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Angry People Reveal Why They Went To War With Their Neighbors

Angry People Reveal Why They Went To War With Their Neighbors

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Neighbor wars are hilarious in comedy films. Nobody really gets hurt, everything is funny, shirtless Zac Effron shows up and that's always good times. Real life can sometimes be just as hilarious as movies, but does that apply to the neighbor war trops? One Reddit user asked: Redditors who have gone to "war" with a neighbor, what's your story?

Yup, this is every bit as petty as you would think it is. We've got passive-aggressive bird feeders, nun fights, and a mariachi band that just won't stop. It's more than just that, though. Things get dark, of course, cause this is Reddit. Lives are lost, children are neglected, people are awful. Real neighbor wars don't often involve Zac Effron - much less shirtless Zac Effron.

Dancing On The Ceiling

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Had a neighbor that lived downstairs. Did all sorts of loud s*** late into the night. Usually music and friends. One day I had enough and after about 10 minutes of very loud music I just started stomping on the floor. He came bursting out of his apartment and pounding on my door. I answered, acting very confused. "You need to stop stomping around! I'm trying to work!"

"I wasn't stomping."

"Yes you were!"

"I was dancing to your s****y music. Turn it down and it'll never happen again."

It never happened again.

The Mariachi Neighbor

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The house I grew up at had that issue, new neighbors moved in and they would absolutely blast obnoxious mariachi music with as much bass as they could get out of their speakers, for most of the day.

We would ask them to turn it down, to no effect. I think they used to tell us they would, but then wouldn't. Eventually they got so irritated with us asking that once when I went over there to ask (16 or 17 years old), the "man" of the house threatened me with physical violence for asking.

So we started calling the cops. Unfortunately, they knew we were the ones calling, so everytime the cops showed up at their house for a noise complaint our vehicles would be vandalized: tires slashed, hoods and doors kicked in, etc.

As far as I know, the police were never able to do anything like issue a fine or anything like that. So it had no effect on them whatsoever.

Fighting A Bunch Of Nuns

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My parent's neighbor constantly blows his leaves onto my parent's property. My dad tried to confront him a few times and the guy literally ran away every time. Yes, a grown man dropped his leafblower and ran inside and locked the door and pretended not to be home when he saw my dad coming, on multiple occasions. My father is not a scary man.

My dad was finally able to confront him one day -- he was super polite and said the guy could blow the leaves into their woods, but just not onto their clean lawn. The guy responded, "your property doesn't start until 10 feet from the road, so you can't do anything about it. If you want me to stop, sue me." This is technically correct, as the property is off a private road owned by a convent, and per state law the owner of the road also owns the 10 feet of land on either side of the road.

So, my dad called up the Convent and asked if the neighbor is allowed to dump his leaves on their property. Turns out they don't like that, so now instead of being in a neighborly argument with my parents, he's trying to fight a bunch of nuns in court. Not a good look.

Dorm Life

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Live in a dorm with shared kitchen and toilet. One neighbor refused to buy toilet paper and always stole food. During a summer break only him and me were living at the dorm and he continued the practice so I made some stew and put a lot of laxatives in it. I also left only one roll of toilet paper in the bathroom that was covered in itching power.

He was PISSED, but I laugh whenever he tries to scold me for it

Four Months And Dozens Of Phone Calls

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Years ago my upstairs neighbors were wanted felons living in an apartment leased by the ladies brother, they sold drugs out of there, loud music 8am-12am, locked their daughter outside for hours at a time so we would do things with her and give her snacks. You could tell her social and educational development was way behind. After finding their pictures online on the MN 50 most wanted I called the police - they didn't believe me. They called me a child (I was 22) all while the neighbors behavior got worse as more people reported them.

It took them 4 months and dozens of phone calls to finally get the police to arrest fugitives they were supposedly looking for...

Cold War Lawncare

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It's more of a Cold War situation. When my boyfriend cuts the grass, even if our neighbor just cut his grass a few days prior, he (our neighbor) will cut his again the next day. He's an old man who can't stand to have his lawn just a smidge taller than ours.

Cruise Neighbors

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On a week long cruise. First two mornings our neighbors on both sides were ridiculously loud basicaly screaming in Spanish and constantly waking us up. We didn't go to bed until 3-4am so they cut into your sleep. On 3rd night at around 10-11pm we go to our room, blasted the TV (side note-TV's on cruises should be programmed to not go as loud as we made it) and left it like that until 3-4am. You could hear it outside our door, it was very loud like they were. Next morning what do you know the neighbors realized other people can hear them and were quiet the rest of the cruise.

He Got A Fence

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When I was in elementary school, our neighbor's four dogs would always poop in our backyard. My mom asked the neighbor many times to pick it up, but he never did.

So every morning before school, my mom would send me and my brother on 'poop patrol'. At first we just put the poop in the neighbor's yard, but our neighbor never got the hint. My mom then had us put the poop on his porch and then he got a fence.

Food War

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Well it all started one day when they were having their fence put in and one of the workers accidentally snapped one of our tomato plants at the base. So she decided to take it inside and cook all of the green tomatoes into this unbelievably yummy Indian food I can't even begin to pronounce or spell and brought it over as an apology. Then we made fresh cut pasta and gave them some to give the container back because we of course didn't want to keep it. Then they had the audacity to make us some Indian desert thing that tasted like heaven by then our garden had started to produce so we gave them two bags of produce that would have gone to waste and they gave use some eggplant dish. So we brought over a tray of cookies and now it's three years later and we are in a heated war over who can out food the other.

We're fighting a losing battle though because they are vegetarian and we are not so we have to modify most of what we make for them but we have a huge vegetable garden so we have the leg up on that.

Water Bottle Mountain

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My neighbor leaves trash in their yard. We have a HOA that is basically as feckless as possible. And this isn't some s*** neighborhood, we're talking 300k in Columbus, Ohio, which is about as upper middle class as you can get in the midwest.

They don't tie up their garbage bags, so some random falls out, and blows into my yard. I took the 6 pieces I could find and duct taped them to their garage, because I wanted them to be aware of the issue.

For all of winter, they threw their plastic water bottles into a pile next to their garage, and it kept getting bigger and bigger until the snow melted and it was way too obvious, so they finally trashed it.

And if all this is too specific, and my neighbor happens to read this, then clean up your trash you Vernon Dursley looking f***.

Cocaine Club

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I lived next door to a coke club for years. They'd start up around 11PM or midnight, and go till dawn.

The cops (Brooklyn) were clearly on the take, as they'd repeatedly tell me during the day that the place had been closed down, and yet they were showing up three or four times a week there to deal with fights. I asked one of them about why they couldn't close the place at 4AM one day after a particularly noisy fight, and they wouldn't even look me in the eye.

We had a huge number of beer bottles because I also used the place as a performance/rehearsal space, so at a certain point I'd start throwing bottles out my window to smash at their back door when they were noisy.

They really hated that, but as I pointed out, what were they going to do, call the cops? So they eventually managed to keep the noise down. It kinda worked out!

Eventually they were gentrified out of existence...

Babies To The Rescue

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Back in like 2009-2010 I was at war with my downstairs neighbor. She would hit her ceiling with a broom stick, and I would point my bass speaker down toward the floor. I got pregnant with twins that were high risk, and got a temporary handicapped placard for parking closer. She borrowed one and took my spot.. few months go by of straight war...then I had my twins.

My washing machine had flooded her kitchen, and she came up to scream at me for ruining her dinner. I yelled back something sarcastic like: **"I totally did it on purpose, I mean come on lady!" **

She laughed, I laughed..and she asked to see the babies (they were in their swings in her line of sight) and just like that, it was over. I'll be damned if we didn't stop messing with each other, and that woman was the ONLY person to help me. We became best friends, and still are to this day. We still laugh at our silly war. Thank you Heather!

Bicycle Mediation

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I ride my bike to the train station in the mornings. I have to ride past a few houses on the sidewalk before I can move onto the street. One day, a neighbor comes at me and accuses me of 'almost' hitting him with my bicycle. Now, I have no idea what he talked about since I've never been anywhere close to him but he insists on it. Fast forward a few weeks he complaints again that everybody keeps riding their bicycle on the sidewalk and he's scared for his life. He says he's terrified that people will hit him because he's deaf in one ear and won't hear them coming.

He doesn't look where he's goes and instead relies on what he can hear from his other ear, but that's outside the story!

I reassured him, saying I would go very slowly and watch out for him.

I almost never see him after that. Fast forward 2 months and suddenly a mediator shows at my door telling me that my neighbor wants to talk, but doesn't want to do it alone. I'm confused. The questions keep adding up. I told the mediator that if he wants to talk he can just knock on the door and we will talk, never had a problem with him before so no idea why he would now. Nothing came from that.

Another 2 months pass without incident. Then one day police officers show up at the door. Neighbor has filed a complaint about not only me, but also my other neighbor, claiming that we are threatening with the way we ride. That neighbor doesn't even know how to ride a bicycle. I explained the story to the police. They advised to be careful around his house, which I already was.

Another month later another mediator shows up and wants to talk with us together. At this point I refuse it. He's had plenty of opportunities and this is literally about things that aren't happening. This was 2 months ago, I wonder when his next complaint will be.

Deadly Dirt

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A guy down the street from where I used to live would complain to me about how his neighbours wouldn't move their tractor and dirt load, they'd complain to me about his dogs being loose etc. One day a few years ago the guy complaining about the dirt strolled into their house and shot the elderly couple and their middle aged son dead.

Get Some Anger Management

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Currently at war with two young women who live across the street. I'm a pretty live-and-let-live guy, so this took a lot.

I ignored the overgrown lawn and piles of leaves they raked up and left there to moulder. I didn't like the assorted s*** that collected on their front lawn, but that wasn't enough to prod me into action.

I didn't like the front-step parties they'd have every weekend that kept me awake or forced me to close my windows and turn on the AC. But I didn't call the city. Not even then they'd wake me, yelling in the middle of the street at 4 AM.

What finally put me over the edge is one has two kids. The oldest is about three years old. She shouts obscenities at him. Daily. The first time it happened I thought "You shouldn't do that, but kids can drive even the most reasonable person around the bend." Then I realized it was every day.

The poor little guy never says a word. It's like learned helplessness. The I started to listen for it, and realized she was constantly scream at them and berating them inside the house too, though I couldn't hear particulars. Just constant screaming.

You better believe I called Child and Family Services. I don't give a s*** if those horrible people key my car at 4 AM. If you treat a child like that, you don't deserve to have that child.

I am currently raining regulatory hell down on their heads through all the channels I can find... I will not stop until either those kids are taken from her or she gets some goddamned anger management.

Dogs And Fences

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Dog kept chewing through old fence, kept coming up with excuses why he wouldn't pay his half to replace the fence. We shouldn't have had to pay any of it since it would have been structurally fine if his dog didn't keep chewing holes in it and escaping into our back yard. We decided to start leaving our side gate open, the dog would chew threw and then go wandering through the neighbourhood. After the third pick up from the pound he decided to buy scrap wood and patch up the holes.

Soccer Players

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Lived in a dorm with 5 other guys in college and had to move out to the dorm across the quad building. (it was a total of like 40 ft move.) below us were the soccer players. They were a rowdy bunch and often partied until 3-4 am with loud music and drinking, often times we could feel the floor vibrate and we called safety services on them to get them to quiet down. Well when we were moving the decided to egg our door. we called safety services who claimed they "didn't have cameras" up on that particular set of dorms.

So, since they "didn't have cameras", we egged them back. Safety service was called on us. They said they knew we did it because they saw the footage. We reminded them they "didn't have cameras" on that area. If they punished us, they would also have to punish the soccer players.

We then found out how to stop their music by trying to connect to their bluetooth speaker. Victory.

Taking It Out On Us

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We had some problems with our former neighbor. He would come over and yell at us over the most random things that were A. never actually wrong, and/or B. not actually our fault. Once he came over on a Sunday morning ringing our doorbell & throwing a tantrum about some vines growing on the back fence. My husband went back there with him to check things out, and sure enough, they were growing up from the neighbor's side. Another time my husband was out in our driveway washing out a couple of flower pots and the dude came out of his house & started screaming at us about spraying dirty water into his yard (we weren't). He also called the fire department on us for smoking a brisket. Just lots of small weird incidents like that.

This was a relatively normal guy in his 40s with a job, wife & 2 kids, and we live in a pretty nice suburban neighborhood. LOL. It wasn't like it was some crazy old crackpot. They sold the house & moved last year (thank goodness), and we found out later they'd divorced & apparently had some pretty big financial issues. I guess maybe it was the stress of what was going on in his life, just taking it out on us.

Birds Don't Pay Taxes

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This is so dumb. My neighbor got pissed that I hung up a bird feeder on my property, stating it attracted birds. I said "well that's the point", to which he goes on a tirade about how he pays taxes and the birds don't, and that they were destroying his house blah blah blah. This is all well and good until I just stopped responding to him and he brings up my ex girlfriend by saying "No wonder that lady moved out". It was an amicable breakup so this was not an ok thing to say on many levels.

I resisted the urge to punch him right then and there and calmly got into my car. Drove to the nearest Lowes, and bought a few more bird feeders to hang all around my property. I glared at him the whole time I was installing them. It's been two years, and he hasn't spoken to me since.

I had never had a problem with him before that, and I rarely even converse with my neighbors because I normally keep to myself.

H/T: Reddit

People Over 50 Explain How Working Has Changed Since They Were Young

Reddit user LightningStrikes818 asked: 'Redditors who are 50+ years old, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs working nowadays?'

It feels like the workplace is constantly changing, especially since the pandemic, with more people working from home, more systems being automated, and more social pressure for workplaces to evolve.

But it's even more jarring to think of how much the workplace has changed for those who have been in the workforce for many decades and how seemingly every aspect of their work has changed... at least once.

Redditor LightningStrikes818 asked:

"Redditors who are 50 years old or older, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs. working nowadays?"

Dress Codes

"Skirts/dresses and pantyhose required of women in many offices through the 1990s."

- hhhmmm0

"Flipside: suits and ties, buttoned-up shirts. Brutal in summer."

- ridleyfiredome

"Pantyhose were high maintenance. I had to have an extra pair in my desk drawer in case of a major run. I had clear nail polish at home and work to stop any runs above the hemline."

"Pantyhose were expensive, I had nice department store hose for special occasions, and bulk mail order hose for daily wear. They had to be washed in mesh bags and hung to dry."

"In the summer I’d get swamp crotch when it was hot and humid, and heat rash on my thighs where they rubbed."

"Heels had to be polished and the heel tips replaced at the shoe shop. Most office clothes were dry clean only, and it was expensive, and yet another errand. Office clothes were expensive, I didn’t have many clothes, I had to plan what to wear and time the dry cleaning."

"I don’t miss the nightmare of heels and hose from the 80’s."

- phineasminius

Electrical Transfer, Who?

"Having to go to the bank to cash my paycheck."

- Cndngirl

"Oh my god, yes, and we needed to wait until after 3:00 PM to cash it."

- Big-Reflection-104

Work and... Strip Clubs?

"We took a company van with a logo on it to take out-of-town guests to a strip club. I don’t even think I can say that out loud at work today."

- scruffles360

"Strip clubs were standard practice. Especially in sales. Many deals closed in those places over my career."

- YOU_WONT_LIKE_IT

Smoking Spaces

"People smoking indoors. Clouds of smoke everywhere in the office and no way for a nonsmoker to avoid it. That was the norm so you just had to suck it up."

- andBobsyourcat

"Yes, at one stage I had the misfortune of sitting next to someone who used to smoke a pipe. I could barely see my computer screen at times for the clouds of smoke."

"Also, the IT support guy would come over to do something and he always had a cigarette dangling from his lips, dropping ash into my keyboard. Urgh! Different times!"

- MickSturbs

Office Parties of Old

"Man, in state government, all the older employees have similar stories of work parties in the 90s. Booze everywhere, smoking, people dancing, and having fun. Everyone brought their spouses, etc."

"Now you're lucky if you see a Christmas cake. People wonder why everything feels like it's coming apart at the seams and people are so unhappy. That aspect of being a human being fun, even at work is gone."

- t00sl0w

"I'm a millennial in industrial equipment sales, and it genuinely feels like you showed up to a party about an hour after everyone was gone."

"Nowadays, I can't even have a beer with dinner and expect to expense it."

- titsmuhgeeee

"Oh man, the office Christmas parties then, versus now?? Forget about it. Like comparing a wedding to a funeral."

- Schyznik

Safety Precautions

"I'm 42 but feel like I want to chime in."

"Health and safety has changed loads. You wouldn't get away with half the sh*t we did when I was 17."

- section4

Constantly, Always Sitting

"I watched office work go from sedentary to virtually immobile. We used to retrieve paper files, pass memos around, and consult with coworkers in other sections and floors."

"Now everything is available on the screen in front of us, everything can be shared with a few clicks. It’s convenient, but so unhealthy."

- MathematicianWitty23

What's a Pension Again?

"Hardly anybody has a pension anymore."

- whitewolfdogwalker

"That's where I feel really lucky to be in Australia, we have mandatory superannuation (a percentage of your pay plus employer contribution goes into a fund for your retirement) and most people will also qualify for an age care pension in addition to their super."

"The pension isn't really enough for our current seniors who don't have much super (due to the timeline of when it was introduced) but generations after that should be relatively well set up for retirement."

- TheGardenNymph

Work Availability in General

"I'm in the UK."

"It was a great deal easier to find work. You'd get vacancies posted in various places and could go down to the Job Centre, browse vacancies posted on postcards on boards, pick out the jobs you were interested in, and get a member of staff to arrange an interview for you. Just like that."

"Dress codes were more formal and you actually had to go to work. If you worked in an office for the right company work finished Friday lunchtime when you'd go with your colleagues to the pub. You'd go back after the 'liquid' lunch hour and work Friday afternoon, but no sh*t got done and work piled up for Monday."

"You got paid either direct debit, cash or if you were unlucky by cheque. You had to deposit your cheque in the bank or building society and wait for the cheque to clear, usually four days, but sometimes 10 days. If you got paid cash you'd get it in a small brown envelope known as a wage packet which listed all deductions on the outside. It still felt good to tear open the wage packet and take out the cash."

- ElvishMystical

The Value of Employees

"That you chose a career, and you worked for an employee, and they valued your experience. You rose in the ranks of your profession, you became a valued team member, and you stayed until you retired."

"Changing jobs often is frowned on; if you make a job commitment, you follow through on it. People get bothered and quit/move/change really quickly now. That's not necessarily bad, but it has created a gap in expertise; everyone is new all the time, and there isn't any value in having experience."

"If you happen to be an elder in your field with some level of legacy knowledge; it doesn't seem to matter because your boss is likely younger than you and less experienced."

"There used to be jobs what you did to get paid and live, and careers, what you did because you wanted to invest time into being good at something, AND that was how you made a living."

"Moreover, you went to school to be in a career. So you put time and energy into attaining your job, therefore you'd want to stay in it and grow. In theory."

"I'm not sure anyone cares about being in a career anymore. Because we all feel so betrayed by the system; wages not keeping up with COL, inflation, (and inflation subsiding and prices staying high because it's what the market will bear), and when everyone is replaceable, then no one is an expert."

"I'm GenX. I work in healthcare. I work in a broken system that no one actually wants to fix. Those of us working in this system are now just grist for the mill. It's too bad because we spent a lot of time and money going to school to be able to work in our chosen field."

"In contrast, my mom was also a nurse. She had a career. She worked in it until she was 70 and retired. She worked with a team that mostly stayed the same, over decades. I don't work with anyone I started with at my job six years ago."

- bunnehfeet

Business Phones

"People used to answer their business phones."

- BornFree2018

"Oh my god, work landline numbers. I never see those anymore. I don’t even have a phone number in my email signature at work anymore."

"And business cards used to be such a big deal. I used to get really excited to see my name and title in print. I would always send my parents one when I got a new job. What a dork!"

- ptpoa120000

What Work-Life Balance?

"There was a lot more understanding back in the 80's and 90's that each employee had a life outside of work, and work would end at 5:00 PM. You could leave work and go do something that you liked, maybe a martial arts class or some learning workshop somewhere."

"There were no phone calls. Text messages and email hadn't happened yet. Pagers were rare. People were in better shape. They had time to workout and were encouraged by their bosses to go do something to keep in shape."

"These days, it's the opposite. There's no encouragement from your boss or your coworkers other than to just work around the clock. You're never 'off.' Emails, text messages, Slack messages, video calls, and 'tickets' from your company's internal issue tracking system come in at all hours of the day."

"You're tracked in every way possible these days. You're given impossible deadlines. It now takes incredible willpower to break free and 'sneak' away to go workout. You're exhausted all the time, so you lose the desire to workout. You just want sleep."

"Instead of meeting up with friends somewhere for dinner, you are happy to just get home, get something hot to eat from your microwave, and numb yourself by watching YouTube and Reddit."

"What you do now during your downtime is very low quality and is just done to unwind from the stress that follows you no matter where you are. They call this Flex Time, and its purpose is ostensibly to give you the ability to walk away from your work and go enjoy life. Funny."

- mhv64sj

New Measures of Success

​"Working for a company for many years was seen as honorable and a sign you were a good worker."

"Now it’s viewed as someone complacent, scared of change, and stupid for not salary hopping."

"I don’t disagree, though; I’ve been at my company for a long time and it’s anything but complacent and always changing."

- MysteryMeat11

"This is why we in-betweeners especially (between gen-x and millennial) have been conflicted and confused about it all. We were raised by older boomers and heard it's best to stay with companies because it looks bad on resumes to not and can even affect your buying things like houses and cars."

"But then when we did, we were let go during times like the recession and cutbacks having to start all over again, on top of not getting raises like the new hires and then confused because we were told staying and being loyal looked good and led to success."

- fidgetypenguin123

A Literal Paper Trail

"Paper. Lots of paper."

"Before email, there were people (secretaries or admins) who would take a memo someone printed out on their computer, make physical copies, and either walk around to every executive’s desk, or put into inter-office mail. This memo could be to a few people, one person, or for a general announcement needed to go to everyone."

"For expediency, these memos would also be posted in public areas (lunchroom, messaging board) if it was a general notice. These memos were often routed from the head manager throughout the department if it was more for general information."

"We once had a wave of new hires (about 20 people in our company of 400) and each got their own announcement. So, 20 people and 50 copies was two reams of paper. Copied. Hand carried or inter-department mailed. For one set of announcements."

"Oh, and each department admin had their own routing slip (small piece of paper with each person in the department’s name) that was stapled to the announcement. When you got the memo, you read it, crossed your name off, and gave it to the next person on the list."

"That’s where 'they must not have gotten the memo' comes from."

- UncleGizmo

It's interesting to look back on how things have changed. While some things have definitely improved, like improved safety precautions and more relaxed attire, other things like a sense of work-life balance have certainly declined.

If people were able to choose their working conditions, it'd be interesting to see if they'd choose today's working conditions or a different work-life balance...

There are countless tropes in movies and books that people love to follow.

From enemies to lovers, to final girls, to certain types of jump scares, there are people who will read a book or watch a movie simply because their favorite trope has been promised to be in there!

A much-loved trope is the strong female main character, or even the strong female sidekick, and fortunately, they're becoming much more commonly represented.

Keep reading...Show less

We've all heard creepy rumors or legends that have made falling to sleep far more challenging than necessary.

Such as ghosts that supposedly haunt old buildings or alligators supposedly lurking in sewer systems.

If there's anything guaranteed to send shivers down the spine of superstitious or panic-stricken individuals, it's learning that the terrifying information they've just been told is fact, and not fiction.

Making one nervous to step out their door in the morning, let alone fall asleep.

Redditor mimiqttt was eager to hear the most utterly spine-tingling facts people knew, leading them to ask:

"What are some creepy facts you know?"

For The Sake Of Transparency...

"Box Jellyfish are not only the most venomous jellies to humans, but they also possess at least 24 functional eyes (of various degree) on its body despite having no centralized brain."

"Four of its eyes always peer up out of the water regardless of the animal's body position."

"Some eyes can make out images, others are more primitive."- Southern_Gator

The Last Thing You'll Ever Hear...

"Hearing is the last sense you lose before dying."- HorrorPusherr

Talk About Keeping You Up At Night...

"Hundreds of people die every year."

"From being strangled by their bedsheets."- bender0x7d1

Sunny Day Bed GIF by VVS FILMSGiphy

Say Cheese!

"If all bacteria in a cheese decided to move in the same direction the cheese would move quite a distance in a day."- Worldly-Traffic-5503

Deserving Of A Raised Brow...

"Due to human artificial selection, dogs are evolving eyebrows."- Light_of_Niwen

Beyond An Existential Problem...

"There is a condition where you just think you’re dead or don’t exist."

"People who have it sometimes stop eating because they think they’re dead."- BlueCanary434

Sad Halloween GIF by This GIF Is HauntedGiphy

Among The Many Reasons You Should Always Knock...

"One of the most common places to find a dead body is on the toilet."

"Cause when they're alive and not feeling well, the first thing they do is go to the toilet thinking it could be a bowel issue."-pumpkinthighs

Dubious Honor...

"Herculaneum is better preserved than Pompeii, it just hasn't been excavated as much."

"Pompeii was essentially destroyed by falling volcanic rock, it's dead later being buried by ash after rigor had set in."

"Herculaneum was destroyed by pyroclastic flows so hot that the liquids in people's bodies turned to vapor and exploded instantly."

"Currently, the population in the area is so large that the Italian government is having a hard time deciding whether or not it's worth it to warn or evacuate them or not."-Reddit

Can't Say It Ran In The Family

"In a strange and semi creepy coincidence, Robert Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was saved from falling off a train platform and being run over by Edwin Booth, brother of John Wilkes Booth."- Infamous-Piece3783

train tracks natgeo channel GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy

A Job Not Fit For The Human Race.

"Cadaver dogs can smell bodies through waters."

"Lakes , etc."- PlaysTheTriangle

...BWAHAHAHAHAHA...

"If you build something in your yard against HOA rules, then it’s called an unwanted erection."- thecookiesmonster

When Your Body Starts Gaining Up On You...

"Your eyes have their own immune system that works separately from your body’s immune system."

"If your body’s immune system found out it would attack your eyes."

"I read this here and at my last eye appointment I asked if it was true."

"The eye doctor said 'Yeah, it’s kinda weird' and I was like 'kinda?'"- McSmackthe1st

Eyes Blink GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy

Pretty And Delicate On The Outside...

"If given access to it, butterflies will happily drink blood."- supermarketblues

The Only Thing Scarier Than One Black Hole...

"During the merger of two black holes, a black holes can occasionally get ejected from the system and get shot out into open space and become a wandering black hole."

"The creepy part for me is that because a large part of the way in which we see black holes is through their interactions with their surroundings we wouldn’t really be able to see it coming towards us."- rflok34

Vanity Is A Sin, After All...

'Everyone who has ever owned the HOPE DIAMOND has met some sort of gruesome, untimely death."- QuietRulrOfEvrything

diamond supply GIFGiphy

The world is a fascinating, often terrifying place.

Perhaps why some people firmly believe ignorance is bliss.

On the other hand, knowledge is power.

So if you see a school of jellyfish, you all now know better than to think they can't also see you...


a man laying in the grass with a bottle of beer
Photo by thom masat on Unsplash

It's no secret alcohol lowers inhibitions and sometimes messes with people's self-control.

Since I never saw the appeal of passing out, losing my memories of a party, or waking up in a strange place the next morning with nothing but the clothes on my back, I never drank myself past tipsy. That policy, however, enabled me to bear witness and remember the crazy things my friends did while drunk.

When I was in college, my roommate and I liked to cut across the woods to get to places faster. This was before every smartphone came with a built-in flashlight, and when flashlight apps were basically jokes. In order to get through the woods safely at night, we bought small, powerful flashlights at the start of the year.

We cut across those woods to get to a party one night, and my roommate got extremely drunk. There was an unexpected blackout during the party, so in addition to candles and battery-powered lanterns, my roommate turned on her flashlight. She was so drunk, she thought it was a person and fell in love with it. Every time the light shone on her, the flashlight was telling her it loved her too, but every time it shone on someone else, it was cheating on her.

By the end of the night, she was drunk that she dropped and broke the flashlight, and cried because she thought she killed it. I had to surrepticiously throw her flashlight out and replace it with mine, pretending that it had passed out, but wasn't dead. By the time we got back to our dorm, she broke mine too, but had fallen asleep right after, so there was no more crying.

Looking back, maybe it was a good thing this happened when smartphones didn't have built-in flashlights...

I'm not the only one who has witnessed someone doing something ridiculous when they were drunk. Redditors have both done stupid -- and in some cases, really bad -- things, and seen stupid or really bad things, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor S4phire34 asked:

"People who have been really drunk, whats the worst thing that you have done?"

Classic

"Had a Christmas party and there was a different party next door that was having an awards type event, I got up on stage and starting singing Jessie’s Girl. Even to this day I am mortified."

– princesssmurfet

"If it makes you feel any better, at least a handful of people at that awards show probably thought it was hysterical."

– TheMilkmanHathCome

"I was in a bar, thought it was open mic. Went on stage with the band (it wasn’t open mic) and sang ‘Brown eyed Girl.’"

– judgymom

Away From Home

"Fell asleep in the alleyway. It was dumb and dangerous. Friend found me."

– hotoatcereal

"Yup! Slept in a parking garage one time."

– Moneyshot_ITF

Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM

"It was a birthday and my friends brought me a shot for every year."

"Unfortunately I got sick on the side of a major highway in Rochester, NY @ 2:00 in the morning. Even worse I wanted them to leave me there to sleep…did I mention that it was in the middle of winter?? Lucky to be typing this post."

"I lost a lot of self respect and the moral high ground in any substance abuse conversation I will ever have with those friends."

– nytocarolina

Speech!

"Telling my girlfriends mother that i couldn't [sleep with] her daughter that evening cause i was too drunk to get a condom on."

– Various-Ostrich-5664

"This would keep me up at night for decades."

– Lukealove

"Wedding toast stuff. Obviously not directly but that deserves an inside joke nod."

– commitpushdrink

Ick!

"Went out drinking with fellow booksellers and got very drunk indeed. Had the brilliant idea to sleep close to the bookshop rather than go home. Walked around and eventually found a little hut near the car park for the attendant to work in during the day. Climbed through the window and slept in his chair."

"At some point in the night I felt very ill and rather than make a mess, I puked in the little drawer in his little desk. Filled it completely to the top, closed it, and went back to sleep. Woke up with a terrible hangover and went straight back to work. Remembered halfway through the day about the puke and have felt terrible about it ever since. Still find it hard to read Goldilocks and the Three Bears with the kids."

– MikeSizemore

Liar, Liar?

"Got arrested after puking on a cops shoes swearing i wasn’t drunk."

– BrushNo1369

"I'm thinking if he already had to have the conversation with a cop that he wasn't drunk, it was probably for whatever started the conversation."

– garbagedisposalpasta

Awkward

"My buddy told me he'd take me home after a night out. He got too drunk and didn't want to drive (good choice), so he called me a cab and got me a hoagie from Wawa."

"The last thing I remember was climbing into the cab. I really wish I could recall the events of the night after that."

"The next morning I woke up in someone's gravel driveway, no hoagie and no phone, I only had my wallet."

"I just hope I didn't ruin that cabbies night but I can almost be assured that I did."

– LeviathanIsI

That's Unfortunate

"I was too drunk to drive so I drove my RC car to the liquor store while walking behind it and it got ran over by a drunk driver. Rip SCX10."

– Car_loapher

"Hold on just the first half of this alone is f**king hilarious. “I’m too drunk to drive, so I’ll walk there. I just need to find a car to take…”"

– IronLusk

"Let me find my keys...er...remote."

– lightningspider97

All By Myself

"Trying to walk in higher heels than usual I fell into a swimming pool at a party where I didn't know the hosts very well. Nobody wanted to fish me out as I was wearing a long maxi dress it was hard to climb out on my own."

– tinkblueyez209

"So, people just straight up watched you struggle to get out while sneaking pics?"

– NottaPattaPoopa

Sound The Alarms

"Walked away from a party, went to my friends garage and slept. Woke up, went back. They had called police and coastal guard becuase they thought I had drowned or went missing."

– Den_dar_Alex

"Nobody checked the garage? Your friends sound like the bust."

– flacobronco

"Well everyone was drunk so no one thought about it. The garage was 2000 metres and owned by his dad. So would've thought to check there."

– Den_dar_Alex

Yikes!

"I came home very drunk one time and my roommate had baked this chocolate lava cake thing with a Betty Crocker mix. I took one look at it and started f**king devouring it with a spoon. He came into the kitchen the next morning and found half of it missing with very obvious spoon marks. I don't even think he got to eat any of it. Needless to say he was pissed."

– disgruntled-capybara

"Did you bake him one in repayment?"

– Beavur

"No, but I bought a replacement box for him."

– disgruntled-capybara

""Here, more work!""

– Tshirt_Addict

"duuuuude this is where you had to buy him a nice cake or give him the box plus his labor so like $20."

– ixlovextoxkiss

Woof, Woof!

"Stole the hosts lunch in their fridge, ate it, then threw it up all over their deck and it froze over in the -30°C weather and they had to hack it off with a shovel."

– HalfChineseJesus

"This is funny because if I didn't know the question I would guess a dog wrote this."

– mro777

"I threw a chicken into a swimming pool once, and then dived in to rescue it. According to my friend, I was so distraught that I took it to bed with me to keep it warm."

"When I woke up the next morning I had no memory of the night before and found a chicken in my shower."

– massive-bafe

"I was hesitant to hit this thread cause I figured it could be really dark but this has to be one the greatest stories I’ve ever heard in my life 😂"

– capnsmirks

"Was it a live chicken?"

– SentientRock123

"Yes. It was my cleaner's pet chicken, who lived in a small pen near the pool (the chicken, not the cleaner)."

– massive-bafe

A Lucky Break

"I was 21, maybe 22. Just transferred to UW-Milwaukee. Every weekend I was going out to the bars/clubs with a bunch of international students I befriended. One weekend, we all went to a frat party where some of the guys asked me to join. I wasn’t interested at the time so politely declined."

"Fast forward a couple of weekends later, me and my buddies are at a club and I got so drunk I realized I just needed to go home. I called a cab (Uber and Lyft wasn’t a thing back then) and (in my drunken stupor) realized I didn’t have any cash on me. The cab driver was so pissed he took me all the way back to the club that he picked me up at and dropped me off."

"I started walking home, fell down and broke my cell phone so I couldn’t call anyone for a ride. While I was walking, a policeman pulled up beside me probably realizing I was completely hammered and maybe needed help."

"Not sure why, but I told the cop I was part of the fraternity that had asked me to join a couple of weeks ago. He said “wait really? I’m an alumni from there. Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Brought me right back to my dorm lol."

– niemzi

If only we were all that lucky!