Animals have a lot in common with humans, and sometimes they demonstrate it by acting silly at the zoo, like the time a monkey made a shiv and tried to stab an employee.
KingDoggo173 asked zookeepers of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing you've seen an animal do?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Maybe because captivity is torture?
Ex zookeeper here, I remember once there was a period of a few days where one of the chimps had this stick and was spending hours at a time just rubbing it on the ground. Some of the keepers tried to give it other toys to play with etc but it wasn't interested. Anyway, long story short, it was sharpening the stick and then tried to stab a keeper through the bars of their indoor part of their enclosure.
Boy straight up made a shiv and shanked the prison guard.
That analogy is pretty much why I'm not a zookeeper anymore.
This is a mood.
I worked at a private zoo for a while and the weirdest was probably the female baboon rescue we had. She was very well tempered but she would beckon new workers over to her cage with a gesture and if you had anything in your hand, she'd reach out and rip it from you then throw it off the steep hill behind her enclosure.
I can't stop laughing at how truly douchy this is 😂
There were lots of pens and hats and shit down in the "pit" at the bottom of that hill we didn't bother to get. It's only when she threw phones down did we even make an effort to get in there.
So like us.
Male teenage red howler monkeys that grab their assh*le while pooping, and taking all the sh*t out with their hands.
Seriously, howler monkeys are weird AF.
So are male teenagers.
Am male teenager, can relate.
Am also male teenager, I also pull poop out my butt when going to the toilet.
"What the f*ck is this!? Who keeps putting these here? I am so godd*mn sick of pulling these out..."
Cat regret.
Volunteer (former), not keeper. I liked to show up early before my shift to watch the big cats get let out into their space. One morning, one of the lionesses was already out and she was sitting there, like the famous NY library lions, only with a Calvin face. Her tongue was hanging out and her eyes were squinched up. I asked the lead cat keeper what the deal was. "Oh, she ate a skunk yesterday, so we decided it'd be a good idea to let her stay outside overnight instead of stinking up the night house."
They opened the doors to the lions' night house and her brother and sister came bounding up to her in what appeared to be great concern ("Where WERE you last night?!?!?). Her sister took one whiff and bounded to another place in the exhibit. Her brother started to sit close to her, thought better of it, walked about six feet away and then settled down and watched her.
Animals aren't much different than people in some ways.
Been a zookeeper for almost 2 years now. We have a giraffe that has a couple meds he has to take daily, but the little shit will NOT take the same food from you two days in a row. He knows exactly what we're up to and also happens to be the pickiest eater ever so sometimes it takes an hour to get five pills, the size of A TYPICAL ADVIL PILL, into this 2,000 lb animal.
Also was watching lions in their inside enclosure once, mom and dad we're laying down and daughter was just walking around trying to find a spot. The daughter is notorious for bugging any other lion with her to play by sitting on them. She walks over to mom and starts to sit, or so I thought, and just starts PISSING ON HER. I've never seen a lion double take but that second I swear to god I saw mom look at what was falling on her and then just DISGUST on her face and she jumped up and swatted at daughter. It was pretty freaking hilarious.
Treats! Who doesn't love treats?
I would bring the chimps treats each week. I once brought a bag full of lychee, which they thought was only "meh" but the keepers loved them. Surprised me, since I thought they would go nuts for them so I picked a whole tree's worth.
One day I bring a dozen kiwi, and it was clear they had never seen them before. Watching them peel the kiwi so delicately with their lips was amazing.
Also, given watermelon, they will eat it all the way through to the skin. I'm talking all the rind down to one millimeter of tough green skin.
They'll chomp a banana tree stalk like candy... anyway, chimps love treats.
That sounds like a fun part of zookeeping. I remember a zoo I visited once that had an exhibit on the dietary enhancements they provide to their animals, including a visual display of the typical fruits they'd acquire or, in some cases, grow locally. It was really cool.
Also, those chimpanzees with their surprised reverence for kiwifruit reminds me a little bit of myself.
This is next level animal pettiness.
I was a zookeeper and worked in animal care in various capacities for a long time. One of the weirdest things I've seen is when a reptile "drops" their tail. It's only happened to me once with a Lemon gecko I was transferring from one terrarium to another. I had a poor grip on him and as he was wiggling loose I desperately grabbed on to his tail which he promptly dropped and I was left holding a dismembered, writhing tail while the gecko escaped.
Also, two of the lions at one of my jobs were afraid of a raccoon. I could hear them (the lions) making the most pitiful, pathetic bellowing sounds. I went to check on them and lo and behold a raccoon was up one of the trees in their enclosure. These two large alpha predators were absolutely distraught over a little raccoon. For it's part, the raccoon was completely unbothered and just observed them for a bit before going on it's way.
I was a zoo volunteer and I helped one Thanksgiving morning. The keepers let me come to the tiger house to watch the girls' morning routine. They'd put a new log in a very large Siberian tiger's enclosure and she was really spooked by it. She whimpered and rubbed herself on the chain link and looked pitifully at the lead keeper. So... we had to let her back out into the exhibit, do the proper lockdown protocol, and haul the log out of her space.
Honestly this just sounds like the large scale version of cats vs cucumbers.
Beaver fever.
I'm a zookeeper! I work in a small department with lots of random animals that we take on programs to show guests. In our department, the cages are made of mesh, so the animals can sometimes be housed next to each other where they can reach each other and interact. One time, the beaver was housed next to the tamanduas (lesser ant eaters), and we went over and saw the tamanduas licking the beaver ALL OVER! By the time the beaver went back to his own enclosure he was soaking wet with tamandua spit.
A family friend's dog used to do this to our smaller dog. It was an affection gesture.
I work at an aquarium, not a zookeeper though. We have one male sea otter who likes to play with his penis right in front of the glass in the most prominent spot. Every damn day. I'm the one who stands by the exhibit, so I'm the one who has to field all the awkward questions.
I was there last year and it was playing with a toy thingy at first. After a while it dropped the toy and played with a pink ball for a while and I was fascinated and watching until I noticed that that was his....
The Mitch McConnell maneuver.
Super late, but actual Zookeeper. I was once charged by a very large male Sulcata Tortoise who apparently thought I got a little too close to his female. Fortunately I was able to step over the foot high fence in time so that I was viciously mauled. Our tortoises are characters. I've also had to flip the male over by myself, who mind you, is on the upper end of his life span and about as big as they get, because he got a little too frisky with the female and fell off.
edit: I did not in fact step over the fence to be mauled, but to avoid being mauled. spell checking is for squares.
Lol how fast was this guy going exactly?
It took him a solid 30 seconds to turn, get from the end where he was, and end up where I was originally standing.
The enclosure's about 15-20ft wide.
Lunch.
Not a zookeeper but I saw a gorilla one time take a bunch of hay or grass in one hand, sh*t in the other and combine them together. He then ate it like a hotdog.
We're all playing checkers, this gorilla playing chess.
The orangutan at my local zoo used to crap in her hand, eat it, puke it up, and eat it again....repeating the cycle. Eventually they found it that she had some kind of deficiency and fixed it.
Isn't this how friends greet each other?
I once saw on gorilla poke another in the butt then sniff his finger.
One gorilla was laying in a hammock and the other was sitting on the ground beneath him. He would reach up, poke the gorillas butt, look at his finger, sniff it then repeat.
I watched a gorilla puke in its own hand and eat it. Gorillas are f*ckin' weird.
Well I've seen a friend of mine puke in his beer glass and the drink it. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
Patrons are also animals. Sometimes it shows.
I was a volunteer. If a zoo guest counts as an animal, we caught a guy trying to push the stall door open for our bull giraffe (all of the lady giraffes were in the adjoining stall) because "he looked lonely." (The guy was unable to and was gently told not to do that, please.) I have a personal theory that if it is possible for a zoo guest to get into, onto or behind an enclosure, they will. If you want to keep them out, you must make the enclosures people-proof. (Most guests are fine, it's the few like the Giraffe Liberator that are the pain).
Sh*t like that is how Harambe died.
Happy pig doggy.
My first 'proper' job, between high school and college was at a Zoo (South Lakes Wild Animal Park, in England). My favorite animal to work with was the babirusa; we only had one and he used to 'escort' me around the perimeter of his enclosure whenever I was in the area. If I stopped, he'd stop, if I walked backward he would turn around and follow. He would crazily wag his tail and make, what I assumed to be, 'happy' snorts. He seemed to genuinely enjoy seeing me, and when I didn't have much of anything to do I'd make my way over to his pen, just to rub his back. He was like an old, happy, doggo.
There are some in Budapest also. They are just a little happy pigs, and they like back rubs.
Luckily my arms are quite long and the fence is not too high, so I can reach in and rub their backs and noses. I really love them.
(Just so you know, I have grown up in village. We always had pigs and I know how to handle them safely, without giving them a chance to bite me.)
Oops that's my kink.
There was a chimp at a sanctuary I worked at with an armpit fetish. Every time someone came by he'd way his arm over his head until you did the same.
This Chimp has some tricks,
Always getting his way,
When he sees pretty chicks,
There's no time to play.
He puts on a show,
And hollers and waves.
They'll never know,
It's their armpits he craves.
Has she noticed you yet?
Nah, I only started practicing poems a week or so ago. Hoping someday I'll be as talented as the real sprog!
Dating and the search for love and companionship... What a nightmare.
This journey plays out nothing like in the movies.
Every Prince or Princess (or everything in BTW) seems to have a touch of the psycho.
The things people say during what should be simple dinner conversation can leave a dining partner aghast.
Like... do you hear you?
Redditor detroit_michigldan wanted to discuss all the best ways to crash and burn when trying to make a romantic connection. They asked:
"You're on a date and it's going really great. What can another person say to ruin it completely?"
I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Despite the advancement of technology rendering people left to their own devices–literally–to entertain them, there are some leisurely activities that will never go out of style.
Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"

Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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When we first meet someone–whether through mutual friends, at school, or in a new work setting–we generally feel people out to determine if they're worth getting to know.
While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"

Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Children tend to believe just about anything they hear.
That there are monsters under your bed, watching too much TV will make your head explode, and silly faces will be permanent if you make them too often.
The sky is truly the limit when it comes to silly things that children will believe.
Some call it naivitée, other's youthful innocence.
But it's hard not to look back with embarrassment on certain things we believed as a child, that today might simply seem dumb.
Redditor Disastrous_Toe_6548 was curious to learn the multitude of silly things people believed when they were children, leading them to ask:
"What's the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?"
Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
Silly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
So that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
The miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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