They say there's nothing quite like a mother's unconditional love.
But sometimes that love is, in fact, very conditional.
When you've got a mom like that, there are things it's easier to just not tell them. Even if you've got an amazing mother, there are things you're probably not lining up to confess.
One Reddit user asked:
What's one thing your mom doesn't know about you?
It's a little surreal to realize you now know this personal detail about someone that their own mother does not, but that's exactly the situation we're all in after reading these confessions.
Master Forger
My handwriting was so bad when I was in middle school that she would help me write it she saw me struggling so I 'practiced' writing her name near her so she would sign her signature on a piece of paper and I traced it on a detention slip LOL
I too had awful handwriting! Then I also became a delinquent and needed to be able to forge mom's signature. So I practiced every day until I had it perfect.
Now, my mom has amazing script level handwriting and I got my forged signature near identical to hers. To this day I have incredible handwriting that stems directly from hours spent practicing forwarding her name.
Grandma's Funeral
season 5 ghost GIF by Power
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I missed my grandmothers funeral because I was locked up facing ten years for armed robbery.
Eventually family had to hire two lawyers for me. Any other black kid that didn't have a well off family would be f*cked. My parents are architects and I never lived up to them.
Locked up a few years then had five years house arrest. That's why I have so much Reddit karma.
Let's talk real karma though... because you better believe in it. I was an a**hole the year before, and look what happened.
When I walked in the bullpen it was all us black men. The animosity in the air was palpable. I could feel them sizing me up.
I eventually got back in after sitting with a review board. I was able to graduate. But having a degree in sociology isn't lucrative.
I worked call centers until my most recent as a supervisor at a non-profit.
We moved all the homeless into hotels. My office was a hotel room and my coworkers just watch TV all day.
Some days are dangerous, though. I've had guns pulled on me, drug dealers moving in. It's bad.
And I just got fired after a year. Anyways pray I get my job back or find something soon. I'm tempted to go back to my old self.
Letting Someone Else Own The Fart
I farted at her and my dad's vow renewal.
It was one of those farts where the entire room took notice and started gagging. Someone else got blamed for it and I never corrected anyone and admitted that it was actually me.
Up Until A Year Ago
That I nearly lost my job in March, but Covid actually spun me into keeping my job and the benefit of working from home indefinitely.
That I had my heart broken once again. That I feel very lonely. That my depression was the worst it has ever been in July and that I have finally found a medication that is helping.
That there is a Marilyn Manson song now that my dad and I both are convinced that even she would like. That I miss her more than I ever thought possible. That I'm sorry for being upset with her last year on November 20th and I've been having nightmares for weeks now where she hates me so much she won't even speak to me.
Saturday will make it a full year since I lost my mom and my best friend in this entire world. There are so many things I want to share with her and so many things I want her advice on. My mom knew everything about me up until a year ago..
Squad
the wire car GIF by Scorpion Dagger
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I once went drinking with some gang members I had just met.
During the summer, the city holds free jazz concerts in a park and my roommate's sister asked me to go because safety. We listened in a distant part of the park, so we could drink without getting hassled.
There was a group of 3 or 4 shady looking guys a bit down the path from us, and she decided to go over to bum a cigarette off of them. We shared some of our vodka with them and after talking for them for a few minutes, we learned that they were Gangster Disciples.
We pretty much spent the rest of the night partying with them. We went to one of their apartments to get more mixer and smoke, then later we went out to a bar.
That's about all to tell, they were actually very friendly guys, to be honest.
I Tell Her Everything ... But This
My mom doesn't know that I'm bisexual and I have known for 8 years.
I've never felt comfortable coming out to anyone in my family due to being raised super conservative Christian. I've only told 5 people.
It sucks not being able to talk to her about this especially since I tell her everything, she's my best friend.
A Failed Weekend Threesome
My mom doesn't know that the trip I took to San Diego wasn't with "my friend and her family."
I was 22 and old enough to know better, but I met a couple online and spent the weekend with them.
I drove 1.5 hours to LA to meet the guy, then we took an Uber to the bus station that was 20 mins away. We took a bus all the way up to Oakland where his girlfriend picked us up.
Weekend was decent I guess (he cheated in the past. They were soooo not ready to add another person. Awkward). Then at the last minute, he decided he wanted to stay longer.
So rather than having him with me for safety as planned, I got on the 8 hour bus ride home by MYSELF. I didn't get back to LA until 1am.
Then had to call an Uber and waited 20 minutes, was dropped off at his house to get my car, only to speed home to make it home by 2:15am so I could sleep for a few hours before going to work at 6am.
Except I didn't get any sleep cause my mom was upset that I got home so late from my trip with "my friend."
2/10, would not recommend.
- HMB43
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In fact, some mistakes are so astronomical that they're remembered for decades afterwards, leaving the one who made the mistake a legacy of being a dumba**. Here are a few of them!!!
U/ronjans24 asked: What was the biggest mistake in human history?
Some may argue that the existence of the Universe was a mistake. I disagree. It was clearly Zayn leaving One Direction. But these next few were pretty bad too.
If you do the math, this is also the reason why Hentai exists.
I'll say the wrong turn Franz Ferdinand's driver made that went right in front of Gavrilo Princip.
EDIT: yes I'm aware war may still have broken out even if Franz Ferdinand wasn't assassinated
Imagine you're Gavrilo Princip. The assassination plot you and your friends had been cooking up for about the last year or so has been a complete and total disaster, just a monumental f*ck-up of the highest degree. You're staked out at this deli thinking maybe, just maybe the car will pass by, and by some stroke of sheer luck, it does.
If you're Princip, this is nothing short of serendipity.
Petition to return to the ocean.
Ocean Surf GIFGiphy"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
This was, in fact, a monumental mistake.
Sears not beating Amazon to the punch.
Blockbuster not buying Netflix.
You thought THOSE were bad? Well gear up for their next few, because they are 100% accurate. Except the one about Cats, that movie slaps.
I don’t know sports, but sure.
Seahawks not running it.
I used to wear a Seahawks jersey whenever I took a test because I knew I would pass when I shouldn't.
CATS is great, y'all are just boring.
GiphyThe Emoji Movie.
That live action movie about Cats is also up there.
Very fair point.
Social Media.
Humans are not wired to have that many social interactions and maintain that many relationships. Plus the echochambers it allows people to create for themselves, no matter how conspiratorial or vile their beliefs, means that stupid/evil people are no longer shunned into changing their mind.
Not sure it was worth being able to see what a celebrity had for lunch or what new "dance" your younger cousin and her tween friends are doing.
But in all seriousness, some horrible things may now have happened if the right thing was halted at the right time.
Washington called it.
George Washington Disney GIF by Hamilton: An American MusicalGiphyVoting for people based on what side of the political spectrum they're on. George Washington himself advised against political parties because he thought they would cause too much division in this country. Unfortunately for everyone, he was right.
Big oops on that one.
Barack Obama mocking Donald Trump at the Correspondents Dinner might have led directly to his 2016 run....
"Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald," Obama said. "And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter — like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?"
Then he turned serious: "But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example — no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of 'Celebrity Apprentice' — at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
This is the best Star Wars and no one can change my mind.
I'll take 'Star Wars Christmas Special' for $100.
That atrocious pile of manure gave us Boba Fett, so without the Christmas Special there won't be The Mandalorian.
Wow, in this article, I openly admitted my love for Cats AND The Star Wars Holiday Special. So maybe my existence was the biggest mistake of all.
ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you all feel a little bit better about yourself. Because when push comes to shove, at least you didn't accidentally start World War I