Victims Of Bullying Explain How It Truly Affected Their Lives
It gets better...
Bullying is an epidemic. But it's looked on as something we should just all get over. Getting over being tortured or violated is not something one just "get's over." When I was in high school certain boys would throw glass bottles at my head and scream the word "f*g!" All I was trying to do was get to class. But for some reason, certain people felt they needed to scar me in order for me to grow. For a long time I didn't grow, I shrunk. The effects of those moments are haunting.
Redditor u/SakuraIsPink-_- wanted to discuss what happens when one is tormented for being themselves, why does it happen and how does life go on from it... they asked... [SERIOUS] Victims of bullying, what happened and how did it affect your life?1-
I grew up being bullied by not only my peers but also by family members.
I still have incredibly low self esteem, I have a hard time dating anyone, and I basically refuse to take compliments from people because I'm afraid they'll just tell me they're joking anyway.
It's been rough. I'm 25 and still trying to deal with crap from my teenage years.
EDIT: Wow. Thank for for all of the awards and support. You are all so kind and I truly appreciate it.
For those asking, yes, I have seen a therapist in the past, but I was young and stupid and gave up on it pretty quickly. I intend on actually going to see someone once Covid has calmed down because I have a hard time connecting with someone over the phone.
And to all of those in similar situations, I truly hope you are able to find peace and live great lives. Don't let your past drag you down, you can accomplish so much.
2-
My worst bully was my dad who'd call me a lazy fatty, accused me of being gay, said I was a disrespectful piece of crap. He is, literally, one of the cruelest people I've ever met and he thinks he's a freaking saint. However, in the past two years he's had four strokes and is probably going to be dead in the next few months so the jokes on him... I'm not even going to be sad when he dies, other than feeling bad for my mom and siblings...
3-
I'm 51 and am still unpacking crap from my teens. Hell over the pandemic I realized the worst of the bullying came from my own family. And yeah. It has taken me DECADES to recover any self-esteem. But hey "they wouldn't have teased me if they didn't like me" right?
4-
Someone got paid to date me once. Ever since then I was always skeptical that someone actually found me attractive. The person who paid the individual did it because I recently went through a horrible break up and he hated seeing me depressed. I've forgiven him since then because his heart was in the right place but whenever I've been approached by women I think they have an ulterior motive. I've been slowly growing out of this so there is hope.
5-
I have trouble trusting people. If someone is nice to me I assume that they have an ulterior motive or think about ways that they could harm me. I get along with my co-workers but I don't let many people get close enough to know me.
6-
My peers weren't bullies but they made it clear they didn't care about me/I had no friends. My brother was the one that would bully me during our childhood so I grew up not having any friends and having no one to trust in my family. With that said I still think I had a good childhood seeing as I was never physically abused or anything but I still have very little trust for others.
7-
I have a problem where I tend to read negative things into the way people talk to me and interact with me. Like I have a tendency to assume people are passive aggressively insulting me when in all actuality they probably like me just fine and don't mean anything by it.
I've gotten a lot better at not taking things personally but every now and then it still pops up in my brain.
8-
I was the kid who got bullied by all the popular kids and ostracized. I had a crush on a boy and they found out, so they pranked me saying he wanted to ask me out but was too shy. So I asked him out in the hall only for him to brutally reject me in front of everyone and they all laughed. I was also beaten up by a girl who dragged me by my pony tail and told me I wasn't cool enough to hang out with the popular kids.
I still have a lot of self doubt and anxiety at 34. I feel a lot of the time like people don't really want me around and just tolerate me and then talk about me behind my back. This wasn't helped at all during my marriage. My ex was emotionally abusive and often told me I didn't want to leave him because nobody else would treat me as good as he did. This kept my self esteem low and I became pretty reclusive. I'm now very much the kind of person who doesn't reach out to anyone and I just wait for them to come to me. It's safer that way, if they're the ones reaching out then it must mean they do want to be around.
It's something I'm working on, though. I realize it's unhealthy to never reach out so I'm stepping out of my comfort zone to nurture relationships and grow. My boyfriend is amazing and supportive of this and encourages me to reach out. So far it has mostly been with my family, I have a ton of cousins I used to be close to and I'm working on rebuilding those relationships. The pandemic makes it hard, but I find I feel better after even just a phone call. I'm trying to reclaim my life and not let the bullying and abuse of my past close me off to the world.
9-
I was made fun of by everyone including the teachers just because I was "That Shy Kid Who Likes To Draw And Is Bad At SportsTM" through grades 1-7.
People were always throwing trash at me and once I even had a trash bin put on my head when I was just minding my business on a break. A lot of insults regarding my looks too.
I grew up to be a socially anxious, introverted, apathetic and asocial adult who doesn't trust people, keeps my distance from them and has a lot of self esteem issues on top of borderline personality disorder. I don't seek friends or keep old friends because deep down I think that I'm just an annoyance to them and I see them interacting with me as a form of pity. No matter how much people assure me they are okay with me I just don't believe them.
Same goes for any compliments directed at my looks.
I'm 23 now and I will never forgive those people and I will wish them the worst because even if they come to me after 10 years and apologize, their crappy apology won't fix the mental trauma I suffered because of them.
10-
I was bullied as a teenager. I had crooked teeth, bushy eyebrows and dark circles around my eyes, I was also anemic so I was so pale. They called me zombie, witch girl and other hurtful things.
I got braces in college and worked out and a lot of guys started complimenting me, which I always thought was another prank, it took me years to love and accept myself and to not let myself seek attention from other men.
I was so desperate for love and attention that I allowed myself to be abused by an ex, and to be the side chick of another.
I'm doing okay now, though.
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No matter how happy we are with our lives, most of us can think of at least one thing that we wish we could have done differently.
Even if that just means starting to do the same things a little bit sooner.
Feeling reflective, Redditor AbortiveBases1 asked:
"What's something you wish you started doing sooner?"
Letting People Go
"Learning that just because someone is your friend for a long time doesn't mean you have to deal with their toxicity or narcissistic behavior."
"You can leave those friendships. It sucks at first but it's worse staying friends with people like that."
- SadStone2265
Getting Divorced
"My mom and dad got divorced in 2022 when my siblings and I were all between the ages of 27 and 31."
"We couldn't be happier. It could (and should) have happened way earlier, like 10 to 15 years earlier. Our childhood definitely suffered for it."
"I have no complaints about my mom, she's the best lady ever, but things would've been a lot more pleasant at home if they divorced then."
- doomed_danny
Creative Outlet
"Making things."
"I 3D print, do woodwork, and do home renovations. It’s made me more self-confident (I now usually believe I can do anything), more creative, and changed the way my brain works."
"I can’t imagine what kind of person I’d be today if I had been doing this all throughout my 20s."
- AirZurk
Sugar Intake
"Weaning myself off sugar."
- CouldMurderACarvery
The Perfect Partner
"My wife. She's the granddaughter of a friend of my aunt, so I could have met her a lot sooner, but we only met when I was 29."
"The way we clicked together and got lost in conversation with each other... I only wish it had started sooner."
- netheroth
"You can't guarantee that you would have clicked earlier."
"It was the same with my wife, I had met a bunch of her close friends over the years through friends and vice versa. There are pictures of us at the same events when we were 17, 18, and 20, but we just never met. Ships passing in the night."
"We met finally at 29 and realized we had all the things in common and clicked immediately and are happily married with a beautiful two-year-old."
"Looking back, had we met at 17, I don't think we would have gotten together. We both had a lot of growing to do before we were right for each other."
- sirhcdobo
Ditch the Hustle
"Focusing on friends instead of the grind."
"I worked two jobs through the 2010s. As a freelance digital artist at night, I made a lot of 'friends' through conventions, online chat groups, and social media."
"However, the pandemic hit, and the conventions closed. Freelance business dried up. Our clients disappeared. With my evenings more open, I focused more intently on ascending in my day job, and now only have one or two contacts left from my digital art years."
"They're all I have left. And we don't even talk that much."
"I'm working on rebuilding a friends circle, trying to reconnect with everyone who still remembers me, lives close enough, and didn't die years ago unbeknownst."
"It's an awkward process, trying to again find similar interests now that everyone has a wife, kids, and home to take care of, while I seem to have dropped out of a time portal from 2003."
- QuarantineTitans
Understanding Mental Health
"My wife."
"But seriously, endorphins."
"And understanding the importance of endorphins on mental health."
"Even a small amount of physical activity has a major improvement on my mental health, energy, and moods."
- ksozay
Work History
"I wish I'd started working sooner."
"My mom sent me money for food and essentials while I was in college because she said a job would just distract me from getting good grades. Unfortunately, she simply forgot to send the money, a lot."
- stellathewizard
Home Yoga Sessions
"At-home yoga. It's free AND my back doesn't hurt anymore!"
- mekkimegz
Prioritizing Sleep
"Enforcing my own bedtime. My mood is 1,000% better on days when I get enough sleep."
- lights_camera_pizza
The Value of Therapy
"Therapy. Seriously, if you are considering seeing a therapist, then just do it."
- Avjycjc8ttghu478
Exercise Routine
"Two-a-day workouts. Once you figure out intensity pacing and treating one as a 'light' workout, it’s not hard."
"Getting up at 5:30 most days isn’t awesome, but I get 14, 45-min hits of exercise almost every week, and I’ve never had as much energy, positivity, and overall health. Plus, weight management-wise, I can eat d**n near anything I want to. I had a 'mostly' clean diet before, so I wasn’t going bonkers. But it makes eating pretty enjoyable."
- superstarrrr99
Better Self-Talk
"Replacing self-depreciative jokes with sarcastic compliments on myself."
"For example, instead of saying, 'My hair looks like something died in it,' say, 'I was born a queen. Look how great I look on a bad hair day too!'"
"Fake it till you make it kinda works. Eventually, I'm not feeling as insecure about myself as I used to."
- saagarammm
Sentimental Photos
"Taking pictures with my husband and kids. I hate the way I look in pictures so usually, I’m the one behind the camera. It wasn’t until last year that I read a post here on Reddit that made me change my way of thinking."
"It said something along the lines of, kids don't see wrinkles, extra fat, or bad hair. You know, all the things we nitpick about ourselves. They just see Mom."
- Dazzling-Nature-6380
The Next Phase
"Retirement. Did it at 68 but was enjoying running my own publishing business, so I stayed on."
"Now in retirement, I’m having a blast doing so many things I never previously had time for that I wish I’d taken the plunge at 60, or earlier. (Let that be a lesson to all you young ‘uns out there.)"
- SkepticalSenior9133
While it's so easy to regret things in our lives, sometimes it's important to think about the things we're doing right.
Sometimes we'll be so proud of what we're doing, we'll only regret not getting a jump on it sooner.
People Break Down Which Things Have Gotten Worse And More Expensive At The Same Time
Over the course of time, we often find ourselves discovering things we once loved as a child that didn't turn out to be quite as wonderful as we remember.
Up to and including a restaurant we used to love, a clothing brand we almost exclusively shopped at, or an amusement park which dazzled us when we were young. While the disappointment could be owed to a slightly foggy memory, there might have also been an overall decline in quality at any and all of those places.
Making this experience all the more perplexing, however, is the fact that the less happy experience was much more expensive than it was when these same things brought us joy.
A curious imbalance indeed.
"What has simultaneously gotten worse and more expensive?"
So Much For The $1 Menu
"Fast food."
"I rarely eat it, but every time I do it seems more expensive and I feel horrible after."- TheSecretStuffs
Fast Food Cheeseburger GIFGiphyHence The Shared Password...
"Netflix."- Lazy_Adhesiveness812
Nothing I Couldn't Make Better At Home...
"Going out to eat, Restaurants."
"It used to be fun, now it's too expensive and the experience has become mediocre."- mojoisthebest
"Dining out for sure."
"Mid tier restaurants are using lower quality food, much of it prepackaged from major suppliers, prices are up and service is terrible."
"Many of our local restaurants have gotten away from table service and you order from a counter and pick up your own food."
"I don’t go out often, but I do go out expecting a decent meal and service."- Caspers_Shadow
gordon ramsay cooking GIF by Gordon Ramsay's 24 Hours to Hell and BackGiphySometimes Bigger Is Better...
"Bars of chocolate."
"It used to be a fairly cheap and substantial treat when I was kid, but they keep getting smaller and smaller and they're ridiculously expensive now."- eezgorriseadback
You'd Think They'd Have Solved This Problem By Now...
"Most technology designed to be replaced every few years."
"We used to design things to last."
"Now we design things to wear out so people keep buying new ones."- riphitter
Lucky For Vegetarians...
"Meat from the supermarket."- pretty_monotonous
Supermarket Sweep Shopping GIF by ABC NetworkGiphyNo Matter Where You Get It...
"Food, in general."- BillyBobBarkerJrJr
Renting Or Buying...
"Housing."- pineconewashington
Something's Afoul...
"Scented candles."
"In fact, what used to be the premier candle, Yankee Candle had so gone down in quality the son of the original founder of Yankee Candle made his own company based on the original premise, quality, and scents of the original candles."
"It's called Kringle candle, but they're not available everywhere, so unfortunately, Yankee Candle it is."
"Yankee Candle, while never cheap, were of good quality and smelled good."
"Now the scents aren't as strong, the candles tunnel way too easily (they never used to do that), and they don't burn evenly."
"Yet they cost up to twice as much."- llcucf80
christmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphyEspecially In America
"Education."- Inevitable-Ad-6315
Especially Over The Last Three Years...
"Living."- Callistai
Things Ain't What They Used To Be
"AirBnb, Uber, Lyft, and pretty much everything else that has always been too good to be true."- CatherineConstance
When Even The Nosebleeds Are Too Expensive...
"Tickets to major sporting events."
"I read somewhere that going to a family of 4 going to an NFL game is like on average a $1000+ expense."
"Who in the world is paying for that?"- lUNITl
Jacking up the price of anything is an easy way to make people believe it must be a quality product.
Even if customers will quickly realize they did not get their money's worth.
It's easy to roll our eyes at the ludicrous things people still somehow believe.
For instance, the earth is flat, or the moon landing never happened.
All of which are nothing more than sensational conspiracy theories with no facts to back them up.
That being said, even those who laugh at others for believing ludicrous things often still believe a conspiracy theory or two of their own.
"What's a conspiracy theory you believe is 100% true?"
Anything Found On Reddit
"I would believe any conspiracy theory that explains why I see a version of this question in my feed 3 times per day."- Longjumping_Ad_6988
Hold On To Your Butts
"Several years back, Samuel L Jackson did an AMA."
"He announced it a few days before and said he would read, up to 300 words, any statement that was the highest voted."
"The initial comment that was in the lead was a series of words for a gps system."
"Left, right, turn, 1,2,3,4,5 etc and of course motherf*cker."
"Halfway through though, another comment took the lead and ended up winning."
"It was a rather bland announcement that he was retiring from acting and taking up a life of crime fighting."
'Till the end of time, I will believe that his team said there was no way he was going to read a script that would immediately be posted to create a product that he would not get paid for."
'I am sure Reddit admins put their thumb on the scale to get the other comment to win."- frodosbitch
Samuel L Jackson Wink GIF by LionsgateGiphyMystery DNA Collection...
"When I was in middle school some group came and had every kid in the grade fingerprinted and mouth swabbed as a 'If My Child Goes Missing' packet for the children and parents."
"We got a copy of our fingerprints with our name on a form."
"And the sticker from that form was put on the tubes the mouth swabs would go back into."
"They set up in our gymnasium and the whole school of about 500 kids did it."
"I believe that was just a super easy way to get biometrics on the population before cellphones became popular."
"This was early mid 2000s."
"I’ve always wondered exactly who got that dna."- Equivalent_Seat6470
"I’m still convinced all these DNA test kits will be used/sold as a means to do things like deny medical coverage, plant evidence at crime scenes, population surveillance on a biometric level, etc."
"Got one as a gift once, handed it right back."
"NOPE."- nomadiceater
"The Candy Man..."
"The Ms on M&Ms have always been Ws."
"Willy & Wonka."- NorthernGamer71
Willy Wonka Smile GIFGiphy"Cost Cutting" My A**...
"All the recent tech layoffs (except Metas) weren't about cutting costs but about making workers afraid again and trying to claw back some of the leverage workers had been gaining."- boones_farmer
Maps Be Damned
"Bielefeld, Germany, does not exist."- Mikeavelli
They're Not Fooling Anyone
"Area 51 is where the US develop and test Intelligence, Surveillance, Tracking and Reconnaissance equipment, and the UFOs people are are actually new forms of surveillance equipment."- dazedan_confused
Area 51 GIF by MOODMANGiphyWhy They Didn't Release The Snyder Cut...
"DC makes sh*tty movies to give people comic book fatigue to spite marvel."- Season8isGreat
All In The Eye of The Beholder...
"That Contemporary art is used to launder money."
"Look it up. It makes sense."
"Rich person buys an art piece for $1,000, turns around and values it at $1,000,000, then sells it to a private buyer for 1.5x it's value."
"The buyer pays with a form of legal tender (cash) that cash has now been cleaned and is in the rich persons pocket, then he goes and commissions more art and repeats the cycle."
"After 5 years he has cleaned more money than offshore accounts, shell corporations, and high cash flow businesses could in 50 years."- Weird-Replacement-61
Bored Modern Art GIF by unimpressionismGiphySeriously though, who actually uses change?
"The 'coin shortage' is just a way to have us all move to using our debt/credit cards and digital currency 100% of the time."
"When that finally happens, the government will have full access to viewing our funds and income and can freeze it whenever they want, which would give them full power over the economy."- Tomb5t0ne
Who Actually Bought Baseball?
"Michael Jordan’s first 'retirement' was because he was suspended for gambling."- trojan_man16
What Else Would "Central Intelligence" Mean...
"CIA drugging US citizens without their knowledge to learn how to manipulate people's minds."- Xtrepiphany
cia GIFGiphySome people will believe literally anything they're told.
But just about everyone believes at least one sensational fact with zero evidence to back it up.
Mental health is so important, and we all know it.
If we can't manage our mental health, we can't manage anything else in our lives, either.
Now that the importance of mental health is acknowledged and talking about mental health is more accepted, it's easier than ever to get advice or tips on how to gain control over your mental health.
Of course, you can -- and should -- consider methods like therapy.
However, there are some easy tricks you can try right now, just to help start the process. This could include finding a little joy in each day, throwing yourself into your hobby, developing an exercise routine, or even cleaning the house!
Redditors have lots of great mental health tips, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor spiritualsplash asked:
"What's the greatest mental health tip you've gotten?"
Kind To Yourself
"Would you be friends with someone that talks to you the way you talk to yourself in your head? Be kinder to yourself."
– steppinrazor2009
"Yes. I am thankfully over my disordered eating, but struggled with it for years."
"seriously... would I tell a friend, "oh no, you can't eat today, because you ate yesterday, you pig?" I would not. So how on Earth is it okay to say that to yourself?"
– finewhateverbot
Just Do It
"Anything worth doing is worth halfa**ing"
"Cant shower? washcloth. Cant cook? frozen dinners. Cant exercise? stand outside for a moment or by an open window."
"Do the little things"
– crazymissdaisy87
"This was a huge push for me breaking out of my depressive episodes. Don't have the energy to just brush your teeth, floss, then mouth wash? Grab your tooth brush wet it and do a few scrubs. That's all it takes."
"Often times you will "I'm already here might as well do the rest of it" and it helps a ton."
– damboy99
Helping Others Help You
"You know that good feeling you get when you help someone? Asking for help is giving someone else the opportunity to feel that way."
– WingZombie
Them, Not You
"I was having trouble with a co-worker. She was always criticizing me and annoying me. It didn’t have any practical effect on my job or career (she wasn’t on my team, nor was she in a position of authority) but it was demoralizing and unpleasant."
"I brought it up with my boss and he sighed and before he walked away, he said only “She’s a b*tch.”"
"It was terrific! I realized, yes, she is a b*tch. She complains about me and insults me, because she is an unpleasant person. It has nothing to do with me and it only has the effect on me that I allow it to have."
– substantial-freud
Lower The Pressure
"The best advice a coworker-turned-friend ever gave me when I complained sometimes I found the company drinks excruciatingly boring was "you know you don't have to enjoy things, right?""
"Suddenly showed me that I somehow had internalised that me finding things boring meant something was wrong with me, rather than with the things."
– SteveXVI
Superheroes Are You
"You're not your trauma"
– nomnemnem
"Unless your trauma was being bitten by a radioactive spider, in which case, you might be Spiderman."
– mahmoudhanine9t7
I Like To Move It, Move It
"To start working out ( Nothing major, walks etc) and to find a hobby I like to do."
– Connect_Door6700
"A lot of people roll their eyes at this one, but it’s so true. Even something like walking daily can have a massive impact on your mental health."
– underhooking
Appreciate You
"Go where your celebrated not where your tolerated . idk why but this quote got me a lot further in life when I was going through my trauma"
– sudocanna
"After the last 4 years being at a job that sucked my soul and confidence out of me every single day, I feel this. Found a new job where my knowledge and skill was appreciated and acknowledged (and the pay was wayyy higher). I literally cried after my first day at my new job because I had forgotten what it felt like to be seen."
– ChaplnGrillSgt
Hydrate
"I was so confused when someone told me to start drinking water regularly. I feel myself much happier and healthier"
– buggybboo
No One Cares About You...And That's Good
""People don't give a f*ck about you. Everyone gives a f*ck about themselves and has anxiety of how other people perceive them. They are too busy being paranoid themselves. Literally nobody gives a single f*ck about what you do or did or didn't do.""
"This extremely helped my panic attacks about joining a new team and having to give presentations to them, feeling super self conscious. As soon as I realized they don't actually notice the things about myself I'm hyper aware of, everything became easier."
– momoji13
Looking Forward
"To always have something to look forward to. Whether it's a new episode of a show every week or a D&D session with your friends just make sure that you always have something to look forward to during the week."
– Heather_Chandelier
Lesson Learned
"Mistakes should be treated as lessons not regrets. Once you realize what you have learned from the mistake, let it go."
– Xuntosub
Control Your Reactions
"You are more than what happens to you. Also, you have a right to feel angry if you've been wronged, but you still have to find ways to move forward. Even if you don't forgive and forget."
– Levelless86
"This is true. I went through a major depressive episode in my early 20s and had a friend cajole me into therapy. I had dropped out of college, gone through a series of dead-end jobs, and isolated myself from any meaningful relationships."
"I spent the entire first session explaining how everything that had gone wrong in my life could be connected back to my father. When I eventually took a breath, the therapist halted my rant. She told me that the abuse was categorically his fault, but everything I had done since and was doing now was my choice and in my control."
"That statement alone didn’t fix anything, but I saw that I was stuck emotionally at the age of my abuse. I needed to find a way to restart the clock. We started focusing my efforts on mindfulness, accountability, and forming healthy, mature relationships. I worked on moving forward and building self confidence. It was infinitely more beneficial than rehashing the past and “how did that make you feel” discussions."
– imgoingtostealtheDOI
Is There Any Evidence To Back Up That Theory?
"If you’re an overthinker, learn to segregate your thoughts by asking yourself is it an assumption based thought or an evidence based one."
– Downtown_Mixture6380
As a fellow overthinker, this is amazing advice!