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People Explain Which Works Of Art The Public Will Never See Because They're In Private Collections

People Explain Which Works Of Art The Public Will Never See Because They're In Private Collections
Igor Miske/Unsplash

People collect art for a myriad of reasons. Some might have a particular artist they admire, maybe it's a personal investment, or maybe they want serious bragging rights.

Whatever the reason may be, there are some incredible pieces of art that may never be seen by the public because the value has made it impossible for anyone but the elite to see.

Some collections are valued at $2.2 billion and are spread across over 100 museums and galleries.

But what about the private collections that are never seen by the eyes of the public?


Redditor nessenger asked:

"What rare or historical items are in private collections which the public will never see?"

Some of these historical items have an interesting background story.

An Emily Carr painting.

"One of my old neighbors had an Emily Carr painting. He had an art book on a pedestal in front of it that talked about the painting and had the location as 'Unknown.' He had written 'Ha-ha!' next to it in the margin."

- fistymitts

"In my opinion, it was definitely stolen. Maybe not by him but...there's no reason not to claim it as an asset at least to insure it, considering its worth millions of dollars, unless claiming it would become a problem for you."

- PlayerH8rsBallz

"He's definitely a legitimate art collector. He probably got it in a private sale where the [provenance] was exclusively from private sales."

- fistymitts

A silent short film.

"My answer is something the public will likely never see, not because it's in private hands, but because all traces of it have likely been lost:"

"On May 16th, 1912, the American silent short film Saved from the Titanic premiered in theaters starring actress Dorothy Gibson. The film was unique in that, not only was it completed literally a month after the tragedy, but Gibson was one of the survivors of the disaster, even wearing the same nightgown she wore on April 15th in the film."

"Despite some papers like the New York Dramatic Mirror criticizing the film as "revolting," due to the recent nature of the disaster, many more praised it for the same reasons. And, indeed, its use of stock footage of Captain Smith aboard the near-identical Olympic, icebergs in the North Atlantic, and of the Olympic herself as a stand-in, was able to increase the film's authenticity in ways no other film could."

"Sadly, this would be Gibson's last film, as she suffered an existential crisis during production, and all known copies of the film itself were destroyed in a studio fire in March 1914. All of them."

"Except, perhaps one."

"You see, one of the more notable fatalities in the Titanic disaster was Major Archibald Butt. While basically everything he was said to have done during the sinking was a case of media sensationalism, what could not be fabricated was his friendship and role as military advisor to William Howard Taft, better known as the President of the United States. Taft, to say the least, didn't take the news well, breaking down into tears during Butt's second funeral ceremony on May 5th. He received a personal copy of the film, and as such, it is possible that this copy still exists today, tucked away and forgotten…."

- Shipping_Architect

A lost room.

"The Amber Room."

"It ended up somewhere."

- DNAeros

"As much as I would live to see it I don't believe it exists anymore. There may be pieces of it in collections but the majority of it must have been broken apart and sold to be made into other trinkets."

- Ascholay

"The consensus among most reputable historians and journalists is that the Amber Room was destroyed during the firebombing of the building where it was held, though individual pieces might have been looted as people fled the palace and sold later, fueling rumors that the room itself had survived."

"Notably, none of these rumors have led to a plausible theory of how the room might have been moved and stored. When you take into account that:"

  • "It's very common for portable items of value to be looted during the destruction of culturally significant sites without the site itself surviving;"
  • "The Amber Room would have been incredibly difficult to move, hide, and store, particularly in secret;"
  • "And that all leads regarding its whereabouts so far have been proven false"

"... Then there is no actual evidence that it survived, besides wishful thinking and the fact that it makes a good story."

"Also worth noting, the destruction of the Amber Room was seen as extremely bad PR for everyone involved, so there is great motivation for powerful states and figures to produce the room, if it exists, yet they have been unable to do so."

- lemontreelemur

"The thing is it's probably still around in the place where it was made, Prussia. In fact the Amber Room has a high chance of still being in the remains of Konigsberg Castle. The area of Konigsberg is now called Kaliningrad Oblast and is a Russian territory. The soviets blew up the remains of the castle in the 50s and 60s after it sustained heavy bombardment in ww2, however, the castle was so big that the basement/cellars/foundations all still exist. As far as I am aware, Konigsberg Castle was the last place the Amber Room was seen and it may by in the cellars/tunnels underneath the remains of the Castle."

"There is currently funding for a project to dig up the remains of the Castle and go into the tunnels underneath the foundations of the two main fortified towers that have been blown mostly to smithereens."

- GoldPrussianEagle

Art on rotation.

"I know there's a ton of stuff that the Nazis stole that still hasn't been recovered. Plenty of it HAS to just be sitting in somebody's living room, with the owner possibly being unaware of its origins, or maybe at least suspicious of its origins but they don't want to contact anybody about it."

"Museums also have a ton of stuff that they keep behind the scenes for various reasons - I think usually sensitivity to light and needing better temperature and air control are the main ones. Some of that stuff has really good replicas that are actually what's on display in museums, but I think a lot of the stuff doesn't so is just in some drawer in the back room somewhere where only specific employees and documentary filmmakers can see it."

- OneGoodRib

"Apparently, because of how they 'rotate' exhibits & collections, museums typically have far more things in storage than on display."

- JustHereForCookies17

"They also share with other museums, got to keep the attractions fresh."

- Psyco_diver

"They have even more than that I'd say. Stuff admitted in the museum often have additional items on the side that get mixed up and unlabeled; some dresses have sample extras on the side for reparation or replication purposes for the original owner."

- Gemela12

"My mom works at a small museum and she says that they normally have about a third of their collection on display. Also, many pieces have restrictions about how long and how often they can be displayed, especially older paintings and delicate pieces like tapestries. For these reasons, museums often borrow pieces from private collectors to 'fill out' exhibits"

- I-grow-flowers

"Hell even in the university I work in, we have a small museum, with literally just a few select biological pieces. But we have a locked room with thousands of specimens that would fill the room 3 times over."

- Goetre

"Same, the University I'm at (I don't work there, I'm a student) has an enormous collection of Greek and Roman artefacts; there are like six pieces on display in the hallway, but on the top three floors the fifth-year and Master's students love getting sh*t out if you ask them. Three. Floors."

- Gr0und0ne

"My gf's family has an old bed frame they dismantled and buried when the Nazis starting taking sh*t, they eventually dug it up and reassembled it and now it's in like a guest room but it was all metal very well crafted."

- bugzillian

The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

History is littered with unsolved mysteries. Whether those answers are buried somewhere or lost forever, it doesn't stop people from wondering or hypothesizi...

"Lost" media footage.

"Lost Media footage. I know some collectors stumbled upon gems but won't release it, because the like the power of feeling like a god."

- Prince_Jaehaerys

"For obvious reasons there are quite a few recordings of fatal racing accidents that are locked away forever either by the families or the racing team owners/manufacturers. I'm ok with these staying that way."

- TRex_N_Truex

"I know this was being discussed after Steve Irwin died, since his death was caught on tape. I'd heard that the Australian government ordered the footage destroyed once the inquiry into his death was completed. Given how much of an icon Steve Irwin was, especially in Australia, I'm certain that all of the footage was destroyed, especially since all the people who witnessed it were his friends. I'm perfectly fine with that footage being destroyed."

- PAKMan1988

"For a looooong time only 1 person was known to have footage of the entire first super bowl and flat-out refused to give it to NBC. To the point that NBC had to cobble together a tape from various other sources for the 50th anniversary."

- I-grow-flowers

Someone commented an article about a kickstarter to get the footage.

"I know DJ Mike Nice has the footage of the 'unrecognized' NWA Title change between Ric Flair and Jack Veneno in the Dominican Republic… probably not technically LOST but super rare."

- shawntitanNJ

Medieval manuscripts.

"Well maybe not in private collections, but as someone majoring in European Medieval History it kinda pains my hard that there are some beautifully illuminated manuscripts, that almost no one but the conservators will ever be able to lay their eyes upon. The Book of Hours of Jean de Berry bursting with life and colour, the Utrecht Psalter, the oldest & most valuable manuscript located within my country, dating back to the 830's and decorated with incredibly precise and lively pen drawings and so much more. You can check digital versions online, but to hold such a piece of history and art in your hands is another experience entirely."

- Wampderdam98

"It amazed me when I visited the bayeux tapestry. The colour and condition of something coming up on 1000 years old. Some of the detail they put into those old manuscripts and tapestries are unbelievable."

- michaelscottdundmiff

"Dude I cried when I saw this old a** painting from el Greco. Like how can something soooo old survive. How am I seeing this painting. Same when I saw Van Gogh paintings."

- Jen_Mari_Apa

"It's pretty important that people can't just come and handle it though. The only reason it's survived this long is because it has been handled extremely carefully. It probably won't be long before a technology comes along that makes current high definition digital images look outdated, just as they make black and white photographs look outdated."

- mordenty

Stradivarius violins.

"Few Stradivarius violins."

- Adonis_X

"I worked for a year for a big insurance company and I was helping an underwriter finalize some documents for a plan and it was this guy who had three of those violins."

"It's crazy to have even one, but three?!"

- UCMCoyote

"Stradivarius cellos are even rarer than the violins. Knew a cellist who was loaned one for concerts. Bought 2 plane tickets whenever he traveled with it, one for the cello."

- Cherimoose

International drama.

"I work at a very fine auction house. I know where most of the European, Russian and ancient China art goes. And who bought what since WWII."

"I have no idea how much trouble I would get into, but I know of sales that would cause some international drama."

- Antieque

"See, we need a Wikileaks situation for this kind of stuff."

- IngsocInnerParty

"A lot of very wealthy collectors have little trust in their relatives, so they grow a concern of what happens to their collections when they die. Some wants to sell them to other collectors in private auctions, some wants to sell them to the highest bidder and give the money to the family and/or donations. But they fear that their relatives with little knowledge of the collections value will do things they wouldn't approve of."

"When you sell something at auctions, there is a sellers commission, so wealthy collectors often negotiate with auction houses to sell their entire collections with lowered commission fee. This is where you see most crazy stuff, because you go to visit these people so see their collections with them and agree upon a deal. Some people have the most mind blowing stuff laying around. And some of them have very strict rules for whom they want to sell to and especially whom NOT to sell to."

"The classic examples are the very German sounding last names with art from earlier Nazi occupied nations. Dutch names with Malaysian art. British names with Egyptian, Chinese and Indian art. Religious leaders that buys and sells their own religions artifacts. Political party leaders that buys and sells things strict in opposition to their 'beliefs'. Royalty from all parts of the world buying the most random things."

"What makes me sad is, when people buy things that they collect with the intent of humiliation. Examples are anti-something people who buys things their 'enemies' loved to collect it as trophies. It is very difficult to mention a hypothetical example without sounding biased. Just like Hitler wanted to make a museum with artifacts of his enemies, all kinds of people do this to this day. Lots of people has middlemen as buyers to cover their tracks, but no one is stupid in this business."

- Antieque

"After today, the largest Triceratops skeleton ever discovered."

"It was sold to private collectors. Robbing scientists of the chance to take a look at the specimen."

- Ghost_Of_Hallownest

"Ethics aside, f*ck that would be cool to have as a Halloween decoration lol."

- ravenousmind

"So not technically hidden anymore, but a few years ago the Vatican uncovered these chambers of rooms on their property that were intricately painted in a style of Western art that is entirely unique and was lost for the last 1000 years. You can probably picture the unique styles of a Roman mosaic, a medieval triptych, and a Renaissance painting--well, this was something completely different, a lost, orphaned branch of Western art that petered out and was accidentally sealed in a room for centuries."

"On my last tour there, the guides showed us this room and said basically, 'Hey we finally got around to cleaning these rooms, take a look around if you want. It represents a lost branch of Western art that exists nowhere else in time or space, if you're into that, whatever.'"

"I was blown away. It was delicate, colorful, more earnest and simple than most medieval art, lots of floral patterns, almost geometric. I wonder if it was never popularized because the Vatican at the time wanted a more brassy, imperialistic style. And there could be more lost artistic experiments like this, sealed off for centuries because the Vatican hasn't gotten around to de-cluttering yet..."

- lemontreelemur

"The Vatican has a ton of historians and archeologists on staff because there's hundreds of rooms, most of them buried or in ruins under the soil, that still need to be explored and researched. Many of them are merely extensions of existing buildings that for one reason or another were walled off and forgotten at some point."

"The Vatican archives have all kinds of interesting stuff too, and they're working towards making a lot more of it publicly available. I'm amazed any of that stuff survived the multiple sackings of Rome."

- RealArby

Art collecting is definitely meant for the rich elite who pride themselves on having such incredible amounts of money. It's a shame that these incredible works are going to continue to circulate amongst those select few.

It's hard to think of it as even being art if no one is around to admire it.

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People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.