Airbnb Owners Share Their Most Regrettable And Nightmarish Guest Experiences
Airbnb Owners Share Their Most Regrettable And Nightmarish Guest Experiences
[rebelmouse-image 18345143 is_animated_gif=Imagine renting out your living space to a complete stranger. Everything will go smoothly and you will get paid, right? Not likely! That type of intimate exchange comes with a lot of juicy stories and usually a little bit of regret.
44th_king asks:
Airbnb landlords what's your worst guest story?
Get ready for these gems!
Is that...my kitchen!?
[rebelmouse-image 18345144 is_animated_gif=I had one "tenant" make a porn. I didn't find out until I was cruising around. I noticed my living room and kitchen
The house party
[rebelmouse-image 18345145 is_animated_gif=Not the landlord, but the neighbor of one. She rented her house out, and the tenant threw a massive house party with over a hundred people in it. They destroyed her house and tore down our fence as they fled when the cops arrived on scene.
Borderline worst-case scenario
[rebelmouse-image 18345147 is_animated_gif=My boss rented out his old house on Airbnb and in the night they took every item and piece of furniture in an afternoon except a sofa.
Greedy guests!
[rebelmouse-image 18345148 is_animated_gif=We did a bit and it was ok. Worst wasn't bad at all, but a bit of a culture clash.
They complained our house, a 100 year-old cottage in the New Forest, southern England, didn't have a particular type of bedding (only found in America), and didn't have 'bug screens'.
We tried to explain that 'bug screens' simply don't exist anywhere in the UK, but they didn't really get it.
We got a so-so review for having a house missing these so-called 'basic conveniences', despite our trying to explain that things are a bit different in the UK to America.
We were their first stop before they headed up to Edinburgh. I hope the rest of their trip didn't bring them too many surprises, but I have a suspicion they would have spent the whole two weeks bitching about how things are different to America.
They had some nerve!
[rebelmouse-image 18345149 is_animated_gif=I have a couple. One guest used my house to cheat on his wife and then proceeded to proposition me. The reason I quit hosting was because of a couple who stayed with me for $500 for a whole month. They had a two room suite with a bed and TV in one room and a futon, TV, computer, printer, small fridge and microwave in the other room a very very large walk in closet and an en suite bathroom, and they still took over my entire house. I ended up staying in my room if I wasn't at work. They ate all of their meals for the day from the breakfast food I provided so I was spending about $50 a week on breakfast food. I forgot to preset the coffee maker ONCE and the wife complained about it the entire day. She was unbearable, nothing was good enough for her. The next year even though my home wasn't listed on Airbnb, they had the nerve to email me and ask me to stay with me for 2 months at a much lower rate.
Come on, fight me!
[rebelmouse-image 18345151 is_animated_gif=Converted a rental house for Airbnb use. Bought furniture from Craig's List and Ikea, fixed it up, found a property manager for it. Turned on the listing.
Second booking was a 20-something woman with no previous reviews on airbnb. She booked the whole house for just one Saturday night. Our manager warns us "that sounds like she's planning a party". We respond that the listing makes it very clear that parties are not allowed. My girlfriend, who runs the business, writes to this woman twice and phones her once to remind her of the "no parties" rule. The woman keeps assuring us "Oh no, I would never do that. It's just me, my two friends, and my brother coming over for dinner."
Saturday comes along, we're staying in the house next door, and around 9:30 we hear music coming from our rental house. We look out the window and disco lights are running in the house. In the kitchen, a group of women are moving huge pots into the kitchen. A little later, we see them emptying ice, fruit juice, and several bottles of liquor into the pots.
My girlfriend decides enough is enough and goes over there to remind them of the "no parties" rule.
"Oh, no, we're not having a party, just my brother and his wife coming over for dinner." "Ok, then, where's the food? Who are all these people?". My girlfriend turns away about twenty people who show up at the door.
After breaking into tears and telling my girlfriend "You're ruining my life!", she agrees to leave, and the party is over. My girlfriend still had to turn away a couple of carloads of would-be partiers.
The night ends with two of the woman's friends pacing back and forth in front of the house screaming at my girlfriend. "You b*! You f***_b! Give us our deposit back! Come out and fight me, b! B! B_!".
Plants in the garden are uprooted. Pots are smashed. Neighbors start to gather. Police are called.
The next morning involves cleaning up, repotting plants, and writing letters of apology to the neighbors.
When your Airbnb visit involves a SWAT team...
[rebelmouse-image 18345153 is_animated_gif=Nothing bad about my guest, but the whole timing was horrible. This Korean Kid (probably 20-22yrs), spoke very little English and his first time in America, he arrives at my house about 8:00pm (Renting just a single bedroom for 4-days. I will add at the time my house was not in the best neighborhood). He arrives and I am not home yet, he lets himself in and probably reads the info sheet I left out... I get back about 9:00pm and the entire area around my house (4-block in all directions) is locked down by the police, they tell me I can't enter but I explain the scenario about a new International Kid living at my house, so they escort me through the alley to my house. I go inside the house and he is in his room kind of scared to come out. At this time the SWAT Team is in front of my house, News crews down the street and I find out the brother of the person across the street just beat his GF with a bat, then ran a couple blocks and broke into his brothers house to hide. He is a Felon with a Warrant and they believe he may be armed. The Korean Kid (Forgot his Name) asked me if this is what America is always like as we watch out the window. Anyways 2hrs later they kick in the door, throw flash-bangs inside and go in, 5-minutes later they carry him out Limp, handcuffed and ankle cuffed and lay him on the street while medics look at him. He was very frightened to do anything the whole time he stayed with me because he thought it is very dangerous to go outside!
Edit: sorry my punctuation and grammar are awful, I'm too lazy to correct it currently.
When things get a little wild!
[rebelmouse-image 18345154 is_animated_gif=I always offer to take my guests out on the town, I always host on the weekend. First off, my friends and I go pretty hard when we go out. This couple, maybe in their early 30s and very professional, had not planned on getting shitfaced, but after a couple drinks they decided to stay out late drinking with us. The next morning I woke up still drunk, walked out to my living room to find the man passed out on my rug, 10 ft from the bedroom, and he had pissed himself. I'm a super laid back guy, so I found it hilarious, the girlfriend, not so much. He was still out for the count, so we dragged him into the shower and turned it on. I made them breakfast and 30 minutes later when we went to check on him, he was still passed out but in the shower. She was so pissed off, then they left. I received a nice apology over the phone later in the week but I never got a new rug :(
Now I hear Big Lebowski jokes whenever I tell the story, which I love.
Taking over staying your welcome to the max!
[rebelmouse-image 18345155 is_animated_gif=I had an Airbnb guest try to steal a free night.
She originally booked for 1 night and wanted to stay longer - fine - she offers me cash, I say NO.
So she books another night on Airbnb.
Then she wants to book another, further night and also bring her son.
Ok, I say, please amend your booking through Airbnb.
So she does - adding her child and swapping the day to the day after leaving one night during her stay unpaid for.
So my calendar had a gap in it (after I approved the change without checking)
So on the afternoon of the night she has no longer paid for I go to her room to confront her...
She wants to do anything but pay it, she wants to open a dispute with Airbnb - blah blah - I said 'fine, but it's a live listing and someone might book it, so hurry up'
I doubt she bothered trying to contact Airbnb and after 2 hours of hearing nothing I submitted an alteration request to her myself.
At around 7pm, I asked her if she's seen the request. No, messages go to her husbands phone... whatever, and she still wants to call Airbnb.
I said, 'Ok please do that now'
Then she goes to floss her teeth.
At 9pm I finally confront her fiercely and demand that she accepts my request immediately for that night because I want to go to bed and she's not staying for free.
She told me that 'wasn't good for her' and I said 'You must do it anyway because according to Air - you aren't even HERE and that's not acceptable to ME.
Anyway, she did it... and I didn't hear another peep out of her and it's been a week since she checked out.
She also did not apologise.
It's all in the details
[rebelmouse-image 18345157 is_animated_gif=We offer a room on AirBnB, nothing fancy but it's a super convenient location and we've gone much further with setting up than the 'spare bed for the night' price would otherwise justify.
We had someone leave a bad review because there were "too many cushions on the bed". He was with us three or four nights and not once mentioned this to us despite us chiming in with the typical "Is everything OK?" Every other time we saw him.
To this day I feel that, if we had collectively put our minds together we could have probably worked out a solution for this most heinous of crimes. To make matters worse the professional photos of the room showed the exact same cushions on the bed in nearly two thirds of the shots. With the week or so booking notice he gave us I'm positively certain we could have hammered out a strategy for removing a couple of cushions prior to his arrival.
Not our worst guest by far, but definitely the most asinine.
I think you forgot something...
[rebelmouse-image 18345158 is_animated_gif=Rented from a guy on Airbnb. He was super nice, beautiful home, had tablets in every room. Apologized to us that, the tablets weren't to be used. Last renters stole ALL of his chargers among other things.
Feeling a little left out?
[rebelmouse-image 18345161 is_animated_gif=They argued with me that I was supposed to leave the room I was renting.
No slumber party for me I guess...
A true horror story!
[rebelmouse-image 18345055 is_animated_gif=Years ago I put my 1 bedroom apartment in San Francisco on Airbnb, and eventually I had a nightmare guest that covered my home with blood.
This guest was a young British businessman living in Dubai. He rented the apartment for a week while I was going to be on vacation in Russia. My dad met him and said that the guest arrived from the airport in a limo and wearing a nice suit. 5 days later I got an email from a detective for the SFPD trying to get in touch with me. I called and he told me this story:
The guest was partying in the Castro and took an unidentified lover back to the apartment one the evening. They were using meth and the guest was also on some meds for a cold... And he had a bad reaction. For some reason the guy took one of my kitchen knives and stabbed himself in the chest, aiming for his heart. He started bleeding profusely and the lover must have run off to get first aid because there were lots of bandage wrappers littered about. Meanwhile, the bleeding man freaked out and went everywhere in the apartment putting bloodly handprints, footprints, and drips on nearly EVERYTHING I owned in EVERY room. Like, on every couch cushion, fabric chair, a dozen towels, the bed, the rugs, the walls, the windows, in drawers, all over the bathroom, in the refrigerator, books, tables... Everywhere. He tried to climb out a window and blood streamed down the front of the buildings walls. He knocked on neighbor doors leaving bloody handprints but was terrified and ran away if he saw anyone answer. A jogger found him naked in a bush at 7am, half a mile away and he was picked up by an ambulance. The guy was in a coma for 3 days and the police eventually figured out that he was an Airbnb renter and tracked me down to see if I was alright since I wasn't answering my phone, as I was out of the country.
Anyways, my dad sent me a couple pictures that I passed on to AirBnB to open a claim. They were super responsive and immediatly sent me $3k to get a hazmat team in there and told me to tell them the cost of anything I had to throw away or replace. The total cost to me was $10k but it was all reimbursed. They made it really easy and, honestly, I'd still be hosting with them if I hadn't been violating my lease and threatened with eviction by my landlord. Fair enough.
A simple detail can change everything
[rebelmouse-image 18345162 is_animated_gif=My parents rent out their flat on air bnb. The people who rented from us were supposed to return the keys by putting them in our letter box. They put it in someone else's letterbox. When my parents went to check the flat, everything was stolen. And they probably moved everything stolen to a self storage unit since we checked the flats and couldn't find any of our stuff. And the ex-renters won't tell us what letterbox they put the keys in so I think they had something to do with it (e.g some one bribed them to put it in the wrong letterbox). Still angry about the lack of basic human decency but that's the real world.
Cultural differences
[rebelmouse-image 18345163 is_animated_gif=I had foreign guests that each time they dropped a deuce they would clog the toilet.It was, literally, twice the size the can could take. It was a challenge to let it go and it resulted in switching the toilet altogether.
When paranoia starts to creep in
[rebelmouse-image 18345164 is_animated_gif=Story where I was the guest in question:
My wife and I booked a single night in an Airbnb that was a 20 minute drive away from a coastal city we were visiting on a road trip. We met and spoke to the owner, and he was a lovely old man, who made it sound like he had made a ton of money before retiring and now was hosting Airbnb because it filled his otherwise lonely days. The house was a gorgeous old building, a former seminary, that was also sometimes rented out as a wedding venue. It had a grand front hall, a huge kitchen, a billiards room, a lounge...a study... are we were staying in the Clue Mansion?
The house was gorgeous, but the grounds were so expansive that you couldn't see the fence or any neighboring properties from the house. The countryside we drove through to get to the house was picturesque to the extreme, but the cell signal was spotty, often times dropping out entirely. It was the perfect location to get away from it all and enjoy some peace and quiet in a beautiful location, or to lure moronic tourists into an elaborate murder mansion. I sent a text to my parents with pictures of the house and a message that said, "Haha, staying in an Agatha Christie Mystery tonight, gonna get murdered lol!" I was only half kidding. At least now, after we disappeared, the cops would have proof we were at the house.
I woke up at 2am convinced that somebody was in the room with me. The doors didn't have locks, so I had piled our suitcases in front of them to prevent unwanted entry, but I couldn't shake that little voice in my head that kept saying, "Did you even check the fireplace for secret passages? Could you make it any easier for him? You're basically begging for a Saw-type situation at this point." About the fourth time I used the light from my phone's screen to check whether anyone was in the room, my wife woke up and convinced me I was being an idiot.
We had to leave early the next morning to make it to our next stop, so we didn't see our host again, but I still feel bad for being the guy that was so convinced that sweet old retiree was going to kill me in my sleep.
All the secrets are being spilled!
[rebelmouse-image 18345166 is_animated_gif=They found my hidden cameras and covered them... talk about a boring weekend
Who needs a proper set when you have Airbnb
[rebelmouse-image 18345170 is_animated_gif=He shot his tv show in my apartment, forced me to participate in it, and on top of that broke my toilet by flushing golf balls down it.
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!