People Break Down The Workplace Mishaps That Should Have Gotten Them Fired But Didn't
In any line of work, we all have made our share of minor mistakes that were acknowledged with a slap on the wrist.
Work mistakes are one thing. Intentionally committing a transgression while on the clock is another.
I had a performer friend who was in high-demand and seized every opportunity to book more work, even though she was under contract with me in a show.
It was during the holiday season when there was a high volume of one-off gigs. She called in sick for the weekend and used her sick hours so as not to miss out on a full paycheck.
Lo-and-behold, the stage managers discovered during our matinee that she was not sick at all. But it appeared she had given birth.
To Jesus Christ.
There, on live television in the stage management office, was my friend dressed as Mary – the mother of Jesus – in a televised live nativity scene.
Although her dishonesty was a cardinal sin in the theater world, she was not terminated because our company was short of performers who were already on approved vacations or were legitimately ill.
Redditor pieter2501 wondered if people have ever pulled a fast one at work and got away with it.
They asked:
"What thing did you do that should have gotten you fired, but didn't?"
Idiot Foreman
"I called my general foreman a f'king idiot for doing something. I don't remember what it was but the safety foreman called me and apparently I was right to call him out because what he did was an osha violation or something."
On The Company's Dime
"For my last buisness trip, I booked myself not into the usual mediocre 2star-bed-'n'-breakfast our company wants us to book, but into a nice 5star-Wellness-Resort with daily 5-course dinners, free access to a large spa, and a complimentary 45-minute massage."
"I payed with our company credit card, fully expecting to get into trouble (although I actually didn't expect to get fired). When billing called to have me explain what I was thinking, I explained that, due to the fact that dinner was included in the rate, we were able to save on additional expenses. The guy literally said 'Oh, well, that's fair, I guess!' and hung up on me. I haven't heard anyting from them (nor from my boss) since, so I guess everything's fine...."
Close Call
"I constantly clocked in late, took 1-2 hour lunch breaks, and left early."
"My boss finally caught on and told me to come into his office later that afternoon to presumably reprimand me and/or fire me."
"But before he got the chance to, his boss came into his office and fired him."
"Funny Looking Backpack"
"My company once helped provide technical support for a local high school's back to school event. I left a piece of equipment roughly the size of a football that comes in it's own portable backpack on the athletic field. That piece of equipment costs $45,000. We didn't know it was missing until we drove the hour back to headquarters and all had dinner. I drove back down at about 10 PM to look for it with the help of police and couldn't find anything. I cried myself to sleep after getting back around 2 AM."
"At 8 AM our company got a call from an older lady who said she 'found a funny looking backpack' with our logo on the football field and took it home since no one was there and asked what time would work best to drop it off at our facility."
"I think the fact that it was found is the only reason I remained employed."
– MDVAME
Dirty Drawing
"To protect each other from cooties, my office installed plexi glass around our desks. I found out that you can use dry erase markers on them and wrote little notes to my colleague, which erased just fine. I joked, 'Watch, I'll write a dumb note and it won't erase.'"
"At the end of a long day, I was foolin around and drew a naked lady fully expecting to be able to erase it. It did not."
"I made sure the marker was indeed dry erase, it was the same plexi glass I had marked on before. For some reason this one just didn't come off. I was panicking and NOTHING worked. How could I even explain this to my boss?"
"Eventually, I remembered that Mr.Clean's Magic Eraser took off the 5 year old permanent marker drawing that I put on my mom's cabinets as a kid. That finally got the scandalous drawing off. I swear I would've been fired."
Toddlers And Pink Eye
"I worked in daycare. If your child had pink eye they were sent home and not allowed back for a couple days or until it went away. This really bothered some parents."
"We sent one child home with pink eye and his mother was pretty pissed at us. Whatever rules are rules."
"Next day at drop off, she has this kid wearing a damn eye patch. Tells me I'm not allowed to touch it. It was pretty flimsy and if you know toddlers you know it wasn't going to last. So as soon as she hands me her kid I lift up his eye patch and bam, pink eye."
"She's livid and starts yelling at me. My supervisor gets involved, I'm pretty sure I was going to get fired. But I didn't somehow. Just got chewed out pretty bad."
"There were numerous steps I should've taken instead of lifting up his eye patch right infront of his mother. But when you're getting minimum wage to change dirty diapers and keep little suicide machines alive you just don't care."
The Day After
"I've definitely turned up to work bagged up after a few too many on Friday night turning up twitching like a bird and sh*t."
"In college, I once went to work not realizing I was still drunk from the night before. Back when I was young and desperately wanted to appear cool, I had a party trick of doing rows of flaming 151 shots, guaranteed to impress and give you alcohol poisoning."
"At work, I started to open up the store around 7am, tripped over a box, and apparently just passed out and stayed in that exact spot until my next coworker came in to find me laying there around 8am. This was a cool coworker who just laughed about it and helped me finish opening up real quick before the boss man came."
Singing Cockroaches
"I was doing programming for kids at the library and the summer theme was bug-related. Remembering a charming movie that involved bugs, I gathered all the kids together and put on the movie... Joe's Apartment. (If you've never heard of it, it's a fairly innocuous rom-com plot with a ton of swearing. One of the running jokes is that a character is in a band called "SH*T.")"
"The library was in a super conservative neighborhood and if even one child had told their parents I could have been in a world of trouble. However they all thought it was hilarious and didn't rat me out."
Free Popcorn!
"I worked at a movie theater and would give free stuff to people who i randomly liked everyday on the cash register. Probably tens of thousands in lost profit because of me."
Better Drunk
"When I work for an auto parts store I would drink on the job daily. The manager even knew but wouldn't fire me because me drunk was better than half the people there.""Please Don't Stay With Us"
"I worked at a reservation center for a large hotel chain."
"A lady called to stay in a small town. As it happens, it was my hometown. She wanted to book the suite at the hotel for her honeymoon."
"I told her not to. That it was nice, but not for an occasion like that. That they would be disappointed. I recommended a much better, locally ran, hotel that was way better for a honeymoon."
"If my boss had heard that call, me recommending another hotel... I'd have been gone that day."
"THEN..."
"About two weeks later, she called back and asked to speak to me. Which wasn't that uncommon. Usually it was to thank you. This time too. She was so happy. The hotel I had sent her to was exactly what she had hoped for. She said her and her husband looked at the suite at the chain's hotel that I talked them out of and she agreed that they would have been pissed."
"I'm lucky that my boss never heard any part of either of those calls, lol"
Dealing With A Boozy Patron
"When I was a server there was this lady that came in on the busiest day of the week, that was intolerably impatient. When I went to run her tables food, the cook told me they had dropped her entire plate and were making another one. When I went to tell her this she got all in a huff so I asked her if she wanted me to scrape the food off the floor and give it to her instead. She lost it, demanded to talk to my manager, didn't tip etc. My manager said she reeked of booze at 8am so I just got a slap on the wrist for being rude to the customer."
– carch20
Never Mess With A Nerd
"I was a pizza delivery driver right out of high school. Our pizza place had a contract to deliver pizza to the school cafeterias. So I delivered to the local Middle School and a group of cool kids were out front talking sh*t. On the way back out the little bastards kept talking sh*t. So I lunged at one of them with my fist raised up and he screamed and jumped back. I walked away laughing, got in my car, flipped them off and drove away. When I got back to the store my manager was waiting for me, I denied everything, blamed the kids, and kept my job. As a real adult I know I should have done nothing, but I was so sick of stupid sh**ty pre teens thinking they were big tough guys and I had seen them bullying nerd folk before, nerds are my people."
The Big Bang Incident
"Made a dry ice bomb that exploded in my coworkers hand."
"I work with icecream at a theme park and we use dry ice for a lot of the carts. It was close to closing and there was a crate full of the stuff next to our table in the little warehouse we work out of and pretty much everybody was working just outside or in the office. So we decide we're going to put dry ice in a bottle and seal it up and throw it into our giant walk-in cooler."
"I took a bottle of water, he drank half of it and I scooped out some of the dry ice with a paper cup and whacked it against the table to try and break it up because it likes to stick together. Start pouring it in until we have a pretty decent bottle of smoke going and he seals it up. I slide open the door of the cooler and he starts shaking the bottle."
"Suddenly there's a BANG and me and this dude are staring at eachother with everything in a 2 meter radius covered in a fine mist of water. We bust out laughing, he looks at his hand and points to it bleeding and we laugh harder. Uncontrollable, jovial laughter. People start walking in from outside to investigate the bang, and then the managers came out of the office from the opposite side of the building. So it's me, this other guy everything is slightly wet and we're still laughing like idiots. The manager on duty asked what happened and we couldn't even answer her. We just start trying to put words together but we're still losing our sh*t too much to make any sense."
"She pulls me into the office and makes me write a statement on the situation while they bandaged his hand up and I wrote that we were working and I heard an explosion and we were covered in water and that I had no idea what was going on. They swapped us out and he said the bottle must have fallen in because his water bottle was missing from the table and he had no clue how the explosion happened, but his hand was on the same side as the dry ice. We walked free, no discipline. She knew we were full of sh*t, but HR said the story made sense. I still am not sure how they let us get away with it."
There is nothing people hate more than when a major turning point in their favorite TV show is spoiled for them.
Friends were undoubtedly lost over the fate of Derek Shepherd on Grey's Anatomy, fights broke out over who killed Omar Little on The Wire, and the identity of "A" on Pretty Little Liars.
The anger of these devoted viewers becomes more and more ironic with each passing year, as they eagerly rewatch these shows on a semi-regular basis.
Despite knowing every possible twist, turn, surprise kiss, or unexpected death.
This time, however, they don't care, as the mark of a good show is one that creates a world we just want to reenter over and over again.
Perhaps the lack of any possible "spoilers" only increases our enjoyment.
"What show will you never get tired of rewatching?"
"A Dimension Not Only Of Sight And Sound, But Also Of Mind..."
"Twilight Zone."- whaler76
We All Need A Good Laugh...
"Whose Line Is It Anyway."- 4everlurk
The Brits Got It Right
"'Taskmaster'."
"UK, which shouldn't need to be said, but it does."- findingthescore
Who Knew Vampires Could Be So Funny!
"What We Do in the Shadows."- zizismuq
Definitely The Crowd You Want To Be A Part of...
"IT Crowd."- zzzonked666
Reflecting On Our Past...
"Band of Brothers."- mrandmrsm
And King Of Our Hearts
"King of the Hill."- 661Lee93
The Truth Is Indeed Out There...
"X files."- Big-Pool
There's A Middle Child In All Of Us
"Malcolm in the Middle."- midoes
Live Long And Prosper!
"Star Trek: The Next Generation."- SAR81
With all the streaming services now available, not to mention promising new network shows, there are countless new series for us to enjoy.
However, sometimes committing to a new series and risking disappointment just seems less appetizing than re-watching a show we know and love.
Maybe returning to a place "where everybody knows our name", or watching Lost enough times to finally figure out if [SPOILER ALERT] the ending makes any sense...
Roughly 12 percent of the world's population is left handed.
Studies have shown that being in this distinct minority comes with a number of advantages.
Indeed, four the last seven Presidents of the United States were all left-handed,
And considering Phil Mickelson, Rafael Nadal and Oscar De La Hoya are all left-handed as well, it seems lefties are at an advantage on the field or in the court or arena.
Though, if you were to speak to a left-handed person about their experience, they'll more than likely bemoan all the disadvantages of being a lefty.
Of which, there are admittedly several.
"What is the worst thing about being left-handed?"
Take Your Pick...But Mainly Scissors...
"The smudging is annoying."
"The right-handed desks suck."
"But it’s scissors, man."
"F*cking scissors."- Icy_Mortgage6654
Sucks The Joy Out Of Morning Coffee
"All the cute designs on mugs are only visible for right handed people."- jdon93
Baking Complications
"Measuring cup labels are on the other side when I use my left hand."- maninthemoonpie
Great British Baking Show GIF by PBSGiphyGood Penmanship Is Futile
"Fountain pens, and pencils."
"F*cking hate smudges."- deanfranz12
"When you write, you have to put your whole arm on the paper because you are actively pushing it."
"Whereas right handed people just have to apply a little force not to pull the paper."- iStealP
To Assume Makes An A** Out Of You And Me...
"When someone tries to teach you how to play guitar, line up a pool cue, shoot a bow and arrow, and they can’t because you’re left-handed."- aeowyn7
Dougie Payne Guitar GIF by TravisGiphyAt Least Some Progress Has Been Made...
"My grandad was left-handed."
"He went to a catholic school, this was in the 1930s/early 1940s UK, and the nuns would tie his left hand behind him and hit him until he wrote with his right hand."
"They said that it was a ‘sign of the devil’ if someone was left-handed."
"So cruel."- miz_moon
Might As Well Be Dying...
"Hearing the following words:"
"'Ohhh you're left handed!'"
"It becomes grating after the 1000th time of hearing it."- redbutterfly_78
In All Seriousness, It's Worse Than You Think...
"Left handed people aren't taught how to write as lefties, they are taught as if they are right handed."
"Pens tips are designed for right handed people, especially ballpoint and fountain pens."
"But even others work less efficiently for lefties."
"This is because we have to push the pen across the page, whereas they are pulling it."
"This causes frequent breaks in pencil tips, catching of nibs, and this ink/graphite will be rubbed against the lefties' hands, often ruining their writing."
"In addition, this pushing motion means there is pressure going into the hand of the lefty, trying to push the pen into their grip."
"As a result, they have to squeeze tightly."
"This reduces control of the pen, leading to bad handwriting and pain after even short periods."
"I know doing exams was awful for the lefties."
"Handwriting is for right handed people."
"Pretty obvious, you are taught a way to move your hand to get the shapes of letters, but lefties aren't taught the opposite."
"They are just left to figure it out, but these kids don't know what they are doing wrong."
"A lack of equipment for lefties, whether it is left handed scissors or desks or sharpeners."
"It may seem trivial, but these little things can make a leftie feel weird or like their can't figure out even the tiny little things that everyone else is getting so quickly."
"The effects:"
"This is a cause of lefties craning their wrists round so that they don't smudge and get a better pulling motion."
"As well as craning wrists, some may lean round, or massively rotate their page just so it isn't in the way, but no one taught them these solutions."
"Bad handwriting."
"Lack of confidence, which affects schoolwork and how the kid see his/herself."
"It may be the kid simply can't do what their classmates can do, despite trying his/her hardest."
"Uncomfortable positions causing pain in the neck, back and wrist."
"There are some, very small, organizations that have developed ways to properly teach left handed children how to sit and write comfortably."
"It usually involves angling the page slightly, but clockwise, whereas most lefties angle it anti-clockwise."
"I'd gladly volunteer my time to teach left-handed kids how to write."- untakenu
Left-handed people have to take the good and the bad much more than right-handed people.
However, considering Mark Twain, Albert Einstein and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were all left-handed, it seems that it's easy to make the most of the disadvantage.
There is little more comforting than lounging on the sofa, and binging your favorite sitcoms.
What ultimately makes sitcoms so comforting, in addition to the clever writing and improbably affordable apartments, are the characters.
Why Friends continues to gain a new legion of fans, even nearly 20 years after its finale, is the fact that those watching often want Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey and especially Phoebe to actually be their friends.
Or wish their own friends' dynamic was more like that iconic sextet.
Indeed, people would be much less hesitant to show up for work if they knew The Office's Jim or Pam would be waiting for them, or think that their school days might have been more pleasurable if taught by Abbot Elementary's Janine Teagues.
Characters who are so lovable, it almost breaks our hearts that they aren't real.
"Who is the best sitcom character of all time?"
The Dad We All Wish We Had
"Hal from 'Malcolm in the Middle'."- TerriblyAverage1
malcolm in the middle ifc GIFGiphySomeone Get That Lady a Vodka Rocks... Or A Piece Of Toast...
"Lucille Bluth."
"She stole every scene she was in, which is both a testament to how well the character was written and Jessica Walter’s performance."- PobBrobert
"It's Always Sunny" When They're Around.
"Charlie Kelly!"- SuperDuperCatman
"Frank Reynolds."- Pumpkin-tits-NYC
it's always sunny sunnyfxx GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy"But He Already Did Something Today"...
"Titus Andromedon from 'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt'."- cherry_blsm00
Especially When He Makes A "huge mistake"...
"Gob Bluth."- BrushGoodDar
Threatening Our Grasp On Reality
"Creed."
"Proof that less is more."
“'Somebody making soup?'”- AussieDuckMan
creed bratton television GIFGiphyThe Boss Of Our Dreams
"Captain Holt"- Cabbiecar1001
If Only For His Hair!
"Maurice Moss, 'IT Crowd'."- SalsaYogurt
One Only Hopes Our Future Will Involve Him
"Bender B. Rodriguez."
"Remember that scene in Kill Bill where Bill says Clark Kent is Superman's impression of humans?"
"Clark had to act like all the other humans in order to blend into human society."
"Now apply that logic to Bender."
"He was made by humans to be able to function and relate to people in a human world."
"The humans made him in their own image and he's the most self-centered, amoral, insecure, emotional train wreck on Earth."
"He is what we secretly fear about our own nature."- blakethegr8
swag futurama GIFGiphyOne could say it's their questionable grasp of reality that makes sitcoms so enjoyable.
If Will Truman were a real-life New York attorney, there's no way he would have been chronically single for seven years.
Far-fetched as some of their premises may be, however, our favorite sitcom characters can almost be viewed as the friends who never disappoint us.
As they're always guaranteed to make us laugh and put a smile on our faces.
Even when they break our hearts.
Seriously, how could Nathan do that to Ted Lasso?!?!?!
Home makeover television is a favorite genre of programming among many TV viewers.
DIY and home improvement shows such as those that are on HGTV inspire homeowners or house flippers to come up with brilliant ideas to dramatically alter their homes.
But not everyone has the means to make their vision come to fruition. But, hey, we can all dream.
Speaking of which, Redditor Butterflies_Books asked strangers online to channel their desires into a hypothetical and asked:
"If you had enough money to build your dream house, what's a strange room/feature you'd include?"
These Redditors want more than an aesthetic change. They want a lifestyle change.
Purrrfect Plans
"Cat walks. Between rooms. For my cat."
– ThinkMouse3
Wet Theater
"An indoor swimming pool in the underground floor with a synced screen on all four sides and normal + underwater sound system. I love swimming. I love watching movies and series."
– Meins447
Bringing The Outdoors Indoors
"I want a freshwater pond in a central location inside the house."
– DoctorSneak
Liquid Dreamz
"An indoor swimming pool - with a lazy river. I LOVE swimming but I f'king hate public pools. I have a recurring dream where I have a house with a lazy river in it. I love those dreams."
– [deleted]
It gets really specific.
Siesta All The Time
"I want an outdoor area dedicated to taco night. It’s gonna have a meat smoker, and a tequila bar, and pepper plants, and a huge grill and an awesome speaker system and it will be fiesta themed and amazing!"
– DreyaNova
Middle-Earth Food Storage
"I want a hobbit pantry."
"Earthy, timber-stone decor that is climate controlled to be a perfect storage area for wheels of cheese, sausage links and beer."
– Shangiskhan
Aquarium Study
"It's not that strange, but I think an irrationally large number of decisions in my life have been motivated by the desire to eventually have a study with high ceilings and floor to ceiling bookshelves so I can have one of those ladder things that sits against the shelf and have it be justified."
"I would add an octopus tank but I think they live like two years tops and having to bury a pet biennelly seems depressing."
"Edit: people keep suggesting I eat the octopuses."
"I'm not going to eat my pets."
"As a former fish monger, please do not eat seafood that has died of old age. Not gonna taste good."
– Nrussg
Again, we can dream.
No More Solicitors
"A moat. No one has a moat anymore. Do you not want to talk to people? Pull up the draw bridge!!!! And in the winter you have your own personal skating rink!!"
– Hardlynotpoor
Tropical Oasis
"I really want one of those natural bathrooms, that looks like you just walked into a jungle, everything is stone and steam and plants and sounds of a water fall."
"Or one of those open stair cases where the back wall is completely glass and there’s a leafy garden under the stairs."
"Basically just a tropical oasis for plants."
– YEEyourlastHAW
Bringing Nature In
"I saw a cool house online yesterday that had an indoor greenhouse and I am here for that."
– [deleted]
Calgon Take Me Away
"Absolutely a secret beautiful bathroom just for me. I don’t know what it is but I just really value bathroom time and the luxury of getting washed and relaxing and getting ready in a big beautiful marble bathroom. But nobody else can use it. Like the secret bathroom in B99."
– cats_rule_on_mars
I've always dreamed of owning a house that has an interior Japanese tranquility garden. As in, rock garden.
There's nothing to maintain and all you have to do is gaze out into the contained courtyard and meditate.
It would be the perfect space from where peaceful energy would flow. The house's heart.
What's your dream home addition?