Let's face it - when we're alone, we all do things we wouldn't otherwise do in front of someone else. Singing at the top of our lungs, talking to ourselves, and the like. Sometimes, however, these solo sessions don't always work out as planned. Here, 19 unfortunate souls share the most embarrassing time they THOUGHT they were alone.
1/19. I was about fourteen years old. Not owning a laptop, I used the home desktop to masturbate. Said computer was located on the main floor in the family room. To my left, through the dining room, there was a large bay window that gives a perfect view of the front yard and the walkway that leads to the door.
So, knowing I was home alone I got to work. As I'm about to orgasm I see, out of the corner of my eye, my dad walking towards the front door through the bay window. I froze. I don't know why he was coming home but I know that he was NOT supposed to be there. I was so close and so into it my body went into some sort of autopilot and I was unable to stop. Seconds later, I finished as the front door opened.
My only course of action was to flip my penis into my waistband. I was wearing a dark shirt so I wasn't worried about the moisture being too terribly visible. I closed the computer and stood up to greet my father as he rounded the corner. Hands on my hips, poker face on, I say, "What's going on, dad?". He gives me a very concerned look. A combination of disappointment and disgust. How did he already know? I thought I had committed the perfect crime. At that moment I look down, only to discover that my still erect penis was on the OUTSIDE of my shirt. Totally exposed. I was absolutely mortified and just ran down to the basement. It has never been brought up.
2/19. I had just finished watching the whole series of Avatar: The Last Airbender one summer and was cleaning the house when the head of my broom fell off. Naturally, with my broken broom now resembling a staff, I went to my backyard and began to spin it around and play with a "staff" for a bit. Around five minutes went by and I looked up to find my neighbor watching from his window. I was 20 at the time.
Continue reading on the next page!
3/19. Just the other day... I got really high with my brother and his wife at my house, we had a grand old time and they ended up staying the night.
I woke up the next morning feeling pleasantly relaxed and, having completely forgotten that they stayed over, proceeded to take a nice refreshing bath.
With the door open. While singing loudly, and out of key. And shaving my family jewels.
Somewhere in between the second chorus of Kissed a Girl and the completion of a perfectly smooth scrotal surface, I noticed my sister-in-law frozen in horrified bafflement in the hall.
F*ck.
4/19. Was walking past a car pulled up in front of a shop on the side of the road. The passenger windows were rolled down and two fluffy dogs started barking at me with those really yappy kind of barks. Anyway, I barked back at them, just as yappy and loud. I guess this kinda confused them because they stopped barking. I barked once more to assert my dominance, pointed my finger at them and said "I'm watching you"
Then I noticed there were people in the back seat. Awesome.
5/19. Reverse situation. I was sick so stayed home from school. My sister thought I was gone and masturbated in the shower next to my room. Loudly.
6/19.My roommate has a cat and it greets me every time I come in. So like a lunatic I have a conversation with it.
- Me: Hey kitty
- Me: Meow
- Me: How was your day kitty
- Me: Meow Meow Meow
Didn't realize her boyfriend was in her room, staring at me through the crack in the door. I'm also a 6'4, quiet man.
7/19. I was at an IHOP with some friends and had received a serious wedgie upon sliding into my booth. The longer I sat there the worse it got so by the time we finished eating I was ready to fix the problem so I stepped out the front door and stepped around the side wall of the little entry way to pick it, and since no one was driving through the parking lot I figured I was safe but didn't want anyone sneaking up so I kept my back to the wall.
I was digging, hand down the back of my pants, yanking out the offending cloth when one of my friends walked around the corner and immediately started laughing at me and pointing. It took me a second to figure out she wasn't laughing at me but the poor family having breakfast behind the plate glass window that was looking at me in horror. In fact, the whole front of the restaurant is like a giant window
[deleted]
Continue reading on the next page!
8/19. I studied abroad in Germany. Now a nice thing about Germany is that you can drink outside, and nobody cares. It's just fine. So, when I first arrived all fresh faced and stupid from America, and my German friends invited me to go drinking at a festival on the river, well, I was there.
So, as things often go, when you've been drinking for a while, you need to pee. And I am no exception to the rule. Yet somehow, and this is really beyond me, there was no provision for this basic human need at this whole big festival. I'll just go in a bush or something. Granted, I was wearing pretty tight jeans, and when you're a girl, that means that peeing outside is sort of challenging, but hey, I was up for anything. So I go behind my bush, ducking from the well-lit street fair to the pitch blackness of the park. And I perform what is just a spectacular acrobatic maneuver, pants around ankles, bracing myself on two different trees to avoid peeing on my pants. I heaved this big enormous sigh of satisfaction as I begin struggling my way back into said pants.
My night vision slowly creeps back. And I realize that I am not the only person to pee behind this bush. There are at least twenty people peeing behind this bush. And what is worse, this seems to somehow be the mens bush. Exclusively. Twenty men, dongs in hand, just a-staring.
9/19. My wife and I were having sex and my best friend called. It was right when I first got a smart phone, so I wasn't 100% on how to reject calls. Well I didn't hit the right button, we continued having sex for at least a few minutes before I heard my buddy's voice say "are you guys having sex?". We stared at each other and burst out laughing because it was right in the middle of dirty talk.
10/19. I was staying at a nice hotel while travelling for work. They had a great pool. I went in there one morning and I was the only one there. I started messing about, recreating the opening scene of Jaws where the girl realizes that her leg has been bitten off, then lots of splashing like the shark had come back for the second go. Then I tried a bit of synchro, kicking my legs up in various shapes. Then I did a bit of goalkeeper practice by throwing my goggles and diving to catch them. Then I saw a window overlooking the pool and a family of 6 people eating breakfast and watching me. I'm a 51-year-old man.
Continue reading on the next page!
11/19. Realized that my building had security cams in the elevators after two years living there. And that concierge actually watch them. And the poor guys have been subjected to my solo dance parties for months. Christ.
12/19. While I was in grad school I lived in a basement apartment of a pretty big building. Right next door to me was the (pretty small) laundry room, a couple washers and dryers. Normally it wasn't a problem, but this one washer decided that on this day it was going to be particularly loud and was slamming around and it sounded like the world was ending inside my apartment. I was studying for finals and trying to concentrate, so all the noise was just a nightmare and I couldn't get anything done.
In a moment of complete exasperation I ran out into the hallway in my boxers and a t-shirt and into the laundry room. I lunged at the offending machine like it was a mugger trying to rob my grandma, I shook it violently and screamed, "Shut up you damn washer, don't you know I have finals this week?!" I unplugged it and plugged it back in, and I talked at it like a psychotic person, "I control whether you live or die. Gosh darn washer. Can't get anything done."
Around then I realized that I should probably not be doing this with other people living down the hall, so I decided to run back into my apartment. And then I turned around. There was this beautiful, college-aged woman who lived in my apartment building, standing there, staring at me, petrified.
She just held her detergent and roll of quarters quietly, eyes bulging. She nodded politely when I stammered about how "I'm studying for finals... uh, it was being loud."
About a week later I walked by woman and her friend on the street and I heard her whisper, "Oh my god, it's that guy. The guy from the laundry room I told you about."
13/19. Jerking it to 'that' scene in Titanic when I was about 14. Older brother walks in, "Oh... um... good scene, isn't it?"
14/19. Not me, but my father. He and my mother were grocery shopping when my dad suddenly had to let one rip. After turning down an aisle and assuming it was just him and my mother behind him, he lets out the biggest, raunchiest, fart (my dad's farts are legendary in my family). He lets out a "woo!" and turns around to my mom saying, "How did you like that one, honey?!"
Except it was not my mom. It was a grocery store employee. My dad said he's never seen such sheer horror on a face like that guy's.
Continue reading on the next page!
15/19. I was cleaning the deck outside and found my kids' toy pistols. I picked them up and, feeling silly, pretended I was Lara Croft by posing with them all willy nilly. A minute later I turned around and there was my husband staring at me through the door with a WTF look on his face.
The sad thing is I've been caught doing this more than once.
16/19. When I was 14 my parents went out for the night and left me home. I was a freshmen in high school and it was right around this time that I was starting to listen to music and I was finding out what music I liked and listening to as much music as I could. During this week I was given a Jimi Hendrix greatest hits album by a friend from school to listen to and I was listening to it non-stop for the entire week and would sing along and strum my air guitar to the music.
Since my parents went out they told me to order some food for myself and I settled on a large cheese pizza. I called the pizza place, ordered my pizza, and went back to my tunes while I waited for the delivery guy to come in a half-hour. Before I knew it I found myself with my Guitar Hero guitar around my neck and a tie dyed bandana on my forehead like Jimi at Woodstock and I was really rocking out to Voodoo Child like I was possessed.
At some point after the solo in that song I managed to open my eyes and I had the sh*t scared out of me by some really tall guy with long metal head hair and a giant beer gut in my bedroom rocking out with his eyes closed just as hard as I was. I actually screamed when I saw him and he screamed back at me and I was freaked out. I then noticed the pizza box that he had set down on top of my dresser and managed to stop screaming.
He said that he kept ringing the doorbell but I never came down to open the door so he let himself in. He figured that I was rocking out because I had my music so loud so he came upstairs to give me my pizza but didn't want to interrupt my jammin' so he put the pizza down for a minute and started jammin' along with me. The guy started rocking out with me when he saw that I was in the zone and said that he didn't mean to scare me. We both laughed about it and I paid for my pizza before walking downstairs with the guy. Before he walked out the door he said "Jimi f*ckin' rocks doesn't he?" I could only say, "Yeah, Jimi rocks."
Continue reading on the next page!
17/19. I had just taken a shower and had gotten out when my dog came in and started running around wanting to play. I ended up chasing him out of the bathroom while nude and he led me right to my sister, who had stayed home sick.
Needless to say she was curious why I was chasing our dog around while naked.
18/19. Going in the stockroom at work to fart, only to have a female coworker stocking the shelves behind the door.
19/19. I talk to myself when I'm alone. All the time, anywhere I happen to be alone. This includes when I'm working.
So one time I'm stocking candy at work, and I just bust out singing, "YOOOOUUUUUUUU LIIIGHT UP MYYY LIIIIIIIFE..." and I turn around and there's this poor customer looking at me trying not to laugh. I felt myself turn bright red, but I laughed awkwardly and said, "Sorry..."
He says, "Naw man, it's alright. I do it too."
Reddit user red2one asked:
"Whatβs an unusual body feature of yours?"
So many people have weird and wonderful things about themselves that the comments turned into a celebration of strange.
And we loved it.
Acid Tears
"Because of a blood disorder, I have extremely acidic tears. My face swells, burns, and I get hives or an allergic reaction."
"A couple tears are annoying. Serious crying will eat away at my contacts, Iβll have to use cold compresses, and take antihistamines"
- b*tchybarbie82
"Can you collect them and throw them at other people when they make you sad?"
- DasArchitect
"Do you find that this has made being emotional more difficult? Do you find yourself suppressing the urge to cry when you may think you might?"
- MichaelSoftStudios
"What blood disorder is that?"
- paleropapaya
"Itβs a genetic mutation similar to sickle cell and thalassemia."
- b*tchybarbie82
Big Calves
bart simpson GIFGiphy"I have massive calf muscles. It looks like every day is leg day despite not doing weight lifting."
"My dad had the same."
- MaxximumB
"Thereβs a medical condition that can cause this, but if you had it, you would know. (Duchenneβs muscular dystrophy)"
- SteakandTrach
"I realized my calves were big when watching a plastic surgery show and this guy got calf implants and his circumference was still less than mine."
- fuzzyfeathers
"I have this too, the first time I sprained my ankle in high school the doctor wanted to check my calves for tumors, and I told him I could pop them, like popping pectoral muscles on buff people, and he had never seen something like that."
- jrachet1
Scent Detective
Can You Smell The Rock GIF by WWEGiphy"I have a pretty ordinary sense of smell, with two glaring exceptions."
"I can tell when Iβm about to get sick because all water smells very metallic all of a sudden, and without fail i start feeling sick within a day of that happening."
"I can accurately tell my wifeβs cycle by smell to a crazy degree of accuracy. It spooks her and she didnβt believe me for the longest time until one day I said she smelled different like I have never smelt before."
"I joked she must be pregnant, and I was right. The absurd part is that we backtracked the dates and I made that comment about her smell within a day or two of the egg attaching to her uterus."
"Itβs kind of fcked up"
- pvdp90
"You have to use that for science!"
- DasArchitect
"I would love to. How?"
- pvdp90
"Science probably knows better than me ._."
- DasArchitect
"Hello, is this science?"
"Yes, I would like you to use my nose"
- pvdp90
Culture Clash
"I was born with tumors inside the bones in my one of my feet, that grew so quickly, they permanently disfigured it."
"Also, my penis is two different colors, brown and vitaligo, yet the rest of me looks like a white guy. It's like my Hispanic side and white side decided to fight it out on my member"
- SlaterVJ
"Haha. Not the feet, but the other thing, kinda cool."
- slappingactors
"So did you have to amputate the foot"
- Friendlyalterme
"No. They just removed the bones that had tumors, and hoped that as I grew, my foot would go back to normal. It didn't. Instead the other bones grew to fill the space. Doctors in the 80's yo. Lol."
"I can walk just fine. Only pain is if I happen to stub the toe that can't bend. You'd be surprised by how much more it hurts when your toe can't curl when you stub it. There's really nothing that can be done. All of the tumors were removed by the time I was 3. I just have the same chances of cancer returning as anyone else that's had cancer."
- SlaterVJ
Weird Sneezing Timing
Baby Eww GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"At some point I gotta sneeze when Iβm very hungryβ¦."
- PaceWinter4101
"Every now and then Iβll feel nauseous then sneeze, and the nausea goes away. I think it has something to do with the vagus nerve."
- OneArchedEyebrow
"Yes! I also get 'hunger sneezes'. Nobody believes me."
- sickelite
"Lolol my brother starts sneezing when he gets full. It skips generations in my family so we usually get some runny noses during the holidays after the meal lol"
- ChefBoyD
"This is me and my family. Anytime we eat beyond the bare minimum, we just get sneezing attacks where we sneeze 10-15 times in a row"
- swilli1005
Chimera
"My stomach is two different colors, split right down the middle"
- sunrisedesert
"Maybe you are a chimera?"
"(Thatβs where you started out as two fertilized eggs with different DNA but merged early on to be a single organism.)"
- SteakandTrach
"Is it as if you fell asleep at the beach with a towel over half your body, or are they wild colors?"
- DasArchitect
"More like the first. One side is darker than the other and itβs a pretty distinct straight line down the middle"
- sunrisedesert
"Same!"
- BobbieMonster
"Me too! Same on my back, straight down my spine"
- TXIMNU7w
Quad-pples
"My Dad had 4 nipples. The extra two were on his abdomen on either side of his belly button. As a kid I just assumed all men had 4."
- Roozer23
"Was he ever a cow for Halloween?"
- ZenSlicer9
"lol i have 4 nipples"
- FrozenIsFrosty
"I think I have almost that. I don't grow a lot of chest hair, but my nipples sprout hair like bamboo. On the bottoms of my rib cages I have two hairy patches with callicks to match my nipples. It's a bit darker but no nipples."
- RatchetBird
Pectus Excavatum
"My sternum is concaved, so there's essentially a divet right between my breasts (I'm a guy)"
"Apparently it's has an actual medical term (Pectus Excavatum) which is most definitely not a spell out of Harry Potter and way more common than I realized. It even has it's own subreddit (r/pectusexcavatum) There's an opposite condition where the chest convexes outwards (Pectus Carinatum)."
"If the 2 hug, they fuse into one superbeing. There are surgeries to repair them but hurt like hell and have a long recovery time. Only recommended if it is a problem in your daily life."
"Common uses include cereal bowl (not that I have done it), cell phone holder, candy dish, cuddle spot."
- Wuropp
"When I was on the swim team in high school, there was a kid with a sternum like yours and another kid who was protruding. We made them hug. It was magical and unlocked Narnia"
- taylorink8
"I have this. Also a guy. It really affected my confidence growing up especially after a few incidents of people staring. Not so much now, but I never go shirtless in public and avoid swimming pools to this day."
- Swiftsaddler
"I grew up being extremely self-conscious of my chest to the point where Iβd also never take my top off in public and always try to cover my chest with my hands when swimming - until I was about 15 and I saw another much younger kid at a swimming pool also trying to hide it. Thatβs when I realised that the only person who gave a sh*t about my body was me - I let my guard down and he smiled at me and did the same! Iβm 22 now and if anything I find it to be a great conversation starter - I used to hide it because I was different but now I show it off because Iβm DIFFERENT!"
"Let em stare, king."
- Too_Soggy
New-vula
"I have a bifurcated uvula. That teardrop thing in the back of your throat? Mine is shaped like a butt."
- cookiesndwichmonster
"Mine is long as sh*t and sits on my tongue. Sometimes if I get crazy with a drink and chug too fast I'll swallow it and it tugs and hurts like a mf."
- PepperBellyProblem
"My doctor called it a heart too"
- fangyouverymuch
"Me too! ONE OF US ONE OF US!!"
- TMFalgrim
You're up, lovelies.
Step up to the mic and tell the world what's weird about you!
RedditorJust_Replacement3989 wanted to hear about what jobs we dream of if anything was possible.
"If money wasn't an issue, what would be your profession?"
I'd be so many things. I'd actually have to time to find out what I was capable of doing.
Bang Hard
Loop Drumming GIFGiphy"Drummer in a crappy band."
too-many-pancakes
"Is there room for a second drummer in your crappy band? I'll even settle for being like the guy in Slipknot who just hits a keg with a bat."
Odd_Description1
Good Times
"I would want to be a florist."
volgmast
"I worked at an indoor farm that mainly sold edible flowers. My favorite part was making edible flower arrangements for fancy restaurants. They would just order their flowers and I could arrange them however I wanted. Good times."
KickBallFever
"I worked as a florist for 4 years, to this day itβs my favorite job Iβve ever had. I wish it paid the bills!"
tealearring
A Language Field
"Field linguist, studying, documenting, and preserving endangered languages. Thatβs why I spent years getting my PhD in linguistics. Unfortunately, thereβs not really any jobs in field linguistics outside of academia, which is incredibly competitive, and thereβs limited grant money, to boot. But Iβd love to work with interested communities and speakers, and be able to say, hey no need to worry about where youβre getting the money for that."
Tarnagona
From Below
"Underwater archaeology."
girl_from_away
"If you havenβt heard it already, highly recommend listening to the Nat Geo Overheard podcast episode 'Scuba Diving in a Pyramid' as well as 'Cave of the Jaguar God.'"
friendlyMissAnthrope
"Checkout the David Gibbins books. He's a legit underwater archeologist, and the books are very much Indiana Jones meets MacGyver adventures. Lots of fun."
Hey_look_new
The Beauty of It All
Bob Ross Art GIFGiphy"I'd be an art guy. Not make art but be the dude who finances artists, opens a local gallery, gives money towards fostering local theatre and film talent. Basically try to turn the area in which I live into a creative hub."
Ungreat
"Wonderful quote on the wall of Seattleβs Museum of Museums 'There is no version of a great city with a declining artist population.'"
friendlyMissAnthrope
Loving art full time is not cheap.
day chef GIF"This is my dream too. Been doing as much research as I can to make it a reality. I learned food preservation, gardening, woodworking and basket weaving, I already hunt and fish, I can make soap, cheese and bread, beer and mead. I just need to learn how to build a cabin now."
Ironwolf9876
FAME
"Writer/Director."
-StruckByLightning-
"I have/had several friends that do/did that. I have a buddy that was a writer on News Radio. I have a friend that runs Bloomberg in Bulgaria."
"He also has several director credits for B movies you've definitely heard of. I have another friend who produces a huge show in NYC. Bottom line- They are absolute workaholics. Like 7 days a week, no time off. Yes they make tons of money, but missed most of their kid's childhood travelling and working. Not for me, I'm not a workaholic at all."
Old-Bedroom8464
The Dream
"Stay at home dad, so I can spend more time with my son."
Prestigious_Lock1659
"That is the dream. To have everyone home at the same time goofing around. I look forward to the weekends, the three of us chill out in bed in the morning watching either toy story or minions. Itβs great."
Prestigious_Lock1659
"Thatβs like my dream. Hoping I make less money than who Iβm put with."
SCRIVVVY
Knowledge Thirst
"Permanent Student. I want to learn how to do everything!"
Bunney26
"Yes this is it for me. Being able to study and not worry about the actual result, but have it structured etc. - the dream. Iβd still try, I just wouldnβt stress that a less good mark will impact my career or opportunities. Iβd not feel the need to be competitive. Iβd just cruise in and out and have a good time!"
GusPolinskiPolka
By the Sword
Dungeons And Dragons Pathfinder GIF by SeesoGiphy"Hosting and teaching Dungeons and Dragons games. Would be nice to have the ability to learn all the books cover-to-cover and use that info 4+ days a week as a job."
Melissa-Crown
I just want money. I'll do anything. That is all.
Redditor FireSwarm21 wanted to know what sequels and beyond were a step above the originals.
"What sequels are better than the original?"
I love sequels to my favorite stories. The characters never leave.
Rescue Me
the rescuers worry GIFGiphy"The Rescuers Down Under."
Kinuama
"Wow! I haven't seen this movie in likely over 20 years!! Used to be one of my favorites... does anyone know if it's on Disney+?"
FrogAnalSex69
Let's Game
"Uncharted 2: Among thieves."
FlyHigh3000
"I think is extremely common in games since the first one usually doesn't just have to set up characters and story but also the style, engine, etc... With the second the studio can invest way more into the actual game."
Version_1
"The even numbered Uncharted games are my favorites even though 1 and 3 are good too."
Loganp812
Silence
"Silent Hill 2. The game, to be clear, not the second film."
madefromconcentrate
"Even though I wouldn't call the first Silent Hill a good movie, I do really think Cristopher Gans cared about Silent Hill and tried his best."
"You can see he made some changes to the characters and story to male it a more 'palatable' movie for Hollywood. Maybe those changes shouldn't have been made but you can see the reason why it was. If nothing else that movie looked like Silent Hill."
Artikay
The Next Generation
"Wrath of Khan."
xkulp8
"The movie that saved Star Trek. And over Gene Roddenberry's objections, I might add. Also, it still kind of blows my mind that only 5 years passed between The Wrath of Khan and The Next Generation. They feel like completely different eras."
diamond
"Wrath of Khan has a late 70s feel in a 1982 movie. What most people think of as the 80s hadn't quite hit its stride culturally yet. Meanwhile, if you look at the early episodes of TNG they feel a little dated, although not as much."
Green_Prompt_6386
Star Stories
the empire strikes back GIF by Star WarsGiphy"The Empire Strikes Back."
ImportanceBig4448
"Rewatching the trilogy with my girlfriend and the fight scenes are way waaaay better! The pacing, too!"
Lochifess
Ah the drama of the Star Wars series. A neverending saga.
Back to Gotham
the dark knight joker GIF by hero0fwarGiphy"The Dark Knight is leaps and bounds better than Batman Begins."
Boring-Pudding
The Through Line
"Terminator 2."
idkwhattoput_111
"I agree but what is interesting about T2 is that the world-building and plot of the original Terminator plays a major hand in making T2 amazing. Having the antagonist from the first become the protagonist in the second sets up for an amazing plot and throughline."
ShadoFlameX
Warriors
"πππ ππ€ππ πππ§π§ππ€π§ is better than πππ πππ."
sqeptiqmqsqeptiq
"I watched mad Max recently for the first time and was so confused. I was like, 'where's all the post-apocalypse stuff?' I thought I was watching the wrong film and had to double-check. To be honest I didn't enjoy it that much but I did love all the sequels."
randomisedjew
Dreamworks Works
"Shrek 2 = better."
BigDanal123
"Shrek 1 was very good but Shrek 2 was an improvement in many ways. Shrek 3 was definitely the weakest of the series but not a terrible movie by any means. Shrek 4 was at least as good as 1 and 2."
"Actually Dreamworks does sequels pretty well as the major companies go. Kung Fu Panda 2 was just as good as if not better than the first. The third was not actually that good but they canβt all be winners. The tv shows are pretty good. How to Train your Dragon 2 tore out my heart and stomped on it but it was still a good movie. The Madagascar movies are all of similar quality to each other."
dragon_morgan
Talking to the Spirits...
Ouija Board Movie GIF by Ouija: Origin of EvilGiphy"Ouija: Origin of Evil was surprisingly better than Ouija the original. Now Ouija was pretty bad so it didnβt take much but usually these off brand horror movies go from bad to worse if they attempt a sequel."
bobbytwosticksBTS
Sometimes more of the story is always better.