What do you do when your sister and her boyfriend accuse your fiance of stealing their wedding proposal, when their plan was a secret? This is what happened to OP, and a war has ensued on social media between the two sisters, and their family has been ripped apart.
koumorinobi needs some advice on how to handle her sister.
The Original Poster Broke Down The Players
My fiance: Charlie
My sister: Kendall
Kendall's boyfriend: Jack
BACKGROUND INFO
Charlie and I have been together for six years and have lived together for three years. We met in college. Our relationship is awesome. I love him more than anything and I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. We're best friends, we make a great team, and we're really happy together. So no problems there.
Kendall and I have always been close. We've had normal sisterly arguments and whatnot, but I love her and she's family. I don't really know Jack that well, but he seemed like a nice guy (which obviously isn't the case), and we've all gotten along until now.
Kendall and Jack have been together for two years. Their relationship is rocky; Kendall has called me countless times because of fights, breakups, and drama. I've always been her shoulder to cry on and I've supported her through everything as best I can.
She has gotten jealous of my relationship with Charlie, saying things like she wishes she could have a "perfect" relationship like ours and she wishes she could have that connection with Jack. Recently (within the last two months), she's started saying things like "I should just steal Charlie from you" and "I wish Jack was more like Charlie, I think Charlie and I would be a great match." She started flirting with Charlie (which made him super uncomfortable) and overstepped boundaries. I was uncomfortable and upset with her behavior, we had a serious talk and she broke down. She told me she was going through a rough patch with Jack and wasn't handling it well. She apologized (to me and to Charlie) and told me she knew what she did was wrong, it wouldn't happen again, etc. Charlie and I talked about it and we decided to forgive her.
At the time of the incident, Jack and Kendall were still going through a rough patch.
And Here's Where It Goes To Pot
THE INCIDENT
Two weeks ago, Charlie invited close friends and family to dinner (this included Jack and Kendall). It was at the restaurant Charlie and I had our first date, down to the exact table we sat at. We had talked about marriage (at great length), so I had a feeling.
Lo and behold, Charlie proposed to me. It was perfect, I was so happy. I cried like a baby, lol.
Our family and friends congratulated us. Kendall seemed super excited. She gushed about how cute it was, started talking about the wedding, and hugged us both.
The only person who didn't seem happy for us was Jack. He told Kendall that he wanted to go home and they left early.
Fast forward a few days. Kendall texted me and she was pissed. She called me "a dirty traitor" and "a disgusting c*nt." I was like wtf??? I asked her why she was upset. She claimed I was trying to ruin her relationship and then stopped replying to my texts.
I texted Jack and asked him wtf was going on. He told me that he was planning to propose to Kendall at dinner. At first, I felt bad because maybe he had planned something beforehand and maybe it was just a huge misunderstanding. But apparently, Jack wasn't even planning to propose to Kendall until we got to the restaurant. He saw how nice the restaurant was, our friends and family were there, and decided "hey, this is perfect." He thought it would help them out of their rough patch (which is a horrible idea because marriage doesn't magically fix relationships), but then Charlie proposed and "stole his thunder." He didn't even have a ring!
Charlie had been planning that proposal for months. He's had the ring for six months, made the reservations two months beforehand, invited all of our family and friends. Even the staff of the restaurant was in on the proposal! He put a lot of thought into it and I don't think Jack's heat of the moment decision to propose is more important than Charlie's carefully planned proposal. I'm actually upset that Jack would make something this special and important into something dramatic and all about him.
I didn't apologize. Charlie and I talked about it, he agrees and doesn't think we should apologize.
And The Fallout
THE AFTERMATH
Since then, Kendall and Jack haven't talked to us. Which is fine by itself, but that's not the end of it. Both of them have been shaming us on social media, twisting the story to make themselves look like victims, and have even coined us "The Proposal Thieves."
Mutual friends (and even some family!) are disgusted with us. They believe Jack and Kendall's story, even after I've tried to explain what really happened. As funny as it is to be called The Proposal Thieves, it's not so funny to have friends and family turned against you. I'm really upset that my own sister would do this.
Charlie has been super supportive and sweet through this mess. We both agree that we shouldn't apologize and have been standing our ground.
Honestly, after everything Kendall has done, I'm pretty much fed up with her. She's my sister and I love her, but after she tried to seduce my boyfriend and now this, I don't really have a desire to talk to her anymore. Which sucks, because we've always been close. I think Jack has turned her into this horrible, self-absorbed person and it's just.. ugh.
Btw, I'm not talking to Kendall right now and have no plans to talk to her until we receive a sincere apology. Even then, I think I might limit contact if she stays with Jack.
What do you think, Reddit? What should we do? How should we handle this? Advice/perspective/anything???
TL;DR: Sister and bf are upset that we "upstaged them." Spreading lies on social media. Everything is a mess, please help?
Fight back with the truth.
GiphyI feel like Charlie should post something to the effect of "After 6 wonderful years together, I asked koumorinobi and all her friends and family to the restaurant where we had our very first date, and there, at the very table where we sat 6 years ago, I asked her to be my wife. A special thanks to the amazing waitstaff at the restaurant for helping me plan my perfect proposal! I couldn't be happier,"
this outlines that it was HIS proposal, and HIS planning and nips all other proposal thievery nonsense in the bud.
Also, congratulations, you two sound like an amazing team!
And block Kendall (sister) and Jack (Kendalls' boyfriend).
GiphyAlso, block Jack/Kendall from being able to post on your or Charlie's post/wall. Don't engage in any online argument, just post the truth and move on.
Reevaluate those "mutual friends" you have if they continue to be horrible.
Sounds like Jack may be feeling a little insecure?
GiphyI will now re-enact for you what happened after they left the dinner.
Kendall (either in real life, or in Jack's imagination): "Wow, isn't it great that Charlie proposed! I want to have a marriage like that"
Jack realizes that the pressure is now on. Jack does not want to deal with the pressure. Jack does not want this fight or this problem. He wants to avoid the marriage convo entirely.
Jack: "Well..I was going to! They RUINED it. Now I can't possibly propose to you, and it's because of OTHER PEOPLE!" (aaand internal sigh of relief for Jack).
Don't apologize, give them time to cool down, and maybe when your sister is being more reasonable, suggest she talk to Jack about that incoming proposal she's so excited about...you know, the one that's totally happening. Uh huh.
Who decides to propose on a whim?
GiphyI texted Jack and asked him wtf was going on. He told me that he was planning to propose to Kendall at dinner.
BULL. SH*T. No way do I believe that he was going to propose that night. After all of their problems? Crikey.
Go no contact with Kendall for the foreseeable future. Try one more time with the really important people to clarify what happened, if they are feeding into the drama, they also go to the curb with the rest of the trash. Ignore all of them unless they come to you with a sincere apology. And don't invite those f*ckers to the wedding. Not even Kendall, unless she apologizes. She sounds like a piece of work.
Who calls their sister the c-word?
Giphy"a disgusting c*nt."
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble getting past this. Is this really the way your sister speaks to you?
Get the truth out there.
GiphyThis is why I don't recommend that people "take the high road" and not tell their side of the story. 9/10 times it lets the crazy person put out their story and people tend to believe the first story they are told. Write about how wonderful your proposal was and how much Charlie planned it and how happy your sister was. Then mention how baffled you are that people are accusing you and your fiance of stealing a proposal from a guy with no plan and no ring, and how sad you are at the number of people who are so eager to believe the worst about you two without getting your side of the story. If anyone brings it up to you afterward point out how nice it is to see the true character of certain people before inviting someone to be in the bridal party or to the wedding. Have your parents say something similar and how sad it is that Kendall is spreading lies about you instead of being happy and how much that hurts a mother's heart, etc.
On that note, under no circumstances have your sister in your wedding party.
How is this situation even real?
GiphyThis reminds me of The Office, when Jim planned an expensive proposal under the fireworks for Pam, and Andy stole his thunder. Except in this case, "Jim" actually got to propose.
Sounds to me like Kendall and Jack had an argument after dinner about their relationship and maybe Kendall compared it to yours. So Jack claimed he was going to propose that night in an attempt at damage control and threw Charlie under the bus in the meantime. What an asshole.
Also if he really did decide to do it last minute, how the fuck was Charlie supposed to know that?! Is Kendall that dimwitted?
Doesn't seem like Jack had really planned anything.
GiphyDoes Kendall understand that Charlie invited everyone and coordinated dinner? If Jack were planning to propose, I would have thought he would be spearheading the dinner. And, you know, have a ring.
It sounds like Jack is feeding Kendall this story to get some heat off himself.
Perhaps it would be worth it to sit down with Jack and Kendall to clarify the situation and request that they set the record straight with friends and family. If they refuse, do it yourself on social media (gracefully), then block Kendall and Jack, go no contact, and enjoy your engagement.
Don't apologize, you deserve an apology.
GiphyI wouldn't apologize, and I would unfollow them on social media. I'd also cut contact until they apologize to both of you. I'm baffled at how they think you stole their thunder at an event that your fiancé had been planning for months and invited everyone to. How does Jack spin that in his favor?
Also, The Proposal Thieves would make a good band name.
Now you know whom to not invite to the wedding.
GiphyAt least you found out everyone's true and immature colors before the invites go out. As a 7 month newlywed, trust me, you don't want to ANYONE there whom will cause you grief. Our wedding was magical because of our decision not to include certain humans simply because we share blood. Your fiancé has your back and that's all that matters. Congratulations xox
Why not post your side of the story?
GiphyGo online and put ONE post up, simple, straightforward, and honest, about your side of the story. How this was a planned proposal and was set up in advance. Say you are very disappointed how so many people are attacking you on what should be a happy day, and you thought better of them than to believe a skewed version of the story.
Or however you want to put it. But if you really want to solve your social media problem you need to put down ONE posting where you take the high road, then don't address it again.
Kendall should beg for forgiveness.
GiphyThis is the biggest bullsh*t I've ever read (not as in I think it's fake, but just how ridiculous these people are acting). How in the hell can you be a "proposal thief" if 1) you came up with the idea first and; 2) you weren't told about someone else planning a proposal?
Those text messages your sister sent are insane. She's acting as if you overheard her boyfriend talking about asking for her hand in marriage (which he didn't since he kept the idea to himself), and then ran over to your boyfriend to say, "Quick! Ask me to marry you before Jack does!" Like, where is the logic in any of this?
I'm sorry you're related to such a psycho.
You need to get your story out there ASAP. Don't let her continue to feed them lies. Tell them exactly what you told us about how he hadn't even thought of the idea until he stepped foot into the door and how the whole get-together was with the intention of your boyfriend proposing to you.
And then, don't speak to your sister until she apologizes or literally begs on her hands and knees for your forgiveness, because who even does this sh*t?
Ignore the drama.
GiphyYou and Charlie are in the right, stand your ground and enjoy your moment. Congrats on the engagement and don't waste time or energy on drama.
People just aren't buying it.
He had no plan to propose. Kendall got jealous and he lied to make her happy. She's an idiot. Ignore them.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.