Whoops. That snip was just a hair too far....
Your first bad haircut probably made you want to die a little when you looked in the mirror. Imagine how the person cutting your hair must have felt. Although, maybe they didn't care at all, as evidenced by the bs excuse they gave you when you finished in the barber chair.
Here were some of those answers.
Your First MistakeGiphy
"It'll look good if you put some gel in it." Said the stylist at mastercuts in the mall after she trimmed my sideburns about an inch and a half above my ear.
Nothing good ever starts with "Haircut in the mall".
How To Survive A Butchered Barber Experience
Key indicator: he's lining you up and stands in front of you. Then he squints his eyes after using the clippers. After he uses the clippers again he squints his eyes while rubbing his chin. He does this for more than 1 minute. Once that is done- he doesn't't show you the mirror that they usually hand you so you can check out your cut. He doesn't't make eye contact after you pay him. You say "thanks bro" and he says "alright man" with zero eye contact and he returns to his chair to clean up.
Now you exit the barber.
Don't look at any mirrors on your way out. Once you leave the barbershop you go into your car. Again don't look at any mirrors.
DON'T SKIP THIS NEXT STEP.
Go on google maps and find a mall. Preferably one that is not in your area so no-one recognizes who you are.
Find a baseball cap that you love. Make sure you are comfortable wearing it for the next month.
Wait about 2 months to let your hairline recover.
Final step- never go to a barber without checking reviews again.
It's not worth it.
When we were newlyweds my wife tried to cut my hair. She was nervous and not having a great day anyway, and I guess the clippers slipped or something. She started bawling and ran off, so there I was, a helpless, hopeless freak. I found a nearby barbershop and went in. It was a dank, smoke-filled place with an old TV showing Arnold Schwarzenegger movies on continuous loop. This little, middle-aged lady with a raspy voice said "What'll it be, hon?" I explained what happened. She looked at it and said that it was pretty bad, but she'd do what she can. She only used a comb and clippers, and in 10 minutes I had a perfect haircut. That became my regular place - until she lost her lease about a year later and had to close the shop.
Not The Man Bun Gotham Needs
I knew I was getting a bad cut when the guy started shaving my hairline like it was the back of my neck. I have never had anyone do that before. I gave it about a week before I just shaved my head because I had stubble for a hair line with the rest being 4.5 inches long combed back. I'm not even balding in the front so there was no reason to even go there. The second red flag was when he said this should be about as long as you want it for your man bun. The words Man and Bun never left my lips the whole time I was getting it cut. All I asked was for a trim about half the length cut off and the sides shaved down.
NOT a barber and NOT my story but my mothers. She had hair that, when put in a braid, went down to about the back of her knees.
She had been growing out that hair 20+ years with just trims and visits to get split ends removed. She went to get a normal split end removal and the girl cutting moms hair said "I'm new but I've been doing this for a while now" so imagine the anger and horror my mother expressed when this girl took her long luscious hair, braided it, grabbed some heavy scissors and cut it to about half way down her back!
From knee length to half way down her back! This girls excuse/cover up? "I thought maybe you would've wanted to donate it to make wigs" she didn't ask my mom or anything. She simply went on and did what she wanted.
Not a barber, but even when she was done, she kept coming back to the same parts. And then when she was done done, she gelled the heck out of my hair and combed it up like that one Jersey Shore guy with the weird hair.
It Ain't Me, It's You
Obligatory: obligatory, I'm not a barber - but . . . I've been to one. She had my sideburns at different lengths. I wasn't being picky, they were at least half an inch different. When I pointed it out, she fixed them - by overcompensating on the one side so that they were still half an inch different. I pointed this out, and her reply was: 'maybe your ears are crooked.' Good cover, that one.
It Takes A Lot Of Money To Look This Cheap
I got a horrible cut at an expensive salon a month ago. The guy just stopped talking to me partway through and then didn't fully dry or style my hair before essentially fleeing in what I can only assume was an attempt to hide how much he botched it.
Say Bye Bye
LMFAO I GOT THIS. I went to a really nice salon to bleach/color my hair blonde. I had grown out my previously dyed black hair for two years and had nearly all of that chopped off but there was still a little left. Well that part turned orange. Instead of asking me if I wanted to cut it off or providing me options for fixing it in another appointment my stylist tried to sell me on it with "This is cool! It looks like your hair is on fire! *does flame hands around my hair*"
Yeah, no. After crying in my car on the way home and then wearing a scarf for a week I went back and got the rest of it cut off.
The Cheekbones Of LiesGiphy
My mom is a pro hairstylist and she said that whenever she cuts someone's hair too short and the customer complains she just makes up stuff on the fly and says "but this length looks better, it complements your face shape and brings out your cheekbones."