A haiku is a style of poetry that originated in Japan. The form involves having 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
Some people on Ask Reddit shared where they work and what they do based on these constraints.
The results ended up being very fun.
Redditor Lost_Borealian invited workers to express themselves:
"Writing only in Haiku, what do you do for work?"
Can you guess where they work based on their poem?
Have you tried restarting it?
"How can I help you?"
"'Oh my god it is blinking.'"
"Try restarting it."
"You broke your laptop"
"Somehow this is my problem?"
"Yelling won't fix it."
"I am in law school"
"I do research for money"
"I used to do that"
"Now I write briefs all damn day"
"But it pays the bills."
"I see black and white."
"Gray all over in between."
"When X-rays hit you."
We've all heard this before.
"Black or pinto beans?"
"You know guac is extra right?"
"Any sides with that?"
"Whaddup cake day bro"
"I ate Chipotle tonight"
"It was damn good, thanks"
Out of work.
"Work was years ago,"
"Unfortunately got sick."
"On Reddit all day..."
"but I cannot stand people,"
"so I bus tables."
"Put away returns"
"Are you ready to check out?"
"'May I speak with the-'"
"'Manager? That's me, Karen'"
"Screaming then ensues."
Chilling poem on end of life care.
"The care in the end"
"There in silence they will lay"
"As I treat their pain"
The stock room lament.
"Boxes keep coming"
"Nowhere to put the products"
"The stock room is full"
"I need a new job"
"No career satisfaction"
"I fear the unknown"
They did not understand the assignment.
"Nobody wants to hire me because I suck at following directions."
We hope you enjoyed these poems and thought about how you could describe your own jobs.
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They say it's hard for workers to get fired from their jobs. That is unless, of course, the employee is self-sabotaging and has nothing at stake.
While there are many unemployed people desperately looking for work, there are apparently just as many of those who want nothing more than to leave a situation that makes them miserable, despite having a steady paycheck.
Curious to hear about terminated employees, Redditor bartertownbeer asked:
"What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?"
Fired? How about arrested?
"During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera.... 1 hour in.."
Right Place, Wrong Time
"This is the opposite route here but I found it amusing. My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today. We were hiring and I trained him etc. My boss came back two days later and had no idea. The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying."
"We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off. He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic."
The Longest Errand
"I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone's money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back."
"A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened."
"He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he'd stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager."
Being under the influence at work never ends well.
"New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in."
"Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles...just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild."
"I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine."
"One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out."
And That's Why We Don't Hire Off The Street
"Worked at a steel processing plant (polishing, cut to length, etc) Everyone started off as temps, some for years, before getting hired in. Management decided they were short-staffed and the solution was to start hiring people full-time off the street."
"So this dude starts, full-time on day one, full benefits, more money, getting trained by temps who've been there for months, if not years. Everyone is mad resentful of this dude, obviously."
"Halfway through his second day he gets escorted out for testing positive for coke on his drug test."
"They didn't hire any more dudes full-time off the street."
Competence is of utmost importance. Having brains is a good place to start as well.
Fast Food, Faster Firing
"Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him."
"A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot."
Careful Who You Denigrate
"First day of work, he walks in, says 'what the f'k is up dumba**' to the guy that parked next to (didn't touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired."
"The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch."
"Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers."
"Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank."
Up In Flames
"Guy had been working a few days at a barn. Decided to smoke right by bales of hay. Manager saw him and fired him right on the spot. At farms, you don’t f'k around with fire."
Remember when I mentioned how it's difficult for people to get fired?
Yeah, let's scratch that.
Apparently, it's super easy.
A trial can hinge on one simple piece of information.
All it could take for a suspect to walk free or go to jail for the rest of their lives is one single fact.
With this in mind, some lawyers will do their best to make sure that this information is buried, legally and ethically one hopes, and will never be brought up in trial.
However, for this to happen, Lawyers will still need to know this piece of information from their clients, as it otherwise could be brought up by the prosecution, effectively ending the case.
"Lawyers of Reddit, what is a detail that your client failed to bring up to you that completely lost you the case?"
The Whole Truth...
"Opposing counsel: 'Isn’t it true you hit Victim in the face with a brick?"'
"Client: 'No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood'."- lizard96golf
Thought She Was Being Clever...
"A buddy of mine case as a public defender."
"A gal was busted on drug charges, and told him she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her."
"He thought, ok we'll use that."
"Turns out, she didn't have any drugs on her when they arrested her because she just sold them to an undercover cop."- CheapCigars
Choice Of Clothes Can Make A Difference...
"My house was robbed."
"In addition to all the stuff the thief took, he also stole a bunch of my suits and all of my neck ties."
"I had a big collection, like 100 or so."
"However, the thief left fingerprints on a hard plastic box that I kept spare change in."
"Fast forward 3 months, the thief is caught in the act of robbing another house in the same neighborhood, same detectives on my case and this new theft."
"They fingerprint the guy and the fingerprints match the ones from my house."
"At the thief’s arraignment, I see him stroll in wearing my suit and my tie."
"I tell the district attorney, he says there’s really no way to prove it."
"However, the tie he chose to wear was a one of kind street map of San Francisco and I still had all the documentation to prove it."
"The district attorney’s eyes widen and he informs the judge."
"The judge has the thief placed under arrest again for possession of stolen property."
"The thief’s lawyer was dumbfounded."
"It was a nice end to a rough situation!"- West-Operationsuit and tie johnny bananas GIF by 1st LookGiphy
Never Depend On Technicalities
"Obligatory not my client."
"Company I worked for at the time was doing due diligence before acquiring a small tech startup."
"The COO of the tech startup was a well-liked guy in the company, friendly and outgoing."
"Though we had heard rumblings that the COO was rather hands-on with the work and with female employees."
"Apparently there was a walk-away package proposed to the COO that would let him keep a sizable portion of his post-acquisition bonus because a young woman who worked in their sales department had filed HR complaints against the COO and obtained counsel."
"I sat in on the meeting with the COO and the company's retained lawyers while they grilled him about his contacts with the young woman."
"The COO denied ever having contact with her within the company without multiple other people present, those people said his behavior toward her in the meetings didn't raise any flag."
"The COO emphatically denied having any contact with her outside of work."
"The lawyers asked the question a half-dozen different ways and each time the COO denied any out of work contact."
"Later we meet with the woman and her lawyer with the COO not present."
"Her lawyer gives us a rather graphic card that came with a bouquet of flowers addressed to her from the COO."
"The guy had an account with a florist linked to his credit card."
"When the company-retained lawyers confronted him he said, 'but I never had contact with her'."
"'It's not like I delivered the flowers myself'."
"COO got terminated for cause so no walk-away package."
"At her request the woman was given PTO until after the acquisition then moved to another one of the companies under our umbrella."- GuiltyLawyerseason 5 episode 21 GIFGiphy
Who Exactly Am I Talking To?
"We got to the deposition of my client and all set up."
"The first question is 'please state your name'."
"The client looks at me and says 'can we take a break?'"
"We do and she pulls me out in the hall to tell me she's lied to me about her identity."
"She's apparently a serial fraudster and has changed identities 7 times since the 90s."
"She apparently thought the other attorneys had some how figured it out and that's why they asked the question."- Philosopher422
It's The Little Ones That Get You...
"Minor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and often times the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around."
"I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55."
"No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course they court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad."
"When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the others cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow."
"I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow."
"The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances."
"When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it."
"Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the south, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident."
"I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one."
"I legitimately do that all the time during consults."
"Give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason."
"At least she took it well and didn't get defensive."- AmberWavesofFlameDriving Get Away GIF by Zella DayGiphy
Despite the longstanding negative connotations which come with them, lawyers are there to help you.
So it's always the best decision to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, especially if you're paying for their services.
That, or just obey the law so you won't need one.
There is an ongoing concern that politicians are becoming too involved in what can and cannot be taught in classrooms.
Indeed, even with the school year in full swing, too many Florida public schools continue to find themselves insufficiently staffed with teachers, several of who resigned out of protest, following the controversial "don't say gay" bill, or being told they could not display historical Black figures on their bulletin boards.
It is in the single digits when children are at their most impressionable, when they begin to learn what's right and what's wrong, as well as how to treat others with kindness and compassion.
Making the dangerous information, or misinformation, or lack thereof which they are taught in schools and elsewhere all the more problematic, to the point of dangerous.
"What harmful things are being taught to children?"
Such Behavior Should Never Be Tolerated
"'Ignore bullies and they'll leave you alone'."
"When you do that, one of two things are likely to happen."
"Either they'll mess with you more, or they'll move to someone else and bully them."
"If you stand up to bullies, they back down."
"The earlier in life you put these people in their place, the less likely they'll develop their bad behavior as a lifelong practice."- EGoldenRule
"'If he's mean to you he likes you'."
"It just teaches little girls, mostly girls, to expect violence from people who love them."- mbar2004
Be Open Minded, But Also Be Practical
"Going too far on the 'find your dream job and it'll never feel like work' stuff."
"Really messed me up when I wasn't 'excited' about uni assignments and thought I had to change degrees."- TheRealGreenTreeFrog
Grown Ups Can Definitely Be Wrong...
"Teaching kids not to question things just because someone is older, or allegedly wiser, is one of the most frustrating things that I see on a daily basis."
"How is a child supposed to ever develop any individual and nuanced ideas if they can’t think for themselves."- AtLeast5
... And Being Wrong Is OK!
"Being wrong is bad."
"That's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don't want to be wrong."- oti890
There Is Always Someone Willing To Listen
"Nobody cares about children’s/teens issues."
“'Well it’s only going to get worse from here'."
“'You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a f*cking bill'.”
“'You’re just a kid you can’t feel this way'."
"It breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids."
"And makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, that nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have 'Adult Problems'."- Fantalitymlp
Punished For Going The Extra Mile
"There was this one time my sister’s Spanish teacher told her off for using vocabulary outside the sheet she’d been given for homework."
"Their task was to write a short essay introducing themselves in Spanish and use some simple adjectives."
"She asked me for help and since I’m quite a bit older than her and know a decent amount of Spanish, I have her a few interesting adjectives and verbs to use instead of dumb stuff like 'nice' and 'kind' or whatever."
"She comes back after school close to tears and tells me she got scolded for using vocab that wasn’t on the sheet."
"Smh teachers are supposed to encourage learning, not hinder it, right?"
"Just to clarify, I wasn’t helping my sister cheat."
"I just gave her a couple of more interesting words than bland ones like 'nice' and 'fun' you get me?"
"If not, that’s cool too lmao."- mangaka-chan
Potentialy Dangerous "Influence"...
"Basically all those social media influencers that teach young people that it's all about money and brand names."- TRGMORGAN
The Truth About Sex
"Children do learn about sex at a young age, it just isn’t usually in a productive way."
"I know I did."
"My own experience, questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids."
”'You are going to hear total crap from other kids'."
"'If you hear something you don’t understand, come talk to me'."
"'You can ask me anything and expect a decent answer'.”
"And I would give examples of the total crap I had heard as a kid, most of which would result in pregnancy."
"Son, age 6, Daughter, age 7, riding home from school."
"Daughter says 'tiffany said she had sex with my brother'.”
"Which left me a grand total of 3 minutes to gather my wits before we got home."
"'OK, do you guys know what sex is?'"
"Sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together."
"You can make babies that way."
"Looks of shock and disgust."
"Do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany?"
"I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him, and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows where if people like each other they always have sex."
"Were my kids really ready for a sex talk? "
"No, not really. "
"They didn’t care."
"Did we really need to have one about then?"
"My job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them, not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things."- sushihcare
Children are, indeed, our future.
And with that in mind, it is important that teachers, and all of us for that matter, are very mindful of the information we put in their minds.
As they are our only hope for a brighter, better future.
Weddings are a beautiful celebration of love.
Giving one the chance to witness two people begin their new life together.
Be they family, close friends, or merely a friend of your date, it's unlikely you will ever see the newlyweds ever looking happier in their life as they exchange vows, profess their love, and share their first dance.
Indeed, if they don't seem to be enjoying themselves at their own wedding, it doesn't bode particularly well for their future.
Nor does it bode well if one catches the newlyweds engaging in behavior which doesn't suggest they've taken their vows of commitment seriously.
"What wedding moment made you think: 'They are not going to last long'?"
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
"As a wedding photographer I have been to more than my share of weddings."
"It was a REAL shotgun wedding."
"Dad didn't realize it would not stand up in court."
"Only time the groom was more excited to have photos than the bride."
"She wanted a limo, he thought a hearse would be better and kept doing Lurch impressions."
"From 'The Adams Family'."
"Her friends took turns motorboating her, females, and he said, get it out of your system as after tonight you never get to do that again."
"Was a good sign also when she dove into the pool with her bridesmaids at the reception, in her wedding dress."
"Don't know what happened."
"Sat down with bride and groom, filling out the contract."
"Got the deposit."
"He stood up, said forget it, and walked out."
"2 months later I get told the wedding is off, 3 months later she calls to rebook, different groom."
"Day of the wedding I am at the church."
"Got the final payment the week before."
"No one shows."
"No one, just me and the DJ."- TexasTiger70
Some People Just Aren't Meant To Be Married...
"Not the couple getting married but the Best Man and Maid of Honor who were married to each other."
"Best Man's speech was all about how hard it was to be married. "
"'I've been married for a year and it feels like 100 years'."
"Maid of Honor stands up to give a speech and just says 'Ditto'."
"It was so awkward and really brought the whole room down."
"Brother of the bride stood up and gave a nice impromptu speech about teamwork and having a partner to go through life with."
"How happy the family was to have the groom join their family."
"Best Man and Maid of Honor were divorced within a year."
"Couple who got married are still married 30+ years later."
"I sometimes wonder if the speeches actually were helpful in how not to act as a couple."
"For me the complex backstory."
"Bride's brother is gay and has been in a longterm relationship for 40+ years."
"At the time he gave his speech about marriage he couldn't marry the man he loved and I think his passioned defense of marriage was born from that."
"When people would say they were against gay marriage because it makes a mockery of marriage I'd think of that night."
"The married couple who had no respect for marriage could easily marry, and did over and over again, and the man who stood up and defended marriage could not."
"He's married now and lovingly takes care of his husband as he battles health issues."- designgoddess
Money Isn't Everything... Or Is It?
"When they were doing the vows and the priest got to the 'for richer or poorer' part and she said 'for richer or richer and maybe for poorer'."
"The officiant was not pleased."
"I think they made it a year."- crm115
With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
"We'll start three days before."
"The wedding was a ren-fair style wedding outside at a large gazebo and the Maid of Honor had promised to purchase a stylized dress for my bride that they had agreed on."
"THREE DAYS before the wedding she calls to tell us she had no money and was embarrassed to admit it."
"So we literally hand-sewed one together in 24 hours."
"IMO it turned out pretty nice for what we had."
"Brides mother was supposed to pick up the cake in ATX and drive an hour south for the wedding."
"She left her house 30 minutes before the wedding to pick it up."
"When she finally showed up, hour late, the cake was DESTROYED."
"She put it in the back seat and drove like hell all the way down, just slamming it against box with every turn."
"During the one hour delay, there was almost a fist fight between two groomsmen because, well the MoH showed up, IN THE DRESS THAT SHE WAS 'UNABLE TO AFFORD'."
"Obvious attempt to upstage the bride."
"The same MoH during her speech after the ceremony started it off by saying 'When we all met, I did not like Drakkarim411 at all, however I found that he grows on you, like a fungus'."
"Needless to say my entire side of the family was super cold to all of this."
"Since all of these issues were on her side of friendships or families, I was told to suck it up and we'll discuss later."
"I sort of assumed that a lot of these 'friends' had just shown themselves the door."
"Quite the opposite."
"In fact, two years later when I accepted my first well paying job out of college, it became an issue that it was an hour and a half out of Austin, so she decided to just stay in ATX to be with her friends."
"I mailed her the divorce papers and since she couldn't be bothered to even show up to the hearing, I've never seen her again."- Drakkarim411
Seriously, Does She Even Like Him?
"She told me two days before that she found her fiancé annoying and that she didn’t like him and that he was AWFUL in bed."
"She was visibly, endlessly uncomfortable at the rehearsal wedding/dinner combo."
"Then she sobbed the ENTIRE morning, day-of."
"She ended up not getting any makeup done cause she wouldn’t stop scream-sobbing and refused to get dressed, stalling the wedding 35 minutes."
"She then said 45 minutes of 'vows' that she had prepared ."
"9 pages of things like inappropriate vows to friends and family, his parents and sisters, none of them her husband, and then ALMOST didn’t say 'I do'."
"Managed to get a, 'uh, yeah, okay, yeah I do' out of her almost a full 60 seconds after she was supposed to say anything."
"I could go on for HOURS, but it was the most painful and awkward wedding I’ve ever been to."
"I distanced myself from them completely."
"She is really clingy and liked to gossip about how awful her husband is and I really don’t have the time."
"She’s also told me they were in couples therapy after I expressed negativity towards some extremely concerning things she said regarding their relationship and lack of communication."
"She believes it’s all his fault and truly believes his parents and sisters are exactly the same."
"News flash, they’re all lovely people."
"Last I heard they keep moving all over the country and fight non-stop."
"No more lovey-dovey images on social media."
"Seems to be right on track for a 10 month breakup."- brbdead
In This Day And Age, This Is Just Sad...
"A fun light-hearted dance with the groom followed by a close and slow dance with her male best friend."- codyish
There is an old superstition that "the worse the wedding, the better the marriage."
But when literally no one, including the supposedly "happy couple", is enjoying themselves, or committing to one person appears to be a burden, it's hard to imagine a happy marriage is in the cards.