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When you work in the service industry you are more than just a waiter, host or bartender. You are also a therapist, a janitor, a cop and a journalist of life. Everyone should have to work at least one month in a bar or restaurant sometime in their lives so they can grasp the scope of the craziness of humanity. The stories bartenders have could fill up story ideas for Oscar winning films until the end of time. And still, nobody would believe half of it.

Redditor u/Adexiss wanted all the liquor slingers out there to share with us a bit by asking... Bartenders of reddit, what is the weirdest thing that you have ever witnessed at your job ?

When I bartended I left every shift with at least one personal eye witness account that I could label... "WTF was that?!" People are nuts, and then you get alcohol involved and suddenly we're living in an episode of "Stranger Things" or "Days of our Lives." People truly tend to forget they are in public after a fews shots.

A Wet Fight

Big Brother Fight GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment Giphy

A guy who peed himself sitting on a a barstool and then wanted to fight me when I cut him off and wouldn't serve him a new drink.

Ok_Book_308

The Phone Call

I worked on the bar in a restaurant but would sometimes act as the host if things got busy on the floor.

A couple came in once, I sat them down, gave them menus and all that. Not ten minutes in I pick up a call and it's a woman asking to speak to the guy. I politely let him know someone's on the phone and they say it's urgent. He has a quick chat, seems okay and hangs up the phone before going back to the table. 5 minutes later, she calls again, I go over again, apologise and say they seem really concerned.

At this point he's clearly tense and making an effort not to raise his voice. After a few minutes he hangs up, hands the phone back to me and says "if she calls again, just tell her I'm not interested in speaking to her".

Lo and behold, she calls again, and I say exactly what he asked, to which she laughs in kind of a clichè "crazy ex" kind of way, and I kid you not, says "well tell him I hope he doesn't eat too much because when he finds the tires I slashed he'll be walking home, wishing he'd spoken to me" and hangs up.

I went over a minute later and asked what kind of car he had because there was someone double-parked outside and wanted to check it wasn't him. I figured it wasn't worth freaking him out if it was an idle threat. He described the car and said where he'd parked it. I took a cig break and went to check... All 4 tyres were fine, but that poor bugger had not a single window left unsmashed or severely cracked and there were a couple of rocks laying on the ground.

Needless to say, they did not stay to finish their meal.

jnotkrowling

Say What?

I once witnessed a woman openly fondling herself (dress hiked up, underwear pulled aside) in the middle of a not super busy bar. It was very obvious she wanted people to see. The weird part was, after a bar back yelled at her and told to stop or get out, a guy walked up to the bar back and said "don't talk to my wife like that" This really happened.

mistahfritz

I go to Chili's

Giphy

Car plowed into the bar I was working in, coming all the way in, and flipping a pool table on its side. Pinned three off duty Applebee's waitresses against the bar. No one was hurt and the woman who was driving tried to order a drink.

theriveryeti

I'm Lost

Used to have a regular who sold her time on Backpage. She loved our queso so she always had the guys bring her there. What stuck out was that she always ordered Jagermeister and Diet Coke. In the same glass. I once had to kick her out because she got so wasted she tried performing oral sex under one of our tables. When I could clearly see she lies about what she's doing and says she is looking for something.

juggernautjefe81

See? What did I tell you? You can't make this crap up. Yet half of it sounds like nonsense. Everyone seems to think the bar is like their bedroom or therapists's office. The mentality of like... let me blow off some steam and burn the place down is shocking. Several more barkeeps felt the need to share.

Happy New Year!!

Lots of funny things at new year when everyone is in fancy dress, sad older guys who have drank so much they haven't noticed their wig has slipped. The weirdest is definitely having a mariachi band burst in through the door of the pub, play two songs and leave! Keep in mind this is the UK, it was a dark rainy mid week night. I don't know where they came from or where they went after but while they played they had the attention of everyone in the pub.

Budobear

Meow Sir...

Movement Thumbs Up GIF by GoNoodle Giphy

I once served Catman a Bloody Mary. Dude had body modifications that were hard not to stare at. He was very friendly. He ordered a blue rare steak and returned it for being over cooked. I told him we can't legally feed you anything more raw then a blue rare steak. He hissed and ordered another drink.

loxxx87

Chew Slowly

A heavy set middle eastern man was drinking heavy and got very drunk at my bar. When he went to the restroom his prime rib dinner had arrived. I think he did some drugs in the stall cause when he came back way drunker. He then cut a long big strip of prime rib, about the size of a thick hot dog, then while glaring at me, threw his head back and proceeded to swallow it whole like a baby bird would a worm from its mother.

It of course got stuck in his throat choking him and he passed out and fell on the floor. I/we cleaned out his air passage and gave him CPR. 10 minutes passed and he was still unconscious when the paramedics arrived. He left with a heart beat but died later that night in the hospital.

Surealestateguy

How WONKY...

nose GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

Honestly? A fight between someone dressed as SpongeBob and some one as an Umpa Loompa. (Sp) no one was seriously hurt.

akexn20x

The craziest thing I can recall during my tenure behind the wood involved, a homemade carafe of Red Sangria, a pork chop, a seeing eye dog and two, eighty year old men. I'm sworn to secrecy but the local Palm Beach paper may have it archived. If you can't hold your liquor.... STAY HOME!!!

REDDIT

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Typically, I would write an intro about my own experiences with the weird kids at school, but I WAS the weird kid in school. Not in a bad way, more like a “I had a John Waters phase” when I was 16 and everyone knew it. So like, cool-weird. At least I hope so.

Schools aren’t always so lucky to have the cool kinds of weird kids though. The spectrum of weird extends even further than that, and can sometimes end up very disasterous.

U/Imaginary_East5786 asked: What was the weirdest thing the weird kid did at school?

​Let’s start with the grossest of the gross. Because why not.

Was it worth it?

peeing ralph wiggum GIF Giphy

He heard that you'd automatically get suspended if you peed your pants at school. He wanted to find out if it was true, peed his pants, got suspended.

Memoryduel

Scientific method:

> Observation: 'I've heard that by peeing your pants you will be suspended'

> Hypothesis: If I pee my pants I will be suspended

> Experiment: I peed my pants and I got suspended

> Conclusion: If I pee my pants I get suspended

Glez_fdezdavila_

Uhhh what was the intention here?

He got mad that he didn't understand how to play a game at lunchtime so he started hitting and punching the nearest person to him, who happened to be me. When I shoved him away and asked him what the hell was he doing, he whipped his unit.out, charged at me and when I shoved him away from me again he started crying and ran away with his member still sticking out.

Kurtles12

​Next ones up are the lowkey (or even highkey) disturbing stories. These weird kids can get a little scary.

Boom theret.

At my middle school, someone decided to get a little attention with a good old fashioned bomb threat. Except they thought that a bomb threat meant literally writing "bomb threat" somewhere. Worse yet, they misspelled the f*ck out of it, and wrote "boom theret."

So we had to go on a brief, very awkward lockdown while the police checked the perimeter for booms.

Angusthedangus

I hope there was no overlap in the columns.

Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM Giphy

She wrote a list of all the girls and boys she wanted to kiss and murder and then casually passed it out on the playground.

Fun-Acadia-8735

2 separate lists or just the 1?

OppositeYouth

Same list 2 columns lol.

Fun-Acadia-8735

Holy crap.

Had the weird kid in high school ask the teacher to use the bathroom. She said no and this dude legit stabbed his hand with a pencil. Went all the way through then asked if he could now...sh*t was wild.

This was Pearl High School in Mississippi. This was the school Luke Woodham shot and killed his girlfriend and her friend at the school. This kid stabbed himself with the pencil about 2 months after that happened. This was late 1997.

Roberted1982

​Most of the time, however, the weird kids are pretty d*mn funny.

Ok, but this takes a lot of skill.

Had a kid nicknamed "cheeseburger" in the grade ahead of me in high school. He got his nickname because when it was time for his class to go to lunch, he snuck into the roof and crawled his way into the cafeteria, dropped down and proceeded to steal all the cheeseburger put out for lunch. Unfortunately they caught him in the act and sent him to the principal's office.

A year later he was caught stealing a teacher's computer, and in the process of being arrested he bit the officers hand, getting him sent to juvi never to be heard of again.

Theonering1

Every school had the cat girl.

cat dragging GIF Giphy

The weird kid at my highschool tied a string around his pencil case and pulled out around the halls pretending it was a dog. He still lives in my hometown. I think unemployed.

Oh also weird girl in middle school acted like a cat. She would meow and hiss at people, lick the water fountain and rub her body on the teacher's legs. In 8th grade. I have no idea where she ended up.

SendmePMsofyourBMs

Mood.

Weird kid in elementary was a self proclaimed alien. Once, while waiting for the bus, she told me "On my planet we eat people like you" and proceeded to bite me. We later became friends in high school and she used to give me massages during lunch break in the quad. Just realized now she was likely tenderizing me.

Iheartrevolution

I was exactly this kind of weird.

He didn't say much, but if asked, he would go to the front of the class and perform Tip-Toe Through the Tulips with all of the emotion and volume of Tiny Tim, holding nothing back.

The last I heard, he became an energy trader, made a ton of money and married well.

10per

I can definitely relate to that last one. In middle school, my English teacher would let me go to the front of the class and perform monologues or songs from Broadway musicals. Weird, but that’s what happens when schools cut funding for the arts and the theatre kids have no outlet.

As long as you’re not hurting anyone, I say let your freak flag fly, man

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