Scientology."
Shady FBI Director
"J. Edgar Hoover had ties to the mob and gave preferential treatment to certain crime families/organizations while crushing others."
"Also, his stranglehold on American intelligence made him a figure presidents feared."
Failed predictions led to last-minute detours.
Change In Plans
"Disney absolutely believed that Hillary Clinton was going to win the 2016 election, so they started building her animatronic for the Hall of Presidents well in advance, and after trump pulled off a victory, instead of starting from scratch they just kinda made a couple half-a**ed adjustments to the Hillary model and put it up on stage."
"Trump winning literally ruined the season of South Park that year because they wrote it with the intention that trump/garrison would lose."
While people are free to believe anything they firmly know to be true, it's wise to do a background check before another Pizzagate happens.
Don't be that person who goes down a dark rabbit hole and becomes confused about what is or isn't reality.
Because news flash: the earth is not flat.
Hate to break it to ya.
You don't have to be acquainted with someone to know enough about the kind of person they are.
Observing their attitude around people or what clothes they wear can easily give away a stranger's temperament that identifies them as either superficial or genuine.
Of course, being judgmental based on one's appearance is not an unfair assessment. However, you know deep down inside, we all have the predisposition to do exactly that.
Redditor Expwar was curious to hear about how a certain demographic gets around and asked:
"What vehicle is only driven by a**holes?"
Car accessories really are a dead giveaway about the person behind the wheel.
"Any truck with a sticker of Calvin peeing on the logo of the other model truck."
"Any vehicle with a Punisher sticker."
"Nissan Altima with expired paper plates."
Dongles In Motion
"Anything that truck nuts have been installed on."
A vehicle's condition says a lot about its owner like what a front lawn says about the homeowner.
"With a faded gold paint job and sh**ty, bubbled window tint. Alternately going 95 in the right lane, or 45 in the passing lane."
"Failing engine, $500 paint job, and $10,000 rims..."
These might be the worst of the bunch.
"Every vehicle that I’m not driving. You’re all a**holes."
The Speed Spectrum
"Everyone faster than me is a maniac and everyone slower than me is a moron."
"Edit: oh my GOD I've gotten a dozen notifications that really want to make sure George Carlin gets credit. You guys can stop replying with that now."
– Altruistic-Pop6696 ·
Amateur Little Drivers
"These red and yellow cars from Little Tikes. They're all bad drivers. Pretty sure they don't even have their licence."
How They Roll
"Around here (South Alabama), the same guys who you would label as 'A**holes' are the guys who drive trucks with the front suspension lifted to the sky and the rear suspension is dropped to the street, and they slap on rims that look like a regular rim was put through a paper shredder, then stretch paper-thin tires on them, not to mention they either cut their exhausts down or put exhausts on that have no catalytic converters, and as such, they're louder than a machine gun."
"They're really a**holes."
"Whoever has unnecessarily super bright lights at night. I wonder where I can apply for my blindness allowance."
To me, it doesn't matter what car you have. Just be a good driver and respect the road and others who share it with you.
Tailgaters or drivers who cut in front of me without signaling are all jerks regardless of whether they're driving a Tesla or an old station wagon.
Affairs and infidelity are sadly a more common part of life than we care to admit.
People cheat. it seems to be part of the human condition.
Are we meant to be monogamous?
That's a story for a different article.
I say though, if you're going to cheat... have some basic human decency.
Don't cheat with people you all know.
And how are BFFs not automatically off limits?
Redditor Gifwii wanted to hear all the ways we'd all react when betrayed by the ones we love.
So they asked:
"If you caught your best friend having sex with your wife, what would you do?"
How can people betray one another like that?
GrossSay Word Lol GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy
"Be weirded out because they are brother and sister."
"Haha... I'm also dating my best friend’s sister."
"I'm more concerned on how he found her body."
"If he's really your best friend, he helped bury it."
"I don't think he would. I had him neutered as a puppy."
"This reply was made extremely funny (or concerning) by the fact that I took it as someone neutering an actual person when they became friends."
Never Cry Wolf...
"Take his car keys and drive to his place. It's all yours now buddy."
"Hol' up, remember to make it official. You have to p*ss a border around your new acquisition like in Never Cry Wolf, and if any relatives of the former owner are present you need to mark the ones you can't mate with, and you know, mate with the others."
"With that logic, I guess his house and and family are mine now? That's okay with me, his wife is pleasant to be around."
Betrayal...Julio Cesar Rome GIF by Luis RicardoGiphy
"That happened to me 30 years ago and I haven’t been able to fall in love since."
"I'd be more unwilling to make best friends than rather than unable to develop a crush."
The rudeness of it all.
An Assist?Season 4 Flirting GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Ask if she wants help..."
"Since they're the same person."
"Have sex with his wife. It’s only fair."
"My ex fiancée had an affair with a married man. Talked to his wife, she and I made a sex video and sent it to them."
"I'm not a vengeful nor petty person but this kind of turned me on."
"Record it for evidence then talk to a divorce lawyer on how to get a divorce without losing anything."
"Thank them both and move on with my life."
"In most states, the fault isn't a thing that matters beyond the reason. It just may waive the cooling off period... at fault divorces mattering in regards to separation of property ended in the 70's for the vast majority of the country."
"Apparently they discovered that people lie, and it is rarely a clear cut 'this person is the only one guilty.'"
"I'd have to leave, or else I'd commit murder. I would then leave forever, I think I would just leave everything behind and become a nomad at that point and never look back."
"Also my first thought. Never a more compelling moment to finally hit the road and live every day like it's my last."
"Maybe tomorrow I'll wanna settle down..."
Lost to Me
"Well, it is an extreme level of cheating. One thing is to find your wife in bed with a lover but whole other to find her with your best friend. It is multi-level betrayal and that would leave a huge impact on my future life. Not that I would be sorry for losing that person but because it would make me hard to trust anyone after that. Hope that never happens to me or anyone I know."
LOLbill murray nw GIFGiphy
"Exclaim, 'Bob! What the hell? I HAVE to sleep with her, but you??!!'"
This is more common than you think. Watch Dateline.
How would you react in this situation? Let us know in the comments.