Airbnb Owners Share Their Most Regrettable And Nightmarish Guest Experiences[rebelmouse-image 18345143 is_animated_gif=
Imagine renting out your living space to a complete stranger. Everything will go smoothly and you will get paid, right? Not likely! That type of intimate exchange comes with a lot of juicy stories and usually a little bit of regret.
Airbnb landlords what's your worst guest story?
Get ready for these gems!
Is that...my kitchen!?[rebelmouse-image 18345144 is_animated_gif=
I had one "tenant" make a porn. I didn't find out until I was cruising around. I noticed my living room and kitchen
The house party[rebelmouse-image 18345145 is_animated_gif=
Not the landlord, but the neighbor of one. She rented her house out, and the tenant threw a massive house party with over a hundred people in it. They destroyed her house and tore down our fence as they fled when the cops arrived on scene.
Borderline worst-case scenario[rebelmouse-image 18345147 is_animated_gif=
My boss rented out his old house on Airbnb and in the night they took every item and piece of furniture in an afternoon except a sofa.
Greedy guests![rebelmouse-image 18345148 is_animated_gif=
We did a bit and it was ok. Worst wasn't bad at all, but a bit of a culture clash.
They complained our house, a 100 year-old cottage in the New Forest, southern England, didn't have a particular type of bedding (only found in America), and didn't have 'bug screens'.
We tried to explain that 'bug screens' simply don't exist anywhere in the UK, but they didn't really get it.
We got a so-so review for having a house missing these so-called 'basic conveniences', despite our trying to explain that things are a bit different in the UK to America.
We were their first stop before they headed up to Edinburgh. I hope the rest of their trip didn't bring them too many surprises, but I have a suspicion they would have spent the whole two weeks bitching about how things are different to America.
They had some nerve![rebelmouse-image 18345149 is_animated_gif=
I have a couple. One guest used my house to cheat on his wife and then proceeded to proposition me. The reason I quit hosting was because of a couple who stayed with me for $500 for a whole month. They had a two room suite with a bed and TV in one room and a futon, TV, computer, printer, small fridge and microwave in the other room a very very large walk in closet and an en suite bathroom, and they still took over my entire house. I ended up staying in my room if I wasn't at work. They ate all of their meals for the day from the breakfast food I provided so I was spending about $50 a week on breakfast food. I forgot to preset the coffee maker ONCE and the wife complained about it the entire day. She was unbearable, nothing was good enough for her. The next year even though my home wasn't listed on Airbnb, they had the nerve to email me and ask me to stay with me for 2 months at a much lower rate.
Come on, fight me![rebelmouse-image 18345151 is_animated_gif=
Converted a rental house for Airbnb use. Bought furniture from Craig's List and Ikea, fixed it up, found a property manager for it. Turned on the listing.
Second booking was a 20-something woman with no previous reviews on airbnb. She booked the whole house for just one Saturday night. Our manager warns us "that sounds like she's planning a party". We respond that the listing makes it very clear that parties are not allowed. My girlfriend, who runs the business, writes to this woman twice and phones her once to remind her of the "no parties" rule. The woman keeps assuring us "Oh no, I would never do that. It's just me, my two friends, and my brother coming over for dinner."
Saturday comes along, we're staying in the house next door, and around 9:30 we hear music coming from our rental house. We look out the window and disco lights are running in the house. In the kitchen, a group of women are moving huge pots into the kitchen. A little later, we see them emptying ice, fruit juice, and several bottles of liquor into the pots.
My girlfriend decides enough is enough and goes over there to remind them of the "no parties" rule.
"Oh, no, we're not having a party, just my brother and his wife coming over for dinner." "Ok, then, where's the food? Who are all these people?". My girlfriend turns away about twenty people who show up at the door.
After breaking into tears and telling my girlfriend "You're ruining my life!", she agrees to leave, and the party is over. My girlfriend still had to turn away a couple of carloads of would-be partiers.
The night ends with two of the woman's friends pacing back and forth in front of the house screaming at my girlfriend. "You b*! You f***_b! Give us our deposit back! Come out and fight me, b! B! B_!".
Plants in the garden are uprooted. Pots are smashed. Neighbors start to gather. Police are called.
The next morning involves cleaning up, repotting plants, and writing letters of apology to the neighbors.
When your Airbnb visit involves a SWAT team...[rebelmouse-image 18345153 is_animated_gif=
Nothing bad about my guest, but the whole timing was horrible. This Korean Kid (probably 20-22yrs), spoke very little English and his first time in America, he arrives at my house about 8:00pm (Renting just a single bedroom for 4-days. I will add at the time my house was not in the best neighborhood). He arrives and I am not home yet, he lets himself in and probably reads the info sheet I left out... I get back about 9:00pm and the entire area around my house (4-block in all directions) is locked down by the police, they tell me I can't enter but I explain the scenario about a new International Kid living at my house, so they escort me through the alley to my house. I go inside the house and he is in his room kind of scared to come out. At this time the SWAT Team is in front of my house, News crews down the street and I find out the brother of the person across the street just beat his GF with a bat, then ran a couple blocks and broke into his brothers house to hide. He is a Felon with a Warrant and they believe he may be armed. The Korean Kid (Forgot his Name) asked me if this is what America is always like as we watch out the window. Anyways 2hrs later they kick in the door, throw flash-bangs inside and go in, 5-minutes later they carry him out Limp, handcuffed and ankle cuffed and lay him on the street while medics look at him. He was very frightened to do anything the whole time he stayed with me because he thought it is very dangerous to go outside!
Edit: sorry my punctuation and grammar are awful, I'm too lazy to correct it currently.
When things get a little wild![rebelmouse-image 18345154 is_animated_gif=
I always offer to take my guests out on the town, I always host on the weekend. First off, my friends and I go pretty hard when we go out. This couple, maybe in their early 30s and very professional, had not planned on getting shitfaced, but after a couple drinks they decided to stay out late drinking with us. The next morning I woke up still drunk, walked out to my living room to find the man passed out on my rug, 10 ft from the bedroom, and he had pissed himself. I'm a super laid back guy, so I found it hilarious, the girlfriend, not so much. He was still out for the count, so we dragged him into the shower and turned it on. I made them breakfast and 30 minutes later when we went to check on him, he was still passed out but in the shower. She was so pissed off, then they left. I received a nice apology over the phone later in the week but I never got a new rug :(
Now I hear Big Lebowski jokes whenever I tell the story, which I love.
Taking over staying your welcome to the max![rebelmouse-image 18345155 is_animated_gif=
I had an Airbnb guest try to steal a free night.
She originally booked for 1 night and wanted to stay longer - fine - she offers me cash, I say NO.
So she books another night on Airbnb.
Then she wants to book another, further night and also bring her son.
Ok, I say, please amend your booking through Airbnb.
So she does - adding her child and swapping the day to the day after leaving one night during her stay unpaid for.
So my calendar had a gap in it (after I approved the change without checking)
So on the afternoon of the night she has no longer paid for I go to her room to confront her...
She wants to do anything but pay it, she wants to open a dispute with Airbnb - blah blah - I said 'fine, but it's a live listing and someone might book it, so hurry up'
I doubt she bothered trying to contact Airbnb and after 2 hours of hearing nothing I submitted an alteration request to her myself.
At around 7pm, I asked her if she's seen the request. No, messages go to her husbands phone... whatever, and she still wants to call Airbnb.
I said, 'Ok please do that now'
Then she goes to floss her teeth.
At 9pm I finally confront her fiercely and demand that she accepts my request immediately for that night because I want to go to bed and she's not staying for free.
She told me that 'wasn't good for her' and I said 'You must do it anyway because according to Air - you aren't even HERE and that's not acceptable to ME.
Anyway, she did it... and I didn't hear another peep out of her and it's been a week since she checked out.
She also did not apologise.
It's all in the details[rebelmouse-image 18345157 is_animated_gif=
We offer a room on AirBnB, nothing fancy but it's a super convenient location and we've gone much further with setting up than the 'spare bed for the night' price would otherwise justify.
We had someone leave a bad review because there were "too many cushions on the bed". He was with us three or four nights and not once mentioned this to us despite us chiming in with the typical "Is everything OK?" Every other time we saw him.
To this day I feel that, if we had collectively put our minds together we could have probably worked out a solution for this most heinous of crimes. To make matters worse the professional photos of the room showed the exact same cushions on the bed in nearly two thirds of the shots. With the week or so booking notice he gave us I'm positively certain we could have hammered out a strategy for removing a couple of cushions prior to his arrival.
Not our worst guest by far, but definitely the most asinine.
I think you forgot something...[rebelmouse-image 18345158 is_animated_gif=
Rented from a guy on Airbnb. He was super nice, beautiful home, had tablets in every room. Apologized to us that, the tablets weren't to be used. Last renters stole ALL of his chargers among other things.
Feeling a little left out?[rebelmouse-image 18345161 is_animated_gif=
They argued with me that I was supposed to leave the room I was renting.
No slumber party for me I guess...
A true horror story![rebelmouse-image 18345055 is_animated_gif=
Years ago I put my 1 bedroom apartment in San Francisco on Airbnb, and eventually I had a nightmare guest that covered my home with blood.
This guest was a young British businessman living in Dubai. He rented the apartment for a week while I was going to be on vacation in Russia. My dad met him and said that the guest arrived from the airport in a limo and wearing a nice suit. 5 days later I got an email from a detective for the SFPD trying to get in touch with me. I called and he told me this story:
The guest was partying in the Castro and took an unidentified lover back to the apartment one the evening. They were using meth and the guest was also on some meds for a cold... And he had a bad reaction. For some reason the guy took one of my kitchen knives and stabbed himself in the chest, aiming for his heart. He started bleeding profusely and the lover must have run off to get first aid because there were lots of bandage wrappers littered about. Meanwhile, the bleeding man freaked out and went everywhere in the apartment putting bloodly handprints, footprints, and drips on nearly EVERYTHING I owned in EVERY room. Like, on every couch cushion, fabric chair, a dozen towels, the bed, the rugs, the walls, the windows, in drawers, all over the bathroom, in the refrigerator, books, tables... Everywhere. He tried to climb out a window and blood streamed down the front of the buildings walls. He knocked on neighbor doors leaving bloody handprints but was terrified and ran away if he saw anyone answer. A jogger found him naked in a bush at 7am, half a mile away and he was picked up by an ambulance. The guy was in a coma for 3 days and the police eventually figured out that he was an Airbnb renter and tracked me down to see if I was alright since I wasn't answering my phone, as I was out of the country.
Anyways, my dad sent me a couple pictures that I passed on to AirBnB to open a claim. They were super responsive and immediatly sent me $3k to get a hazmat team in there and told me to tell them the cost of anything I had to throw away or replace. The total cost to me was $10k but it was all reimbursed. They made it really easy and, honestly, I'd still be hosting with them if I hadn't been violating my lease and threatened with eviction by my landlord. Fair enough.
A simple detail can change everything[rebelmouse-image 18345162 is_animated_gif=
My parents rent out their flat on air bnb. The people who rented from us were supposed to return the keys by putting them in our letter box. They put it in someone else's letterbox. When my parents went to check the flat, everything was stolen. And they probably moved everything stolen to a self storage unit since we checked the flats and couldn't find any of our stuff. And the ex-renters won't tell us what letterbox they put the keys in so I think they had something to do with it (e.g some one bribed them to put it in the wrong letterbox). Still angry about the lack of basic human decency but that's the real world.
Cultural differences[rebelmouse-image 18345163 is_animated_gif=
I had foreign guests that each time they dropped a deuce they would clog the toilet.It was, literally, twice the size the can could take. It was a challenge to let it go and it resulted in switching the toilet altogether.
When paranoia starts to creep in[rebelmouse-image 18345164 is_animated_gif=
Story where I was the guest in question:
My wife and I booked a single night in an Airbnb that was a 20 minute drive away from a coastal city we were visiting on a road trip. We met and spoke to the owner, and he was a lovely old man, who made it sound like he had made a ton of money before retiring and now was hosting Airbnb because it filled his otherwise lonely days. The house was a gorgeous old building, a former seminary, that was also sometimes rented out as a wedding venue. It had a grand front hall, a huge kitchen, a billiards room, a lounge...a study... are we were staying in the Clue Mansion?
The house was gorgeous, but the grounds were so expansive that you couldn't see the fence or any neighboring properties from the house. The countryside we drove through to get to the house was picturesque to the extreme, but the cell signal was spotty, often times dropping out entirely. It was the perfect location to get away from it all and enjoy some peace and quiet in a beautiful location, or to lure moronic tourists into an elaborate murder mansion. I sent a text to my parents with pictures of the house and a message that said, "Haha, staying in an Agatha Christie Mystery tonight, gonna get murdered lol!" I was only half kidding. At least now, after we disappeared, the cops would have proof we were at the house.
I woke up at 2am convinced that somebody was in the room with me. The doors didn't have locks, so I had piled our suitcases in front of them to prevent unwanted entry, but I couldn't shake that little voice in my head that kept saying, "Did you even check the fireplace for secret passages? Could you make it any easier for him? You're basically begging for a Saw-type situation at this point." About the fourth time I used the light from my phone's screen to check whether anyone was in the room, my wife woke up and convinced me I was being an idiot.
We had to leave early the next morning to make it to our next stop, so we didn't see our host again, but I still feel bad for being the guy that was so convinced that sweet old retiree was going to kill me in my sleep.
All the secrets are being spilled![rebelmouse-image 18345166 is_animated_gif=
They found my hidden cameras and covered them... talk about a boring weekend
Who needs a proper set when you have Airbnb[rebelmouse-image 18345170 is_animated_gif=
He shot his tv show in my apartment, forced me to participate in it, and on top of that broke my toilet by flushing golf balls down it.
All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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