Top Stories

People Break Down Which Things Absolutely Aren't Allowed In Their House

People Break Down Which Things Absolutely Aren't Allowed In Their House
Image by Paul McGowan from Pixabay

One of the perks of becoming an adult is acquiring and building, over a long period of time, a nice home. This could be an apartment, a house, a boat, an airstream, or a Dodge Conversion Van.

Whichever it is, it's yours, and you get to decide the atmosphere.


For better or worse, that might entail some wildly specific rules on your part. We all have our pet peeves, and ownership of property offers the free reign to act on those.

Thankfully, those nitpicky rules usually come with a backstory. A whole collection of those tales made their way to a recent Reddit thread.

ioyayxan asked, "What isn't allowed in your house?"

For some, it was all about the annoying discoveries that only parenthood could possibly conjure up. Some crafts, they were sorry to say, are just a no-go forever.

Never Ever Gone 

"Glitter. I was a florist for years and so much glitter hitchhiked home with me on my clothes. The best thing about leaving that profession was leaving that horrible craft herpes behind." -- elfalai

"No lie. There's a prom/wedding dress store in a mall near me named 'Glitterati' My daughter and I walked in and there was glitter ALL OVER EVERYTHING! Floors, walls, mirrors. I found some on my jeans as we were leaving the mall. And there was some transfer to the car upholstery as well. That stuff is terrifying" -- LowkeyPony

Not the Quilt!

"Silly Putty is banned from my parents house."

"I'm sure everyone used to play with silly putty as a kid and it was a ton of fun, it was like a fidget toy before fidget toys. Every year the Easter Bunny would leave me some Silly Putty in my Easter Basket."

"I guess one particular year I was playing with it and left it on one of my mom's quilts that she made and I think she put it in the wash."

"The heat from the dryer is was really did it in, it melted the silly putty making it super thin, allowed it to intertwine in the fabric, and completely destroy this quilt my mom spent countless hours making."

"It's been maybe 25 years and I don't think I've played with Silly Putty since."

"I should order her some."

-- mmm-pistol-whip

Like a Bank Robbery in a Movie 

"Oh, this comes with a story."

"String."

"When my siblings and I were around 6-7 I somehow convinced them it would be a GREAT idea if we 'stringed the house.' I think my parents were still asleep or something, because by 'string the house' I meant taking all of the string and tying it to anything and everything across rooms."

"Picture one of those laser mazes, but with string. It's been 10 years and my mother still refuses to let us have string. It's more of a joke now than anything, though!"

-- camrynewt

NOT THE SLIME

"All the fu**ing slime products marketed for kids! Some brands won't come out of carpet and stains surfaces and clothes. Never again!" -- Grave_horse

"Not to mention slime is GROSS. Slime has a soft ban in our house, enforced by me, because I can't stand the idea of a wet glittery blob of germs just BEING in our house." -- RainbowInTheDork

For some house owners, it was people that got the axe. Usually, it amounted to the vile deeds and behaviors of one representative of a certain category of people.

Trying to Make That Close 

"Sales people. I let those kirby vacuum people in once. Never again. I dropped polite hints that it was dinner time, that I had food getting cold."

"They gave no sh**s."

"THESE PEOPLE SHOWED UP WELL BEFORE DINNER WAS EVEN A CONCERN. Over two hours they parked themselves in my house. Finally I said I'm sorry, I'm not interested, please leave my house."

"They still didn't really want to go. I was getting ready to call the police when they finally ambled out the door. Never again."

-- whocares023

A Last Impression 

"My sisters ex. Parents have always been very chill and never really outright banned anything but that guy wasn't allowed anywhere near our property after he stole one of our cars."

-- PC-hris

Staying in the Nest 

"In-laws of any kind. We'll go to their place, that way we get to control when the interaction ends!" -- BoysenberryEasy3653

"Just get a cattle prod." -- Benblishem

"Get a squirt bottle and treat them like a cat who has jumped up onto the stove again. This occupies a sweet spot in the area between passive and active aggression." -- LIRON_Mtn_Ranch

Ya Never Know 

"Vampires. I keep a mirror next to the door to check, and I never ever invite anyone in. I just open the door and let them figure it out."

"No blood sucking happening under my roof no sir"

-- Dreddley

Finally, some people just refused to accept certain behaviors on the part of guests. They put their foot down on the things that just had too many side effects that bothered other guests, or the physical space itself.

Festering in the Fibers 

"Smoking" -- CGA816

"Recently, research shows that toxic tobacco chemicals can basically stick to materials and release over time, which is called third hand smoke." -- semtex94

"Beat me to it. My parents come over and they smoke outside. And when they come inside a few puffs remain in their lungs and they blow it out in the house... gross" -- wrenchplierssocket

Careful Language 

"Calling each other stupid. Acts are stupid, choices can be stupid, people can think and parrot stupid points of view."

"No one calls anyone stupid in this house."

-- omega12596

The Spoils of the Hunt 

"If my dog is reading this, dead animals you find outside!" -- jeskimo

"My dog got around this by killing the squirrel herself and bringing the still-warm corpse inside and very nicely setting it on the couch." -- Mu-Relay

"He brought a present don't be ungrateful" -- demonesder

Hospitable to the Bitter End 

"Being cold or being hungry. I cannot rest until you have a sweater and a sandwich." -- VicariousFly963

"Thanks, grandma." -- Plantayne

No Automatons

"YouTube Kids."

"The algorithm turns my kids into little zombies that watch videos of Russian speaking dudes (we're not Russian) unboxing and playing with toys. Their social skills evaporate every minute they watch that drivel."

-- TyrannosaurusPlofkip

Almost Free 

"Video games. My parents don't allow me to buy video games and consoles. I'm 17 and one month away from turning into an adult, but video games is something that my parents hate! And no, they don't believe video games cause violence."

"They think that video games are stupid and interferes with studies and results in low grades. Haha. I can buy one once I turn 18. My dad is still not okay with it, but my mom kind of is. I'm going to buy the PS5 once it's possible to buy."

-- Variety-Creepy

Ticking All the Boxes

"I have 3 house rules..."

"1-no dying, if you're gonna die go outside 2- no throwing paper towels, do you want broken shit? Cuz that's how you break shit. 3- no smoking meth! That one is self explanatory"

-- dvon988

Cat's Away 

"Whistling. My wife has a weird thing about it after her father forbade it when she was a kid. Little does she know, I whistle the sh** out of this place when she's not home." -- OGkittenmittens

"I have a weird aversion to whistling too. Probably because I can't really whistle. There was this guy who'd come in to my old job to shop and he'd whistle the whole time. It drove me crazy. Idk why I just thought it was really weird to whistle throughout your entire grocery trip." -- AdditionalDoor9


So don't feel too bad if you have a super bizarre rule in your house that alienates a few people here and there. Evidently, that's common.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

People Share Their Very Specific Dating Restrictions

Reddit user AceofSpadesYT asked: 'What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?'

silhouette photography of couple
Sean Stratton on Unsplash

When it comes to dating, I have my mental checklist. The guy must be kind, intelligent, funny, and a movie buff. He must be adventurous but also doesn't mind a Netflix and Chill date night.

Most of this is similar to the mental checklists other people have. Of course, I can be flexible. If someone is nice and I'm having fun with them, they don't necessarily have to check all the boxes.

However, I have one specific dating restriction that is a dealbreaker regardless of how many boxes the person checks, and that's religion. I've never been a fan, and now I'm an atheist, and I would want my partner to be as well. That's because I want kids, and the last thing I want is for us to argue about how to raise the kids when it comes to religion.

I'm not the only person who has one specific dating restriction. Everyone has that one thing that is a dealbreaker when it comes to a romantic relationship. Redditors certainly do, and they are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor AceofSpadesYT asked:

"What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?"

It's Just A Joke!

"No cruel or rude pranks."

– detective_kiara

"I saw a post by someone whose boyfriend "pranked" her by pretending to be dead on the kitchen floor. That is exactly how she had found her previous partner, dead on the kitchen floor, which her current boyfriend knew. He was surprised she dumped him and didn't think it was funny."

– innocuousspeculation

We're (Not) Gonna Party!

"No party people. Nothing wrong with it, I just ain't dealing with that sh*t."

– PlantBasedStangl

"True. I like planning weekend stuff, but it has to be something meaningful - visiting a different city, movie marathon, mountain hike, fancy lunch, all okay. But... clubbing and drinking? How f**king old are we, 19? No thank you, I'm old and have no energy for listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by 50 people that I don't give a single half of a sh*t about."

– PlantBasedStangl

LOL

"Same sense of humor. I have 0 interest sharing physical space with someone who doesn't laugh with me."

– Legendary_Lamb2020

My Ears Are Bleeding!

"I'm a light sleeper. I cannot date a snorer. I can hear snores through ear plugs AND a fan blowing. It's not you, it's me."

– YourLocalOrca

At that point, it does sound like them 😂

– CuriousRedditor98

Funemployed

"Have a f**king job."

– Cuss-Mustard

"Found this difficult when I was funemployed. Was fortunate enough to be able to live off savings for a bit."

"People reacted oddly to it. “But what do you do???”"

"Was dating at the same time and some girls had the same sentiment. “You don’t have a job?”"

"I had a good enough job that I didn’t need one anymore. And one lined up 8 months from then. But there were two girls specifically who treated it as a deal breaker."

– DigNitty

"I had a similar situation. I worked a high-paying job for a few years that demanded a ton of my time and had crazy hours. It burnt me out badly and I lived off of the savings from that job for a while and tried to date now that I actually had free time. I had more money in my bank account during that time than at any other point in my life but so many people were put off by me being funemployed and assumed I was looking to leech. But I guess there’s really no way to know someone's history and hard not to assume. Now I work full-time and have way less money overall but it looks better..."

– Pinsit

Just Breathe

"No smoking. Ever. I'm not kissing an ashtray, or smelling an ashtray. Instant turn off."

–fishfood19

"100% I broke up with an old gf because she started smoking behind my back knowing I’ve got asthma and it was always a hard pass. She thought I was joking but it showed me that she was also untrustworthy."

– Jonowl89

That'll Do It

"I guess my husband restricts my dating."

– HeinousEncephalon

"My wife has the same rule. But the jokes on her, I get around it by dating her!"

– AuralRapist

Prehistoric Love

"Must like dinosaurs."

– Grungeceratops

"That goes without saying."

– Plain_Chacalaca

What's In A Name?

"Cannot have the same name as any of my relatives."

– Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

"My last ex had the same name as my Dad and I reeeeeeaally didn't like it. So, fair."

– severaltalkingducks

Be Polite

"If they’re rude to people they’ll never see again (Waitstaff, cashiers, etc) I’m out."

"I can’t respect anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, and when you’re not polite to people you’re disrespecting yourself."

– OctopusCandleCompany

God Only Knows

"When I was dating, you had to be an atheist. I don't mess with religion. And I genuinely just don't think atheists + religious people work out."

"And I know... There's going to be someone who comments (assuming there are enough upvotes) who says "I worked out with my spouse who's religious and I'm not!" but you're the exception. When it comes to making decisions long-term, how to spend your money, where you think you'll go after you die, not to mention basic morality (!), and if you have children - that's a huge hurdle."

– Lulu_42

"We worked it out. It's absolutely an exception and not the rule. Don't do it if you can avoid it."

– Alcoraiden

Let's Move Tonight (Literally)

"They need to be ok with cold weather."

"I grew up in the north, live in the south, and I'm tolerating it until I can move back north. If someone says they hate the cold it's an instant turn-off because I don't want to drag someone into a climate they hate."

"The same thing also applies to walkability. I want to move somewhere walkable, and I hope to meet someone with that same goal rather than try to talk them into it."

– ThePresidentCantSwim

"Let me know when you find this mythical northern walkable community."

– Partner-Elijah

My Purr-fect Match

"Cat has to approve."

– Possible-Source-2454

Non-Negotiable

"They need to be male. Kind of important."

– RMHaney

"So weird, I want the complete opposite."

– eightvo

Yeah, the male thing is kind of important for me too!

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.

Life is full of shock and surprise.

Apparently, that is part of the fun.

Who hasn't been left stunned by life events?

We always think we're immune to way too many things.

Anything and everything is possible.

It's important to be ready.

Redditor Bob_the_peasant wanted to hear about the things that have left people SHOOK, so they asked:

"What 'That can’t happen to me' thing happened to you?'"

I haven't been left that shocked that often.

I'm always expecting the worst, so I'm prepared.

But you never know.

I'm Dead

Snakes Imacelebau GIF by I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! AustraliaGiphy

"A snake fell out of a tree and bit me on the head."

"ETA: I have always been more scared of snakes than anyone I know, so it’s just so ironic that this happened to me of all people."

amanitachill

Crash Into Me

"A car crashed through my kitchen last year."

aster636

"I woke up to a truck parking in my bathtub 2 weeks before Christmas a few years ago. I watched my sink roll past my bedroom door followed by a hubcap. The driver managed to cross a median, 3-lane road, up an embankment, through an iron fence and between trees. He'd been involved in an altercation nearby and was fleeing the scene."

anjie59k

Hot Air

Swinging Hot Air Balloon GIF by Red BullGiphy

"My family and I were in a hot air balloon crash."

GymDoll2000

"My friend had one crash into her pool when she was a kid."

Environmental-Car481

This is why hot air balloons and skydiving are just a HELL no for me.

Always have. Always will.

Tragic

Cat No GIF by Looney TunesGiphy

"My wife cheated on me with my best friend. They’re moving in together next month. I’m in a new city thousands of miles away. I found out a month ago."

Tssodie

Bad Penguin

"Everyone else’s stories are very sad so here’s something a bit lighter. I’ve mentioned this story before but I got bitten on the neck by a penguin."

"I was at an event where the local zoo had a penguin and owl sitting on tables with handlers so you could take a picture next to them. The penguin went for my glass of wine, I moved the wine, and it bit me on the neck hard enough to bruise. They removed the penguin after that. 😂."

archaeologistbarbie

All Gone

"Our house burned in a wildfire, we lost absolutely everything we owned and only salvaged a single coffee 3 cup."

"On the good side: There was a boy I crushed on all through high school. We went to summer camp together and I adored him. We ended up getting together in our 20s after reconnecting, and have now been together more than 20 years, married almost 17. We’re as madly in love as ever."

toomuchisjustenough

Good Luck

"Homelessness. It came swiftly and out of nowhere. had no savings and the landlord sold the house I was in. couldn’t afford a new place so lived in my car with my dog for a few months. ended up finding community assistance and got into an apartment."

jumbospicyslimjim

"I can’t even imagine being in that situation. Hopefully, this is just the start of things turning around for you. Sending you good energy!"

frappbarqueen

Early Michael Myers

"About 10 years ago, I was stabbed in the arm with a flathead screwdriver. It was a coworker whom I had previously gotten along well with. He had stopped taking benzos and smoking weed a few days before and was on a hair trigger. I said something sarcastic, and he just snapped."

Mr_Spaghetti_Hands

Bad Landing

Bad Day Seagull GIF by Sound FXGiphy

"I was lying on the beach and a seagull flying very high took a poop and it went straight in my mouth."

Competitive_Show6205

This is why I say... "Never trust a seagull!"

They are minions of the devil.

Person cooking in home kitchen
Conscious Design on Unsplash

We've all heard the phrase, "You can't eat at everybody's house," but some of us have a few examples of our own to live by.

From not properly cleaning the environment to questionable hygiene ourselves, there are countless reasons why a person may not want to eat what you've cooked after watching you prepare it.

Bracing themselves, Redditor 195901 asked:

"What is your 'you can't eat at everybody's house' horror story?"

Fly Spray Sandwiches

"I told my dad my sandwich tasted like fly spray at my grandma's house. He didn’t believe me."

"Two days later, I caught my grandma spraying the benches 'clean' with the two-dollar fly spray you find at the cheap store."

"Dad figured it was safe to make sandwiches straight on the countertop because they looked clean. I dragged him over to see and he apologized and took my sister and me for fish and chips for lunch."

- littlehungrygiraffe

Special Seasoning Deviled Eggs

"My crackpot aunt served us a lovely tray of deviled eggs, complete with very old paprika sprinkled on top. So old, in fact, the many weevils mixed in it were dead."

- PhoneboothLynn

A Disturbing Surprise

"I visited a friend's house who was living with his mother, and she asked if I wanted a coffee and I said I would."

"Upon getting to the bottom of the cup and taking the last few gulps, I found there was a used bandaid stuck to the bottom… I never ate or drank there again."

- MrRailton

In Need of Child Protective Services

"I was babysitting a kid in a pretty dirty house. I was told to wake him up, supervise bathing and changing clothes, and feed him. I was welcome to whatever was in the fridge. Okay. The house and his clothes were filthy."

"Then, when I opened the cabinets, floods of roaches poured out. There were roaches in every opened box and container."

"I took him back to my house and returned him later that day. I hope the boy ended up in a better situation. I found out CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved shortly after."

- Alltheprettydresses

Traumatized by Raisins

"I was gonna complain about raisins in the potato salad but the other comments on here are scary. Oh my god."

- tcumber

"When I was a young kid, I stayed over at a friend's place, and his mom made veal or something with godd**n raisins INSIDE the meat somehow. It was so nasty, I never forgot it."

- User2716057

You WISH That Was Vinegar

"My MIL fished around in the green bin (compost bin) with her bare hands, didn't wash them, WIPED her GARBAGE JUICE HANDS on the tea towel, and then WENT BACK TO PREPPING THE SALAD."

"She also got horrifically offended if I didn't want to eat at her house."

- 116843189

Poor Home Hygiene

"My first boyfriend’s parents invited me for Thanksgiving. I came over a few days before Christmas and all the same dirty dishes from Thanksgiving were still in the kitchen. I passed on coming over for Christmas dinner."

- MinimalistHomestead

Every Surface Covered

"I went to a friend's house after school, he was going to teach a group of us to play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons)."

"We got there and his house was disgusting. I'm not the neatest person but the carpet hadn't been vacuumed in forever, clothes were all over the place, and dirty dishes were stacked everywhere."

"I tried to be polite even though the place reeked, but at some point, he was like, 'Who wants snacks!'"

"He picked up a bowl that was crusted with stuff, splashed in some water, wiped it with a towel that clearly hadn't been washed that decade, and poured chips into it. Then he asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We did not."

- KnittinAndB***hin

O Holy Expiration Dates

"When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was always celebrated at Grandma's. I always got sick afterward. Like, Merry Christmas, you're going to puke now."

"It wasn't until I was all grown up and helping her out in the last weeks of her life that I learned why. She did not believe in expiration dates on anything!"

- SundayMorningTrisha

An Immune System to Remember

"My grandma made me a food phobic from a young age. Whether it was ramen with moths floating on top, or chunky milk in my cereal, it just scarred me for life."

"Dinner at her house was always a fight. Not eating her food was not an option. I'm not sure why that was the hill she would always choose to die on, because she was an amazing grandma other than this."

"Expiration dates aren't a thing. If the cheese was moldy, you cut it off... I think living through the great depression and raising kids in poverty changed her mindset on food."

"I mean obviously, she's doing something right because she's 91. She must have the immunity of a superhero."

- tha_stormin_mormon

Neighborly Love

"I used to help an old neighbor out with grocery shopping, I’d drop the bags at her door and she’d give me a check for the amount of groceries. She’d give me homemade cookies once in a while, chocolate chips."

"I didn’t ever eat them because one time I caught sight of her apartment. It was a large studio, a small kitchen, and tv, and a bed/couch. And there were about 20 cans of cat food, half-eaten, and one million flies and small maggots in different stages of growth, dishes with crusty food stuck to them, and a wall of empty beer cans."

"After I saw that, and got a whiff of her apartment, I started helping her with taking garbage out and putting groceries away, cleaning out her fridge, and making sure her cat was healthy."

"A couple of months later, she got the virus, ended up at a rehab facility, and passed within two weeks."

"Some people need help and a little company…"

- SnooPeripherals6557

No Longer Rice

"A girl I was interested in at the time had cats. I came to her house one day to pick her up for a date and he had a large sack of rice open in her pantry with the pantry door open."

"One of the cats hopped out of the sack of rice and she just casually laughed at it like, 'Oh, they are always getting into things.'"

"I came over the following weekend that SAME sack of rice was in the pantry and I could hear one of them tussling around in it again, we stopped dating sometime after that but anytime she offered to cook for me I immediately pivoted to taking her out to eat instead."

- justad**nfool

"Those cats probably used it as litter."

- Anonymanx

"Yeah, that was my fear."

- justad**nfool

Could Have Warned Her

"My mom told me one about going over to her aunt Virginia's house. She, her parents, and her siblings were sat around the kitchen while her aunt cooked, and my mom could not figure out why no one else was having ANY of this incredibly delicious bread that was on the table."

"She was on her third slice when her aunt stepped out to do something else, and my mom was told by her brother to go look in the flour bin."

"It was absolutely filled with miller moth larvae. Aunt Virginia had been losing her eyesight for years."

- smoothiefruit

"It's f**ked of her parents not to warn her not to eat the bread... like, what the f**k, you KNOW the bread isn't safe, so you're not eating it, but you're fine with letting your daughter have three slices?"

- whydontthissitework

Bad to the Point of Malnutrition

"I graduated high school at 6' 10" tall, but weighing only 120 pounds."

"That's not skinny, that's emaciated."

"The food prepared by my bio-mom was so bad that it wasn't providing me with the nutrients or calories I needed to survive. I went off to college where I had to cook for myself (I wasn't allowed to cook at home because my father insisted that "cooking was women's work")."

"Not only did I discover that food didn't have to be burnt to a crisp, flavorless, or boiled until everything was grey. I also discovered that food can be made to taste good, and using things like salt, or pepper, spices, or various condiments can make it taste amazing."

"The "freshman 15" likely saved my life."

"The thing is, I don't think that my biomom was even aware that her food was that disgusting. Whenever we went out for dinner (which was more often than what my father wanted, but he was the one who insisted on going), she did nothing but complain about how the food was undercooked, 'practically raw,' or 'too spicy,' to eat."

"When she went to other people's houses (including her own extended family) she would criticize them for 'doing it wrong' when she watched them cook anything. She would often end up refusing to eat their food because she 'watched them ruin it,' when they cooked it. We never had guests over to eat her cooking. Ever."

- Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

Clean Hands

"We have a chili contest every year at work around Thanksgiving and I've stopped participating in voting for it because I want to know whose I'm eating before taking any. I work with some great people, but I wouldn't eat at or anything from their house. Strangely enough, the guy I absolutely despise I'll gladly eat his chili because he is clean and well kept and I know his house is."

"I also work with a bunch of people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom in any capacity and we've secretly kept a list so to avoid any potlucks where they take food or to get food before they do."

- SafewordisJohnCandy

We're left with chills after reading these stories.

Where some people might make some mistakes in the kitchen out of just not knowing, like not properly washing rice before cooking it, most of these are just careless mistakes that have disgusting, if not dangerous, results.

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.