Therapists Reveal Red Flags To Look Out For In Your Mental Health[rebelmouse-image 18356094 is_animated_gif=
Mental health is a very serious issue that many of us tend to take lightly, which is the MOST serious issue of all. Mental health is just as imperative as physical health. We must pay attention to our own feelings and to those around us. Humanity forgets that we are suppose to be looking out for one another. Sometimes all anybody needs is a hug or a smile. Just be seen or heard can make the biggest difference.
Redditor _DirtyAngelToes wanted the mental health professionals to help us all out by wondering... _Therapists/Psychologists of Reddit, what is a big red flag that many people don't look out for in regards to mental health?
PAY ATTENTION TO BEHAVIOR...
I am a crisis counselor and we receive pretty extensive training in this. A lot of people overlook two things: drastic change in appearance and wanting to give your things to people for free. These two things often preclude suicide, but people chalk it up to wanting a change and generosity.
DON'T BE TOO LATE...[rebelmouse-image 18361045 is_animated_gif=
The big red flag I see, in regards to mentally unhealthy people, is if they don't have anyone around them that's both mentally healthy AND good at active/respectful, listening.
I've worked with lots of mentally unhealthy kids - Kids with panic attacks. Kids with PTSD from being abused or raped. Kids with anxiety issues. Kids with depression. A common thread is not that they never said anything, but they often did, and were told they were being dramatic/being an attention whore/over exaggerating/making something out of nothing/being ungrateful for their good life/following the trend/just being bitter/just being jealous. They were told these things by the people who are supposed to protect them - friends, counselors, teachers, parents, relatives. Eventually they stop saying anything until they implode, and their problems are too big for anyone to ignore.
Don't wait until someone's screaming or throwing themselves off a cliff to take them seriously.
JUST TRY HARDER????[rebelmouse-image 18347645 is_animated_gif=
My mother told me I wasn't trying hard enough to feel better. I became bipolar depressive in the 9th grade and gave up at that point because I obviously wasn't good enough and that's just how life was.
ATTENDANCE IS KEY...[rebelmouse-image 18361046 is_animated_gif=
Stopping attending things like classes or functions.
Having a change in your ability to focus. Issues with sleep.
IT TAKES TIME...[rebelmouse-image 18361047 is_animated_gif=
The biggest one I've seen in my personal and professional life is the swift change in mood/personality. Someone who has been otherwise depressed or withdrawn is suddenly much brighter, laughing more, talking about how good things are. They might even make plans for the future like trips or going back to school. In my line if work, they'll often start engaging more in their treatment plan or create new goals for themselves. It's very misleading, but if you know the person like you should, you'll most likely pick up on this change as a suicide risk rather than genuine improvement. It doesn't just happen that fast, unfortunately.
ISOLATION...[rebelmouse-image 18980153 is_animated_gif=
Clinical social worker here. For most people, I think the two most common ones I see are increased isolation and changes in sleep patterns (either sleeping excessively or hardly at all).
EVERYTHING IS FINE...[rebelmouse-image 18351418 is_animated_gif=
This is one for you to watch out for in yourself, but when your daily life only includes the bare minimum of getting by. You cook, clean, go to work, but you're not really doing anything fun or exciting or engaging. Maybe all you're cooking is what's easiest, your house/apartment isn't dirty, but also isn't clean, and you just eke out your work day. Everything is fine, but nothing is good.
This is the stage that often comes before total loss in interest. Nothing is wrong yet, but there is a chance that it's coming.
CALM DOWN...[rebelmouse-image 18980154 is_animated_gif=
Often over-reactions are a sign of someone with a lot of internal built-up pressure. Usually they vent all of that emotional trouble in their reaction to something small, hugely out of proportion. People often overlook that as being symptomatic of deeper issues but instead chalk it up to an aggressive or impatient personality.
WE NEED YOU...[rebelmouse-image 18980155 is_animated_gif=
Feeling like a burden to those around you, physical and/or mental pain, hopeless that things will change.
TRY TO STAY POSITIVE...[rebelmouse-image 18980156 is_animated_gif=
If someone goes through a period of depression and comes out of it feeling elated watch out because they could be feeling suicidal. Where there sense of elation is do to the fact that they are elated that they finally found a way out of their misery.
EVERYTHING IS OK![rebelmouse-image 18980157 is_animated_gif=
A lot of people put on a persona of _"everything's ok" or _"I have my stuff together" when underneath they are struggling. There might be inconsistencies in what people say and their body language/what they do. It's pretty common e.g. in postnatal depression. Being interested and asking how people really are is a great start to the conversation about what's really going on.
WHERE AM I?[rebelmouse-image 18980158 is_animated_gif=
Constant time displacement/ confusion. Don't remembering very well or forgetting the general notion of time, forgets birthdays, don't know what day is it... something like that.
NOT BEING THERE...[rebelmouse-image 18980160 is_animated_gif=
The only thing I haven't really seen on here yet is substance abuse. While the really clear signals are easy to see, sometimes it can be more subtle. Non-typical missing appointments with ever shifting excuses, sudden changes in behavior, sleeplessness, "not being there" can all be concern for concern. One of them being substance use.
GENERALIZATIONS...[rebelmouse-image 18980161 is_animated_gif=
Watch out for the generalizations or exaggerations you tell yourself:
"The whole day is ruined!"
"I'm a shitty person."
"Every day is exactly the same."
"I'm the ugliest person ever."
"If I don't [x] then I'll never be truly happy."
These are usually cognitive distortions. They're normal, but irrational and harmful. Notice when you're doing them. It's usually when they start coming up multiple times in a day that you need some therapy to help challenge them.
CHANGE ISN'T ALWAYS GOOD...[rebelmouse-image 18977574 is_animated_gif=
When they stop to do things they like. For example going to the gym, to concerts or generally listen to the music they liked before. Heading straight to depression-island my friend.
TAKE NOTES...[rebelmouse-image 18360564 is_animated_gif=
I'm a little late, but hopefully someone will find this useful. Here are some bullet points, but they are not by any means exhaustive and instead of a mixture of theories in the field and my own experience. I recently lost an old friend to suicide and I work in mental health where I assess risk routinely. It's incredibly hard to spot when it is out of context, but my advice based on my career and my experience would be to notice the following;
- Cutting off contact for no apparent reason.
- Attempting contact after a period of no contact.
- Upheaval in their life (calamity with job, relationship, health or finance)
What to do?
- Listen (if you feel able, this isn't always easy if you are close to the person)
- Gently suggest a visit or call to, GP, suicide support services.
- Let them know your positive feelings about them.
- Involve friends / family who are sympathetic to the situation.
- Encourage them to engage with therapy if that is an option.
- Help them put together a hope box, a shoe box or similar filled with items that are mementos of happier times, photographs of trips, something their child made, affirmations from work, etc. They can then use this to look at when the thoughts get most intense, which is going to be usually when they are alone.
I'm basing some of this information on Clinical Risk Assessment and Interpersonal Theory of Suicide. As they say an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. To that end at the wake of my departed friend, I instigated a pact with the (many) friends of that group. If we ever felt like we would hurt ourselves, we would contact another (or all) members of the group to let them know how we felt before we did anything. The one thing that stuck with us is that our friend who took their own life at no point asked for help and if they had, things may have been different.
KEEP GOING...[rebelmouse-image 18977483 is_animated_gif=
Crisis therapist here... stopping medication because you're _"feeling better." _Mental health is not a virus.
Everyone has a breaking point.
Even the person who seems to be the calmest has that moment when their patience has run thin, and all it takes is a little more prodding and antagonizing to set them off.
Curious to hear examples of when strangers online were surprised by what they witnessed, Redditor Specktakles88 asked:
"Have you ever seen a normally calm person completely lose their sh*t? What happened?"
A triggering moment unleashed wild behavior.
The Dude Who Had It Coming
"I was chilling at a friend’s house as a kid. His dad was the chillest, nicest guy. That day, my friend’s mom (also super nice) was across the street talking to the neighbor about something that I can no longer recall. Neighbor was one of those guys who never respected common etiquette: music blaring, parking his sh**ty boat in front of other people’s house, cars parked on the lawn. The neighbor started screaming at the mom and we all went out on the stoop to see what was happening. As soon as we got outside, the guy called my friend’s mom a c*nt. Well, my friend’s dad heard that and went full Hulk mode. He ran SCREAMING across the street and just f'king decked the guy and crouched over him shouting warnings and threats. Took a while for his wife to calm him down. I don’t think any of them had ever seen him react to something in that way, maybe even the dad himself."
"I worked as a line cook with a chef who I became really good friends with. Really chill dude, easy going, and actually super fun to cook with. He taught me most of what I know about cooking and I owe him a lot for my success. Never really saw him get mad until one day, we were getting slammed during busy night and one of the servers said something that really ticked him off, not sure if I ever heard what it was, but next thing I knew he had sent the deep fryer basket flying at Mach 1 across the kitchen, nearly missing the dish kid and shattering a light bulb. He stormed off and 5 minutes later after a smoke break, came back and casually continued cooking as if nothing had happened."
"He apologized about it the next day and we never talked about it again. The restaurant industry is a stressful place."
Thing About Grandpa
"When I was in my late teens I was financially irresponsible and borrowed money from my grandparents to move out of my mom's house. We made a plan on how I would pay it back in installments and I only missed two payments, with each one I called my granddad and asked if it was okay. He was always cool about it. One day I got a call from him and he was LIVID. Screaming at me on the phone and I could hear my grandmother crying in the background. He was the angriest I’ve ever heard anyone in my life and I was terrified. He wanted to know why I hadn’t made the payment that month, but I was sure I had. It turns out I had accidentally set the automated payment to be drawn from the wrong account and it hadn’t done it. It was an honest mistake on my part, and I explained that to him. I transferred the money immediately and he instantly calmed down. I later found out he had become an alcoholic after he quit smoking, and he would talk to my grandmother like that regularly when no one was around."
Awakening The Beast
"This is not my story but my dads. Growing up his best friend Leif was a quiet, shy guy that was a bit socially awkward. In school he wasn't physically bullied but this one kid teased him constantly. This would have been late 50's, early 60's so kids were expected to just tough it out. My dad would usually confront the kid but one day a girl runs up to him and says that Leif and the kid are fighting."
"My dad runs over to save Leif but when he breaks through the circle he finds the bully flat on his back, Leif sitting on his chest, holding him by the ears and smashing his head into the pavement over and over. My dad tackles him, wrestles him to the ground and screams at him, asking what he's doing. The thing that stayed with me from that story was how he described it, 'it was like there was nothing in there, I felt like I could see the back of his skull through his eyes.'"
"Luckily they were kids so the damage was serious but limited, the bully escaped with stitches and a concussion and Leif had to talk to the school psychologist. My dad and Leif stayed best friends and when I met him as an adult he was still quiet but less shy and awkward."
Work-related stresses really brought out the fury in these people.
"I had a friend who was in his 60's, a functioning alcoholic but he was the most calm and composed guy I have ever known. He never used to raise his voice or swear. Everything was done with meticulous precision."
"He once explained to me that if you use vulgar language and shout all the time, then you will have nowhere to go when you really do get angry."
"I had worked with him for about 3 years, never heard him raise his voice or swear before. The week before he had been shafted on his pay and the manager promised to get it sorted by Friday. Friday rolled around and it had not been sorted. So when my friend walked up to the manager in the open office and declared loudly 'Where the f'k is my money? You promised this would be resolved.' The whole office went silent and the look of dread on the manager's face was haunting. The money was in his account by the end of the day."
"That was him losing his sh*t."
"I used to see this woman in my building every day. Very friendly. We always checked on each other’s lives. We had lunch a few times over the years. It was friendly to a certain degree. A couple years passed. She was much older than me. One day, riding the elevator, she told me that she was saying goodbye. I said I was sorry to see her go and asked why. She said she was retiring that day. I asked if her office was throwing a party or if she was celebrated. She turned to me and her face contorted into an image of rage. She clenched her teeth and said she didn’t tell anyone in her office, including her bosses. She only told the HR person last week. This was her last day and she was never returning to see or talk to anyone in her office again."
The Gentle Giant
"I used to do seasonal work sorting tax returns. Like, 500 people in a warehouse size room sorting through returns, stacking them in boxes, etc. This one guy on my team, huge dude, a gentle giant, really nice. Suddenly one day he smashes the table he's working at, then flips a big box full of paperwork. It flew over my head and twenty feet away. He threw the table out of his way them stormed out. Turns out he was getting his paycheck garnished for something or other."
Rambunctious behavior really set these people off, but it also restored peace.
The Teacher Who Had Enough
"One of my teachers in high school was THE calmest dude. Never yelled, never told kids off, would just laugh and smile and wait for us all to calm down and then continue with his teaching. One day we must have been particularly rowdy and we weren’t calming down like we usually did. He couldn’t get a word in edge ways. I could see him getting increasingly frustrated and eventually he just bellowed SHUUUUTTT UPPPPP And the entire class was shocked into silence. He never had to do it again lmao"
Too Angry To Hold A Knife
"It takes a lot to make my mom yell. On the rare occasion she did yell, it still felt like she had self control. Like she yelled on purpose, because there was a reason to yell (like she needed to be that loud for us to hear us, or one of the kids needed to learn to never run into traffic again.)"
"But one morning when we were teenagers, my brother was being really, really difficult."
"And my very sweet, soft-spoken mother yelled 'GOD DAMN IT SHAWN' and threw a butter knife down so hard it stuck, 1/4 inch deep, in oak hardwood floor. Against the grain. I can still hear the noise it made."
"We were all very, very well behaved for the rest of the day."
"I did eventually ask my mom why she did that. Her explanation was that she felt she was too angry to hold a knife, even a butter knife, and was trying to get it out of her hand before she did something stupid."
Granny's Mean Streak
"Man my grandma has a similar thing. This boy was a couple years older than she was and he was constantly picking on her. He's riding his bike home from school one day and he rides past her and he's shouting at her and she knocks him right off his bike and beat the sh*t out of him. My sweet lil granny. The neighbor that saw it said he was proud as sh*t that she beat the snot out of this shitty kid lol. I think it was the start of my grandma's bad b*tch streak because not much later, she started street racing. She was allegedly a sweet little girl, but man I think she must have had a mean streak in her."
"Jerry Springer Christmas"
"My mom. We had what we now refer to as the 'Jerry Springer Christmas' when I was 7 or so. One aunt hated her sister in law and started screaming at her, then shoving started, husband's got involved, then it just continued to devolve from there. My mom went straight into mediator mode and tried to calm everyone down but it wasn't working. She decided to come check on us kids and found my cousin and me holding each other and sobbing because we were scared. The next thing I hear is her scary mom voice screaming over everyone 'listen here you motherf'kers. My kid is in there crying on Christmas because her family can't keep their sh*t together for one the one day a year we all see each other. You're gonna march your a**es into that room single file and apologize to each kid individually, then you're going to shut the hell up until I get them out of here. We're going to go find look at lights and this family better be the picture of goddam Christmas joy by the time we get back.' My mom never really cussed in front of me and only ever used gd when things were really bad. That side of the family didn't celebrate Christmas for a few years after that."
"Edit: thank you for the awards and kind words! Ma is tickled pink at all of the comments about how wonderful she is. I tell her every day how lucky I am to have her."
Rage is something that exists in all of us.
Some people are good at letting small things run off their back, while others have no patience for the smallest of grievances.
The lesson to be learned here is, never underestimate the calmest people. They might be the ones to really look out for. You don't want to be the reason for them to break their patience streak and unleash all of their built-up fury on you.
Be kind to others, and just don't be a prick.
Songwriters base many of their songs on love because the relatable emotion makes it easier for artists to connect with their audiences.
Whether that applies or doesn't apply in our own lives, we listen to the songs conveying these experiences to take us back so we may relive these affirmative moments from the past.
Curious to hear what's on the moody playlist of strangers online, Redditor udontknowmegurl asked:
"What is the saddest song you've ever heard?"
These iconic artists really touched the hearts of many people through their music.
Dolly's Love Anthem
"I will Always Love You by Dolly Parton, you can really tell she f'king lived that song."
When Mom Went To Heaven
"The night my mama died, my dad sang Elvis' Can't Help Falling in Love to her in the back seat of the car on the way to the ER. She died of fully metastitized pancreatic cancer 18 days after diagnosis."
It Gets Deeper With Age
“'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac I find that the older I get, the more meaning this song has."
Leave it to Disney to have us reaching for the tissue box.
"That song from UP makes me cry every time and it doesn’t even have lyrics."
When She Loved Me
"That one Jesse sings in Toy Story 2"
And let's not forget these emotional tunes that resonated with many Redditors.
Irish Folk Song
"‘Danny boy’ at a friends funeral 10 years ago. He, his sister and his gf all passed away in a house fire all in their early 20s. It was an Irish wake and the mix of grief and whiskey joy was something else."
When Love Moves On
"Into Dust by Mazzy Star gets me."
When You Want To "Disappear"
"How to disappear completely by Radiohead. Haunting instrumental, depression dripping through everyline of lyrics 'im not here, this isnt happening.'"
Ray Of Light In The Darkness
"You Are My Sunshine"
"Everything but the chorus is heartbreaking. Few people know anything but the chorus though."
From A Powerful Album
"Sylvia - The Antlers"
"Actually that whole album, Hospice, breaks me but this song in particular just leaves me in a mess every time."
When Love Fades
"The Night We Met by Lord Huron."
"No matter where I am, if I’m happy, who I’m with, etc. I’ll bawl my eyes out if that song plays. It’s so painful and true because one day they’re there and they’re your everything and then they start slipping until they’re gone and you wished you could go back to before you met them so you wouldn’t have to go through the pain of losing them. Just the lyrics 'I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you' hit this. People falling out of love in relationships, growing apart with friends, family members passing, etc. is what this hits for me and it hits hard."
One of the saddest songs I've heard is not connected to a personal experience, but the story being told is heartbreaking.
It's called "The Queen and the Soldier" by Suzanne Vega. The song is basically about a lonely, repressed virgin queen who keeps her heart closely guarded.
When a soldier enters her domain and challenges her internalized emotions, it's too much for her and has the soldier executed.
The song has continued haunting me ever since I first heard it.
An almost guaranteed phase of entering adulthood is unintentionally making it clear how much older you are than some present company.
This could be by the way you dress, talking about seeing a movie in its initial release when the person you're talking to wasn't born yet, or more than likely, by the way you talk.
When you say a slang term or phrase which was common place when you were a child, but today would likely be met by looks of confusion, or even disgust, should you use a term which is not only outdated but now considered offensive.
But then, shaking these old fashioned, or just plain old, terms and phrases might be a difficult task, so engrained are they in our vocabulary.
Redditor InfiniteDrafts was curious to hear what phrases people continue to use, despite knowing how quickly it will date them, leading them to ask:
What slang do you use regularly that is totally outdated?
Maybe rethink alternative words for "awesome"...
"I called a taco 'the Shizznit' a few days ago."
"I instantly felt 90 years old."- fattydad075
Not as "radical" as it once was...
"Righteous and radical."- king_7__Colors Flashing GIFGiphy
Language is eternal!
"None of MY slang is outdated, it's today's youth that are wrong!"- hotasphalt
How long have you got?
"I say things are the bees knees on the regular."
"Is 'on the regular' dated?"
"I also call the ocean 'the drink' for whatever reason."
"Picked that up at some point."- Paradigm6790
"This sub is making me extremely paranoid about my words now bc I say pretty much all of these words still."- jjjjjjj30season 10 friends GIFGiphy
Charming once, vulgar now...
"HAULIN’ A**."- f*ck_korean_air
Nah, come closer.
"Far out."- PaulClifford
A bit off
"Right on."- bombaderogato
Does anyone still even eat popsicles?
"When I'm ready to leave I say 'Let's blow this Popsicle stand."
"To be honest I'm not even sure what a posicle stand is."- B-Sdetector69Popsicle Freezer Pop GIFGiphy
It's hard not to feel self conscious around the younger generations who might laugh at your dated vocabulary.
But one should just remember, in 10 years or so, they'll likely find themselves in the exact same position.
And won't feel as "groovy" as they once did.
Who doesn't love a theme party?
When you not only get to dress up in something completely over the top, but also get to bear witness to everyone else's zany outfits in-keeping with the party's theme.
Be it Regency era, glam rock, or fairy tale villains.
Or what if the challenge is just to be blatantly inappropriate?
"You are going to a party. The theme is dress inappropriately. Who or what do you dress as?"
And not on your foot, one imagines...
"Nothing but a tube sock."- Sanguiniutron
"Dress normally, because if the theme is to dress inappropriately, and you dress appropriately, technically you're the one being inappropriate for the occasion."- GoAwayImHereForMemes
"I've actually been in a completely opposite situation."
"Was invited to a art exhibition, came in well dressed. It was basically porn but the person I went with forgot to mention that."
"I felt very malplace standing around people wearing next to nothing."
"So I would probably do that again because what's more inappropriate than being appropriate at an inappropriate event?"- cccantyousee
"I mean, if dressing inappropriately is the appropriate attire, then dressing appropriately would be inappropriate for the party, thus, making it appropriate."
"Now that I think about it, it's an unsolvable paradox."
"You could never appropriately dress inappropriately."- MUNKIESSGetting Ready Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy
It's all in the details
"With the pants cuffs rolled up, wearing tevas with gym socks."- BitPoet
And they say you can only wear it once...
"Bridal gown."- fromhelley
Depends on your surroundings...
"Imma wear a parka."
"In South Texas."
"In August."- Ahshalon_TeniskParka GIF by moodmanGiphy
The question is, what aren't you wearing...
"Nothing I'd just show up in lingerie."- cloboehobo
Wrong on so many levels...
"A two sizes to small wrestling singlet, and crocs."- thirdtimer_2020I Like Swimsuit GIF by MOODMANGiphy
There's little more fun than facing the challenge of dressing to impress.
Or, in this instance, un-dressing to impress.
And if you are greeted by a round of shocked expressions, you know your choice of outfit was a success.