Woman's Husband Won't Stop Trying To Feed Her During New Diet, And The Internet Chimes In
Losing weight is tough, but for some people it's a must. When you read a weight loss struggle story involving a partner, it's almost always an issue where one is sort of forcing the other into it. This isn't that story. In this case, the partner is doesn't mind the dieters weight and understands the weight loss is a must, but doesn't seem to realize they're sabotaging the process.
This Reddit user explained her problem:
I've always been at the top end of having a healthy weight, but after having two children in under two years the balance has tipped into the moderately to severely overweight category. I also have high blood pressure, so losing weight is essential for my health. I'm trying very hard to lose weight, but I'm finding it hard to find the proper motivation. I'm lazy as f--, and my favourite foods almost always involve deep-fried stuff, chocolate, and cheese. Nevertheless I'm trying my best.
I'm working with a dietician, I'm counting calories, I'm trying to exercise on a regular basis, but my first impulse is, and remains, to stuff food into my mouth all day, and the medication I'm taking for my blood pressure is making it even harder to lose weight.
My parter of ten years has always been supportive of me. He's never commented on my weight, he always tells me I look nice, and he's still sexually attracted to me. The only problem is that he keeps trying to feed me. I'm having a hard time saying no already at work, or passing by shops and fast food joints on my way home, and when I'm at home I'd like not to have my guard up. Yet he's constantly plying me with food when we're together and I can't get him to stop doing that.
I've plainly asked him not to offer me food. I've explained to him how calories work, and carbs, proteins, fats and so forth. I've gotten mad at him. I've explained how I feel, multiple times, and he seems to listen (he asks questions) and understand. And the next night, the same thing happens again. When I ask him why he keeps doing this, he shrugs and tells me a little bit of food isn't going to kill me, or that he's offering me healthy food (full-fat yoghurt, fruit, nuts) and to his mind, healthy food doesn't make you gain weight. I can't seem to get it out of his head (and neither can the dietician. I've tried).
I'm not asking him to cut down on his food intake (his weight's fine). I'm not even asking him not to eat snacks near me. All I want is for him to stop offering me things so I can let my guard down.
I realise that I'm lucky to have someone who likes me for who I am and is fine with the way I look, I do, and compared to some of the other issues here this is a trivial thing, but it's bothering me. Any advice?
**tl;dr: I'm trying to lose weight and I can't get my partner to stop offering me food. Help!**
Reddit didn't hold back with their replies... here are some of the top ones, edited for language or clarity if needed.
Making You Happy
He has learned that he can make you happy with food and he likes to make you happy.
He has 10 years of positive reinforcement of this behavior, it will take time to curb.
I would just learn to say no enough and I bet he will eventually get it.
The next time he does it, say no and that if he tries again, you're going to walk away. If he does it again, walk away. It doesn't need to be in anger, it's just a simple consequence. Talking it out, teaching, pleading all doesn't seem to be working, so something new needs to happen.
You need to show that your boundaries are serious no matter how small they seem and that you do follow through on consequences. But after holding your end of the bargain, you'll find out if he doesn't respect your boundaries and that's a much bigger issue. Why he isn't following through on this is important. And if he continues, you'll need to figure out what the next consequences will be and follow through on that too.
When you turn him down, do you just turn him down or do you tell him that you can't because you're trying to lose weight?
Think about it like sex. When you turn him down for sex, do you just say "I don't want to" or do you say "I can't because (arbitrary excuse)"?
You probably just simply voice your lack of desire. And he gets that because he's not a monster.
But you've likely been framing your food objections in terms of Pinochio's ass: a woodbutt. "I would, but... I'm trying to lose weight". That tells him your objection is external. You want this, but you shouldn't. And it makes you feel bad that you can't have it.
He doesn't want you to feel bad, so he let's you know that he loves you regardless and if it makes you happy to have a snack, have a snack.
Just express no desire for the thing. No clarifications, no excuses beyond "do not want".
And it helps if the first lie you tell is to yourself. Tell yourself: "I don't want that. I'm not hungry". Believe that lie. Then tell him. "Eh. I'm good. Not hungry"
You need to just learn to say no from him. Maybe go shopping with him and show him what snacks you'd like to eat so if he does get you something, it's a healthier option? But other than that, you need to have some self-control and tell him no.
Adjust The Budget
I've been in nearly the exact same situation with my SO! Like I could have written this post myself! One thing I've found to help me is to actually portion out an extra calorie fund for the end of the day specifically for this. I save usually 100-200 calories for an evening snack of whatever it is he is having (we are both keto, so it's usually something healthy) - that way I stay in my calorie range and he is happy that we get to enjoy a snack together. It has helped with a lot of my anxiety surrounding this issue.
Use a swear jar. Every time he does this he has to put a dollar in a jar. You get to buy new jeans with the money.
Worst Drinking Game Ever
You can use it as a motivation? Every time he offers you something drink water. Have a water bottle with you constantly. A family member did something like it and it was a major difference - apparently our bodies are more thirsty than hungry so drinking a crapton of water helps diminish snack cravings. Win win situation.
On the upside, you'll have to pee like every 10 minutes sooo give hubby a good pinch every time :p
Just Turn Down The Freaking Yogurt
If being offered yogurt and nuts is this big a deal to you, you need to be focusing inward, not outward. Trying to control other people's behavior will result in frustration. You sound like you're struggling to control your own behavior, but overall you're doing pretty well. If you spend your time focusing on your husband's extremely minor failings you're going to drive yourself crazy. Just turn down the freaking yogurt and go about your day.
Fake It Til You Make It
Hey, first off, 'grats on the making the effort to lose weight. It's not easy to start with and totally understand the lack of willpower part, but you're doing it correctly by counting calories.
Eventually you'll find your cravings start to subside and it gets easier not to have things. Once you start portioning appropriately (I don't mean to make assumptions here, its just very common for people to be overly generous with portions) you'll eventually get to the point where you feel full fairly quickly and won't think of snacking beyond when your body is asking for something.
I've had issues with a friend constantly offering me food when I'm trying to lose weight. After I say no I get the whole 'oh go on it won't hurt' or 'but its healthy.' For a while, I gave in, but honestly it ended up making me feel guilty and a failure and I realize that I don't feel like crap when I abstain from food I don't need, but I do feel like crap when I give in and eat it.
Who wants to feel like crap right? So a 'nah' became 'no thank you.' 'I shouldn't' became 'I couldn't'. Eventually it became a hard 'No. I don't want to it's that simple.'
At first, I was faking it. I did want that food. But like they say, fake it til you make it. Resisting the urge actually helped my willpower and changed my way of thinking and feeling. I've spent 15 years fighting against bad habits and trying to break them, realizing that I actually wanted the end goal and not the snack offered to me was the biggest breakthrough I've had.
You want to be healthy for your kids and yourself - and actually being healthy feels great which is why health freaks are so annoying - so when he offers and you say no remember the reasons why you're saying no. Because it makes it easier to say no to him the next time.
It also makes it less stressful on yourself, instead of being annoyed at him, be proud of yourself for the changes you are making.
I think he's trying to please you. This happened when I was trying to lose weight after childbirth. Dieting would often leave me cranky, so he would attempt to cheer me up with foods. I've since trained him to make tea. He was servicing me in a kind way and I really looked forward to enjoying a cup with him and connecting at the end of the day. There are so many different and delicious teas out there, too. Maybe buy a variety to try together.
History is made on a daily basis.
Indeed, there is little more exciting than having witnessed the accomplishments of people like Barack Obama, Stacey Abrams, and Greta Thunberg knowing that they have firmly reserved a space for themselves in history books.
Of course, most of the people who paved the way to make the world what it is today have long since passed away.
Not all of them, though!
It may surprise you to learn that there are people who made an indelible impression on history who are still much alive today.
Some of whom even continue to make a difference to this very day
Redditor enginearz was eager to hear about historical figures people were surprised to learn were still alive, leading them to ask:
"What famous person from history is still alive?"
Forever Leaving His Name In Science
"He's the only currently living man with an element on the periodic table named after him."- snowflake247
Quite The Story To Tell
"Last human to hold the title of Tsar, as leader of the Kingdom of Bulgaria."
"He was exiled along with his family when the Soviets invaded Bulgaria in 1944."
"In 1990, after the fall of the Soviet Union, Simeon returned from exile to Bulgaria and July 2001, was democratically elected prime minister."
"The private citizen is now 85."- DirectionNew5328
Making Nature Cool For Decades
"David Attenborough."- random_username_96You Can Do It Uoftartsci GIF by U of T Faculty of Arts & ScienceGiphy
The Fought For Freedom And Justice
"The last surviving airman of the battle of Britain."
"He is 103 years old."
"He helped with the liberation of Auschwitz."
"He is 99 years old."
"He was a prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials."
"He is 102 years old."- Ashtar-the-Squid
"The last living member of the german anti-nazi resistance group 'White Rose".
"Most well-known members were the sibling Sophie and Hans Scholl, who were executed by the Nazis when they were identified."- ChrisTinnef
The One Who Made One Giant Leap For Mankind
"Buzz Aldrin, and I’m not even American."- mukaltinState Of The Union Salute GIF by MSNBCGiphy
Opening Doors For So Many Others
"She was one of the first black kids to go to an all-white school."
"There is a famous picture of that first day."- mumwifealcoholic
He Continues To Surprise Us
"Ozzy Osbourne."- CaptinDerpI
Admirably Defying So Many Odds
"98 years old."- Back2BachJimmy Carter Drilling GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy
We've Still Got Two Out Of Four
"Paul and Ringo"- HMKingHenryIX
Inching Close To The Big One Double Oh...
And Still Practically Perfect In Every Way
"Julie Andrews."- aslrulesjulie andrews snap GIFGiphy
Who Could Forget About Dick Van Dyke ?!?!?!?!
"Everyone just forgetting about Dick Van Dyke, he's like 97 and still going."
"If you've never heard of him, he played in Marry Poppins, along with a bunch more movies"- Longjumping_Drag2752
And Still Stunning
"Sophia Loren is still kicking."- The_REAL_McWeasel
Continuing To Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
"William Shatner doesn't look it but that dude is in his 90s wtf."- flubberF*ckWilliam Shatner Fun GIF by Shark WeekGiphy
Perhaps what's most admirable, is that even when these astonishing people do eventually pass, they will continue to live on and change the world with the remarkable work they did.
We all indulge in fast food from time to time.
Even if we know what we're eating isn't exactly healthy, sometimes the salty, fatty mass-produced food is the only thing we want.
Resulting in our making weekly, if not daily, visits to a nearby chain.
Then, of course, there are the chains that we make every effort to avoid.
We've likely tried places at least once simply because everyone is always talking about them.
But after having one bite, we have trouble seeing exactly what all the fuss was about and vow to never return.
Even if it might be the only option at a rest stop or even the only available food for miles, we instead opt to wait and be hungry.
Redditor BungOnMimosas was curious to hear what people considered to be the most overhyped fast food chains around, leading them to ask:
"What do you think are the most overrated fast-food chains? Why?"
"Food As It Should Be"... Or Not...
"I know it's not technically 'fast food', but Panera Bread pisses me off."
"Insanely expensive for extremely average food." - Reddit
"Their quality has decreased so much in the past few years and they’ve added weird sh*t to their menu like pizza and chicken sandwiches."
"Massive identity crisis and crap food."- asm233
Things Ain't What They Used To Be...
"All of them, now that they charge real restaurant prices."- P00pf4rt5
"As much as I hate to say it, McDonald's is the only place that I can think of that the quality hasn't changed much."
"I mean, that's a pretty low bar, but it is what it is."- gnatman66happy ronald mcdonald GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"The majority of them, especially the really big ones (McDonald's, Wendy's, BK, Pizza Hut, etc)."
"The prices are no longer fast food prices and the quality is not there like it used to be."
"Far better local options that cost roughly the same at the end of the day."- senorita_diablo
Consistency Is Key...
"You can go to the same location three separate times, have the food made by the same staff, and receive 3 wildly different results."- AndrewLampart
Not So Popular Anywhere, It seems...
"KFC in France became so bad."- SterBout
"KFC."- calm4ufried chicken animation GIF by octavioterolGiphy
Likely Won't Go National...
"Idk how wide spread they are, but in the Buffalo NY area there is a chain called Mighty Taco."
"They were even voted best tacos a few years ago."
"It is absolutely terrible food."
"I’ve tried to like it and given them 3 chances."
"Each time I couldn’t eat more than a couple bites."
"Absolutely terrible and I’m disgusted even thinking about their sour vomit in a tortilla."- aa-2020
"I think I’ve answered this question before but definitely for me, it’s Subway."
"Nothing but a giant hunk of bread."
"I’m editing this to add that part of my anger about Subway is how good it used to be."
"I can remember the days of nearly a whole can of tuna salad delicious sub."
"And a Veggie sub with Swiss cheese and piles of yummy veggies and the sweet Vidalia onion sauce."
"It’s all gone to sh*t."
"I would’ve been perfectly OK with increasing price but the big drop in quality pissed me off."
"Oh woe is me with my first world problems."- Mysterious-Region640football ok GIF by Subway ColombiaGiphy
Quantity Doesn't Guarantee Quality...
"Starbucks is a scam."- cmkeller62
Tasty, But Not Worth It...
"I’m going to say Five Guys."
"Not because the food isn’t good, but because I’m not paying $20 for a burger meal."- 2PacTookMyLunchMoney
"Dairy queen grill and Chill for sure."
"I worked at one for a lil' while and 1 burger combo is $14.56 CAD."- lolidk13Ice Cream Miracle Treat Day GIF by Children's Miracle Network HospitalsGiphy
And Not In A Good Way...
Big Kahuna Burger, it kills you."-Darklock2022
No two people have the same taste in food.
Some people know to avoid crappy food, while others eat literally nothing else.
There are several movies I've watched so many times I think the viewings outnumber the days I've lived.
And much like a favorite tv series or movie, who wouldn't love to start again anew?
Experiencing that first time but with that feeling of... "I'm gonna love this forever."
We never appreciate the first time enough.
But that's life.
Warning: there are spoilers below.
Redditor Jacale1 wanted to discuss all the movies we wish we could experience new all over again, so they asked:
"What is one movie that you wish you could watch again for the first time?"
There are a lot of mystery movies I'd love to redo, just to figure out the killer sooner.
Gasps!Raining The Shawshank Redemption GIFGiphy
"The Shawshank Redemption."
"A great nominee. Will never forget gasping when that rock went through the poster, and again when the warden pushed his arm through and ripped it down.... wow."
Over and Over
"Edge of Tomorrow."
"Is it bad that I got enjoyment knowing Tom Cruise died a lot in that movie. Never on screen, but it happened. Over and over. I hate that guy. How the hell was he the same height as Nichole Kidman in the movies they acted in together. Rhetorical question."
"Honestly the whole reason I watched the movie to begin with is that he kept dying over and over."
“'Stardust'- if you don’t know you’ll never know."
"I’m surprised that a fantasy romcom can be so enjoyable, for a straight guy. It’s just the right balance between fantasy, comedy, drama, and romance. Most of the female cast are very easy on the eyes too."
"I swooned when Yvaine glows while dancing on the ship, and when she talks emphatically to the mouse in the caravan. This movie has a lot of A listers, and they deliver. I’m not gonna lie, I have probably watched it half a dozen times."
"The book has so much more in it, even having seen the movie you'll feel like a child again."
"I watched this with my wife, who has never seen it, and that's about as close as you can get to watching it for the first time. It really displayed just how good the movie is. Also I love Aliens just as much for different reasons."
"Came here looking for this! I watched it for the first time with my dad when I was 11, and it’s one of my favorite childhood memories. Amazing movie."
Hey Arnoldsci-fi GIFGiphy
"I first watched this as a kid when I knew Arnold was the good guy in movies, and I had not seen T1. I wish I watched T2 for the first time after having watched T1. The mall scene would have been even more mind blowing."
T2 was definitely bada**!! I'd redo that.
"Bro, I'll go further. If I could watch the Nicholson covered in blood scene or the final scene between Damon and Wahlberg, I would be so freaking happy. The sheer acting clout on display for the first is near a masterclass while the last scene was just so business like, I'd love to relive that scene with fresh eyes. I love this freaking movie."
"The original Star Wars. Man, that blew our minds! It totally changed movies from then on. We'd never seen such incredible special effects. The story was so fun and the experience was amazing."
"Even though I’m not a franchise fan, I can get behind this answer. Because when I saw it first run, I was fourteen, and nothing like it had ever been done. I think it was the first movie where the special effects were the movie? Now that’s standard. It’s a reason people see many films now."
"So, for sheer originality, I’d watch it again, but only for the first time. I barely recall the second movie."
"The 6th Sense. I audibly gasped in the theater. All the clues are obvious on rewatch but that first time, before anyone knew M. Knight Shyamalan was a twist guy... wow."
"I never got to see it the first time. My girlfriend at the time (now wife) inadvertently let slip the ending thinking I had already seen it. I have never seen the point in watching it knowing the ending. But I did enjoy The Village."
"I watched it again and it was more of a sad film than a thriller."
"Spirited Away. I was blown away by how beautiful and bonkers it is."
"Saaaaame! Every single Studio Ghibli film, but Spirited Away especially! I’ve still watched it a million times though, and it’s always special. If I’m in a bad mood that film always cheers me up!"
"Also, Avatar-the last air bender. I know it’s not a movie, but I felt like it deserved a mention. I’ve watched the whole thing several times, and it’s always great, but I do wish I could forget it and rewatch it. I’m 35 btw... lol."
Great Scott!Doc Brown Shock GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy
"Back to the Future."
"I'd love to watch that in the cinemas... Now from the future."
Now I want to go to the movies.
There is no one way to anybody's heart or libido.
Sexy doesn't always have to equal raunchy.
I've known people turned on by music, books, nature, and even funerals (don't ask).
What starts someone's engine is a mystery.
Redditor asexyjohn18 wanted to hear about all the things that get people in the mood, so they asked:
"What is a non sexual trait that turns you on?"
I love a walk. A little strut. Nothing like getting the heart racing.
Tingleshair GIF by SB NationGiphy
"Getting my head scratched or having someone run their fingers through my hair."
"Same. It’s so pleasant when the tingles run down your spine... ;-) "
"When a girl genuinely laughs at jokes I make."
"I remember being on a first date with a beautiful woman and I made a bit of corny joke/comment and she laughed at it. I remember thinking, damn, wait till I get to my good stuff. I did get to my good material apparently as we were married. She gives me as many laughs as I give her."
"Kindness. When I see someone going out of their way to help others for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do… that is some truly attractive vibes."
"Apparently it's vanishing from this world really fast. People who show kindness often end up in losses (of course not everytime but most of the time yes). It really breaks my heart."
"Probably the sexiest thing out there. Someone can be smoking hot, funny, talented, etc. But if they're not kind, they're unattractive."
"Smiling right at me, and men stretching. LAWD HAVE MERCY!!"
"I have trouble smiling at women. Is this a turnoff for them? And ones I like are really hard to smile at. Because I know it's always going to be some really weird big smile if I am crushing which makes me feel like a super duper creep."
SimplicityHappy I Love You GIF by Warner Bros. DeutschlandGiphy
"Sorry if this is too kinky but i like it when they care about me."
"Too far man. You need to rethink your choices."
Sometimes it's all about the heart.
Eye 2 Eyei see you GIF by VH1Giphy
"When a guy explains something to you in a calm and understanding voice. Bonus points for gentle eye contact."
"Being crazily intelligent. Screw dirty talk, I want you to explain some unexplainable s**t in my ear."
"Heck yes. My best connections have been with a philosophy/history professor turned chancellor, an environmental engineer, and a neurosurgeon, all 3 Summa cum laude grads and conference speakers in their fields. The downside to genius though is complete absorption in their fields leaving little time for in person connection."
"Everyone should know how to cook. Hunger knows no gender. I like to eat good food so I learned how to cook. I asked my mom one day and she reacted surprised. She was more than grateful to have an opportunity to teach me the ‘finer’ aspects of cooking, as she called it. Lol. I love food."
"My girlfriend, now wife, likes to jokingly say I got her into bed with a well seasoned steak and homemade fries. I mean we did sleep together almost immediately after we finished dinner so maybe she’s right. That old saying comes to mind. 'The quickest way to the heart is though the stomach.'"
"When I ask my husband for help when I repot my plants and he delicately cleans and moves the leaves. He is a mechanical engineer and he works with huge pieces of industrial equipment, seeing him so tenderly caring for my plants just makes me melt."
Limbs A LotExcited Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Men doing intricate work with their hands."
"I second this, also someone who can play guitar/bass real real well... just watching their hands, whoa mama."
Well, it seems that just about anything can get someone in the mood, especially if you're kind, courteous, and especially a good cook.
Anything to add? Let us know in the comments below!