Definition wise, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others...
But there is so much more to asexuality than what the internet says. While not many people identify as asexual, they certainly do exist, and their sexuality is often misunderstood by uninformed, non-asexual people.
Redditor u/QuirkyPheasant wanted to hear from asexuals themselves, when they asked, "What's something you would like people to know about asexuality?"
10. Romance isn't just about sexual activity
"That a nonsexual romantic relationship isn't just a 'close friendship'. I've heard it from one too many people and it seems really damaging and reductive to me to claim that all of the emotional intimacy and closeness involved in a relationship is entirely predicated on sexual activity. There's a whole set of experiences involved in being a romantic relationship that aren't sexual, and it makes me wonder if people who say that see their partner as anything more than just a sexual outlet. It just doesn't compute to me."
9. They can fall in love
"Just because I'm asexual, doesn't mean I can't love someone. I very much do develop romantic feelings towards other people, I just don't desire the sexual elements.
Asexuals and aromantics are two different things, but not mutually exclusive"
8. They find people attractive
"'I thought you were asexual' was something I heard a lot from my family when I got into my last relationship. Just because we are asexual does not mean we can't find people attractive or be in relationships!!"
7. They are "queer enough"
Giphy"I just want the LGBT community to stop hating us. That's all. We get constantly erased for not being queer enough, I've had 'friends' tell me that I'm not invited or welcome at pride parades because I have nothing to be proud about. For a community that calls itself inclusive, it certainly does hate asexuals (and non-binary and transgender people)."
6. Sexual attraction seems silly on tv
"I honestly used to think that sexual attraction was a myth and that everyone was just pretending to have it because they'd seen it on TV. I thought most people I knew were obnoxious morons with terrible decision-making skills because they kept pursuing sex and romance instead of doing productive things. When I finally found out what asexuality was, I felt like such a jerk."
5. Seduction looks cringey
"Watching people be 'sexy' is really awkward and sometimes makes me cringe. I feel like they're faking it because i cant fathom what it feels like."
4. Asexuality is a spectrum
"There is a spectrum, some asexuals are sex repulsed, some enjoy sex. The common denominator is that asexuals feel no sexual attraction."
3. Objectification doesn't work or make sense
"It wasn't until recently that someone told me the reason why they put attractive women in commercials drinking beer and whatnot is because people get aroused watching those commercials. I had no idea and always thought of them as objectifying/pointless."
2. It's not an illness
"Stop trying to 'diagnose' us. Asexuality is not an illness that needs medication or therapy to 'correct.' We just view sex differently, that's it."
1. You might not know that your partner is asexual
"That we can be really fantastic, loyal, funny, creative, warm, loving partners. And that a surprisingly large number of us have sex just to please our partner. So, you'd never actually know."
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
GIF by moodmanGiphy"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
Giphy"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
Shake Handshake GIF by OriginalsGiphy"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.