Sometimes you run into people who seem to live so deeply inside their own heads it renders them incapable of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. Don't even get us started on some of the awful advice people so willingly dole out, the heaping cliches and shallow platitudes that leave you feeling like you'd have been better off if the individual never opened their mouth to begin with!
Prepare to cringe. You're bound to thanks to Redditor Kaisietoo8, who asked the online community "What is the worst relationship advice you have heard?"
"To go nuts..."
To go nuts on your bachelor/bachelorette party. Get it all out of your system before you're married and truly committed.
"Why keep him only for yourself though?"
"Why keep him only for yourself though? Why not let him explore as he pleases? Trust me, he'll appreciate you a lot more if you let him sleep around."
-My drunk mother
"He now doesn't do that."
To do everything your partner says. Like seriously my friend thought he had to bend to the very whim of his girlfriend. He now doesn't do that.
"If he hits you..."
"If he hits you it means he loves you because he's risking going to jail for you. Stay with him! He's the one!" (Something along those lines.) Thanks girl on Dr. Phil. Solid advice, ten outa ten.
"Told to me at 2 AM..."
"If you catch your partner pleasuring themselves, dump them. If they'll do that, they'll cheat no problem."
"If you think they're gonna leave, get pregnant/knock them up. Kids fix everything."
"If you're not fighting, you're not caring. Real couples need to fight to remember they love each other."
Told to me at 2 AM by an old woman in the Seattle Dennys parking lot. I was like.... 23 at this point, and she offered this advice totally unprovoked.
"That's a yikes from me, dog."
Giphy"He isn't proposing fast enough? Fake a pregnancy"
That's a yikes from me, dog.
"My brother once told..."
My brother once told my female cousin it's important for women to remain "mysterious" and to try and remain aloof to keep a man's attention, even with small things: like never burping around him.
"I know a woman..."
I know a woman that was told by her mother on the morning of her wedding, "Even if you don't want to, have sex when he wants it. When they aren't satisfied is when they start cheating."
"You're a romantic partner..."
"You should stay and help them/fix them if you really love them."
You're a romantic partner not a therapist. And even if you ARE a therapist you don't need to fix them, that's unhealthy. A person can only take on so much of that emotional labor before it starts to drag them down too. If your partner won't even try to fix themselves, you are under no obligation to sacrifice your mental health for them. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
"Movie buffs of Reddit, what is your favorite fan theory for any well-loved and popular movie?"
It Makes Sense That He Would Change His Identity...
"'Heavyweights' is a prequel to Dodgeball."
"Tony Perkiss = White Goodman"- drunkpilot2
High Five Ben Stiller GIFGiphyYou'd Think They Would Have At Least Introduced Themselves...
"'Lord of the Rings', Frodo doesn't know Legolas's name."
"He never once says it and in the end scene where everyone runs in to see Frodo in the hospital, Frodo yells out everyone's name in excitement as they come in....except for Legolas, who he just stares at smiling, then Gimli walks in and he's back to it yelling 'Gimli!'."- Grouchy_Cat8054
...But Does The Movies Actually Make Sense?...
"The Machines are the good guys in 'The Matrix'."
"If you watch 'The Animatrix' you see that the Machines tried to be democratic members of society and when the humans wouldn't let them create their own country."
"The humans then wage war against that nation."
"The Machines at any time could make the planet unlivable for humans but they never do."
"The humans actually have the bright idea to block out the sun because the Machines are primarily solar powered."
"The Machines convert to nuclear then win the war against humans."
"THEN start plugging humans into the Matrix, an inferior source of energy to nuclear."
"I believe the Machines put the humans in their to keep them safe from the hellscape they created."
"They never truly eradicate the humans that have escaped the Matrix."
"Just keep them powerless enough to protect themselves."
"When Agent Smith is ranting about how much humans disgust (in part 1) him the other agent is skeeved out, and even says, 'What are you doing?'."
"Agent Smith is an outlier, threatening what the Machines collectively want."
"The Machines even ally with the humans against Agent Smith."
"An alliance the Machines readily accept because they always wanted to get along with humans."
"They call off the attack on Zion, ending the cycle of destruction and rebuilding."
"They have no reason to honor Neo's terms after he dies, but they do because they wanted peace all along."
"Allowing the humans the belief that Neo fostered a peace and they should relegate their conflict with the Machines to inside the Matrix works perfectly for them."
"No human or machine deaths."
"Humans that can sense the Matrix get segregated."
"Zion and the machine nation coexist."
"It's everything they ever wanted."- NucularRobit
"I've always loved the idea that the reason the CGI fight scenes between Neo and Agent Smith in 'Matrix Reloaded' and 'Revelations' looks so weird and 'bad', is that they are moving so fast that the Matrix is having trouble rendering them."- Righteous_Itch
the matrix 90s GIFGiphyCertainly Opens The Door For Volume 3...
"Bill didn’t die at the end of 'Kill Bill'."
"Both he and Beatrix knew that the 5-point palm exploding heart technique was fake."
"Using it on him was Beatrix’s way of saying 'if you play along and play dead, I’ll just take my daughter and go'.”- Rhodie114
Explains Why He Didn't Attend 'Rushmore'"...
"Napoleon Dynamite is what poor people are like in the Wes Anderson universe."- natelopez53
Still Doesn't Mean it's Watchable...
"The movie 'Batman & Robin' was actually an in-universe movie made by people that live in Gotham City."- Mr--Imp
george clooney batman GIF by MauditGiphyTheory, Or Fact?
"The 'Mad Max' movies all tell the same story."
"Max is a mythological figure in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, who in reality was maybe once a cop or something similar as society was breaking down."
"However as subsequent generations have lost more and more of society that was pre-collapse, subsequent generational retellings of the story have verged away more wildly from the truth."
"The bones of the story is that he is a man stricken by grief who adopts a small community in need and fights of a gang of vehicular maniacs but does not remain with them in the end."- WhapXI·
Of All The Names He Could Have Chosen...
"Shrek didn't have a name and made it up on the spot when Donkey asked him."- I_might_be_weasel
"I'll Be Back" makes so much more sense...
"That 'Terminator 1' wasn't the first pass through the timeline and John Connor deliberately chose his own father to give himself a better chance."- Astramancer_
terminator GIFGiphyBackstory For A Board Game...
"While not a well loved or popular movie, my theory on the 'Battleship' movie is a cheap alien production company is attempting to film some sort of nature documentary or reality tv show on earth and ends up being killed by the humans."
"They have advanced weapon technology, but they don't really know how to use it correctly."
"In fact, much of it is automated."
"Upon losing the communications ship, the system goes into a defensive mode, deploying the isolation dome and neutralizing any potential threats from the locals."
"By the time the aliens deactivate it, they've destroyed a bunch of local population and military."
"The aliens feel that this ruins any potential chance to reach out for help from the humans and decide to just go with maintaining security and securing local resources in order to call for help."
"Eventually the humans wipe them all out, and when news of their demise reaches the alien society it is met with the same contempt as someone petting a Bison at Yellowstone."- BMLortz
What Would Jar Jar say?
"Palpatine used Padme’s life force to keep Vader alive and that’s why she dies."
"Not sadness."- chesterforbes
They're All Connected... Through Violence...
"That Mr. Pink in 'Reservoir Dogs' survives his escape and is on the run living as a waiter at the 50s restaurant in Pulp Fiction."
"Same universe, at least."- Witty_Cost_9917
reservoir dogs GIFGiphyOne of the main reasons people watch movies is to open their imaginations and escape into a world far different from their own.
Making broadening that world all the more fun.
That being said, anyone who wants to stay in the world of Batman and Robin might have too much time on their hands...
Redditor celena6443 had some questions about seduction, so they asked:
"What's something simple that turns you on?"
A smile.
A simple smile gets me all of the time.
Kindness First
"I like it when she’s nice."
Ok_Pear_8291
"I like it when she's mean but in a nice way."
presideAM
Making Moves
"Returned interest. If I’m making a move, they’re making it known it’s very welcome."
DefinitelyNotADave
"This is the one. I am texting a girl who I have no idea if she’s into me or not but she gave me her number, didn’t reply to the last text I sent and I’m just like… well it was a question so I’m definitely not going to text again. Now I sit and wonder. I think I may overthink this whole dating thing."
eoJ_semoC_ereH
"Enthusiastic consent is appreciated. If I feel like I'm imposing on someone in any way, it makes me withdraw to avoid being a nuisance. I don't understand why some guys like it when girls display discomfort with romantic vibes."
FriedMattato
The Story
"My wife’s hips when she’s sitting. Specifically, if she’s in her undies doing her makeup, and I can see the little crease that her side butt/hips make. Don’t know why, but just makes me lose all train of thought if I see it."
theonephaze23
"I do indeed lose my train of thought regularly, i.e. whenever my wife changes her crossed legs while sitting on the couch and I'm facing her telling a story."
apeaquatic
"Exactly the same for me!! When I told my wife she don’t get it, and it is that line where her thigh meets the hip it's just so hot."
ilithios27
I Remember
"When she remembers things from previous conversations where I've talked about my hobbies, interests, favorite foods etc etc. I don't tell people these things with the expectation of them remembering or even caring but knowing they've paid attention and cared enough to remember the things I'm passionate about makes me feel valued, respected, and wanted. Anyone who doesn't try to suppress the little kid inside me that is passionate about some dorky things is cool with me."
warrof1
Hold Me
Hugs GIFGiphy"Hug from behind."
happygolucky226I
"Came to the comments to find this. I’m not a short woman, but my husband is much taller than me and a hug from behind combined with a back-of-neck kiss will get me from 0 to 1000 real quick."
IntuitiveMonster
Hug me, hold me, love me.
From behind I feel it.
Not Feet?
Hands Nails GIF by 2021 MTV Video Music AwardsGiphy"Had a casual hookup once who very sensually played with my hands and wow that was a level of intimacy I wasn't aware I could experience, and the immediate go zone it threw me into."
BlondeBreveHC
Big Talker
"The way a guy talks. Not just tone of voice but how he uses his words, or if he talks with his hands, etc."
Kbrown_021
Simplicity
"All my attention-starved ass can think of is positive direct attention. Like, when a person is very clearly interested in talking to you. Instead of passing greetings and bland conversation with the group that could be directed towards anybody who'd listen, they quickly direct their attention towards you and ask questions, trying to get to know you. "
"If someone hot does that... historically I've been too scared to do sh*t, but it definitely gets my heart pounding. Also, boobs. I'm a simple man."
2Scarhand
Gazing
"Eye contact."
nopestillgotit
"As an introvert and... I don't know someone who finds prolonged eye contact uncomfortable, if I'm attracted to someone and they are the type where they hold your gaze in conversations, I get sooo flustered so quick just—tingles everywhere."
bich-imma-slap-u
"This!! Oh, I go weak in my knees when my partner deep gazes into my eyes."
Impressive_Flan1600
Anything
"Sad cringe, but anything that says hey, here's something that I've done for you in my own free time specifically because I remember you saying you liked it, or because I wanted to impress you with something I personally like. I don't know, something (anything) that just reassures me that I'm not just the fat kid on the other end of the seesaw."
tazil_monkey
LOL
Mothers Day Lol GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"A compatible sense of humor. I like to make people laugh and have a unique sense of humor so if I make a woman laugh I'll catch feelings pretty quick. but if she makes me laugh I'm gonna be in love."
dimmu1313
Laughter is the best medicine.
And the best way to love.