36 Of the Best Curse-Free Insults of All Time.

UGH! Don't some people just drive you wild?! When you reach your boiling point with them you really wanna tell them how you feel but crap, you're at work, at school, or out in public. What you need is something that puts them in their place but also doesn't get you fired. Hmm.

People on Reddit were asked: "What is your best insult without cussing?" These are, by far, some of the best insults we've ever heard. Use wisely!

You're not the person Mr. Rogers thought you could be.


Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there.


"Do you get invited to many parties?" Is a subtle way of calling someone the worst back in Northern Ireland.


Go polish your crocs.


You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.


You're not pretty enough to be this stupid.


2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth.


Nothing witty about this, but if someone is going off on you, nothing will infuriate them more than to look at them with a little impatience in your eyes and say "Are you done?"


I bet you like your steak well done.


You do realize that people just tolerate you?


If you're about to insult a woman, tell her to go fix her eyebrows. It will HAUNT her.


You're more useless than Anne Frank's drum kit.


I've been called worse things by better people.


Heard in a meeting once: I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.


Well I would agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.


I love how you state the obvious with such a sense of discovery.


Don't say anything. Just scrunch up your nose like they smell bad whenever they walk by. Sticks and stones can break my bones but crippling insecurities can leave phycological scars.


I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone.


Ah, so you're the reason we have warning labels on everything.


You should try eating some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside.


This is why people talk about you when you're not around.


Everyone who's ever loved you was wrong.


"Has anybody ever told you that you are incredibly average?"

Overheard this at a party a few weeks ago. It was cold blooded.


"Your family tree must be a circle."


I can't imagine what qualities you may have that would compensate for your behavior in public.


I refuse to have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.


Counter insult to being insulted:

"It must be difficult for you, exhausting your entire vocabulary in one sentence."


Whenever someone throws a tantrum, I love to tell them:

"That is not an age appropriate response."


"Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you."


"Wow, you've really lived up to your potential."


You have a great face for radio.


Somewhere out there a tree is working very hard to replace the oxygen you consume. Now go apologize to it.


You couldn't pour the water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.


You weren't worth the sex that made you.


"I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are."

Should be said in an impassive/neutral tone, so they don't quite realize what you've actually said to them until a few moments later.


I don't care what people say about you. You're alright.



Some of this material has been edited for clarity.

Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.

I have been in this scenario, though.

Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.

But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.

It fades, as does love.

It's important to speak about it.

It can be a fixable situation.

A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.

Keep reading...Show less
Two women holding up daisies
Photo by Sam McNamara on Unsplash

An important contributor to our overall health and happiness is the quality of our friendships.

We may not have a lot of friends, but the more important factor is the depth of those relationships.

But we've all had one of those friends who turned out not to be a very good friend at all.

Keep reading...Show less
Couple in love
Jonathan Borba/Unsplash

No one wants to be alone.

But that doesn't mean we should settle when it comes to choosing a romantic partner.

When people rush into things without letting love flourish, it could lead to problems down the line that can inevitably lead to difficult breakups.

Keep reading...Show less

Among the many reasons people watch, and rewatch, sitcoms is to imagine your life was more like the one you were watching.

Being able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village on a line cook's salary, somehow always having the comfortable sofa available at your favorite coffee shop whenever you pop in, or having your best friends always available at your beck and call whenever you need them.

For the romantics, however, it's wishing you could have a romance like you've seen on television.

True not all sitcom romances are exactly the sort that makes you go all aflutter (Were Ross and Rachel actually on a break? And don't even get me started about Ted and Robin.)

Other sitcom couples are so captivating, though, that we would have given anything to be at their wedding... or at the very least go to their home for dinner every Friday.

And this includes plutonic couples, as there is nothing more heartwarming than a lasting friendship.

Keep reading...Show less