This article is based on the AskReddit question "What's a quote from the worst date you've been on?"
Red flags, red flags everywhere!
Source can be found at the bottom of the article.
1/28. "I was running late so I didn't shave my pubes for you." Then he loudly broke out into song 'IT'S A JUNGLE DOWN THERE' in the middle of the bar, complete with hand gestures.
-lemontartlemontart
2/28. While I'm driving on the highway, "so what does this do?" pulls handbrake
-procrastiwriter
3/28. "Oh my god! you have tits!"
Blind date miscommunication. Someone thought she was gay, she thought I was going to be a guy. We still had Beer and Pizza though so its all good in my book.
-Kalipygia
4/28. On the date, "well, actually, I have a boyfriend, who's a state cop."
And, you're on a date with someone else why, exactly?
There was no second date.
And then, three months later, a text from her:
"My friend stole a UPS truck last night and I don't know what to do."
Fortunately, I did know exactly what to do: block and delete.
-b33r_engineer
5/28. Three for the price of one:
(Repeating a discussion about dating tactics with her friend) "..and she suggested I should just get pregnant by the next attractive guy I want to keep. It sounded like a great idea. giggle"
"I don't think women should work unless they want to. Looking pretty all the time is a full-time job. Those ugly dykes are the exception, tho."
"Why would anyone complain about your boss groping you? It just means you are really hot.
-seensomesh*tman
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6/28. "What do you want to do tonight?"
"Um, you asked me out for dinner, sooo...probably eat."
"I already ate.
-Stabfacenotback
7/28. "My mother had three miscarriages before I was born. I call them the lucky ones.
-bestbeloved
8/28. The earth is a flat plate and Antarctica is a big wall of ice surrounding us.
Yeah, that was some pretty weird stuff. She was all into conspiracy theories, but thought that the illuminati was called the leguminati (for the people that don't know French: legume = vegetable).
-diedster
9/28. "The problem with this country is all the f**king immigrants."
"But you're from Iran!"
"I know, but that was like ten years ago.
-petgreg
10/28. On a first date: "My great-grandfather's name is Mario, my grandfather's name is Mario, my dad's Mario, I'm Mario, and if you don't mind, I'll be naming our child Mario.
-babyangelpuppy
11/28. "Sorry, what do you do again? I don't really listen to someone unless I consider dating them"
This happened to me two days ago.
She never smiled the entire time. Not a crime, but one of the only things I got going for me is my sense of humor. It was awkward the entire time.
We also some how got on topic about depression and that I've been through it, but antidepressants have changed my entire life.
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But her view was that I would "never be happy because of my chemical imbalance in my brain"
She told me about how much she loved the time she went to the Rocky mountains... in Tennessee.
She also told me about her obsession with Cactuses and showed me her entire collection on instagram later that evening. I couldn't contain myself and laugh my ass off by that time, but that was mainly because I started chugging alcohol after the first 30 minutes of the date.
-drewisawesome14
12/28. "What so you mean you don't believe in dinosaurs?"
"There's no way for us to know they existed it was so long ago"
"What about the fossils"
"Satan placed those on earth years ago to test our faith
-arneAsadaSteve
13/28. "Why are you being polite to him? He's a cab driver.
-petgreg
14/28. I've got a few actually.
"I don't want a career, I want to be a stay-at-home mom, only without the kids."
"I'm crazy, like certified, like I have papers to prove it." (we dated for 11 months...)
I've dated some real winners in my time, I have plenty more if anyone wants them.
"So my baby daddy says I gotta be back by 11pm or he ain't watching our son no more."
"Hey can you just drop me off at my friend's place? My dad doesn't know I went out with you... Yeah, he still wants to kill you."
"So I had fun tonight but we should really never do this again."
"Oh I'm telling your mother about this at work tomorrow.
-OldRustyBones
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15/28. "Your boobs are massive I hope they swing down like udders so I can suck on them" WITHIN 5 MINUTES of meeting me, when I said that was inappropriate he told me I wasn't used to "real men" and was a princess who needed keeping in line... I picked his pint up poured it over his head and left.
-deedee50
16/28. The conversation started normal. He asked me what I studied (medicine) after which he asked what I wanted to specialise in. After I told him I'm thinking about surgery he immediately bursted out:"Yeah, no, I'd never be ok with my partner making more money than me." He was doing some gardening at the moment and had 0 ambition...
On the same date "Yeah, this is way to expensive for me." This was a normal restaurant with normal prices, not expensive at all... He took the cheapest dish on the menu and after asking for the bill I saw him eyeing the family sitting behind us.
I knew what was gonna happen but couldn't run away before paying the bill... The waitress brought us the bill and he immediately piped up: "That table behind us got free amarettos afterwards, why aren't we getting any??" To which the waitress calmly replied (my compliments to her for dealing with these idiots):"Sir, the four of them had plenty of drinks, wine, starters, main courses and desserts, so we wanted to give them something on the house. You had 2 main courses and water."
I'm starting to accept I will have to buy a lot of pets with the money I'll earn as a surgeon and stay single forever.
-wineisawesome
17/28. "Why does this Mexican man keep trying to steal my menu?"
"Well, he is the waiter. He's literally trying to take our order, and you keep telling him there's a Taco Bell down the road."
"He should wait down there then! I came here for high class Italian pizza!"
Didn't have a second date, shockingly.
-JDogg_of_RS
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18/28. I had one on a date a couple of years ago. Sat in the pub with a girl, not the best looker in the world, but she seemed genuinely nice over previous conversations, so I wanted to meet her and see where things went. 45 mins into the date she sighs and says:
"Can we go to another pub, I don't want to be served by HIM" (Pointing to the black barman).
I said "sure, old boyfriend?"
She replied "No, I don't want to be served by a dirty black bastard. He should be in the fields away from civil people."
Safe to say I finished my beer and left her at the table.
-Tony_Danger
19/28. "Im so horny right now, but Im asexual."
I had a small brainfart, processed that sentence, sighed, gave up and left.
-airwalkerdnbmusic
20/28. It was early in high school and we hadn't really been dating that long 3 or 4 months maybe. We go out to eat and I feel like it's a pretty good night. I'm driving her home and she says "I had fun tonight did you?" and I say I did. Then she says "I don't think we can do this anymore. We're breaking up" and then she proceeds to cry uncontrollably for the remainder of the drive.
Once we got to her house she wouldn't stop crying and refused to get out of my car until she stopped. I just kept rubbing my hand on her back not knowing what to do. She finally stopped crying and says "but I did have fun". I was so confused for such a long time. We occasionally saw each other and she refused to acknowledge my existence.
-swanyMcswan
21/28. "You guys are all the same", she says in disgust, "all you wanna do is have sex."
Ten minutes later she is forcing my pants down...and was over the crazy/hot ratio, so I actually pulled them back up.
-cuchulain84au
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22/28. All From the same date:
*While cuddling me in a movie theatre "I have a boyfriend."
"These scars? These are from my suicide attempt Monday" (it was Friday)
"Have you ever seen a spirit? I see them all the time. An old man lives with my boyfriend and he has a wolf. We should go get a Ouija board!"
"Let me show you my favorite bar game. I yell random names at the bartender until I get it right
-himynameisadam
23/28. When I was like thirteen I thought my parents sent me to this super boring summer camp, turns out it was a resource center and rehab for my anorexia and depression. I'm okay now I eat like once a day. Hey at least I'm a cheap date right?
-itsfoine
24/28. "I'm going to get popcorn, I'll be right back."
I met him online, and we hit it off really well. We talked almost every day all day and we had a lot in common. We talked on the phone and laughed constantly. After about a month we agreed to go on a date - we were going to see a movie. We got to the movie theater in our own cars and met each other at the doors, and right away I could tell he was disappointed with me. He didn't really look at me going in, I said something that he would typically think was funny, and instead of laughing he kind of half-heartedly chuckled and didn't look at me. I told him I'd pay for our tickets (because I felt bad that he was already feeling like I was a waste of his time) and he let me. We went and got our seats and he was sitting for about a minute and a half when he all of a sudden said, "I'm going to get popcorn, I'll be right back."
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So five minutes went by, I suspected maybe the line was a little long. Five more minutes went by, and I started to get a little worried that maybe he left his ticket in the theater with me and couldn't get back in. So I went out to find him, and couldn't see him anywhere. I thought he might be in the bathroom, so I kind of waited in the lobby for another five minutes, and finally realized that he may have just left. I went out to the parking lot and his car was gone. I went back and tried to finish the movie since I paid for it, but I couldn't get through the movie without crying. I ended up just going home. I haven't been on a date since.
-xfilesandchill
25/28. Third date, she says "I'm really into manipulating people". Also she wanted to set up a "poly" relationship where she would be able to bang other guys, but I wouldn't be able to bang other girls. I noped the f**k out.
-Journeyman42
26/28. "If it's all right with you, can we go to your house?" "My husband doesn't leave for work for another hour." This was our third date , I had no clue.
-jamisonrain
27/28. "I don't want you eating meat. Not just around me, but no meat full stop. I don't want to kiss a person who eats corpses."
She was vegan. I have no problem with that at all, people should be free to live their lives as they want, so long as they aren't actively harming anyone. But trying to force values on me is not a good thing.
We broke up that evening
-greenwood90
28/28. "I can already picture my baby inside your belly"
This was our first date..needless to say there was no 2nd date
The story behind this quote:
The guy asked me to go watch a movie with him, so I met up with him at the movie theater. Once the movie was over we decided to sit outside on a bench and talk for a bit. As we were talking out nowhere he decided to rub my belly and say "I can already picture my baby inside your belly". I wanted to run away from him, but I didn't want to be rude so I stuck around for a bit longer. He then proceeded to come up with baby names. Just my luck we were sitting across from an Ikea store so he started thinking of decorations for our "apartment". I told him I had to go and left as quickly as possible. He texted me for a few days and at times would send multiple texts back to back. I ended up blocking his number.
-myownbigworld
(Source)
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.