Being a wingman or wingwoman or wingPERSON (it's 2019) is a sacred role that only the most worthy can fulfill. It requires thinking outside the box, even stooping to levels you'd never expect. But it's worth it for helping your friends find happiness, and of course, for the stories.
Dalk126 asked wingmen of Reddit: What was the most stupid plan you made to get two people together, that actually worked?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
50. It's All For The Best
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Dated a girl that liked me. We eventually grew apart but just before we broke up i recommended she date my friend who i knew liked her after i mentioned she doesn't like me anymore as a joke. She actually asked him out to get to know him, and they've been dating for a while now
49. Makin' Atmosphere
Over the summer, I was at a bar with a group of my friends. There was a man there that my friend had been eyeing all summer, but she was too scared to make a move. Very drunk me promised her that if she could just start a conversation, I'd take care of the rest.
So once they started talking... I convinced every single other person at the bar to go to the outside section instead. I talked to more strangers that night than I ever had before, convincing all of them to leave the bar for a while. I must have talked 20 or 25 people total into leaving the bar to go outside.
Bonus: once they were all outside, I hung out around the door so people wouldn't be tempted to wander back inside. If I remember right, everyone had a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing, and it was successful - he kissed her!
48. Conflicted Feelings
I tried messing with my younger cousin: took her Ipad then wrote something ambigious like "I always wanted to tell you that..." to the first boy I saw as she was embarassed and tried to steal it back.
Apparently it triggered confession from him and she was mad at me for doing it while happily hopping around. I guess worth it.
47. Stage 4 Clinging
My friend wanted to get together with her crush, he had a crush on her. Her crush and I had a huge conversation in roblox about it and they became more than friends. He became really clingy and they broke up.
46. A Time Before Gay
Wingwoman, not wingman, but still.
Guy I am friends with wants to date a girl I am also friends with. One time they happened to be standing behind one another (facing away from each other). I ran in, tapped their shoulders, so it seemed like they tapped each other's shoulder, and skirted out of there. They ended up dating for 7 years before the girl came out as lesbian. Good times
45. A Burger Of A Time
Not exactly a wingman but I was asked by a friend if he should ask a girl out and asked me how, of all people he asked me... Well any way I sort of knew the girl from college and happened to remember how she loves a good quality burger so I suggested asking if she wanted to go for a nice burger and it worked. They have been together for maybe 7 months or so now.
44. Even When You Try Not Ruining The Moment
My best friend liked this guy. So I started playing wingman for them. He texted me saying we should get a group to hang out. He came up with the whole plan but I had to take credit. I then asked my best friend if she would be up for a mall trip with the group. She told me good luck getting the guy she liked to go (little did she know he came up with the plan) at the mall we were walking around. He went up to ask her out and I decided to run away to not ruin the moment. I ended up knocking down an entire display shelf at the store and ruined the moment. But hey in the end they are still together!
43. Happily Ever After
I had a single colleague, my girlfriend had a single friend (female), we dropped them in a group msn chat and me and my gf left immediately.
They are together for 10 years and have two kids.
42. Years Down The Line
My GF (now fiance) and I had a special relationship with her best friend. My best friend tells me he's had a crush on her best friend, and was trying to figure out how to ask her to prom. After making sure he was cool with our 'history', I told him just to ask her.
He then proceeds to ask her what she would like for a promposal, then sneakily does those exact things while she isn't looking. Homemade cards, messing with slides on the teacher's presentations, and a few others. She of course said yes, and he just asked me about a week ago to be their best man.
41. Amicable Divorce
In the midst of divorce, I was talking with the soon to be ex about my best friend. Ended up giving him her number, and gave her his, and now they've been dating for 7 months and things are serious.
I miss seeing my best friend all the time, but at least I know if things continue to get serious my kids will have an awesome step mom.
40. Secondhand Serenade
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This is the story about how my friend wingman'd me once. I was in a foreign country on my birthday and decided to go to a bar with my friend and some people from the hostel. The bartender there was pretty cute and one of the guys from our group successfully convinced him that, in our strange made-up country, it was custom to kiss the birthday person. I got a kiss on each cheek from the bartender and a serenade later thanks to my friend (no idea how she did that, though).
39. The Same Goals
Wingwomen here, my friend wanted to get together with one of my friends and didn't know how to, so I told him to just go ask her.
The stupid part was that my friend he wanted to ask out was about to ask him out.
38. Yikkity Yakkity
So kinda the opposite, because my friends were being anti-wingmen for me, but it's still a good story.
I was very involved in my youth group and so I went to this big international convention. This girl from across the country who I was originally supposed to get with there dumped me (to be fair I was being really awkward). Anyway, I became super depressed (at the time seeing her was the one thing I had going for me because other stuff had also been going on, although in hindsight she wasn't nearly as amazing as I made her out to be at the time).
Anyway, at this time Yik Yak was still a thing, and now you could meet and dm people through Yik Yak because they added handles. I decided to try this and met a girl. She sent a picture over Yik Yak to show me what she looked like. The picture didn't make her look as unattractive as she really was, and my standards had significantly dropped, so I was down to meet her up the last night of the convention. We tried to meet up a couple times but couldn't find each other, but she was still trying.
Anyway, I kinda came to my senses and realized I didn't wanna get with this girl, so then the following happened:
First, this girl I was friends with who used to have a crush on me prior to the time of the convention (I never liked her back like that) was kinda friendly with this girl who was trying to get with me, and when my friend heard her mention me by name, she told our mutual friend who also knew this girl trying to get with me. He just stalled her, and then after some time said "no!" and jokingly tackled her (he was a small guy and it wasn't like a real violent assault). The thing is this mutual friend was someone who I previously had some issues with, and after I found out about what he did I came to appreciate him more.
Second, one of my best friends, completely unbeknownst to me, also decided to look for someone on Yik Yak and met the same girl a bit later (I guess after she started to give up on me). Except here's the thing: my friend wasn't at the convention. He was at home (he lives in my home town). He just set his herd where the convention was so he could follow the shenanigans, and he has a hacked version of snapchat where he can use geofilters from wherever, so he decided to pretend he was there to screw around with her (my friend's kind of a jerk btw). Anyway, it was a nice coincidence because it got her off my tail.
Fast forward some time and we find out we're doing the same summer program (and it was a small program so we'd be seeing each other a lot). I felt bad and wanted to apologize to her about the whole situation at some point on the program. While on the program, I was talking to this other girl who I made friends with and I told her the story about what happened. She told me that she talked to the girl who was trying to get with me prior to the program.
At this point, she had set off a bunch of red flags during the program and every else grew to dislike her. I still kinda felt bad for accidentally leading her on and dealing with all that other stuff, but I am still glad that I really dodged a bullet there.
37. Abroad Is The Key To Your Heart
Four years ago my best friend was interning abroad and was often talking about not having a girlfriend. Once we were on the phone and I heard his roommate (a girl) asking him if he wanted to join her at the bar with another (girl) friend of hers. My best friend had already had pizza and beer and just wanted to stay home. I told him "If you're not going, I'm never talking to you anymore !", both of us obviously aware that that was an empty threat. He still went, met his roommate's friend and they dated for 3 months !
Then, two years ago, exactly the same situation. Internship abroad, no-girlfriend talk. I convinced him to install OkCupid and he met this girl once. He felt she was not "that" cute and didn't want to see her again. She asked him out for a second date, wanting to meet at the bar to dance. Same situation as before : already ate, already had a beer and I was on the phone with him when she asked. He didn't want to go but I spammed him with videos of the kind of dance they do in her country (bachata) and told him the exact same thing "If you're not going, I'm never talking to you anymore !". He reluctantly went, loved it and by the third date he was in love. They've been dating for the past two years now and just got engaged. They'll soon get married and I'm so proud and happy about it :')
36. Shoesies
It didn't work long term, but I took my buddies shoe, ran and gave it to the girl he had a crush on. I just ran up to her and said "hey can you hold this for me" She looked confused and said okay. He had to go and talk to her to get his shoe back and she was so confused as to why she had his shoes that it gave them a conversation starter which then led to them going on a few dates.
35. International Relations
I once managed it from the other side of the globe, which I was impressed by.
I had two friends. One from Girl Scout Camp, and the other from college, but we bonded over working summers at Girl Scout camps, and being queer.
So my college friend mentioned that she was doing graduate work in Dunedin. She told me in PMs that she was having a hard time meeting queer women in this new place.
It was the very town my camp friend lived in (I knew because I'd visited). I also knew she had a thing for American girls (I walked in on her making out with the lifeguard at camp and didn't out her, and she was dating a different American student when I visited. I had a huge crush on her, but never made a move because I never saw her single). I didn't know the current relationship status of the Kiwi friend, so I just told my college friend that I knew someone who could probably show her around. I then asked my Kiwi friend if she'd help my college friend figure out where to meet women. When they were both keen on the idea, I gave them the others contact info.
A month later I saw that they were in a relationship. I thought I did well from so far away.
34. ARK
I was the wingman for my older sister when I was in 8th grade. She had a crush on some guy in high school but was too shy to talk to. I asked her what his name was and she said his name was "bob". My sister overheard him talk about Ark: Survival Evolved on PS4, so I went to the nearest GameStop and bought Ark: Survival Evolved on my PS4. One day I shadowed her at her high school for a day and talked to him because he was 2 seats in front of my sister in their class. I asked what console he plays on, and he said PS4. I said I do to and asked for his username so I can friend him later.
The day comes and I set a little server for just me, my sister (we have to share) and him. Before I told him the password for the private server, I tweaked a bunch of things to be easier for my sister, who never played a game so hard. I turned Dinosaur Damage to 10%, and multiplied XP boost and gave my sister a tutorial.
He comes online and I give him the password and hand the controller to my sister. They had a great time and I heard from her that they talk a lot more now and are considering going on a date soon
33. Nerds Are In Now
Oof, Craigslist.
This was maybe 10 years ago. A good friend of mine was having trouble in love. Typical nerd, had a nice place, job etc. but kept meeting girls that liked him up until they saw his shelves of video games, manga etc.
Me and another friend made a post for him on Craigslist without his knowledge. The post was honest. It explained the situation, listed his qualities both good and bad and had a few pictures.
We didn't pose AS him, we were honest about that too.
Got maybe 5 actual responses, we vetted that down to two that wanted to go on a date and then told him everything. He took it well and went on the dates. I was best man at him and girl #2's wedding, and they are still happily married.
They asked me not to mention Craigslist in my BM speech, it already had a fairly bad stigma and I just had no idea
32. Drugs Are Always A Good Negation
I mentioned this once, but I was an anti wing man.
My buddy wanted to go home with this girl he just met that was into him too, but he had a girlfriend and felt he should be faithful ( he should've broke up with her, it was complicated). He mentions I'm part of the package and I caught on with what he was doing and acknowledged it. She agreed.
Didn't expect that. I then say I'm not feeling it tonight. Buddy's is like oh no...I guess the plans are off. She pulls me over and shows me her friends, tells me to pick 2. That's just not me, but I stare for a bit and finally tell her, I'm still not feeling it. I then go into this semi depressed, its okay guys, you can go back together, I'll be okay. My friend is doing a no, I can't do that to my ______ bear. He's making a pouty face. All of this goes on for a bit.
She's getting frustrated, goes to the bathroom with her friends. My buddy refuses to ghost her, but wants an excuse to not go home with her. They come back and sit down. My time to shine. I get between them, put my arms on both of their shoulders. I ask, " do you ladies want to smoke some." They freak out and run off. Problem solved.
Ridiculous plan worked technically in both directions.
31. Eternal Gratitude
Andrew if you ever read this, Still can't thank you enough for this one.
I am the person that got the girl, and Andrew was the "wing" man for this. I had a big crush on a classmate back in freshman year, I kept hinting at her and talking to her about wanting to date her but she always refused me. Being down in the dumps, our mutual friend (wingman) kept pushing her away because she had a crush on him. So he told her why aren't you dating so and so? He has been working on dating you for over half a year now. He really wants to date you, you know that. She is Vietnamese and the whole reason why she wasn't dating me, was because of the whole date within race mindset from her parents. Strict Parents. She was afraid of her parents, and our friend just told her love has no boundaries or reason to be held back. Next day when I got her a valentines candy gram at school, she confessed to me and we dated for two years.
Thank you again Andrew if you read this.
30. Not So Eternal Gratitude
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I don't think this counts but here we go.
I got told by my ex that his best friend liked my best friend. I told the best friend as a joke and she looked dead serious at me and said "really? That's amazing!"
So that's how I ended up having to spend a year hanging with my emotionally manipulative ex while our vest friends went out and did nothing but hug and talk.
We were 16.
29. Creation
Me and two friends were supposed to go to the gym, but I got lazy and decided to take them to a pool my ex worked at to visit her, then i took on him on the slides and i knew the girl working the slides, I thought id be funny and slide down so that he would have to wait up there and talk to her... I waited 15 minutes at the bottom of the slide only to walk back up to them laughing and talking. They have been together for almost a year now and they are beyond happy. Fun Fact Im known as Wingman god between all my friends.
28. I Just Wanted A Coke....
He was to afraid to ask her so I wrote a letter without him knowing and I tell her to go to the vending machine and I tell my bro to go there and I would catch up 2 minutes later they are making out.
27. Paid
Was chilling outside the club with the girl I had a crush on at that time. We were just talking and complaining about the bad music and stuff, when suddenly a random drunk guy came up to us and blurted "Now kiss her already". Worked out, we dated for a while.
Years later I found out, that my best friend actually 'hired' this dude for a beer to get us together.
26. How To Set Them Up
I wanted two of my friends to meet, so when friend A was moving I told her my buddy has a truck and we we would come help. Then I told her I couldn't make it for some reason but my friend was still willing to help. He helped her move that day and now they have been together for 10 years and married for 6.
25. Lazy Success
My roommate was planning on going to this big casino night charity thing the rec-league we played in was hosting. I couldn't go and he was texting me saying he was thinking of bailing rather than go alone. I texted a lady friend of mine and was like "aren't you going to this? Can my roommate tag along with you so he's not by himself?" I then texted them each other's phone numbers. They hooked up that night and dated for a couple months. I wing manned both of them without even leaving my couch. It was probably my finest wing man moment.
24. Makin' Eyes
I worked at a movie theater for a few years in high school/college. Most of us employees were aged 16-25ish and were a bunch of immature jerks having fun while working and getting into trouble together after work. In the same shopping center, there was a fast food restaurant that a school friend of mine worked. Us theater employees would regularly walk over to said restaurant for lunch.
One day, like many others, we were making inappropriate jokes while cleaning a theater after a showing, and one friend joked about how he hadn't gotten any in a while. I jokingly volunteered my fast food friend to assist my theater friend with his "problem". Later that day we wound up at the fast food place for our break and, lo and behold, fast food friend was working. Their eyes met over the register and that was it. They got married the summer after we graduated. Eleven years and one kid later, they are still together.
23. Mental Gymnastics
My best friend had confusing feelings about this guy (he liked her tho) so she set me up on a date with him, we went to the movies, they get together like the week after because she got jealous about the date and realized she actually really liked him. They've been together for over a year now. Also wingwoman I guess
22. Connection In An Isolating Age
I felt like they fit so without asking her, I sent her picture to him on snapchat with a caption "oh I miss my bff" he immediately asked who she was and I said my close friend and oh by the way she's from the same town as you so you probably know her? To which he answered no but what's her name? So I told him and then I was like you know what? Maybe you should meet! So I gave him her number after asking her.
They didn't end up with each other though. They're now both married to different people.
21. C. Profit
A. Make this guy ask out all the girls in the school out. Obviously get told no
B.Girl takes pity and asks him out
C.Profit
i don't know why it worked it just did
20. Rebound
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She was alone at the bar. A few friends and I were at a table having a few. One friend is getting over a breakup. We both need a new drink. I go up to the bar and order 3. Start talking to the girl. She seems nice. She's open to talking. And she's cute. Bartender brings back 3 beers. I wave my friend over. Hand her a beer. Hand him a beer. Get my beer "I think you two have a lot in common." and walk away. He got her number. They went on a date. It didn't work out cause he wasn't over his ex. But hey I tried.
19. Life Happening
My friend met a guy at my bachelorette party in a different city in 2002. They started dating immediately after. I got married, divorced 9 years later, was single for two years, dated a new guy for 4 years and married him two years ago. Those two are still together. And I'll be the first to admit I never thought they'd last. Good for them.
18. Now My Sister In Law
My first year in grad school there was a girl I thought would be perfect for my brother. So, I started joking with her that she was going to marry my brother. I sent around a picture of him one day when he was home from Iraq and she said he was cute. A few months later he was assigned to a base near her hometown. She went home to visit her parents and I sent them both an e-mail saying they should have coffee.
She married my brother.
17. We Will Never Know
One of my friends did this for his friend from home and I got to witness it first hand. A couple years ago in college, my friend invited me and a few other people to go to bars with him because he has a friend visiting. The friend's 21st was that weekend so he decided to wingman for the friend.
They both caught the attention of a cute blonde. Anyways, my friend eventually started making out with the girl but then 10 minutes later whispered something to the girl and the girl went to his friend and they apparently hooked up that night. My friends and I that tagged along were confused and shocked. If you ask him about it to this day, he doesn't remember because he was drunk and we will never learn about how that wingman technique worked.
16. Elaborate Lives
I walked up at our friends' wedding and started dancing with the girl that my roommate wanted to talk to. We danced for like 2 minutes and then I purposely cut myself out and redirected her to him instead. It was also an open bar, so at the time I was enough drinks in to assume it was a good idea. Low and behold, it was. They talked and got to know each other for about 2 weeks before realizing that their opposite life schedules wouldn't work out.
15. Sashay far away.
Pushed buddy into cute girl on dance floor, they got to talking, ended up married, kid, moved to England. Whole plan took like 3 seconds to come up with. Now I just miss my friend.
You literally pushed your friend out of your life... impressive, and a tad depressing.
14. Who needs to play then you've already won?
I invited some friends over to play Monopoly because I like to play Monopoly. It was the first time they met. They realized I was going to play the "all house no hotel" strategy so they strategized to gang up on me.
It's been 10 years and they're still together.
They still won't play monopoly with me.
That's how you know you've played monopoly correctly.
They scored the ultimate monopoly, life with each other.
13. Those were the days.
When I was in like 5th grade I walked up to a girl for my best friend said "hey my friend has a crush on you" started giggling and ran away they "dated" for a year.
I feel like it swings back around to this the older you get. If you're the single friend, you tend to get introduced to the other single friend at backyard bbqs. We all know why they were both invited.
12. Taking the initiative, eh?
I told my bro that I was going to hook him up with someone in a blind date. He agreed.
I knew he had a crush on a girl already, so I went and straight up told her:
"Hey, so I told my best friend (name) I was going to set him up with a blind date, and I already knew he's got a slight thing for you. Would you be interested? I haven't told him I knew he's a little into you so it's a bit of a secret."
"Yeah, I'm in," she replied.
And that's how I hooked them up in a "blind date".
Stupid, because I lied, I didn't actually have any sort of plan at all, I made it up as I went. Two, because I had already spilled the beans about my friend by the time I realized this was a dangerous game. In fairness, he didn't tell me he liked her, I inferred it by myself. So I don't feel like I betrayed any trust there.
Not the craziest story, I know, but it's what I've got.
EDIT: Sorry! Forgot the important bit. Figured it was implied by OPs request. They got together for a while before mutually breaking it off. It was a good break up, they just weren't right for each other.
11. This was a lot of work.
My best friend at the time said that I would make a good couple with one of my friends. Just to tease her, I started joking around that she had liked that same friend.
I very casually asked my friend if he liked her, to which he responded in a very unorganized and panicked manner, telling me that he was interested. I relayed this information over to my best friend, who was equally flustered and panicked. I continued relaying information between the two of them and over the course of 3 weeks, I had peer pressured these two people to get to know each other. They were in a "getting to know each other" phase for a month or two before dating officially.
Unfortunately, they lasted exactly one month and don't talk to each other anymore.
10. The straights are not okay.
On my best friends' first date with the girl I set him up with, they made out a few times. Later that day she called me and said that she doesn't want to see him any more because his breath was absolutely terrible. I told her that he said the same thing about her breath (a total lie) and that she should be nicer and give him another chance. Now they've been together for 11 months.
9. The duty was done, dutifully.
There was a girl I really liked and I thought she liked me too, but my best friend was having a really rough year and always talked about her so I decided to be the bigger man. Standing outside a party wasted on Halloween I convinced them to eat a Fruit by the Foot from either end like Lady and the Tramp. When they got to the middle I yelled kiss and they did. They ended up going on a couple dates but he blew it and now she hates me too.
Very adorable human behavior. 10/10 wingman.
8. This is how you do it.
Writing this to commend my friend for being a wingman for me but I was at a party this year with the express intent of finally talking to the girl I liked back in high school before we all graduated in 2018.
Kept holding off on approaching her and striking up a conversation so my friend went up to her and pretty much said "hey my friend basically hates everyone but he really likes you and he really wants to talk to you but hes too much of a b to approach you, could you please talk to him and just see how things go."
So she came up to me and we started talking and things went well.
We've now been dating for a month and things have been great.
7. Wingmaning by proxy.
i was a stranger's wingman. Got the job done for him and I don't even know his name.
I have a female friend who messaged me that the most embarrassing thing had happened to her. She has an "open house." Any of her friends may walk in at any time if they need anything. One of her friends walked in while she was pleasing herself. Not just a little bit, but full on.
But also turned on. She had been going through a months long dry spell, and the guy was very attractive. He came in because he needed somewhere to stay for the weekend. I think they were fumigating his house? I'm not sure, it's been years.
So there she is, hours later, kids are in bed and she's watching a movie with this guy, when she messages me again. She wants to sleep with him, but he hasn't made a move. She's from a family where the woman never makes the first move, she hasn't even considered the possibility. I not only talk her into it, but I talk her through it. It takes an hour, most of which was building up her confidence enough to just do it. She said it was great sex. She thanked me for helping her out.
The next day I tell a different friend that I had done this. He looks thoughtful for a minute, and he says "Ya know, I wonder how many times a girl wanted to sleep with me me but no one was there to talk me through it."
6. Extreme but effective.
I pretended to be a gay boyfriend to my "bi" friend so he could get closer to her. We "broke up" and they got together.
Dedication.
Yeah, he was my homie.
5. Getting schwifty.
To preface this, I'm a fairly big guy, gentle giant type, not so gentle when drunk. I was drinking with my gf at the time and our mutual friend at a club. Mutual Friend spotted a guy dancing with his mates and told me she thought he was cute. I was fairly inebriated and thought it would be a great idea to dance into his friend circle, dance/hipthrust him out of said circle, and forcibly dance him into the arms of Mutual Friend.
They dated for 4 years after that so it was a success but probably wouldn't recommend that tactic.
I tried to picture that in my head, and it's hilarious. You basically became a human bulldozer.
4. What a bro.
Wingman recipient here.
My best buddy knew I wanted this girl but I didn't know how to pull the trigger. This girl was gorgeous. He was outgoing and good friends with this girl. He also knew she was into me. The three of us were wasted at a party at her house. He told us to come upstairs to her room. In her room he said we were gonna play a game and all strip down to our underwear.
By the time she and I were down to our undies, he was fully clothed still, gave me a butt smack and closed the door as he left the room.....
closed the deal, twice.....
Never forgot it.
Lol. His plan was simply "get them naked."
3. She's a mess.
My college roommate was heavily flirting with this one guy from our dorm. He hadn't officially asked her out, but it was pretty clear he wanted to. And that Roommate had a huuuuge crush on him.
Problem was, there was another guy who'd been hitting on her. He was creepy (I don't mean that in the "ew, he wasn't hot" way- he'd get overly sexual and physically aggressive at frat parties to the point where multiple frats banned him). Roommate didn't like him, but kept talking to him because she had weird emotional issues about saying "no" to people and blowing them off.
So she wasn't making it clear which guy she liked, they were kinda fighting over her, and the whole thing came to a head right before they were gonna leave for a frat party. Creeper demanded she pick who she was "going" to the party with.
I half shouted, "Well she HAS to pick [Roommate's Crush.] She owes him for teaching her pool today."
Roommate's Crush jumped on that, claimed his "right" to take Roommate to the party, and they were officially dating by the end of the night.
How does it end?
Badly. But it was probably Roommate's fault. She was a neurotic mess and CRAZY high-maintenance.
Like, over Valentine's Day, our dorm had this thing where they put hearts on our doors so everybody could anonymously write nice things about one another. She counted the number of nice things on everybody's heart, averaged them, and had a meltdown when she got one less compliment than the floor average. I came back from class and found her curled up in a ball, SOBBING, in her closet. Took me two hours to calm her down, and I only managed it by convincing her that her friends were procrastinators and hadn't gotten around to doing the hearts yet. (That night, I snuck out of the room at 2 am with a bunch of different pens and wrote random nice things on her heart, and several other people's because if I just wrote on her's she'd have figured out it was me and had another meltdown about being "pitied.")
I can't imagine what dating that mess was like.
2. Sometimes roommates know best.
So I'm the one who got coupled up, but here it is. For about 4 months my roommate would invite this girl over to watch trash movies together, once a week. I had no intention with getting together with her cus she is 2 years older and obviously out of my league. It worked because he didn't tell me that this was his plan, because otherwise I would definitely have messed it up. Once we started dating he came up to me and spilled the beans, and said "I was close to losing all hope with you, finally."
1. Be who you are, and accept nothing less.
Oh I actually have one! I have a friend with a medical condition called Alopecia, which makes the person lose all the hair on their body. She suffered from depression and really low self esteem because of this, and always wore a wig.
So we were at a party 10 years ago, and she saw this guy that she found very interesting. I told her to go talk to him, but she didn't dare to. So I asked her to come with me to the bathroom, and when we passed the guy I gave her a small push so she kinda fell into him. Well, they spent the rest of the night talking and started dating.
Then one day about two weeks later she called me crying saying she really liked this guy, but she was so afraid of him finding out she didn't have any hair and wore a wig. I told her to go tell him, and if he didn't accept that part of her, he didn't deserve the rest of her.
She called me that evening saying she told him and that they were now boyfriend and girlfriend. Today, ten years later they are happily married and expecting their second baby :')
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.