Whether we're walking around in public or just in the next room, we sometimes overhear conversations...out of context.
Below are 30 of the most WTF conversations people have walked in on. Take a peek!
1/30) About two weeks ago a guy walked past me while frustratedly yelling into his phone, "No, I said I'm not trying to invite you to an orgy, damnit!"
2/30) All I heard as I was walking by the lunchroom was " mayonnaise is not a beverage Sharon"!
3/30) Two girls on the bus sitting in front of me start talking about a date that one of them had recently been on, one of them says "and then he stuck his hand up my skirt" and her friend responds with "the one with the stripes on it?"
4/30) Not exactly a conversation but there's a guy in the dorm below me. He doesn't know this but I can hear him through the vent in my floor.
He has a young sibling, I think, and he sings to her over the phone at night. I fall asleep to it sometimes.
5/30) Was on the bus and a small girl and her father were sitting next to me. The kid was misbehaving a bit and wouldn't listen to her father telling her to settle down. Eventually he cries out: "Why won't you do what I tell you to?"
Little girl answers snaps back with: "Mom always tells you to stop washing your balls in the sink but you still do it!"
Needless to say they got off that bus very quickly as every single person around them was desperately trying not to laugh.
6/30) Girl 1: Are you [Name]?
Girl 2: Yeah.
Girl 1: Hi! I'm your math tutor.
Girl 2: Oh! You're cute! I'd totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl 1: Thanks! I'd date you, too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.
Keep going for more awesome conversations!
7/30) Me and a friend were sitting outside McDonalds when we heard this
"- was banging her hard and she was screaming like "yeah yeah yeah" and she had like 15 orgasms, straight after that I went and banged her sister who was in the next room and she had like 20 orgasms and I hadn't even finished yet because I can go for like an hour because my penis is 20" so it's hard to get it in sometimes, and then after an hour I came 3 times and she was screaming so loud I thought her mum was going to hear and get jealous because I've banged their mum too"
Guy was about 12 and all his friends were hanging on every word in amazement like he was a total stud
8/30) My freshman roommate in college would talk on the phone 24/7, to anyone and everyone. His gf, the girl he was cheating on his gf with, and my personal favorite, some random conversation that I was barely paying attention to when suddenly: "Oh! I forgot to tell you...your daughter broke up with me yesterday!"
To this day I kick myself for not paying attention from the beginning.
9/30) One gentleman telling another that he could "pop a wheelie in this bad boy" referring to his wheelchair. I had to introduce myself because that is the type of person I need in my life.
10/30) I was walking past a bar one night and a man was standing outside on the phone and I caught "look man, I need to tell you about the monkey.."
11/30) On college campus...a black guy walks up to a black girl he clearly knows, who is wearing a hat and sunglasses... 'Ooooh girl where you going looking all incog-negro?'
12/30) I was deployed to Kuwait and was chilling in the Rec center, the only place on base that gets Wifi. I'm minding my own business, trying to give everyone their privacy but I couldn't help but to overhear, "Well, it would have been super helpful if you didn't suck him off." Given the circumstances, that was really polite of him.
Keep going, they get even better!
13/30) I was in a bar one night and while you probably wouldn't call this an accident, because she was screaming...a couple were breaking up. She was yelling at him because he didn't want to buy her another drink, because lo and behold she was drunk and making an arse out of herself. To finish her tirade she scream in a high pitch annoying voice:
"...And every time we did it, I faked it!"
To which he looked at her deadpan and calmly asked:
"What makes you think I was doing you for your benefit?"
Drop mic. Walk off to applause and laughter!
14/30) In an old electronics class we were playing with spectrum analyzers and discovered that the old cell phones broadcast on open frequencies. If you found the spike on the spectrum and tuned into it, you could hear what they were saying. Happened to tune into a couple girls calling some guy so they could come over and smoke some 'doobies'. By the time they were done me and my lab partner had the entire class clustered around listening in. Think half of them were hoping to find out where they were going so they could crash the party.
15/30) I was at the movies.
"Just wait until your dad hears about this."
"Mom! It's not that big of a deal."
"What you did was disgusting. It was a betrayal of my trust. It was a betrayal of everything I believe in but most of all you betrayed yourself. Once you have the two together, you can never enjoy the one without the other."
"Mom!" Drawn out into about 30 syllables.
"It's no skin off my nose. I've never done what you did. You are never going to go back to a time that you haven't done this."
At this point I am dying to know what this kid did and I'm trying to stay near enough in the crowd to hopefully find out when they are joined by the father.
The mother points accusingly at the kid,
"He had a soda in the movie theater."
"Mom, it wasn't a soda; it was a lemonade!"
"You've mixed sugar and the movies. Now you will constantly want to snack while you're watching a movie. You know I raised you never to eat in front of a screen."
16/30) In Costco and they had giant crab for sale
Little girl: "Dad what do they eat."
Dad: "Little girls called Megan."
Wow. Keep going for the best ones yet!
17/30) My wife and I were at a pretty fancy restaurant, where they have their wine list on iPads. We were in a celebratory mood and decided to splurge a bit and get some glasses of wine that were $15 a pop.
Shortly after we got our wine, this old guy walks in with two young ladies. The sommelier comes up and asks if he had any questions about the wine list....the old dude says, "I trust you, just bring out something that's reasonably priced."
Sommelier looks back a bit baffled and says, "I'm sorry sir, but would you kindly let me know what reasonably priced would be?"
Old dude puts the wine list down, calmly smiles and says "Anything under $5,000 a bottle will be just fine, thanks."
Ended up ordering THREE bottles over the course of our dinner. Crazy and entertaining all at once
18/30) I overheard two people's epic encounter a while ago.
So a woman comes in to the bakery and as soon as she steps in a man greets her. He proceeds to ask her about what's new and how she's been the last 20 years.
The woman obviously knew the guy and the engage in a 10 ish minute talk about their spouses kids and jobs basically everything new from the last 20 years
Then they decide to meet up next weekend and have a cup of coffee...
The woman then asks him to say hi to his sister from her. And his response is: "I don't have a sister."
At that point both their faces were priceless.
She asks him: "wait? Your name is Pete right?"
He responds: "ehh, no.. your name isn't Karen?
I burst into laughter sitting a few meters away.
They had been talking to a complete stranger about the last 20 years of their lives.
They said bye to each other in an extremely awkward manner and went on their way.
19/30) Overheard more or less: at a past job I was accidentally sent an email from a woman at an office several states away that basically said,
"I've thought long and hard about this, and I'm still apprehensive about it, but I'm ready to meet you at a hotel."
It was followed with about 10 "recall message" attempts.
20/30) Met my boyfriend's family, then walked into the other room. "She's nice and all, but I really liked [ex's name] better. What ever happened to her?"
21/30) Girl 1: Why'd you eat my mayonnaise? You have your own.
Girl 2: I like the combination.
Girl 1: so you ate half a jar of mine without asking?
Girl 2: yes, I like the combination.
Girl 1: that stills doesn't explain why you used mine.
Girl 2: I LIKE THE COMBINATION.
Keep going for more hilarious 'eavesdrops'!
22/30) I was walking through a parking lot and a lady drove past.
All I heard was:
"No, I didn't leave a butt plug in your morning smoothie"
23/30) I overheard my 7 year old cousin playing with a hairclip he found "People think im am egg but im actuly a venomous spider I LIVE IN THE OCEAN"
24/30) Was at work and a couple of guys walked past the window, all I heard was "Dude, you really should get her a birthday present, I mean, she did give you a really good blowjob."
25/30) At Walmart, two guys maybe 18 years old looking at a box of extenze pills. They were beyond pumped, I heard one say "we're gonna be so huge!"
26/30) Somebody was talking on the phone on my way back to the car from the grocery store
"No I didn't kill him, why would you think that"
Needless to say I probably broke a record for fastest car grocery loading ever.
27/30) Two old men talking about the plot to My Cousin Vinny. They were trying to remember the name of the movie but they couldn't do it. My wife and I ended up buying their dinner, and we made our own little game based on it called Ambigous Movie Plot where you try and stump the other person by giving just enough details about the movie so it pisses them off when they hear the title, but not enough so they can guess it.
To the last page for the best of the best!
28/30) I was at a graduation party for my best friend when she graduated high school in '07, and a boy she was hanging out with at the time was there. He had to use my friend's house phone to call his mom and the last thing he said to her before hanging up was "I'm a grown man, Mom, I'll skateboard home!"
We still use that to this day.
29/30) I was in a shoe store and a little girl was playing on the floor with her mom. The mom kept asking her to stand up but the little girl would continue rolling around the floor. Finally she rolled under her mom's legs and looked up and said loudly: "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ON ANY PANTIES?" And the mom dragged her out of the store quickly.
30/30) My high school had a lot of stoners. One day in class I overheard the following,
Dude 1: Hey, so man, you got my stuff in your car?
Dude 2: Yeah, man, I got it. You got the money?
Dude 1: Well, I do, but it's all in quarters.
Dude 2: Quarters? What the hell am I supposed to do with $100 worth of quarters?
Dude 1: Hey man, you just said I needed to bring you $100, you didn't say it had to be in bills.
Dude 2: What... Where the hell did you even get $100 worth of quarters?
Dude 1: Hey, look, do you want it or not?
Dude 2: Whatever man. Meet me in the xxx parking lot after 4th period.
FYI I don't remember the actual amount, but it was somewhere in the $50-$150 range.
Bonus) While eating at a fast-food joint way out in west Texas during a family road-trip, I took note of a small group of friends (20s-30s men) with large tin boxes full of trading-cards (probably Magic). They weren't sitting too far from us, and the place was quiet enough that we could overhear their discussions fairly well.
At one point, though, one guy began relaying a story about a turtle that he had retrieved from the middle of a road (given the locale, I'd assume it was some sort of desert tortoise). The man had apparently taken the turtle home and placed him in a specific spot in one room, then left briefly to do something elsewhere in the house. Upon returning to the turtle, he was caught very much off-guard by the fact that the turtle had somehow meandered from his original spot to a new location surprisingly far from where he'd started. The distance he had wandered was evidently so great that the man was positively astounded by the athleticism of this turtle.
The surprise he expressed when recounting this rescued(?) turtle's accomplishment was adorable enough, but then he proudly declared what he had named the animal: "Squirmin' German Herman the Magical Teleporting Turtle".
Immediately, I erupted into a barely-stifled fit of giggles. I found myself straining to keep quiet while I almost got a chicken-nugget bolus into my windpipe. That would have made for a very, very awkward eulogy.