
Okay so normally this is the part of the article where I have some relevant story to tell about what you're about to read. Not this time. I've never been a zookeeper, though I did really want to be when I was younger. The closest I got was working at an exotic animal vet's office - and mostly that just involved a lot of rabbit poop.
Reddit user @lukavwolf asked:
Zookeepers of Reddit, what is the craziest thing you've ever seen happen while at work?
Yeah, these stories are WAY better than any of the ones I have to tell. I mean, do you really want to hear about the time I got felt up by a skunk when you can read stories about people slipping drugs to monkeys by slipping them into a wine cooler? Monkeys drink wine coolers?!?!
Psh, yeah they do... read on, my friends.
Penguin Rocks
My teacher in high school was a zookeeper. He told us a story once about when he was cleaning the penguin enclosure. Apparently male penguins will build up piles of rocks and whoever has the biggest pile is the most wanted penguin for the females to mate with. So one day my teacher was cleaning the enclosure and this one penguin used to always try to bite him and he bit him pretty hard that day so my teacher just kicked his pile down.
He said that everything after that happened in slow motions, he looked at the penguin, the penguin looked at him, all of the other penguins were staring at the rocks on the ground and then all of a sudden they all lunged for the rocks and the original penguin didn't have any more rocks.
- Tigpall
Instant Karma
Not a "zoo keeper", but was a primary zoologist for an "environmental learning center"
I had some nature items on display on a table while I was holding a barn owl, giving a talk about it. A couple of the objects are fairly valuable in that they are difficult or illegal to acquire; like a gopher turtle shell, drained vulture egg shell, fox skull, etc.. Some kid decides he wants to take some nature home so he slips a porcupine quill in his pocket, pointy end down, with the rest of it tucked under his shirt.
Now, if you don't know anything about porcupine quills you might think of them as just long points. This is not true. At the pointy end of a porcupine quill is a point - but there are also barbs. The barbs hook into the skin and make them difficult and painful to remove. Most animals need to be totally sedated to have it done, it's that painful.
Back to our young and hapless thief. When he goes to sit down, the quill he stole stabs him in the penis through the inside of his pocket. I remember the squealing like it was yesterday.
Duckling Murder
I volunteered at a petting zoo once, and I will never forget it. This little girl wanted to hold one of the ducklings we had, and we do let guests hold the small animals so long as they're sitting and gentle. So I bring the the duckling and being gentle with it.
Suddenly a little boy (likely her brother) runs up and appears to grab and bite the head off the duckling, and I was completely unable to react (how are you supposed to react to that?!) I was about the faint when he yells, "HA GOT YOU" and pull a glob of feathers covered in what I can assume was ketchup out of his mouth... the duckling was still in the girls arms, and she was laughing. I never volunteered at a petting zoo again.
"We Don't Eat That"
I worked Visitor Education at the New England Aquarium in Boston for a few years, so close enough.
So we had a touch tank called "Edge of the Sea" like most aquariums. It's full of tide pool animals; crustaceans, a few small flounder, and seastars (not starfish, they aren't fish but echinoderms!)
One day, this little kid took a sea star out of the tank, and put it in his pocket. Then he ran away. I was working the exhibit alone. A field trip came right up after the sea star was taken. I quickly grabbed the microphone and told everyone not to touch anything for a moment.
I ran to the next exhibit and greeted the kids mother. I told her what happened and she asked him to give back the animal. Out of nowhere, the kid takes a bite out of the sea star, spits it out and says "yuck" and then whips the rest of the animal against the wall. Mom? She just kind of weakly went "noooooo we don't eat that" to the kid.
I grabbed the body and leg. Sea Stars grow back from both. They survived.
Covered In Animal Blood
One time I was working at a museum with a live animal exhibit and a protester covered herself in animal blood. She tried to run into the building and got clothes-lined by a security guard.
Put The Tortoise Down
Had a guy try to pick up our African Spurred Tortoise (about 100lbs) that we let roam freely to show his kid he could do it, and got pissed when I told him to put the tortoise down.
Oh, and he called back later complaining that picking up the tortoise injured his back.
- Pegasvs
Valium In A Wine Cooler
I was a keeper and tour guide at a small zoo in Oklahoma and one day when I was cleaning up the barnyard I looked up and out towards the monkey enclosures and thought..."huh, that looks like a monkey walking along that fence...." and almost immediately realized who it was and what was going on. Got on the radio and alerted the entire place to the fact that one of our more dangerous capuchins was out and wondering the facility.
Moses, as the story goes, was rescued from a travelling circus after he had witnessed his owner being bludgeoned to death. We had to be very, very careful around him. He was violent and aggressive and it was instant chaos. Capuchins may be small but they are absolutely capable of maiming someone.
We escorted all the guests off property and after several hours of him approaching us and looking in the pockets of petrified zookeepers for treats, he was finally captured and put back into his enclosure.
It only took a couple of Valium in a wine cooler to make it happen, but that was by far one of the more frightening experiences I had there.
Better Aim
Used to work at a zoo teaching summer camps. Many of the chimps were rescues from shows and weren't very wild or shy, so would sit close to the edge of the enclosure near visitors. A couple teens were tossing rocks at them, and one chimp scooped one up that landed close by and just whipped it back. Guess what animal has better aim and can throw a hell of a lot harder than a 14 year old? Yep.
Thankfully this was in the early 90's before people sued for everything.
Out Of Funding
Worked at a zoo during one of the government shutdowns. A lady became convinced that we had run out of funding to feed the animals. She bought a bunch of meat from the grocery store and threw it, still wrapped in plastic and Styrofoam, into the lion enclosure. She got arrested and we had to quarantine the lion who ate the meat for a while.
Food First!
Not really crazy, more amusing. Volunteered at a zoo, preparing the monkeys' and small apes' diets—chopping up mostly fruits, veggies, canned primate diet and insects/mealworms. I was alone in the monkey house one day, chopping away, when I got that feeling that I was being watched. We had a pair of white cheeked gibbons (found in SE Asia), and I looked up to find the female hanging from her branches, with her legs spread in what looked like a cheerleader's split and the male behind her as they mated. He was busy with the task at hand, but she was staring at me intently (probably because I was making her breakfast). She just kept staring without blinking. She didn't even seem to notice when her boyfriend was finished, she just kept staring. I went back to my chopping, and she eventually lost interest. koookoookachoo
The Flamingos....
I used to work at Sea World at the Sea Lion and Otter show. One of the young Walruses was named Kabuto and he liked to climb over the edge and waddle into the walkway in front of the crowds.
The early morning Flamingo chase was always fun because the Flamingos would always escape their enclosures. JCarnacki
Not a zookeeper, an animal rescuer who used to run a shelter. It was a poorer country and those of us with shelters tended to know/visit each other. Because of the poverty, conditions were bad, and crowding was a real issue. Probably the craziest was also the woman who had been at it longest (which made perfect sense to anyone who understood the conditions). She had over 400 dogs crowded into a space that was about the size of a US suburban back yard. Yes, it was crowded, but every one of those dogs had a name, loved that woman, and, eventually, got rehomed in a richer country through the good offices of another woman who had connections. Katya, I will never forget the amazing job you did, and Christine, you are a truly wonderful woman.
All Hail Katya!
Not a zookeeper, an animal rescuer who used to run a shelter. It was a poorer country and those of us with shelters tended to know/visit each other. Because of the poverty, conditions were bad, and crowding was a real issue. Probably the craziest was also the woman who had been at it longest (which made perfect sense to anyone who understood the conditions). She had over 400 dogs crowded into a space that was about the size of a US suburban back yard. Yes, it was crowded, but every one of those dogs had a name, loved that woman, and, eventually, got re-homed in a richer country through the good offices of another woman who had connections. Katya, I will never forget the amazing job you did, and Christine, you are a truly wonderful woman. BoredBeforeMyTime
Hands Off!
Volunteered at a small nature exhibit, showcasing local animals. Mostly reptiles and insects, because they're easiest to house and clean up after. One exhibit had a few rattlesnakes, because they help attract visitors. Was told about how one of the volunteers would give impromptu bare-handed snake handling demonstrations with the rattlesnakes, grabbing one and bringing it out of the cage, even though there are well-posted rules against it. (Staff was in very short supply, so nobody else noticed, and this went on for a couple of weeks.) He thought he knew how to handle the snakes so he wouldn't get bit. Well, you know what happened... Luckily, the snake wasn't going for a kill bite, but just a little "hands off, buster" nip. He was able to get the snake back into the exhibit and the lock on, before having a buddy rush him to the hospital. He was still in great pain for a few days and lost just a couple of tablespoons of arm. twfeline
Little red Riding Hood you are NOT!
I work at an ecology center, so similar to a zoo and I once saw three grown men try to feed the black bears honey (one of them is named Pooh). Now, the bears were clearly hibernating, so I don't know what their goal was. All they did was get honey all over their hands and got kicked out. CStarling4
#TIMESUP Turtle!
Went to Costa Rica for an ecology program, was studying sea turtles and marking where they laid their eggs. I spotted a turtle and my group went over to watch and measure and tag her. When we got close we saw that she had a fin growing out of her left back fin. It was really weird. lilchey99
The Dingo!
I once volunteered alongside zookeepers at one of the best rated zoos in the U.S. My favorite part was that there was a kangaroo escape plan hanging up behind part of the children's zoo. There was a HUGE net and some other supplies along with detailed instructions. Apparently the kangaroos had escaped at one point and getting them back was complete hell. INeverKnowTheLyrics
Hands In!
Not quite a zookeeper, but I train animals at an educational facility. The craziest thing I see on the regular is this really interesting phenomenon where completely literate adults suddenly forget how to read. The sign says "please stay on the path?" Surely that doesn't apply to me. The sign says "please do not put hands inside the enclosures or harass the ambassadors?" Better stick my hand in, yell, and wave! Immediately followed by "why does that bird look so scared?" Ummm, it's because you're harassing her. /rant. tendencytodream
Please Don't Shoot!
Not a zookeeper but used to work with primates. Our alpha male primates got very attached to their female handlers/caretakers. Onsite veterinarian didn't believe me when I said that they started to furiously masturbate any time female handlers walked into their habitat.
When I finally got him to come observe morning feedings, he referred to it as "a shooting gallery." retroverted_uterus
It's highly believed that it is important to learn history as a means to improve our future.
What is often overlooked is that what is taught in history class is going to be very different depending on where you went to school.
And this isn't just internationally, even different regions of the United states will likely have very different lessons on American history.
This frequently results in our learning fascinating, heartbreaking and horrifying historical facts which our middle or high school history teachers neglected to teach us.
Redditor Acherontia_atropos91 was curious to learn things people either wished they had learned, or believe they should have learned, in their school history class, leading them to ask:
What isn’t taught in history class but should be?
The Irish Troubles
"The troubles."
"Too many people in America do not understand why a wall straight through Ireland would be a BAD idea."
"I’m referring to the Brexit referendum and possible outcomes."
"If people were wondering why we were talking about walls through Ireland in the first place."- CLCVS.
Forgotten elements of World War II
"What the Japanese did to the Chinese during WW2."
"Unit 731."- CaptainMcBoogerJew.
"Japan gets off easy for their war crimes in WW2."
"They killed an estimated 16mil Chinese civilians and another 8mil soldiers"
"Also, Pol Pot."
"Didn't know who he was until I was like 25."
"Worst dictator all time (in terms of percentage of population he decimated)".
The truth about the American Revolution
"That the American Revolution was part of a wider cold war type of conflict with France."
"The American Revolution was basically the UK's equivalent of the US version of Vietnam."- vinsant7.
The Dark side of Swedish history.
"As a Swede, I'd like to know more of all the horrible sh*t my country has done throughout history."
"It's a damn shame we're trying to hide our history."
"For example, Swedes killed a metric sh*t ton of all Polish people when we were at our strongest."
"That's the kinda sh*t we don't get to learn."- mogwandayy.
Colonization
"Basically what Belgium did to the Congo."
"A lot of people are telling me that they are taught about this actually."
"I'm glad to hear it because I wasn't taught about this in the USA during my public school days (1995-2008)."- EconArch.
The truth about "heroes".
"While teaching about historical Heroes they should also tell students about the unspeakable things some of them did."
"Many famous figures throughout history who are pillars of morality actually did many terrible things." - User Deleted
Intolerance for Mental Illness
"The dark history of mental illness treatments."
"I think it's worth learning about."- 7dayexcerpt.
Slavic Mythology
"Slavic mythology in Slavic countries."
"Don't get me wrong, I love both Greek & Roman mythology and as a person from the Balkans both of those cultures are part of my country's history and had great influence over not only my region but the entirety of the continent & the western world but I wouldn't mind knowing more about Slavic mythology as well."- ShorsShezzarine.
The truth about the CIA
"How the CIA was made and all the shady things they did over the years."- ALargeChip.
There is a lot about the history of our world, not to mention our own country which shouldn't be ignored.
And it's from learning from our mistakes that we really improve our future.
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So apparently we are in the endemic phase of this nonsense.
We have light at the end of the tunnel.
So what now?
Where do we go from here?
Normal seems like an outdated word.
How do we get back to normal though?
Is it even possible?
What are reaching back to?
Life pre-Covid.
Those were the days.
If only we could bring them back.
Redditor hetravelingsong wanted to discuss our new normal in this hopeful "endemic" phase. So they asked:
"What’s something random you miss about pre-COVID times?"
I miss people being sane. Though that maybe election cycle issues not COVID. We'll never know.
I thought I was Alone...
"Being able to grocery shop after 11 pm."
Reading_Rainboner
"Hell yes. I miss the days where the Walmart across the street was open 24 hours."
Small_Tax_9432
let's just go...
"I miss spontaneity... everything now seems to have a barrier of difficulty."
iidosee
"I live very close to Disneyland so I have an annual pass. My friends and I would just go there after work and hang out and grab a bite to eat."
"Now, we have to reserve a day to go. And most of the time, the days are at 'full' capacity so we couldn't even reserve. I don't want to schedule to hang out at Disneyland for a couple hours for July. So yeah, I definitely miss the 'lets go eat at Disneyland tonight?' texts."
mymymissmai
Not til 24-25
"Functioning global supply chains. Ah, the product you want has got microchips in it? 9 month wait."
richard-king
"Minimum, I'd been saying for a while now that I wouldn't expect a true return to normalcy in terms of electronics prices till 2024-2025. Although Crypto crashing through the floor really took some of the pressure off graphics cards which I really appreciate."
statiiic
WTF?!?!
"How affordable everything was!"
Disastrous_Hour_6776
"Yep. Today I was bagging up my things at the grocery store and I heard the cashier say to the lady behind me 'thats $78.12.' She had -- 2 boxes of Kellogg's corn flakes, a carton of 12 eggs, milk, strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, a small cheese cake, English muffins, coffee, and a small whole frozen chicken that could maybe feed 3 people if the meat portioning was small."
SnowyInuk
Sushi
"My favorite sushi place. It was good quality, close by, kid-friendly, and not too expensive."
InannasPocket
All of this... it was a simpler time.
NASTY
"As a retail worker, just how f**king NASTY some people have gotten."
DmitriPetrov*itch
"They applauded you for being an essential worker but won’t vote for policies that’ll raise minimum wage while insisting a wage cap for heavily paid employees."
sketchysketchist
CHANGES your DNA...
"Some of the people closest to me became very bitter and petty over the last 2 years. So many people have the 'crazy eyes' now."
__--__7
"So true and holidays with the family is like who has the biggest tinfoil hat building contest. How many jumps does your brain have to go through to think that the Covid vaccine CHANGES your DNA into the patented DNA so that the government now controls your body."
"So like vaccinated people now have a singular DNA set. I feel like I still have a chunk of my brain just broken off due to that comment alone. I was also told by same family member that I could never donate blood again due to the vaccine. I guess it is so my patented DNA doesn't affect people?? FYI my vaccinated butt just donated today fine and multiple other times after the vaccine."
tyreka13
Homeward Bound
"House prices."
adrianinked
"I'm resigned to never thinking I have a chance on owning property where I live. I'm 30 and just can't imagine it anymore. And I don't want to live anywhere else so, whatever."
Osdab2daf
"That didn’t happen because of the pandemic. That was already happening regardless."
CH11DW
Oh Mickey
"All Day Breakfast at McDonalds."
hutch2522
"It was honestly hell to do, and not very popular. ITs margins aren't anywhere dinner and lunch specials. ON top of that, the temperatures are such that They require its own grill, meaning that if you have 2 grills in shop, you are down 50% of lunch capacity."
Freyas_Follower
Way back when...
"Hanging out with friends. And I mean waaaaaay before Covid. Like 2006 back when I had some friends."
LoocsinatasYT
I miss the old days. Maybe we'll get back there.
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What do you believe?
Is there a GOD in the sky?
Is he guiding us and helping us?
Life is really hard. Why is that is a big entity is up there loving us?
Atheists have taken a lot of heat for what feels like shunning GOD.
What if they've been right all along?
Maybe let's take a listen and see what they really think.
Redditor __Jacob______ wanted to hear from the people who don't really believe all that "God" stuff. They asked:
"Atheists, what do you believe in?"
I'm waffling between G-O-D and nothing. So please give me some education.
911
"We need to look out for each other because help isn't coming."
cknipe
Peace Out
"More than 2 decades ago, a priest was giving a sermon in my church and he said 'our faith requires you to believe without question. Why call it faith if you have to ask questions?' I haven't returned to church. Not until my wedding day but you know what I mean."
asiangontear
Delusion
"When I was young I used to think that after death you would have access to a PC that you could see absolutely anything about your life. Stats, any question you had no matter how obscure, replays of moments, perspectives of others in relation to you. No matter what you wanted to know, if it was relatable to you, you could see it. I know it's silly, but as time goes on I just want it to be real, and I don't think I'd have any issue allowing myself to fall into that delusion."
eggwardpenisglands
I think nothing happens...
"Realistically, I think nothing happens. We literally experience nothing after death. Same thing that we experience before birth. We don't exist, so it's nothing. I think the tenant that we should follow while living is to try to be happy and healthy while minimizing the damage we do to each other."
"What I would LIKE to happen after death is whatever you believe in, exists. I think Christians should get to go to heaven if they truly believe in it, Hindus and Buddhists get reincarnated, and everyone else also gets to experience what they believe they will experience."
"'I would still experience Nothing. Maybe it's one of those things where at the moment of death their brain makes them experience what feels like an infinitely long moment in time where they experience their afterlife. I just think it would be neat for everybody."
Better_Meat_
Shrug
"Best advice I received from a dear senior on their way out. 'You win some, you lose some' shrug. Nothing divine, life is that simple and wonderful, accept it and move on."
Tune_Kindly
It all sounds pretty simple. Why are people so up in arms about Atheists?
Whatever
"I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do."
imCIK
Cool with Empty
"Nothing. [Serious]."
rumblingtummy29
"I feel this way about death. When I was 5, my grandfather died and my cousin simple said, he is dead, that means you are gone forever. Everything ends up dying, even plants and animals. I'm now in my 40's and still have this simplistic view of life and death. People think I'm ambivalent to life and death but it's just what it is."
thepigfish82
puppet-masters...
"I think a lot of religious people struggle with the fact that we are all just swirling units of chaos. There is no grand plan or great orchestrator. I think that’s why people who are prone to religion are also susceptible to things like Q anon and the Cabal and all that. They REALLY want to believe that there is some almighty puppet-master who determines all of humanity’s fate."
Lngtmelrker
“we’re living in a society!”
"Just be a kind and empathetic person not because you’re worried about some cosmic justice, but because it’s the right thing to do. If there is some being that created us there’s no way they actually care about believing in it or adhering to some rules from over 2000 years ago."
"Also a big thing for me is that I find the idea that you need religion or the Bible in order to have morals and ethics pretty dumb. It’s pretty f**king clear that most evangelicals have neither. But my main thing is being a good person simply because, as George Costanza once said we’re living in a society!' If you’re only a good person in order to make it to heaven you probably aren’t actually a good and moral person."
conservative_genius
That's All
"You're born. You live. You die. That's it. After you die you cease to exist, the same as before you were born."
serefina
Believe what you want. We're all here together. So let's focus there.
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The list of what irritates me is endless.
I mean... breathing too loud or dust can set me off.
I'm a bit unstable, yes.
But I'm not alone.
So let's discuss.
Redditor Aburntbagel6 wanted to hear about all the times many of us just couldn't control our disdain. They asked:
"What never fails to piss you off?"
I feel like this article can go on forever. Let's get some highlights.
Wasted Time
"Meetings that could and should have been an email."
Sirena609
Lotto People
"Getting stuck behind people playing the lottery at a corner store."
thenuggetlover
"I also used to work in a gas station and you’re SO right. I f**king hated the lottery people. Especially since my store had a small staff and there was usually only one of us working at a time, which meant that I couldn’t get any of my other work done as long as they were there."
"And you’re right, it’s also pretty sad to watch. I had one lady who used to come in every day and spent hundreds and HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets. One day, she won $200 after spending probably around $600 and she was so excited and saying she can 'finally pay her bills.'"
i-am-your-god-now
Aware...
"No situational awareness. Job, home, shopping, driving. Think for one minute and go about. OBSERVE!!"
Dizzy-Foundation8122
"My mom is one of those people who leave the shopping cart in the middle of the damn aisle and proceed to walk twenty feet away. After correcting her a million times to no effect I just walk away now so people don’t know I’m with her."
OutrageousEvent
Shut Up!
"Endless barking in the middle of the night, I love animals but that sh*t I can't stand."
Acceptable-Lemon2924
"Endless barking in general drives me up a wall. One of my friends dogs was barking almost an entire gaming session the other day. I wanted to reach through the computer and smack him for letting it go on."
bangersnmash13
Kindness
"People being mean to service workers, especially if the workers are very young."'
scaryboilednoodles
All of these things. I hate them all.
Admit It
"People who never accept fault when they mess something up. Like, why blame a million people when it was clearly you who did it???"
Quirky-Area-8978
From Above
"My upstairs neighbors."
lutzow89
"I had terrible neighbors at my previous apartment. It was a one person studio for students, but her boyfriend was clearly living with her illegally and he was loud."
"One night we knocked n the door at 3 AM because of the loud music and an unknown girl opened the door. I just thought they were having a little party. But the next door I saw the girl living there come home with a suitcase after having been away for the weekend... Her BF was cheating on her in her own apartment."
Th3_Accountant
Move Away
"People who sit directly next to me at the airport, movie theater, any other place where you can choose a seat when there is PLENTY of other seating."
BacardiPardy33
"I can’t YES this enough and the ones who can’t park for crap so they park so close you can’t open doors on one side of the car or the ones who park directly behind when you pulled through so the door won’t open to load groceries."
BacardiPardy33
It's Over
"People who try to restart old drama. Like I'm done with you, just leave me alone."
Tired_Potatos
"Yep, half the reason I've basically quit playing one of my favorite online video games. People keep bringing old crap up or sh*tting on on someone who used to be our friend. I got tired of it so I just ejected the game out of me."
CaucasianHumus
AHHHHH!!!
"People walking too slow in front of me with no way to get around them. It’s even worse if it’s a couple or group taking up the whole sidewalk. HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
_-v0x-_
Life in general pisses me off. I'm easy.
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